TTC After MC 12: Hopeful Twats and Emotional Wrecks welcome!

[BertieBotts]

Come one, come all, new and old, no-one wants to be here, but at least we're glad we've got each other :)

Hope your stay here is short.

Now, some BFPs if you please and BFNs for those who are waiting for them too!

Welcome, thought, to our little community. You'll be well looked after - we're a friendly, supportive lot.

Mulder, feel free to come and go as you please. We're all crossing fingers and toes for you.

Dude, I think you have to go private for the endo scratch unless you are offered it as part of a trial on the NHS or are undergoing IVF. I'm thinking of getting the NK killer cells test done at Coventry and asking if they can just do a little scratch while they're in there . I'm under the RMC and on the Tommy's trial but they didn't offer me either so assuming I'd have to pay. Will give them a call on Monday to find out.

Evening all, hope you're all doing as well as can be. My sore boobs have gone and I've been having a little bit of cramping this evening. I'm just holding onto the fact that I'm now nearly 7 weeks (or 5, depending on how you think about it) so my chances of MC are decreasing. Still expecting to see blood every time I go to the loo.

Miami can I ask - did you have acupuncture after you found out you were pregnant? If so, do you think it helped?

Dude and Thought sorry you are going through this too. I've been trying since January last year, so when I finally got my first BFP a few months ago I was convinced I'd finally triumphed, only to lose it a few weeks later.

It does change the way you look at other people who seem to have had no problems conceiving, doesn't it? I don't think one of my friendships will ever be the same again, after my friend conceived immediately then didn't talk about anything except how excited she was and what she was going to do when her DS arrived, all while knowing how difficult DH and I were finding it all. I don't think she realises that I've distanced myself because I made a real effort to be happy for her when we were together, but I felt I had to step back for my own emotional wellbeing.

Thats so true Ineed. Weird how people can be with you isn't it?
I find that people are either
A: Strangely inconsiderate of what has happened to you and say the most cringeworthy things.
B: Very awkward around you to the point i sometimes feel i am making a big effort to make them feel less so!
Ive had some strange comments and also close friends and family who don't ask if I'm alright anymore. Im not sure that they have to but it would be nice once in a while. Definitely a lonely experience......apart from you lot though.....thank god.

Hello all

Hoping I may join your little community? We have just decided to TTC again after an early miscarriage in April (at 5.6 weeks). I already have a DS who is 4, so not sure if that excludes me from here (if so, I apologise profusely and wonder if anyone might know a more appropriate place for me?). Despite already having a little boy, I am absolutely devastated that I miscarried. I think I naively thought that as I already had a child (and had an uneventful pregnancy) that there would be no problems. Now all I can anticipate are problems, having a hard time imagining that my next pregnancy will end in any way other than loss.

Anyway, we have decided we are ready to tentatively dip our toes in the TTC pond again and I may need a bit of hand-holding which is why I sought you ladies out! I'm both hopeful for and dreading a BFP!

Wishing all you lovely ladies the absolute best

Hi newbies. And sausage of course you are welcome. There are a few of us that have kids already.

I have a 2 year old son. And whilst I did find the miscarriage easier in a sense because I am so grateful I have my son, it does bring it's challenges too. I desperately wanted to be pampered after my mc, run away from it all and go on a holiday. Of course that was out of question with a toddler. Also the age gap thing. That 2 year gap is imagined is out of the question now. Plus passing clots the size of golf balls whilst looking after a toddler isn't my fave thing ever!

I think mc is just awful whether you have no kids or 10! It's not a nice thing to happen. It's traumatic and upsetting for anyone. Wouldn't wish it in my worst enemy

Ineed, just putting in my thoughts about cramping. With my son I had terrible cramps. They actually thought it was an ectopic. I was rolling around on bed. All was good in end. Cramps can just be a sign of stretching.

Lime thank you for the reassurance. I am just being ridiculously anxious and seeing signs of MC everywhere. And/or appendicitis. I'm turning into a proper hypochondriac.

I don't have any kids yet but I can imagine it's horrific no matter how many you already have. Your family isn't 'complete' yet, if that makes sense.

Argh. Not that if it wasn't an expected pregnancy that makes a MC any better. Desperately tries to take foot out of mouth

Hear hear lime. Having a child already (I have a 4yo DS) makes some of it easier to bear but then adds its own complexities.

Ineed I've also been having funny little crampy feelings but they have felt more like things are adjusting inside which I've taken to be a good sign. I fell asleep on the sofa this afternoon and am generally feeling absolutely wiped which again I'm interpreting generously!

Sausage, you are more than welcome here. I have a 2 year old DD who I conceived first month of trying and had an uneventful pregnancy with. I too was killed into a false sense of security and assumed it would be easy peasy with the next one two. Three miscarriages and a 40th birthday later and it is so very far from easy peasy. The anxiety is totally normal, we all have it and we're all here to help each other through it.

That should be lulled, obviously, not killed. Stupid autocorrect.

Hi all. I posted a couple of months ago after a MMC at 12 weeks in May and have been checking in here to see how you're all getting on. I thought I was doing ok but been really struggling the last few weeks and feel like I'm going crazy! In the last 2 weeks I've had to smile through 4 friend's announcements that they are expecting in Jan, mine should have been due in Dec. I am crazily happy for them as they are all lovely but I don't like all these jealous/guilty/self-pitying feelings I have everyday. I feel like I'll now be missing out on our kids growing up together but then stupidly guilty for thinking like that; it's not their fault or mine, just this rubbish situation. I have a 2 year old (I know I am so lucky to have him) and would love to give him a sibling but now with a bigger age gap than i wanted - another reason to feel guilty. I'm now onto cycle 3 post miscarriage and due to ov tomorrow but husband is away and is likely to be away again next month at the key time!! Oh well, I think I just needed to vent and write this all down. It feels like it has helped already x

@INeedABiggerBoat
I was having acupuncture all the way through 3 months of the break from the previous mc and am still having it now. After bfp it was every week for a while and now it is once a month. It's not cheap £30 a pop but I just figured that in a different circumstance we could be spending that money on ivf or private fertility tests or whatever so it was worth it for me. And I really do believe it helped me. Physically and emotionally. Pm me if you want to know anything else.

Thanks Miami - have PM-ed you.

Yep, same here, I have a DD already so blithely assumed it would all go smoothly 

@northernlass81 I also had a MMC in May , at 10 weeks. Like you, I felt ok emotionally until a couple of weeks ago when it hit me as I'm still not pregnant. It's rubbish, I've had 3 people at work announce due dates close to mine (10 Dec) which has been very hard. Big hugs.

You're so right foxtrot, we often feel so alone but so many people have been through it. I found out that a friend I met at a postnatal group had had a tfmr before her successful pregnancy - such a devastating thing to happen.

And northernlass I am sure we all know that feeling, you're not just dealing with the pain of hearing someone else's news but also of dealing with your own response. I realised recently I had become such a ball of bitterness and I hate who it's made me become, holding me back from friendships and family relationships. To be honest this thread has been the first time I have really talked about all this stuff and started to turn a corner. Thank goodness for MN eh.

4dpo here... We are going on holiday in 5 days and I'm so tempted to test the morning we leave but all my early testing last month has put me off. Can't face more BFNs. I think I've just got to assume it's not worked and resolve to be healthier next month.

Hello all, may I join? I definitely fit the emotional wreck/hopeful twat description. Have been on the pg after mc thread but just had my second MMC. baby died around 8+1, the same day or day after a reassurance scan. Had an ERPC on Friday. Also had an ERPC for the first MMC last May. Been ttc for about two years, have a wonderful 4yo DS.

Very up and down at the moment. My practical/optimistic side is frantically researching, ordering supplements etc. They weighed me on Friday and my bmi has tipped into 'obese', which was a shock so will work on that.

But outside of the manic planning I fee just bereft. And a bit panicky. We were more open about the pg this time, last time I felt so invisible and even ashamed... so thought it would help to be more open. It's nice to have people thinking of you, but there's also an irrational bit of me that's mad for the world going about its business as usual. I know that's brattish. i feel very resentful at the moment.

We'll start ttc as soon as possible, but this time I think my plan of action if successful will involve not testing for as long as I can stand, and not having a reassurance scan until just before booking in. This time I felt like the scans would make everything ok, but of course that's not how it works...

Reading posts on here and the other thread definitely make me feel less alone. I'm just so sorry for what everyone has been through.

Welcome to all the newbies. I'm so sorry you're here but I hope you find it as supportive as I have.

Grumpy, what a tricky one! Will you be able to put it to one side over the holiday or will it distract from fully relaxing? How long are you away for?

Those discussing others news and their struggles - it's become what I tell myself every time I get that jealous pang - you don't know what they've been through. Chances are, everyone has had their fair share of shit times in their life, even if it isn't necessarily baby related. I'm not saying that it's easy to think that and then you can get on with your day absolutely fine because it completely isn't but I try to just take a deep breath, remind myself of that and then try to distract myself. It's such an emotional rollercoaster! A friend of mine is due any time from now and I'm finding it easier now than I did at the beginning of her pregnancy. I'm actually excited to meet her little one, even if I do still feel a tad (a lot) jealous!

Emvy that's exactly how I feel, 3 of my friends have had a baby over the last couple of months and it is hard but you are so right in what you are saying, it's just we are focusing so hard on that one part.

I'm still struggling with the fact it was so easy to get pg the first time and I don't know what's going on with my body!

Congratulations on all the bpfs we have seen lately and sorry to the newbies that are here but it really is a good place to be.

Completely agree with everyone in that there are so many people with problems, you never know what people have been through to get to that point.
My sister and SILs all have/had issues with fertility. I never really talked to them properly about it as I didn't want to come across as nosey/insensitive. Now I wish I had as I'd actually quite like to talk about it and wish someone would ask me! Oh well, we live and learn I guess. Still feel there's a huge stigma talking about it publicly though.

life, I'm so sorry.

Give yourself time to grieve - I only had a chemical second time round but it hit me more than my first mc as I felt so positive. Posting here will help. Do nice things and maybe don't ttc for a month or two to distance yourself? I found that worked for me but we are all different.

I'm jet lagged and my brain is mush - I hope all are well? Trying to recap thread and finding it tough going!

Not getting any preg signs so far but af isn't for a few days yet.

Lovely to hear from miami, gives us hope :)

@PossibiliTea completely get what you mean; also had a very easy first pg and now feel like that lulled me into a false sense of security! Was so ready for everything to go wrong when I first ttc and when it didn't, I assumed everything would be just as easy 2nd time around. I keep blaming my age, but actually I've got no idea what's wrong with my body!