Let's get this shaggathon on the road! We are breaking out the buzzy friends, lubeing up our fanjo's and prepping the men! Let's make a baby the old fashioned way! It's only f**king JS'ing 63!

[jellypi3]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 62 is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2796204-Lights-twinkle-its-icy-cold-outside-tis-the-season-of-Yuletide-come-and-join-us-yes-you-For-this-is-JS62?msgid=68412463#68412463" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2768810-come-hither-upduffed-viroids-here-we-will-hold-your-hand-through-scans-rejoice-at-your-hairy-shins-and-of-course-share-your-lust-over-ian-mcshane-it-s-js-grads-48?pg=16" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Oh and AF was due 2 days ago if that matters...

Faint but I see it. I would try and get a pink dye test though and test again with FMU.

Have one ready and waiting for the morning... fingers crossed fuckers! 🤞🤞🤞

Any news this morning Praying?

I am 11 dpo and stupidly convinced I am upduffed!

AF due Thursday or Friday but I've had no spotting since Friday, which is the first time I've stopped spotting in the 2WW since last February! Even after a shag on Saturday, still nothing!

My boobs also stopped hurting that day and then suddenly started hurting again and don't really fit in my bra and I feel nauseous all the time, unless I'm eating. All of these things could be put down to pre-AF except the lack of bleeding, which I can't understand, unless it's because I'm pregnant.

Argh!

Great lines Tri ooh er

Elbi tragic isn't it?

So a Q for all you Vit B people......

Prior to starting the amazing wonderful B complex my OV was around CD16/17 of 24/25D cycle. Tried it for the first time last month and as far as I can tell, OV CD14 of 26D cycle - result!!!

Then this month, Fertility Friend reckona tentatively that it wae CD13 this time..

Is it just going to keep getting earlier or stabilise? Should I knock it off for a cycle or what? Surely OV too early is as bad as too late - or is it....?!

Praying try First Response maybe??? Good luck!

Johnny my OV varies even since taking B Complex, but it has lengthened my LP, which was the main reason for taking it, so assuming you're taking it for that, I wouldn't worry too much about when you OV at the mo.

I OVd CD10/11 this month and I think I'm actually in with a chance of a bfp, so don't if early is bad or not!

@flashing there was a squinter that got darker after half an hour or so... going to do another in a few days. I don't think I'll quite believe it until it's obviously there! Then need to work out how to tell DH. Fathers day maybe? X

@flashing there was a squinter that got darker after half an hour or so... going to do another in a few days. I don't think I'll quite believe it until it's obviously there! Then need to work out how to tell DH. Fathers day maybe? X

I couldn't sit on it for that long! I showed DH the stick almost straight away...

If it's only getting darker after 30 minutes though then it could be an evap - definitely test again in a couple of days, preferably with a pink dye test.

BFN for me this morning at 12 dpo. Not sure whether to hold out hope or not. AF due on Friday so will test again then with a FRER if still nothing.

GX for you Praying.

Another squinter this morning but nothing darker than yesterday :( now 4 days past AF due date... getting frustrating! Fingers crossed for you xx

Flash and Praying if AF isn't here you're in the game.....

I am 5dpo and symptom spotting like an eejit

Johnny I have basically convinced myself I'm pregnant, and now on a massive comedown that if I'm not I'm.going to feel like shit. Why can't it be easy for me!

We've nicknamed ourselves HTs, short for hopeful twats, on the TTC after miscarriage thread when we get too invested too early in the 2ww! So for now I'm a hopeful twat.

Hopeful twattery is my current condition too. Or hopeful twottery.

Just received the results of my blood test and I have low progesterone levels.
Feeling a bit broken, I was sure everything would be fine.
How do I tell my DP that it's my fault we're struggling to have a baby together?

Alletrix I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't know much about the science of it but it must be good a thing to at least understand what's going on so you can move forward with the right help.

Re telling DP - remember that this is something that's happening TO you; it's not your fault. So it's something that you both need to work through together. Just tell him, he'll understand in the same way you would if it were him telling you.

Elbi I think it is my fault though.
I already have a son from a previous partner who's now almost 6. However, since having him I've suffered with anorexia for a number of years and I just know this is a result of that.
My DP doesn't have any children. He's going to hate me.

Alletrix Anorexia isn't your fault either - it's a rotten condition that you've suffered from, that no one would choose. Does your doctor say that could be the cause of your low levels?

Again, I'm out of my depth with the science here but is there some help you can get now to rebalance your levels? I think there are ways to reduce oestrogen and supplement progesterone?

Re your DP - if this is the loving partner that you've decided to have a child with then he certainly won't hate you. He'll likely go through the same shock and sadness that you are going through - I highly recommend doing it together. Take care

Elbi she didn't say that, she's very casual about everything and I was in such shock I didn't ask any questions, just went "ok thanks" and left. She did say she'll send the fertility team referral for me but they probably won't do anything until DP has his sperm analysis done at the end of July.
Would it be ok for me to book another appointment to ask her some questions? I hate wasting their time but I have so many things I need want to know

I think that would be reasonable - you're entitled to understand what's going on.

Yes, do go back and ask questions - they wouldn't expect you to know enough to ask everything the first time round. Maybe make a list of Qs - I often do that when I visit the doc as I'm usually an 'ok thanks' kinda gal too.

Hi all, sorry I've not been on the thread for ages as I've been on the pill for a month before my ivf cycle so I decided to take a step away from the headfuck that ttc is!

I'm on day 4 of stimms now so hopefully growing a nice harvest of eggs!

Hope everyone is well and I've missed a whole load of bfps!

Only read back a few posts but alletrix stop beating yourself up. Easy to sort hormonal things. Progesterone supplements if that's the issue, clomid to get you ovulating if your progesterone is low because you aren't. All totally doable. Just to check you went for the test 7 days after ovulation? Not just on day 21? If you don't have a textbook cycle then that will give false results. If you suspect you didn't go 7dpo then get another one done.