TTC After MC 12: Hopeful Twats and Emotional Wrecks welcome!

[BertieBotts]

Come one, come all, new and old, no-one wants to be here, but at least we're glad we've got each other :)

Hope your stay here is short.

Now, some BFPs if you please and BFNs for those who are waiting for them too!

Oh, forgot to say thanks for all the kind words and for the all other newbies like me.

So sorry you find yourself here pies.

The hardest thing for me was when my sister was pg and due at the same time as one of my mc pgs. She has had 2 mc so it's not been easy for her at all but I still found it incredibly hard and ended up hating myself. She didn't understand at all and said "but I'd be happy for you" - but didn't get that I was happy for her but still found it difficult. She's also 5 years younger so I don't think she understood the sense of panic I felt age 40, plus I had had 4 mc by then and went on to have 2 more during her pregnancy.

Once the baby arrived though it was much easier - there have been occasions where she moans about how hard it is to have two children and I tense up but I love my DN and it hasn't impacted that relationship at all which is a relief.

@Lifeofpies really sorry for your losses
Welcome to our nest of hopeful twats!

Well it is a dilemma with the holiday but I can take tests with me so I should just bloody wait really. Also if by some fluke I got a BFP at 9dpo I am likely to FREAK OUT with anxiety so rather not have to face a plane journey immediately after that (hate flying and have got Valium but obviously don't want to take it if there is any chance I'm pregnant). I'm away for 2.5 weeks so if I get AF (due on wed 16th aug) then at least I'll be heading into FW again by the time we get home.

Pies, I'm sorry, I missed your post - I must have been mid-type when you posted! Welcome. I'm so sorry for your mmc's. I completely see where you're coming from on the scans vs waiting - it's something I'm constantly yoyoing between. I had a mmc first time round and my second was a natural mc. Part of me wanted to book a scan at 10 weeks the second time round but since that pregnancy ended too, I've ended up where you are - thinking that just waiting is maybe the best way. There's nothing we can do to change things either way, is there. I also agree in terms of testing late - I'm vowing to wait a full week after af is due and actually, due to my cycle being wacky from mc2, I'm not sure where I am and have been having symptoms for about 2 weeks now. Still not testing for another 2 and a half weeks though so trying my best to ignore!

Grumpy, it sounds a good idea to test on holiday. Hopefully you can manage your anxiety without the Valium for the flight! 2.5 weeks - lush! Have an amazing time!

MsJuniper, what a funny response from someone who has experienced mc. I guess everyone deals with things differently but it's a shame she wasn't more understanding. There's a small handful of people I can cope with getting pregnant in RL and then you guys. Anyone else can bugger off!

Hi pies sorry for your mmc. You'll be in good company here

I'm feeling hopeful today; after a week of barely-there OPK results today's was noticeably darker. Nothing near a positive but a lot darker than they have been.
I may have missed ov and just be gearing up for my first AF post mc but either way, I'm looking at it positively.

Yes I have a friend who was pregnant - with twins! - Right when I would have been alongside her. It was much easier once the babies were born. I'm occasionally envious but not as much as when she was pregnant.

Just checking in and sending to the newbies, sorry you're here but you're in good company.
Got a negative on a pregnancy test and a positive on an ov test today (2 weels after my mc) so I think i'm back to being a hopeful twat for the TWW now!

@halloumisandwich a line 2 shades darker on my OPK has made me a hopeful twat!! Gotta get it while you can!
Sorry to hear about a neg test, but 🤞🏻 for our ovaries

That must have been really hard msjuniper. I'm in a similar situation - SIL due ten days before my first one would have been - and it is difficult, but I do feel very lucky that my family have tried really hard to be sensitive about it all. DH and I have been discussing what to do about Christmas though (I know, I know - it's August!) - he thinks it might be a bit horrible to be here for it as it might be very baby-centric (this is first grandchild for my parents) and so we are toying with the idea of going away over it.

Hi to the newbies - so sorry you have to be here, but hope you have a short stay!

Lisa my SIL is due 2 weeks after my first due date, mid-November.
Will also be in-laws first grandchild.
I still haven't seen her, and I am worried about it. She wasn't present at a family Birthday a few weeks ago.
I saw bil though joy and all they went on about was buggies & car seats etc. Bil talking about how they were getting a 'runaround' but it's ok, because car seats can go in the front seat right?! But why not? What's that about neeborn's necks? When he walked away I hissed to DH that his brother was a twat. DH squeezed my hand through the conversation.

I do feel bitter about her pg there! I fucking said it! because I know that they worry about how the baby will impact their holidays etc, how they'll cope without a proper nights sleep. And yes, they're entitled to their worries but ARGH! There's loads more but I don't want to out myself. It's hurtful to hear how having a baby's such a drag when it's all you've ever dreamed of, but it's not happening. I know where you're coming from juniper.

That must be awful yellow - I'm not surprised you were upset . I was surprisingly fine with SIL's pregnancy at first, but it's got harder as she's got a bump and as I've had two more miscarriages since then. It makes me feel so guilty because they're not being at all twatty or smug about it, it's just the very fact of the pregnancy I find hard.

Their pregnancy was completely unplanned and really quite difficult - they're had to change a lot of plans around it - but in a weird way I don't find that that hard (again, they're not moany about it - it would be different if they were). The people I really resent (and I know this makes me a bad person) are the ones who have perfectly timed and planned pregnancies and never seem to have to worry about a thing. The people who are telling everyone at five weeks, never even considering it might not work out. I moaned about it on here at the time, but: I had to go for dinner with a group including a pregnant woman who talked about nothing but her pregnancy recently. She gave up her job before TTC - everyone told her this was a bad idea, that she should wait in case it took longer than she hoped, etc. She fell pregnant on her second month and is now about to give birth. I know it's horrible of me because it's not her fault but it makes me so, so jealous that she just assumed everything would work perfectly for her and then it did.

Sorry for the mega post!

Yes lisa I know exactly what you mean. I feel so resentful of people who have it easy and never have to worry at all. Just got baby bombed by a friend who is due in January with #2, "oh it was planned" 😡

I was supposed to be having my baby on 10 December 😢

:( Sorry Grumpy. It's hard when you get to the stage that people are announcing similar due dates.

3 people in my office are having babies in November, December and January respectively! Luckily my pa knows about my mc and so was able to let me have some space from it all

Echoing all your feelings and comments on those pregnant - the less in your face and moany about it they are, the easier it is. However, none of it is easy. It's all bloody hard, every bit of it. I'm so incredibly bitter, as you say, about those who just have it fall in their lap and happen just as planned.

It is a bit like that with my friend that's due - they planned it, she got pregnant, she's about to give birth, and she's VERY chilled about everything and has been all the way through as there has been nothing to worry about. I obviously am very, very pleased that she's had an easy ride as we are all evidence that for many people, that's not the case, but the jealousy is and always will be there because at the end of the day, she has what I want. And as you say grumpy, those with dates around yours are the absolute hardest of all.

Despite this, it's nice to know that we all feel the same, even though, of course, you wouldn't wish being in this position on your worst enemy.

So much love to you all 💕

(My last post seemed to end rather abruptly) x

I agree to the ridiculous planners where everything just seems to fall into place. Drives me mad.
I'm bloated and feeling like af is on her way. Disappointed this month, cycle 3 post second mmc and was supposed to be having a baby next month. Due date of first mc is fast approaching and I feel so far away from getting pregnant. I think if af shows up next weekend I need to chat to DH about trying harder and he'll just have to accept that's what it's going to take. I can't handle the casual approach and him not supposed to be knowing when I'm ov. I'm also going to look into the book a lot of you seem to be recommending as well.

Yep if it doesn't work this month I'm giving up drinking ~obviously if it does then also giving up drinking~ and ordering it starts with the egg

Nocats I think you're right, I'm involving DH in all my testing & cycles now.
I told DH today that my OPK is getting darker, he knows that a positive means we'll be at it big time! Not that he enjoys 'baby making' sex, but do any of us?!
I found the less I told DH the more pressure I put on myself, and just thought why should it all be on me when it takes us both?! He found it hard at first, having grown up in a very male household. He could barely say the word 'period' out loud!

Thanks yellow the whole casual approach was fine for the beginning and we did fall pregnant twice but now I'm more desperate to be pregnant again I'm taking a completely different outlook on ttc. And it's not like he doesn't really know. I mean why am I suddenly up for it for one week when not so bothered in the others?!!

I've ben looking into ubiquinol and it seems really interesting so going to get some of that for next cycle and maybe some evening primrose oil too. I'm going to be rattling with all the new tablets!

Have been feeling sick last 2 days, I KNOW it's psychosomatic and I can't possibly be getting morning sickness at 4 weeks...
Have to tell boss tomorrow, my job deals with a LOT of serious potential hazards so they (and basically all the staff) need to know. I just tried to avoid anything last week before I took the new tests on Saturday. Just hope this one makes it

Hotcookie my work is so physical I'd have to tell them straightaway too, and I really really wouldn't want to.

Oh for an office job! Which I'm sure I'm romanticising!

That must be tough hot - I wouldn't want to tell work either, and luckily I sit at a desk all day so no need! I ended up telling my boss about my most recent MC because I became completely useless for about three weeks and got into a bit of a mess with some deadlines. He was actually really unexpectedly lovely, but I regret it a bit because I think he thought I wouldn't be thinking about it for quite a while yet (most academic women seem to have theirs well into their 30s), and so now I think he must be wondering when I'll get pregnant again. We talked about my career progression the other day (I only have eighteen months left on this contract, so we were talking about what I'd do next) and it was a bit of an unspoken elephant in the room.