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TTC After MC 12: Hopeful Twats and Emotional Wrecks welcome!

982 replies

BertieBotts · 20/07/2017 23:09

Come one, come all, new and old, no-one wants to be here, but at least we're glad we've got each other :) Flowers

Hope your stay here is short.

Now, some BFPs if you please and BFNs for those who are waiting for them too!

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FoxtrotSkarloey · 29/07/2017 10:12

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Stuckinstressville · 29/07/2017 10:14

Jen wonderful news and good advice re job!

BertieBotts · 29/07/2017 10:18

Haha soda law :)

Congratulations Jen! :)

I had another pregnancy dream last night Confused Premonition or troll body??

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Stuckinstressville · 29/07/2017 10:32

Just spent 5am to now at a&e as the bleeding hit
8 pads in 5 hours- looks like the haematoma got a bit mad at dildocam so bled out a lot. No more scans for me as more risky than not. On a drip to rehydrate but otherwise fine.

Now do I got to my hair appt at 2? Uber there and back? Relaxation.... or grey hair?

MsJuniper · 29/07/2017 10:39

Really sorry to hear that. It must have been horrible. I'd stay put Stuck, I can understand why you'd want to go though.

BertieBotts · 29/07/2017 10:44

Oh no Stuck perhaps you can rearrange the appointment? I know it's horrible to be stuck in bed though!

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Lime19 · 29/07/2017 12:11

Congrats jen! Whoop!

Why do I feel like I'm getting af on day 18... stay away you little annoyance!

StepAwayFromGoogle · 29/07/2017 14:31

Lime, I've just come on on day 23 of my cycle. So annoying. And last month it was day 24 but usually pretty regular 28 day cycle. Not sure if it could be the supplements. Apparently vitamin e could be the most likely culprit so might have to knock that on the head. Grrrr. Just wish I knew what was up with my cycle. Had all my blood tests back this week and apparently all fine. Hormones not suggesting anything is wrong. Why do we all have to go through all this temping and poas and supplements and stress and worrying about EVERY BLOODY THING when other people seem to get pregnant by sneezing. Fed up today. Going to have prosecco and chocolate for dinner.

yellowfrontdoor · 29/07/2017 15:56

Ugh. Just had a row with DH about applying for jobs while ttc.

He thinks I'm 'ripping people off'.

I just want a better paid job!

FoxtrotSkarloey · 29/07/2017 17:19

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emvy · 29/07/2017 17:30

Hi everyone, just caught up on the last few days as have been away camping. Lots of fun - it was for a friend's proposal, she knew nothing about it and her OH organised it all and invited all her besties along to be there. Very super cute and romantic. A couple of proseccos sunk and no dtd in the tent with our dog for company despite it being fw - feeling oddly relaxed that we missed a couple of days - no symptoms of ovulation yet anyway.

Stuck - wow! So so so pleased you have a little fighter in there, so sorry the other little one didn't make it. As another poster said, all of this thread are behind it sticking around, everything crossed it holds on in there!

Jen, congratulations! We're on to another bfp roll - wahoo!

So camping allowed to forget about my HT phase but now I'm home, it's back. Boobs are still sore, still getting waves of nausea but the creamy cm has gone back to sticky so I'm trying to tell myself that means I'm not pregnant and am just in the "non-fertile" stage still. I have a best friend's wedding on Wednesday though and really want to get blind drunk.. not sure what to do about testing as technically still only cd 16.

Those talking about being in limbo - totally! But I've decided that until I get another bfp I'm living the "young and carefree" lifestyle because being cautious hasn't got me anywhere so far!

Lime, hoping you don't get af and this cycle is a decent length for you.

yellow, ignore DH! Very silly! We're on your side Smile all of you considering job changes - DO IT! Life's too short and as someone else said, even when you do all fall pregnant with your sticky babies, you will make it work!

...

Sorry for the essay Grin

MouseLove · 29/07/2017 19:05

StepAwayFromGoogle stop taking everything apart from folic acid and vit d. You don't need anything else.

Congratulations all the ladies who have had BFP lately, stuck I've been following your story, FX everything is ok. I've been reading and trying to keep up but you guys move so fast in here I feel like I leave myself behind.

Had a rocky few days and weeks and baby bombs and such.

But I'm 4DPO and feeling good. We managed 3 DTD before I got crosshairs on FF. having a little mild cramping/discomfort though so hope I'm not coming down with a bug.

BertieBotts · 29/07/2017 20:00

Yellow why don't you ask him why he doesn't think it's ripping people off for HIM to work? It's just sexism thinking that women are going to cost companies loads of money. 9 months maternity leave (if you even take that long - I think you can share it now can't you? Not up to date with UK ML law), even a year isn't much in the scheme of things and if you're valuable to a company then it's nothing as they still have the long term investment of you. It's good for your future career prospects to have that step on there, too. Even if it's a small company, it's not like maternity leave costs them loads because the government reimburses the statutory part of it anyway.

Plus, being totally honest, many companies are more reluctant to hire women of childbearing age. It's not like it's a secret. They do know when they take you on that there's a chance you might get pregnant, so nobody is ripping anybody off.

TTC can take years, there is no use putting your life on hold because of it. Even if you got hired in say two months and got pregnant this cycle that's still 5-6 months before you'd be leaving anyway. Plenty of time to get things sorted, even in a new job. But I do think you should talk about why he seems to be assuming that you'll be the one to make sacrifices - to take the longest part of maternity/parental leave, to take unpaid time off to be a SAHM, to return part time, to arrange your hours around childcare, etc etc. Even if you want to be the one to do these things, it's definitely worth talking about it and not just assuming. It is an option for men to go part time, to stay at home or to plan their work around childcare availability too!

Ladies, do make sure you're on the same page with your men and that they are supportive and genuinely believe in you, not just seeing you as some kind of domestic assistant. I know the process of TTC, especially miscarriages, infertility worries or TTC taking a long time can be really stressful and can even make normally supportive, kind or loving people make crappy comments, and no worries - I totally support ranting about this! It's just I made the mistake with DS of choosing a man who was not supportive and it was such a lonely time and ultimately I wish I'd taken a much harder and more critical look at my relationship before I got pregnant, because once you're at that point it's sort of too late :( (Yellow I am not aiming this at you and I'm sure your DH is lovely and has just got caught up emotionally in the whole wishing-you-were-pregnant thing, it just nags at me occasionally, because I wish someone had said something to me. Plus, I think even supportive and nice blokes do sometimes need a bloody hard poke to remind them of the fact we all have biases and expectations which might not be strictly fair!)

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yellowfrontdoor · 29/07/2017 20:27

Bertie that's the thing, usually he is supportive & behind me 100%.

I think it's because I wouldn't be working for a big company, but individuals, therefore it's all more personal.

But yes, any company or individual that takes on a woman aged 16-45 (?) takes the chance that they may become pregnant. I think it doesn't help that FIL has always said he'd 'never take on a woman' you're a cabinet maker who works alone, you wouldn't be taking on anyone.
My DH is a people-pleaser. Which makes him an absolutely lovely person but, at times, too worried about what others think. He would actually worry about 'upsetting' my new employer were I to become pregnant, whereas to me, it's life! It happens!

If it's not right to want to improve your job situation whilst ttc, why not leave all women in little shop jobs? Or in the typing pool?!

Arghhh! We've made up now, so rant over. As we all were Wink

BertieBotts · 30/07/2017 02:13

Yes! I know exactly what you mean. DH can be a bit like that as well. It bugs me actually because I've had to un-learn a lot of my people-pleasing instincts myself which can make me come across as abrasive in some situations and it kills me when he points that out.

Honestly if it's personal, it's actually better in some ways. Because you'd have a good few months with them if not longer before you actually left and then they'd probably be quite keen to keep you updated about things so that when you go back you're prepared. Sometimes bigger companies can be a bit impersonal about things. You could always tell a white lie to the company and say oh, we were planning to try in a year or so but it's happened now! You know, sadly, that also being pregnant isn't a guarantee that there will be a baby and maternity leave 8 months later. It just doesn't always happen like that. So it's silly to put everything on hold.

It's not selfish to want to improve your situation. :)

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voxnihili · 30/07/2017 08:08

Sorry I've not had a chance to read through everyone's updates as I've been away for a week, but good luck to everyone with positive news, and hugs to those who need them.

I'm officially an emotional wreck. I had got to a point where 6 weeks post mc I was just about ok and could move on. Then, just over a week ago, I got a text from my best friend showing her 12 weeks scan photo. She is due the day after I would have been. I feel like I'll never be able to move on as there will always be a permanent reminder of what my life could have been.

The worst bit of receiving the message was that I was at work and ended up having to leave for a bit because I just couldn't cope. Fortunately my headteacher was very understanding and said I could go home if I needed to. DP hasn't been especially supportive about it and I don't think understands how I feel, I think mainly because he has just shut himself off from it.

I know that if I get pregnant again, I'll move on as when I hold that baby I'll know that if I hadn't lost the first, I wouldn't have that one. I hope I'm pregnant before my due date, but with a low ovarian reserve and DP's erectile dysfunction, I'm not holding out much hope.

Sorry for such a negative, self-pitying post.

Lime19 · 30/07/2017 08:33

Oh vox. I know that feeling. I know it sounds dramatic but when I get baby bombed, my eyes start to fill with tears immediately. My voice goes all squeaky. My heart beats fast and I feel very anxious. My face must just say it all.

I know what you mean about being pregnant again healing the pain too. Exactly how I feel. I simply must be pregnant again by my due date. The pain will be too much otherwise.

I have a son already, in some ways it does make coping with loss easier. I feel like I'm coping better in a way. He has been a good distraction anyway.

Yesterday I saw him play with some young relatives and enjoyed himself so much. He had so much fun with children for company. I feel so bad that it's taken this bloody long to give him a sibling. It's so frustrating. He would love a brother or sister.

MsJuniper · 30/07/2017 09:35

Vox I'm so sorry to hear that. I really think however supportive our friends and family are, they don't really understand what it is like. Looking back to times when friends had mc, I don't think I understood then either. But we can all understand and tell you that your feelings are completely valid.

Saying that, I am currently avoiding a very good friend who announced she was pg just after my last mc, luckily she is sensitive to it and hasn't taken the huff. Otoh my sister, who did have 2 mc after DC1, couldn't understand why I wasn't 100% delighted when she showed me her 12wk scan in a public place to announce her pregnancy. Of course I was pleased for her but it's always a shock to have one of those grainy scan photos thrust at you.

For some reason I did find it easier once the baby arrived. Not that I haven't felt awful jealousy sometimes. But the awful ache I felt throughout her pregnancy did pass. I was so desperate to get pg before her due date but just clocked up another chemical. I hope so much you have a successful pregnancy in this time.

yellowfrontdoor · 30/07/2017 10:03

Vox I know exactly how you feel. SIL announced her pregnancy 2 weeks after I'd announced my 1st one.
As I've posted before, it feels like she's having my baby. I'm dreading seeing her, having avoided having to since Christmas!
It's so so hard, hugs to you.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 30/07/2017 10:12

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ForeverHopeful21 · 30/07/2017 17:08

Fox sounds like you and your DH are going through a very difficult time. Maybe you need an honest and open convo with your other half to clear the air. When times are rough you really do need each other. My thoughts are with you.

I've just had my fertile week. I was looking forward to getting my monthly chance to try and make a baby, but the reality wasn't that much fun. On my Ovia app it says its important to enjoy 'love making'. Well, after scheduling it everyday for 5 days straight in-between work and life, I certainly wouldn't describe it as love making [hmmm]

voxnihili · 30/07/2017 18:32

Sorry to hear that others have been in my position, although it helps to know my feelings are 'normal'.

I've entered new territory for being a hopeful twat. We only DTD once this month as I've not really been in the mood. It would have been around ovulation - it wasn't a planned sex, just happened (the best kind). DP didn't ejaculate although was close, but I've still convinced myself that my aching jaw, slight sniffle and very sore boobs are because some miracle has happened!

Luluringo · 30/07/2017 19:05

Hi everyone. I've been absent for a long time but still keeping an eye on this thread.

I am so sorry to hear of many users' heartbreak at the moment. I totally understand your situations. I had a mc in March and nothing since. I have, However, been tracking my cycles and I have noticed that since my miscarriage my periods last longer, bar this month. So perhaps my body is still healing despite my cycle lengths being the same. I have also started accupuncture which i would recommend. It has not only helped me relax, i also feel like I am being proactive with my fertility instead of constant googling and worry. The lady I use has also made me feel very positive about my future.

emvy I would agree with your attitude of living a carefree lifestyle. I too was limiting the drink and obsessing over my diet but it hasn't worked so stuff It!

vox I understand your frustration. With regards to you OH 's erectile dysfunction, have you tried home insemination? It's a bit mad but my OH has suffered with stage fright due to the pressure of this whole situation and I've done lots of research. It has a similar outcome to natural conception.we have tried it a few times. No luck yet but it's nice to have a back up if needed and it takes some of the pressure away from DH.

Patience and positivity is key and it's lovely to hear about those BFPs that keep comi g in. Congratulations to all you lucky people.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 30/07/2017 19:57

Interesting and nice to hear other people's thoughts on carefree lifestyle. I'm really torn over that myself at the moment. I told myself I'd use this three/four months where we can't try to get healthy and lose some weight (my BMI hovers between 25 and 26, so I'm not massively overweight but I could ideally do with losing some, especially as I'm not very fit/muscular). The thing is, though, that feels like a constant reminder that things aren't 'normal'. I also told myself I'd start drinking again but stick to just one - but again that always makes me feel slightly miserable as I nurse my orange juice. I'm normally the one saying 'one more pint?' and it just feels like another reminder that I'm not 'me' at the moment. I've had a few more wild (but not very much so!) nights recently and really enjoyed myself at the time but then felt guilty in the morning. Part of me wants to just throw all caution to the wind and have some fun, but I'm scared I'll regret not taking this chance to be in the best shape I can be for my (hopeful) next pregnancy.

Lime19 · 30/07/2017 21:08

Has anyone heard from stuck? I was thinking about stuck today. Hope all is ok over the weekend.