Thread 26. TTC #1 - Calm as a hysterical cucumber

[AlexiaB]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has somewhat worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Here's our Grad's Thread. May 2017 lead us all to upduffed heaven and the Grad's thread, amen.

We don't have rules as such but expect to be talked down from the ledge with kind but firm words if you get too hysterical. But most importantly, don't convince yourself that you're pregnant in the tww. That is paramount!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

I'm sorry ej. If you're still reading, I just wanted to reassure you that you're at the toughest bit (in my experience). I think you're cycle 9? I think between around cycles 8-14 are the absolute worst (not that you'll even get that far!) because most people think it'll happen in the first 6 months if everything is "normal" and "definitely" within a year. All my friends seemed to catch within 3 months of trying :( So at your stage you're having to process a fear that it might not be easy and that's unbelievably hard. But there's no reason to think the worst - 90% of couples under 35 will get pregnant within their first year of trying and 95% within 2 years.
I know it's really really hard but try not to get upset at this stage - there's everything to play for! If it makes you feel better, set a date that you'll go to the doctor for some tests. But my biggest advice is that your OH should have a semen analysis privately (less than £100) to check alls well his side before you go on to anything invasive your side. It's minimal effort on his part (wank in a cup!) and low cost and it's something practical he can do to help you set your mind at rest. Anyway, we're here if you need us but take all the time you need. Good luck!

So sorry ej be kind to yourself & as others have said, hope you can get done support in RL too - this whole thing is just so hard

🌷💛EJ it's the hardest thing 😔 take all the time you need. I thought the same as Gee when I read your post. Cycle 8-9 for me was last August and I remember feeling extremely distressed and angry then. That's when I signed up for a ceramics course started swimming and paid for a 6 week course of acupuncture. We also booked a sperm analysis for DH at that point and went to the GP. I'm sure there will be nothing wrong and it's nature taking its sweet time - remember most couples conceive within a year and hopefully it won't be much longer. Look after yourself.

Binky great idea! I like SWI (shagging with intent), which I've seen on other threads.

Good luck squeezing in a shag binky

Fx for tip top results today kath

Welcome back Kerry glad you re found us!

I'm day 15 today so egg should be here tomorrow. We're on track for EOD. I'm going through the motions and all I can think about is our initial fertility appointment now. Was home alone last night and had my laptop so did a lot of intensive reading up on low morphology again. Everything points to IVF ICSI. I can't help but feel it's going to be a massive uphill battle and wait before we can start treatment. We've waited three months for our first consultation! 😔 so sick of all this. I've forgotten that people actually conceive normally without all this shit!

EJ so sorry to hear you are feeling so low and completely understand your need to take some time. Technically I haven't had many cycles of trying, but I do sympathise with the feeling that it may never happen, and have had to spend some time thinking what will life be like if that's the case.

Jam LSFX for catching that egg. I know that it doesn't feel like it, but don't forget that the wait to start fertility treatment are still more chances to try naturally. It maybe doesn't feel like much of a comfort as the odds aren't as much in your favour as they could be, but it won't be wasted time, even though it will be a wait.

Did you get any stats on your odds of conceiving naturally with your DH's results?

Flash my GP - who has fertility as her specialism - has repeatedly said our results are 'normal' and we don't need IVF. I also sent his results to my best friend who's an obstetrician. She showed them to two fertility consultants she works with who also said they are fine, we should conceive naturally.

I can only think it's because he's got a very high count and strong motility - and I've read in a few places this is all some doctors really look at. Morphology is so little understood. Most men make a huge amount of abnormal sperm - up to 96% abnormal is considered normal. So if you have 4% normal forms and a count of 50m then you have 2m normal swimmers. My DH had 100m on his first SA and 2% morphology - also giving you 2m normal swimmers. On his second SA he has over 300m count and 1% morphology, so 3m normal swimmers.

I also think that to calculate men's fertility the formula they use doesn't even take the morphology score into account. They look at count and motility alone. Based on that my DH would be extremely fertile!

I know we've been told by several doctors our results are fine, but I'm on my 15th cycle of trying and have never ever seen a BFP. I just feel like something must be going on.

Sorry Jam I wasn't trying to minimize your concerns over not getting pregnant so far. I more meant that if it does take some time to get to a point where you have some fertility treatment it's not entirely wasted as theoretically you could still conceive naturally during the wait, as opposed to if you knew it was impossible to conceive naturally but still had to wait.

I know it's not much of a consolation though of course when you've been trying for so long and not getting a bfp!

Is there any way you could afford to pay for a consultation with a fertility specialist as a one off, to speed up the process, and then switch back to the NHS? Or possibly print out what you have read about morphology, take it back to your GP and discuss your concerns (apologies if you've already done either of these things!)

Flash god not at all!! Your post was so so appreciated and you are right - all the time we are waiting we are still trying. So sorry my reply came across like that. I think I'm so obsessed with morphology I was just ranting. Apologies!!

Re going private - well there's not much point now as we have our NHS appointment at the hospital in 2 weeks. So not long to go now. Depending on what he/she says , I will consider various private options. I'm hoping they will be proactive!

Rant as much as you want! As we all sadly know, this thread is as much about the shit times as the great ones!

Well at least your 2WW will be spent getting ready for your appointment, which might help distract from symptom spotting.

This morning I wondered if the fact that my boobs hurt a little bit less might be a symptom, even though I think I'm probably only 3 dpo! Still, I've got a busy weekend and week coming up so hopefully it will go fast. And I'm really exercise mad at the mo (although I planked instead of sit ups last night so I didn't squish my stomach, stupid I know!) so that can keep me occupied!

Have been lurking but was feeling too sick yesterday to post - still not feeling great (having another day at home) but at least head doesn't feel like it's about to explode.

Sorry ej - totally understand wanting to take a step back. What gee said applies to me - am also on cycle 9 now and even though I know I'm still well within what's average, it started hitting me hard at around cycle 7. Good work on the EOD plan jam! I think we're going to do EOD for a bit longer than FW in case being ill delays my ov.

Totally agree with the baby dancing/baby dust comments 🤢 I can just about cope with dtd as it's shorter than typing out had sex, but am up for new acronyms! A simple HS (had sex) or GOS (good ol' shag) works for me!

FW starts today - still feel pretty rubbish but shall power through. Hopefully I can at least not look like a snotty flaky nosed mess tonight - I'm not exactly screaming 'do me' right now 😂

Jam, looks like we're in a similar boat to you. Everything was normal/good other than morphology which was just over 2%. Our doctor wasn't at all concerned by that as it's so variable and the other numbers were absolutely fine. She has told DH not to have more than a pint in one sitting though which did not go down well...

My results were better than expected for my age and my ovarian reserve was of someone 5 years younger so we have plenty of time to make a decision which was reassuring. She doesn't think there's any tube issues so no point doing anything to them.

She said we can either try for another 9 months at which point we'd be eligible for IVF on the NHS as they won't do anything at this stage for unexplained infertility or we can think about doing it privately. Giving the fact that time is on our side, I'm leaning towards trying naturally for a couple of months and seeing what happens but I think DH is keener on starting IVF sooner rather than later. We didn't have much time to chat though as we both needed to get back to work.

Hope you feel better soon pyjamas and manage a couple of GOS during FW. Loving the new acronyms.

Sorry you are in my boat kath but its reassuring to hear yet another doctor relatively unconcerned by low morphology. Is she requesting a repeat SA?

That's great news about your results.

The alcohol comment is really interesting - and finally backs up what I've been saying to my DH - and has been falling repeatedly on deaf ears. I am going to show him this! He is not going to like it either. But for goodness sake - what does it mean to give up or drink significantly less - if it means we can get pregnant???

I hope your DH took it okay. Mine is very quiet about it and I'm sure it must be getting to him / upsetting him. I do ask but he just shuts me down.

No, she was so unconcerned by it that she said there was no need for a repeat test as there are so many factors that could influence the count and it would be a waste of money. Honestly, she was so reassuring about it and so dismissive of it as a potential issue that the message I firmly got was that we shouldn't worry about it at all - she repeatedly said things like 'given that both of you have had such good results'. DH is pretty happy about the outcome, I'm a little more cautious as I've done far more research online than he has but at the moment, I'm trying to trust what the doctor says. Will be interesting to see what the outcome of your appointment is and whether you get the same message.

Re the booze, DH is a social drinker really. We rarely drink at home but he will go out with his mates or colleagues and have 4 or 5 pints. It was the binge drinking element that she said wasn't so good so he should really limit it to 1 pint. He's supposed to have leaving drinks for a friends tonight so we'll see whether he actually pays any attention to it.

This is exactly our GPs take kath - like it just wasn't an issue at all. I wish I could just listen to that and believe it but I can't seem to stay away from Google. I think what I have to remember is that it's in context with so many other things - these couples having IVF might have other things going on besides the low morphology.

My DH is very much a social drinker too. We used to quite happily share a bottle of wine on a Friday and Saturday night at home - but we haven't done this for months. More than a glass or two, so that's better. He's just been asked to go to the races with the boys for an overnight jolly - it will be extremely boozy and we had a horrible row about it as he said he couldn't promise to go and not binge drink.

I hope your DH bears it in mind this evening.

Yeah, since I got into the office, I've done nothing but google morphology. I think we've been trying the same length of time as you Jam so it's really hard not to latch onto that and think that's the reason, especially when everything else is normal.

We'll see what DH does tonight. We did have an argument a couple of weeks ago when he got hammered at some work thing and then was being a twat when he got home so hopefully he'll be good...

Approach google with caution! There is SO much conflicting information out there it is untrue. I think we are on the same cycle aren't we? And never a snifter of a BFP. Well we are a small sample size, but it does seem to be taking us a while! Fingers crossed we are both not much longer at all.

It would be really interesting to work out the stats of this thread for all sorts of ttc/pregnancy related things and see if we are representative: average age; no. of cycles before bfp; number of MCs/ectopics/chemical pregnancies etc.

I'm basically a 4 year old at maths though!

Yes flash it would! I think @fxskip did some of this before she got her bfp?

So I just had a proper red bleed, as if AF starting, but only around 3 dpo I think. I feel it must be hormone related. I don't see how I am ever going to get a BFP if my uterus lining keeps ejecting itself at every available opportunity! GAH!

I did!! But it's all at work so I can't access it. We were usually around an average of 9 cycles before BFP, just over a quarter of us had had at least one chemical or mc but I don't know about ectopics.

Hi everyone! I still lurk here a lot and am rooting for you all. It's my scan on Monday, feel sick when I think about it so trying not to. Xx

Good luck for your scan on Monday FXSkip, always lovely to hear from our grads and I hope it all goes well.

Flash, that sounds rubbish. Hope you're doing okay, must be so disconcerting when that happens.

All of our Internet has gone down at work. There is literally nothing I can do without email at the moment. Half my team have gone to the pub!

Oh flash that's disconcerting, you don't think it could be ovulation related do you?

Hello fxskip! good luck with your scan, let us know how it goes

kath get yourself to the pub!

Hey kathrino. Great news about your eggs! Well done you. Sorry about the low morphology but as the doctors all seem to say, doesn't necessarily mean anything. We know someone with two kids where the DH has really low morphology but didn't stop them!! First baby came very easily. Second took longer but got there after 2 yrs I think.
Interesting the doctor said no more than one pint in a sitting. All the doctors we've seen have said about 10 units a week is ok (think that's about 3-4 pints?) which is more than Dr Google says which is annoying as it means my DH hasn't even tried cutting back and I can't convince him as "the doctors said it's ok". I've kind of given up trying to change him though seeing as we're having ICSI.