TTC After MC 12: Hopeful Twats and Emotional Wrecks welcome!

[BertieBotts]

Come one, come all, new and old, no-one wants to be here, but at least we're glad we've got each other :)

Hope your stay here is short.

Now, some BFPs if you please and BFNs for those who are waiting for them too!

Hmm not quite sure why that's all in bold

SJ, I can't believe you're still standing after what you've been through. I don't know what to say because everything seems stupid and inane in the face of the loss of your daughter. I'm sure she was beautiful and perfect and I know you looked after her and did everything you could for her xxx

She was your first child and she'll always be part of your family.

It makes complete sense that having got so close to a take home baby you're keen to crack on TTC. Hopefully you're super fertile! I wish sooooooo hard you're pregnant again soon.

Oh anne it is so terribly hard, but I personally think you have every right to feel like you do. I don't know how others on here with a child already feel about mc - but i really do feel damn bloody lucky to have children already. i can only imagine that limbo feeling, you've all described it so well. i'm sorry you're all going through this.

What i do know in no way did you fail yourself or dh or anyone else. It's utter crap how this is currently working out for you, but i have total faith that even if it takes longer than you'd like you will get there in the end. After my friend finally got pregnant after 6 mc's i really believe it can all happen in the end. And did you know as sods law would have it - this time she did fall, they weren't trying, had no plan like medical stuff ready to go (injections or whatever) they got drunk on holiday! Not that i'm saying thats the way to do it, just you know, hopefully it will happen for us all.....

Oh my gosh stuck! That's amazing! Congratulations!

anne i agree with NOcats it is so hard and you have every right to feel how you do, never apologise for that, you feelings must be so overwhelming but you are not to blame, you didn't fail and you are grieving, be kind to yourself. Hope cycles level out and you get some light.
SJ i said it before but your courage astounds me. I am pants are advice but can offer an ear, and fertile making bevvies .
nocats yes to DTD, ace, come on egg and sperm have a party!

I seem to have gotten pregnant on the 3rd cycle post Mc each time for the last three. yes two were MMC.. and this one but the first two cycles were a disaster and unpredictable.

The haematoma means i am signed off work on modified bedrest as of now, until the next scan in 2 weeks. It is basically a blood clot that will either bleed out and could trigger a MC, bleed and be ok, bleed and damage the placenta, or be absorbed. Just walking 400m to and from GP made me bleed again, anymore this eve and i am off to A&E, I have been told i should have last night given the amount i lost but i was in shock and being a drama llama on here. They are sort of common but now i am high risk. The GP said to be neutral about the outcome as it is more than likely to not be the happy one, but i am trying to be positive.

Step love the virtual dance moves!

Lime the party sounds like potential hard work, is there a close mate you can get the message of 'back off' to those going? I avoided and planned to avoid social events for this very reason until my bestie realized and got the message out that i was super please for those with good news, babies and puppies, but do not ask me anything and just talk about my cats instead if you have to talk to me at all. (sorry nocats am a crazy cat lady. An anti social certified one too).

stuck I have absolutely everything crossed for you. (Also a crazy cat lady here - they're a good way to change the subject I find when friends who should know better go too heavy on the baby talk)

nocats I really hope I didn't hurt your feelings (or any other ladies here who already have little ones) I didn't mean to diminish your loss in any way - I really don't think having kids already makes any of this easier. It's just a slightly different shade of shit, I guess. I think of all you ladies on here and how hard it must be whenever I hear anyone ask someone when they're going to get on with baby no 2 or 3....just don't!

SJ I second what Anne said - I think you are amazing. I can't even imagine how hard having the nursery all ready to go must be. Sometimes I struggle even with our depressingly undecorated spare room. Currently it's the cats' playroom 😹. Told you I was a crazy lady.

Goodness me Stuck, that's quite the rollercoaster! So sorry for your lost twin but come on Sticky Twin! You've got this whole thread behind you

Yes to limbo. It makes it worse, I want to change my job, but do I? Don't I?

I know that one, yellow, stuck in getting-a-new-job or getting-pregnant limbo. I know which one I'd prefer but neither seems to be happening. Not sure the stress of my job helps with getting and staying pregnant either.

Whenever I have a mc I think how much harder it would be if I did not already have DS so I'm not offended by anyone saying that. It doesn't make the mc itself any less awful. I do feel huge guilt at having been 'absent' during periods of recuperation and at not giving him the sibling he is so keen to have, but I feel very lucky to have him.

In my own update, I do still seem to be pregnant. I've been too scared to call the RMC to tell them in case it jinxes it, but will have to get over that if things are still the same next week.

I've just posted a rant in an AIBU thread about a woman who's friend won't speak to her after both of them suffering pregnancy losses. Now I'm worrying that I shouldn't have but I took it really personally that a poster said an ectopic pregnancy is incomparable to a 15 week miscarriage in terms of how awful it is. I don't think anyone should compare pregnancy losses of any kind but I hate posting in AIBU because it's so angry but it really riled.me up!

Stuck - how amazing, good luck with it all. Do stick around and keep us updated? :)

Anne - that must be so hard and I know DH feels similar, though he loves DS I know he desperately wants his own and I'd love to do it together. I feel a bit cheated out of the proper experience with XP because he was so generally crap. But I don't mean to be ungrateful about DS because he is lovely. I had a dream last night that I had a little baby boy asleep on me, in the dream it was very stressful because he wasn't DH's and I didn't know who the dad was and I'd been hiding the pregnancy and feeling really worried about it but then he went to sleep on me and everything just disappeared and I didn't care about any of it. It wasn't as vivid as some other baby dreams I've had and when I woke up I was relieved not to have the babydaddy dilemma, but still. So tonight I got DS to lie on me and have a cuddle but he's very big and leggy and wriggly and it didn't quite work :o oh well. I think he was quite pleased that I said he was still my baby.

Not approaching fw quite yet but I suddenly remembered when I was going to bed that DH isn't allowed to ejaculate for 5 days now because of his sperm test so I texted him romantically 'do you want a blow job?' He replied back 'Haha you're so kind' so I thought he was offended but then I heard him RUNNING (on his broken foot!!) to the bedroom. LOL. And they say ttc sucks all the romance out of your sex life.

Fingers crossed the 5 day abstinence should end about halfway through my fertile week.

Wow stuck that's amazing! Really hope twin 2 hangs in there! Take it easy x

Juniper thinking of you too and hope so much that this one works out x

CD10 here and very busy with work and life (redecorating going on in our flat, 8 working days till we go on summer hols, etc) so I'm actually feeling quite un focused on TTC which I think is a good thing?! This is also cycle 3 post mc which may be my lucky cycle (fell pregnant cycle 3 post pill in march) fingers crossed! I won't find out until I am a week into my 2.5 week holiday in Sardinia which is good because if it's AF I can drink amazing wine and if it's a BFP I'll hopefully be relaxed who am I kidding

And yes to baby / job decision stress.. I just turned down an opportunity 3-4x my current annual pay 😩 because it would be incompatible with a new baby (even if my DH stayed at home!)

What I've learned from being here for a year and a half is don't let the ttc influence any other life decisions. Change your job or accept the good one. If you're pregnant and it messes things up then you won't care because you'll be happy to be pregnant - you'll make it work. It's not a great outcome but still a good one. On the other hand not being pregnant and having turned things down just makes you depressed.

Wise words Bertie! Who knows, booking a holiday might cause soda law to happen!

Thanks everyone for reassuring me that my cycle isn't totally messed up. Hopefully it is just like it for a cycle or two before normal service resumes.

Sods... not soda.

Totally agree Bertie. Nothing like a bit of Sod's law... I've stressed myself out a lot over the last year and a bit about work, feeling like I couldn't move because I would screw myself over for mat pay. Then after mc 1 I actually looked at what the difference would be if I just got the basic pay from the state if I hadn't been at a job long enough - and the difference was so small I couldn't believe I'd been that worried. I've actually just started a new job, but my boss knows my history and made it clear she knows (hopes) I might go off and have a baby when she offered it to me. I was pregnant when I accepted, and I'm so glad I did, given what happened.

In other news, I cracked and took a test this morning.... and got a BFP on a digital (wanted to do a FRER but this was all Boots had y'day). I'm in shock.

Congratulations Jen that's amazing news! And on a digital too!

I think you are right in general Bertie but I know I'd be crazy to take a job like this if we are actively TTC. My current job is fab anyway so I'm not looking to rock the boat when I know I've got great job security and maternity package here.

Congratulations jen so pleased for you

Wow, well done Jen, we appear to be on another roll! Yippee.

Bertie, those are wise words. I'm just seeing what happens first - baby or job. Baby please, universe x

Congratulations, Jen, amazing news!

Jen that's great news!

Bertie that is such sensible advice and I wish I'd taken it over the last 3 years.

Thanks everyone! Here's hoping third time's a charm....