Thread 27. TTC #1 - we're stressed, we're fed up, we're bitter but I promise this will all be worth it when we're holding our precious babies

[AlexiaB]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Here's our Grad's Thread. May 2017 lead us all to upduffed heaven and the Grad's thread, amen.

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Key:
HS - have/had sex
GOS - good old shag
ELH - enthusiastic lavatory happenings
LSFX - legs spread, fingers crossed

💐 for everyone who found today hard - fx it will be a different story for all of us this year!

My mum lives abroad so I missed her a lot today.

On the upside, I feel like a brand new person after a whole weekend of total solitude! Didn't speak to a soul in person, haven't bothered with make up since Friday (very very rare for me), lived in leggings, didn't bother wearing a bra and watched seasons one AND two of Broadchurch! It was like I could feel myself actually recharging by being plugged into the sofa ha ha

Hope you get that positive opk soon carley!

Next year even - 📺 has dried my brain!

Dried?! Ffs FRIED! Clearly time for bed.

Wide awake and crying again after going through in my mind all of this on loop. The dread of getting my period seems to intensify each month. Knowing next weekend I'll see blood and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel desperate. And so desperately unhappy. It's draining me.

So sorry you had a rough night jam - it can hit us out of nowhere sometimes. Hope you're feeling better today 💐

Jam I hope you managed to get back to sleep. Thinking of you and hope you feel a bit brighter today.

Sounds like a great weekend pyjamas!

Glad you and your DH are all good now Alexia

Good luck to all of you in the TWW, I'm rooting for you all

jam I'm so sorry, it's the hardest thing and I think having no control is the worst. We do as much as we can to try and help our chances but ultimately it feels like it's out of our hands.
The middle of the night is the worst time to have those thoughts. I hope you're feeling a bit better today.

miw I totally get about the testing. I prefer to start AF than a BFN. How long are you going to leave it?

Sorry for everyone who found Mother's Day so hard. 💐

I'm due to test on Wed. I no longer feel it's actually going to happen for me. I think that's why I've managed to chill about it all, it's like I have zero expectations anymore. I just can't imagine myself ever being pregnant let alone having a baby.

Jam - are you feeling any better now? It gets really tough sometimes, the important thing is you come out of the dips stronger than ever.

Macs - you've found the zen point, just like me. But it's important to still have faith, acknowledge it's taking you longer than most but it will still happen.

Sorry to all those who suffered over Mothers Day xx

Hi ladies,
Would like to join, have been lurking for a while. Ttc since Sep 15, early mc straight away, bfp jan 17 then mmc at 11 weeks. Also had an ectopic 11 yrs ago when not trying. We were discussing ivf before we got a positive, not eligible now but considering perhaps it's time to go down that road and pay for it. Having recurrent mc tests so will have to see what they say first. Finding it all completely depressing and totally fed up of it all. Having counselling which helps but nice to speak to people who understand how shit this whole thing is x

Chlo - welcome xx are you sure you are not eligible for IVF? I'm not sure what the exact rules are but just because you have had success conceiveing does t make you exempt (I think). Sorry to hear about all the problems you've had, you're in good company here xx

I feel terrible today but I think a lot of that is sleep loss and an equal part hormones. I really do feel wretched.

I think it's the lack of control. My periods coming this weekend and there is FA I can do about it. I hate it. It's like a physical and emotional monthly battering.

Sorry to be so miserable

Welcome chlo sorry you've had such a tough time of it

Thanks for the welcome. Recognise a few names on here from other boards. The consultant said we wouldn't now be eligible so we were going to ask her at next appointment if she would recommend if we went private. Nothing showed up before apart from dh morphology result was on low side which she said gave her an excuse to refer us but was v v common and she said people have this result all day long and have no problems fathering children so don't worry about it. But now because we did get pg she can't refer us but we are willing to pay.
Wouldn't wish this on anyone but it is helpful to talk to people who understand it. When I see people posting now on these boards and they're saying oh god it's so hard it's been three months I really want to write something along the lines of eff off! Hate being a resentful, jealous, tearful, depressed person because of all of this! Sorry ladies, it really does make you feel wretched doesn't it jam xx

Hope everyone has been enjoying the nice weather! :)

Jam, sorry you are having a difficult time, hope you managed to get some sleep and you are feeling a bit better now.

I have forget what CD I'm on as it seems irrelevant at the moment till after my OP. I'm busying preparing some stuff for going in for my operation. I'm trying hard to stay calm but keep walking up occasionally during the night panicking about it, I know I need to stay positive.
Hi everyone else hope you enjoy today's sun!

Welcome Chlo, I'm sorry you've had such a tough time. I have to say, I think your consultant is talking crap. I'd speak to your CCG. All the ones I've looked at say you're only not eligible for IVF if you have a child, not if you've ever been pregnant. I wish you luck with whatever path you take.

Jam, I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Totally get what you mean about the lack of control. The emotional shit storm that this is can really batter you.

Also wanted to say thank you for all the nice messages (which were not the reason I posted at all). DH and I went to Paris for the weekend so I'm only just catching up. Thank you for sharing your story too Flash

Welcome Chlo :)

mac have no idea how long I leave it to be honest. Maybe until weekend?

Chlo I too think th consultant is talking crap.

Thanks for the welcomes ladies. I've always trusted the consultant 100% so I didn't even think that maybe she was wrong! Also a lot of people have been saying to me 'oh this shows you don't need it as you can get pg naturally' which is true but it wasn't successful and it took 16 months so it's not exactly ideal!? I almost feel like we'd be cheating if we did do it as seems like you have to be 'patient' and it's a last resort but I feel like it pretty much is now. I guess I'm going to have to push and ask these questions in our next appt. Thanks for making me question it, I wouldn't have ever thought to do so!

I'm sorry you're struggling Jam Wish I had words to make it all better It's like we grieve our babies every single month. It really is endless torture.

Hi and welcome Chlo. I'm sorry for your long struggle ttc and painful losses The girls have given you some great advice about IVF. It's worth investigating, and IUI might be offered/be an option too? I know you've mentioned low morph but if count is good it's I've seen it work for morph/motility (see pic, others might be interested too). The sperm wash seems to work wonders! Don't worry about feeling resentful/sad/bitter etc. It's natural to feel that way and in no way makes you a horrible person. I had a "friend" I met on mumsnet (before I joined this thread) and she conceived on her 3rd cycle, 2nd cycle actively trying. In her tww she was all like "omg this is so hard, I can't take this anymore!!" I was like HELLO I'm on my (I think) 14th cycle here! She never even acknowledged that once. She now has an almost 2 month old son. Needless to say I've since blocked her on WhatsApp. So yes, I've got no time for people like that either!

pyjamas sounds like you had an awesome weekend of solitude and relaxation!

Hopeful when is your op? Keep us updated and good luck

Hope you're well Miranda

Fx AF stays away miw

What's the general view on IUI (if such a thing exists!)?

Our consultant basically gave us the impression that it was a total waste of money (presuming you are in a relationship and/or have PIV sex). We have pretty much ruled it out but I don't know if we were just blinded by the relative probability of success of IVF vs IUI.

I'd be interested in people's views of it as well kath - our consultant recommended going straight to ivf due to success rates, my age and low AMH levels so I haven't even considered it!

I'm surprised at your consultant's advice as well Chlo!

Really hope you get a good night's sleep tonight jam. Hormones start to go a bit batshit for me a week before AF which doesn't help things, don't know if it's the same for you.

I'm right there with you in the zen point skipper and macs even though I know I haven't been trying as long. I'm not expecting anything this cycle, but it's nice to daydream a bit about finally seeing that elusive second pink line.

CD20 here and 8 days to go until expected AF. I'm not feeling hopeful! No symptoms, as usual.

I've got a friend who I confided in about TTC and she's been great, absolutely brilliant - but every time she sees me or instant messages me at work the first question she asks is 'where are you in your cycle?' Right after saying hello! Today I met my best friend for lunch and she bumped into us and the first thing she said to me was that! I know it comes from a good place and she's trying to connect with me and make me feel like she's there for, and I feel like a bitch, but it's starting to grate on my nerves a bit.

On another note - DH came back from his weekend away hungover. I said 'I'm glad you had a good time' and meant it - I better not hear a damn peep out of him if a have a few glasses of wine when AF arrives!

Thanks for the welcome alexia. It's given me a lot of food for thought and things to discuss with consultant. Also nice not to hear the usual be patient crap which makes me feel like I'm being an impatient control freak!

Broadchurch is on soon! Loving the distraction of some great tv programmes at the moment

lots of catching up to do...

so glad you and your dh made up alexia

jam so sorry you had such an awful night, i really hope af doesnt arrive for you as you expect. sorry to all who had a tough time on mothers day, i was working so didnt even really see all the usual fb posts as such.

chlo so sorry for your losses, i too would have thought you would be eligible for ivf, i thought it was 1 year of trying and no previous children on either side?? Good taste in broadchurch! love detective dramas. Did you watch line of duty new series yesterday?

cd 11 and into my fw now apparently.

I've seen a lot of success with medicated IUI's on FF Kath. Quite a few sets of twins too! Obviously there are those who it hasn't work for but that could be for many different/unknown reasons. I've also seen hundreds of failed IVF attempts too. Nothing is certain and luck definitely plays a huge role.

I think your consultant is wrong to say it's a waste of time if you're having PIV sex regularly. As Jam shared the other day, the vagina is a death trap for sperm! IUI not only washes/improves sperm quality but it also completely bypasses the vagina/cervix (where most sperm die) and places the sperm where it needs to be. With low count and low morph IUI is probably pointless but as I mentioned a while ago I know a girl who is 9 weeks pregnant naturally after 2 back to back 0% morph SA's. Anything is possible! IUI is definitely better than sex imo but obviously money, age, egg/sperm quality all come into play when making your decision.

pyjamas I'd find that very annoying to even though I'm sure she means well. Maybe tell her you've stopped tracking and are just having sex to take the pressure away? Might stop the questions.

Too*

glittery don't rely on apps to tell you you're in your fertile week!!! (I might have misread what you meant, so apologies if so). Keep checking your CM, do some opk's if you want and have as much sex as possible. You've got this!