Thread 23. TTC #1 - New Year, New Opportunities. Let's keep those BFPs rolling in!

[AlexiaB]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

Happy New Year! It's 2017 and it's OUR year

We've been going a while now so the novelty has somewhat worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We've ditched the Gregorian calendar in favour of the TTC Cycle Day calendar, and we don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

We have a new Grad's Thread. We recently lost a whole load of ttc veterans to the good side and we're absolutely desperate to join in the fun! May 2017 lead us all to upduffed heaven and the Grad's thread, amen.

We don't have rules as such but expect to be talked down from the ledge with kind but firm words if you get too hysterical. But most importantly, don't convince yourself that you're pregnant in the tww. That is paramount!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

*cant not can

For everyone who is massively stressing I've been there. I actually think the first 9 months Ttc were the worst. In the almost 2 years I've been trying I've been trying I've developed a zen attitude. I just remind myself that worrying about it won't change the outcome. Each month the outcome will be the same whether I'm relaxed or a basket case so why live like that? Once I was able to accept this then it got much easier to just live my life as I did before Ttc. I have my moments but not so often. And remember...most of you will be pregnant with 6 months to a year. All easier said than done...I know.

peaches sorry its been getting to you so much. I'm the same in that TTC dominates my mind, from the last thing at night to the first thing I think when I wake up. I'm not sure how you can lessen that, when its something you want so much. Definitely get onto your GP - it at least gives you some sense of control back.

flash I know exactly what you mean! I feel guilty about not exercising enough. But then I worry that exercise during the TWW might be too vigorous, so I don't do any. I feel guilty about drinking, but then I think I don't want to put my life on hold. The one that winds me up the most are the people who say "Just relax and it will happen". That makes me feel about ten times more stressed! And guilty that its actually been my fault all along! And it might very well have no impact at all.

Argh needed that rant, sorry!

I think so many of us are in the same boat and its so hard to be told 'relax and it will happen'. I found the first few months hard, then got into an acceptance phase around cycles 6-9. Then had a melt down around 10/11 due to it being Christmas/birthday/lots of baby bombs.

Now I'm into the new year I'm trying to have a new attitude. At some point this year i WILL get pregnant and I'm a great believer in fate and feel that 'my bfp month' is already predetermined, I just don't know when it is. Therefore each month AF arrives I will just shrug it off on the basis that we just haven't got to the right month yet.

That's not to say I won't be doing what I can to pressure gp/ investigate fertility diets etc but just trying to accept that it's not the end of the world if it's not 'this month'.

I love you ladies .... just reading through the threads makes me feel less lonely and normal, as I feel exactly the same as you guys - the stressing, the only thing on my mind, the too much exercise during the 2ww.... and then on top of that, I've got my biggest stress - don't get enough sex! Oh doesn't want to try properly until May so in the meantime, I'm having to try hard to time the tackle, knowing i only get one shot.... and its a facking long shot this month.... dtd cd9, ovulated cd14.... haven't dtd since cd9 as we've both had flu, so I'm fairly confident you can take me out of the 2ww and pop me on the february bus.... least i'll get to sit at the front with you Missy xxxxxxxxxxxx

Its nice (although not nice if you see what I mean) to know that other people feel the same. I'm so afraid I'll have another ectopic, but have to remind myself that if I do, I know that the natural conception road is closed and then I can move on to the other options.

I think I'm more terrified of getting a bfp then not at the moment, as I think I'm going to be so terrified until I find out its in the right place. But I know I just have to relax. I'm doing acupuncture though, which reassures me that I'm keeping things 'balanced'. God it's bloody hard isn't it!

I was the same with all the stressing, watching what I ate in TWW, trying not to drink etc and it just made me feel more stressed. I've decided to carry on as normal in this TWW, no temping, drinking if I want to, same exercise etc and I already feel a million times better at 5dpo compared to previous months. I asked our consultant about whether I should stop drinking in TWW and she said carry on as normal as it won't make any difference. Her advice was "drink like a European, don't binge like a Brit". Taking her advice!

All of you taking a more relaxed approach I will definitely be aiming at that (and probably failing!)

sorry to hear about your ectopic Flash. I have acupuncture on a weekly basis too and highly recommend it to all TTC.

Hope the TWW flies by for you Pyjamas - I'm wishing it away for you.... can't wait to get onto the next cycle already.... so pissed off that I've had to kiss my egg good bye this month without dtd.... like January isn't depressing enough!

xxxxx

I think that's excellent advice re drinking Pyjamas (and a much healthier attitude to have towards booze TTC or not!)

Winging, I know what you mean about having a predetermined BFP month. The way I see it is that every month, it's going to be a different egg and different sperm coming together and the baby that they produce is going to be totally unique. When we get that BFP, it'll be because it's the right combo for our baby and once we hopefully have that baby, I think it will be hard to imagine us having a different one.

Flash, I can totally understand that having had an ectopic must make the whole thing seem even more stressful. I know a lot of people talk really highly of acupuncture though so hopefully it will do the trick for you!

Jam, the 'just relax' people are the absolute worst. Plus I think it's a load of crap too. For every one person who says (loudly and repeatedly) that's what happened to them or someone they know, I bet there are a hundred who were totally relaxed/weren't trying and they didn't get a BFP.

winging that is a really great way of seeing it. It's GOING to happen, it's just a case of when.

The ectopic must have been really frightening flash and it must be awful having that fear about conceiving again . I hope the odds are way against this. I'm up for a more relaxed approach... just not sure I'm ready to step away from the OPKs! Or mumsnet!

pyjamas I'm with her on that! It's all about the nice odd glass of vino

Yes I am a big acupuncture fan. It fixed my hormones (I hope!) which were still out of whack 6 months after my ectopic, even though the GP said all the spotting and weird cycles "wouldn't have anything to do with that".

I'm variously good and not good at doing things like temping etc, but mumsnet is a godsend as TTC is just not something you can be open about very easily in real life!

Isn't it funny how men have absolutely no clue just how stressful this process can be for women. I mean they 'know' but it must be nice to not POAS every month, have periods, deal with ectopics, MCs and burst cysts all of which are physically and mentally draining. And I won't even get into the pregnant stuff. My OH is lovely but he does roll his eyes and smile when I start moaning about things like early spotting, or drag him round Holland and Barrett looking for a new vitamin I want to take.

Mine is well aware sk1p after not being able to stop crying all of last week, including a brief time at sis in law whilst cuddling the baby so she now knows too!

His reaction is to be up for any sort of testing, spend the money to go private etc which is lovely really. He's even said he'll phone up Create himself to get his men analysed.

Thanks alexia for the new thread- great intro and title! Let's hope this thread is as lucky as the last one!

I'm away ATM which is good as is keeping me a little distracted from the fact that AF is going to rear her witchy head at any second, and hopefully will keep me from crying too much when she does appear! Am also gorging on wine, cheese and deli meats as my early "f**k it" reward..But does mean it's hard to keep up with such a busy thread!

Anyway, my details:
Binky 31 (DH 34)
CD 33 cycle 5 (normal cycle 32/33 days but had 2 longer cycles last 2 months weirdly)

Had excruciating cramps for about an hour 5days ago and low level for a couple of days after, but otherwise feel bloated, depressed and rubbish as per PMS usual, and a bit of brown spotting today so not holding out much hope. Won't test until at least the weekend if AF doesn't show (not blooming likely!) Once we get back from our trip I am going to get on the fertility friendly diet for me and DH- have downloaded loads of guidance to read at the airport and on the plane (to add to my kwick pineapple and milk info!)

Happy belated birthday Harriet, pug, ns 🎂

Great news re: travel kwick- hopefully this will allow you to have a bit more rest at this important time, less dashing about 👍Keep up that PMA

Music excellent news on the scan, hopefully that will let you relax a bit more now and you can enjoy thinking of your bean

Pleased for you re: your appointment sk1p. Waiting and seeing re: weight seems like a good plan- fx the flush through is all that's needed

Hope the missing egg turns up soon EJ

Kathrino I did something very similar wrt calculating due dates. I feel your pain

Hope you've got gp appointment sorted soon peaches and that you're doing ok

Sorry AF got you missy. That's a really good attitude I think, keep up that PMA. Flash and London- know exactly what you mean! This cycle I've been very blasé but now I feel awful that I've ruined a month. Need to try your way of thinking winging

Welcome to the newbies👋 and hi to all returners. Hoping a few of us get to join the grads thread soon!

Sorry have no idea why it has bolded the opposite of what I've asked it to in places!

Hey binky - was wondering about you actually. Glad you're still about, fx it's just implantation spotting, it is possible to get it late in the cycle and brown blood is old blood anyway.

Well kathrino i did it Monday 16th first appointment so hope he is fresh from his weekend break and ready for my multitude of questions .

And had a little wonder round the shops at lunchtime. Bough myself some nice candles and a healthy salad with plenty of greens.

blink hope you have yourselves a little stow a way in there . Fx and glad you have enjoyed a nice break from ttc.

flash i think that once you see the other side of pregnancy and everything that you go through during a loss it's only natural to be very concerned about it happening again. But your absolutely right if you don't try then you will never be any further forward. As the other ladies have pointed out you are more likely to have a successful pregnancy than not and that's what I would try and focus on (although it will be hard). When you get a bfp again will they be scanning you early? Hopefully they will and this will ease your fears early on.

My OH actually was saying to me the other day I need to let it all out because something is obviously eating away at me, that he can't fix it if he doesnt know what's wrong. So we had a good chat about everything and he admitted that he knew I was feeling very down so he was trying to be extra positive but has been questioning himself lately and reading up on improving his sperm incase the problem lies with him. He is totally on board with having it tested (thankfully) and told me whatever vitamins I want him to take he's on board with that too. He's been eating walnuts every morning in his cereal and has cut back on alcohol and eating healthier already so can't fault his efforts at all.

And yes ladies the whole 'oh you just need to relax it will just happen' brigade are the worst. No, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you need to ask for help, have tests and fix the problems that you have. But that's life. Somethings are straight forward and some things are not. Hopefully January is a positive month for us all xx

I meant to say hugz for winging - knew you were feeling a bit down but didn't realise you were crying all through last week.

At least your fella seems a bit more supportive than mine. Mine did the SA but Christ did he moan about the inconvenience. Never mind the two blood tests, swab and ultra sound I had to have done. Including a smear somewhere in all that. And now the HSG.

Don't know where all my bitterness has come from today, sorry!!

God I'm with you on the bitterness today skipper. I've just found out a girl I went to uni with who's been with her boyfriend for about 5 mins is pregnant and they just got engaged on a ski trip. I should be happy for her and think "oh that's good for her" but I just feel glum and cheated and hopeless. for everyone. What a crappy day.

No sk1p your are right. Guys don't really get it. Probably because it's just not something they talk about amongst themselves. I find many women don't get it either to be honest. I literally don't think
I have a friend who hasn't at some point in their lives accidentally fell pregnant, even using contraception! So most people in RL don't get it. Mine anyway. Sharing with you lovely ladies is invaluable xx

gee I'm surrounded by the most fertile people on the planet. I'm the obvious exception. Sometimes it wares thin. Xx

Thank you sk1p, I'm much more poised now-it was very unlike me especially as most of the crying occurred before AF even arrived so whilst I'm usually very positive in tww and don't get pmt my hormones were a complete mess!
I think also not being at work contributed as I had no reason to put on a brave face.

Anyway back to new year positivity! I've downloaded couch2 5k and have done one day so far, round 2 tonight if I can keep and impending cold at bay!

Good for you wing. It's freezing up here I'm building up to starting outside exercise next week. xx

I tried couch to 5k wing and it was too much for me - I had to go back to Zumba! Good luck with round 2!