TTC after miscarriage thread #7

[SayItIsntSo1]

Hello,

Starting a new one as we've maxed out the #6 thread.

Hoping MrsY, Brenna, Rose, Legend, Miami, Bertie, Insufficiently and all the others find it!

Let it be our lucky no.7 thread for BFPs

Perhaps just try and track ovulation as you would normally from the day you started bleeding. I was told your first period is often very different to your regular ones - either a lot lighter and shorter or heavier and longer. In my case mine was a few extra days.
Aww that sounds nice. It's funny how things that happen to you can completely change your views on things and your interests. I'm a nurse and I'm now really interested in women's health. Would love to work in fertility or epu since experiencing my mc. A job in the hospital I work in has come up for neonates intensive care. I'm in two minds whether to apply or not. The closing date is tomorrow so I best decide soon xx

Littlemiss APPLY!!!! You will regret it if you don't apply, even if you don't get it or offered it but then can always turn it down :) I was in the baby room previously, I was moved end of November to take over the 3 year old room and I was/am out of my comfort zone and not enjoying it anymore, it was a lot busier, not enough staff that were willing to work so it has made my life a lot harder and when I saw them advertising for baby room well I just had to apply! Wasn't really expecting to get it due to staffing issues where I am now, but so glad I did. Yeah I'm not convinced it was my period at all, TMI but I have been a little constipated so wondering if the bleed was from that instead, but wouldn't of thought it would have clots in. Who knows. Will see how everything goes xxx

Sojii
I had awful recurring cystitis for ages a few years back so really feel for you.
We were using condoms at the time (the pill makes me a hormonal sob) and it turned out that I was allergic to the lube/ whatever that they put on them. The reason I say this is if you are using any kind of lubricant it may be causing an irritation.
Also I know it seems like the wrong thing when you are ttc but you absolutely must pee afterwards. I normally wait around twenty mins or so and then have a pee.
Maybe talk to your OH and try and make him see that hurtful comments aren't very helpful.

miami that's a good idea with the diet plan. I generally eat a low sugar diet but have been having a few biscuits since the MC - it's just so comforting!

Ive also read a bit about progesterone levels so it's good to get those checked if you haven't before.

I did some sit ups today (2 weeks post erpc) and got little twinges so would advise others to leave it a bit longer. Going to try zumba tomorrow.

Feeling a bit down this evening. My letter arrived from the hospital for my dating scan. OH said he will call them to cancel it as I don't think I can bring myself to do it....

88Claire oh that sucks. I had a call from the midwife today because they somehow didn't know about my mc even though the EPU said they'd be informed. She was really apologetic but saying it out loud was horrible as we haven't really told anyone.

Mulder - I'm really glad you've mentioned the sit ups as I'm hoping to start back with my regular training on Monday but wondering now whether it's too soon 10 days post ERPC almost been three weeks now since the gym and I think it's the only thing that's going to keep me focused and positive until we start TTC again

Hi everyone. Looking to talk to people going through a similar experience.

TTC since January 2016. Conceived in April 2016. MMC confirmed on 12 week scan. Cycles regular, even after MMC. Ovulating according to OPKS & bloods, regular bd but still no pregnancy since.

I'm becoming very depressed. Seeing a counsellor & have been referred to gynaecology, which is good but terrifying. I'm 36 & so feel that time is not on my side. My life is also on hold as I'm not wanting to move job or have a holiday just in case I get pregnant & I'm trying to diet & keep alcohol to a minimum so feel my life is being wasted & is no fun anymore :(

Quick question... I got a positive (as far as I can see) this morning but my temperature has dipped quite significantly.... It was 36.55 yesterday and only 36.2 today. Is that normal? Or is my thermometer rubbish?!

Have a good day everyone... Its Friday!

Hi there

Please can I join you? I just found out on Monday that our baby has died at 16 weeks. I have to go in to the hospital on Monday to have the treatment. I desperately want to try again but I am so scared as this is my 3rd missed miscarriage. They said they will send the baby away for tests but I am not sure if I want to know if that makes sense. I just thought as my 13 week scan was perfect that this time was going to be fine. How do you ladies get the strength to try again? I am also 39 and feel as though maybe this is it for me now. How soon after the miscarriage did you all start trying again? Thanks :-)

Jujaya
I am so so sorry for your loss and sorry to hear that you are very much still in the middle of dealing with it.
Please give yourself time to grieve and take any help that is offered to you (one of the things I have learned).
Anyway to answer your question I had a mmc in April 2016 and then another in early December 2016. After the April one we started ttc straight away, but timings, health etc meant it took 6 months to conceive, which was probably a good thing emotionally.
Since the mmc in December we are currently not ttc, mainly as we needed a break from all the emotions involved in the 28 day rollercoaster but also because we have an appointment with the recurrent miscarriage clinic in February so we decided to wait till after that.
There is no right timeline, only you can know how you feel. I will be freaking out once we start ttc again. But hopefully it will be worth it in the end.
Have an honest chat with your OH, if you both need a break then take it. If you both need to try again straight away then go for it. Mind yourself and be kind to yourself.

Thanks very much for your reply I appreciate it. I am also very sorry for your losses as well. I guess the natural thing is to want to start trying again straight away but I know I need to get physically and mentally ready again. Once the treatment is over I will hopefully be able to think more clearly about going forward. It took us almost a year to conceive this one as well so I am conscious that time is a factor in our decision. Thanks again for your thoughts.

Jujaya, DaddysGirl36, Amy2017, Sojii I'm so sorry for your losses, you're in good, kind company here x

I'm ttc at the moment, in the dreaded 2ww, after a MMC at 12 weeks in November and two earlier losses before that. We wanted to try again straight away but I got an infection post surgery (not serious at all, was only a week of antibiotics), needed the MMR jab top up, had thrush, all sorts of fun, and it was Christmas. We also had an appointment with the RMC early Jan and wanted to wait for that.

So we kept on the vitamins and me on lowish booze, talked about incessantly so we could keep an eye on each other, and were super careful for a month but have started again this cycle.

What I will say is that after the initial shock and heartbreak, plus all the physical crap, I started to feel loads better within a few weeks and apart from the odd breakdown over Christmas I was feeling much more level and the RMC appointment was hugely positive and helpful, as soon as we started ttc again my anxiety levels have started to rise considerably.

I'm fine most of the time, but the thought of being pregnant again is a heady mix of hope and excitement, terror and dread. While I hope we're not in this stage for too long, and I'd be thrilled to bits if I got a bfp next week, I honestly don't know how I'm going to deal with the fear of losing another one and dealing with it all again.

DH is feeling completely calm and excited and says we'll just deal with whatever comes along and that we'll be fine, so at least we're not both freaking out! But I also don't know how he'll feel if/when I'm pregnant again as he was the one who was looking after me, seeing me in so much pain, and having to deal with his own feelings off loss.

Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to keep you posted....

If you're offered help from the recurrent miscarriage clinic, then take it. I'm sure they vary depending on where you are, but so far we feel very well supported and comforted by their suggestions of what will help next time.

You can see them without actively ttc too, so get in the system if you quality (3 losses, it's a shit club to be in) and get the test results, do the history etc, then ttc again when you're ready.

And as others have said, be gentle with yourself. I don't have any DC yet and so far nothing has been as painful and exhausting and awful as losing my baby. Especially when all the signs pointed to everything being fine and on track. Nothing.

But there is light at the end of it, I did laugh again, things are still beautiful, funny, wonderful, happy, exciting. I'm grateful for my husband, my family, my friends. And I can get pregnant - just need to work on staying pregnant!

Welcome to the new people. So sorry for your losses.

Excellent positivity Anne!

I've got to go and have my HCG checked again tomorrow so here's hoping it has dropped back to normal or near enough.

Jujaya I'm so sorry for your loss. It's heart breaking isn't it. One of my mmc was at 19 wks back in June 2015. He is still with me everyday in my thoughts. I can remember though being very up and down, we decided to wait until the PM results were back before we would try again. Got the app through for early sept, doc said he was perfectly healthy. Anyways, 3wks later we found out we were pregnant again! Terrifying/excited. We lost that one at 10/11 wks. Another mmc. Having another loss so soon after losing my boy was devastating. We plodded along then in Feb had a chemical. I'd pushed that so far to the back of my mind that I'd forgotten about it until I was going through some old charts last month. Sounds awful doesn't it! We took a break from actively trying around May/June last year, just ntnp sort of thing.
We started actively trying again last month.
I'm now in the tww and I still have the odd days where I'm terrified of getting a bfp for fear of going through all that again. Mostly now though I'm excited because I know that there's still every chance I can have a healthy child. I don't know if that's because we took a break and calmed things down, or if I'm having better days because I'd given myself the time to get my head round everything.
I guess what I'm trying to say in a round about kind of way is that everyone is different and that only you and your dp will know when the times right to start ttc again. Give yourself time to grieve, and be kind to yourself. Like Miami said there is no right timeline to these things

Thank you all for the kind welcome. I am also sorry for all of you that you have been and are in the same situation. I still feel really quite shocked. I really never expected it to happen this late. I have delayed the treatment as I needed time and also my husband is abroad until tomorrow. He would have come home but I told him not to. I think that I really didn't accept it at first but as the week had gone on I have. Once I have delivered the baby I will hopefully be able to think more clearly about the next steps for us. You ladies are so strong but right now I literally think I could not cope with this again. The losses are getting later each time as well. I think we will allow the tests to be done as there could be a reason found which could be treated. I guess giving my body time to recover may be needed as well. Good luck to all of you :-)

Sorry for the essay....

It's so cathartic writing it all out, maybe I should start a diary instead!

Hope it's all back to normal emily.

HollyMay You've been through so much and yet you're so positive. Fx for you this cycle

Anne I always write essays don't worry about it lol
Trust me I don't always have good days. In fact I came across this thread on a very bad day. Im still up and down but less so these days 😊

Jujaya have you been in contact with a bereavement midwife? Mine was very helpful with what to expect during and after the birth, (bleeding, holding baby, photos, funeral, all the forms, 6wk check etc etc) She was still in contact with me around 10 wks after I'd had him.

Hello ladies - can I join please? I've just been through a MMC and ERPC. I should have been 12 weeks today but I had an early scan at 9 weeks and there was no heartbeat :( we had another scan to confirm a week later and were told that the baby had died at 5 weeks 6 days. Had my ERPC on Monday and now just waiting to try again.
DH and I have been told not to have sex for 2 weeks but I wanted to know if it is ok to start TTC straight after this? We were advised to wait for one full cycle but I'm so impatient to start! Is there a physical reason to wait or is it just in order to be able to date the baby if I do get a BFP?
to all of you who have suffered losses.

Thanks for the welcome everyone.

Jujaya - I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I could not imagine what a later loss in pregnancy would do to me. I found out at my 12 week scan but the baby had not developed beyond 6 weeks. That was hard enough to go through. I would echo what the others have said about getting all the help and support you can, maybe ask for a little time if you're not ready for investigations yet but you may regret it if you don't have them at all and are still TTC later on with no luck. I hope you have other support around you whilst OH is not back from abroad.

Regarding trying again, I waited until I stopped bleeding and then just started trying again, didn't wait for a proper cycle. They do advise you too but this is purely for dating purposes. However, I was completely in the mindset that I would be more fertile in this time period after reading lots of info online (we all do it). This made me more stressed and anxious when it wasn't happening. I think it's a myth. This is the only thing I would recommend any of you think about, do it when you feel ready but do not get your hopes up about it happening quickly and certainly give yourself time to heal physically and emotionally if you need to. I just pushed my emotions to the side, which I don't regret but this is because I worry about my age too much and missing cycles is just too risky for me. If it wasn't for that, I'd have definitely had a break. I think it is needed sometimes as this is such a difficult journey and takes over your life!

owl i think TBH we should leave crunches for the foreseeable future 13 days post eprc and my insides did not enjoy the squishing! I did zumba today and although I had dull aches the twinges subsided. Am thinking that yoga is the best thing at the moment, see my previous post for the fertility yoga thing.

Am hoping to restart tennis soon sobwull report how that goes, I think it's just that our insides are very tender from all they have been through. Will be ttc from next month so they had better toughen up soon!!!

Mulder thanks for the advice, it's very helpful! I think I'll take it slow getting back into exercise but I'll definitely be going back soon, really need to get back to normality and the gym is what keeps me sane! I hope the tennis goes well, it would be good to know if the extra cardio has any effect!

Polly so sorry to hear about your loss, I do hope that you are on the mend and it's not an easy journey but us women are strong We were in a similar situation, found out at 8 weeks that we were measuring 5-6 weeks with weak heartbeat and went back a week later to the bad news. Had an ERPC last Friday and still healing but hoping to get back to normal soon. Doctors told us to wait three months post surgery to TTC again! We'll wait at least one full cycle to make sure we are all back on track but hopefully by March we'll be on the TTC bus again

Hi ladies, I have got a bfp after my miscarriage at 7 weeks in November. Feeling more positive this time as it took ages for bfp to come last time and my hcg levels were doubling but rising slowly. Af is still not due due until tomorrow so I am still going to be cautious but just thought I would share my news.

It's taken me 3 cycles since my miscarriage to get a bfp. Things I did different this time were we dtd x 2 on positive opk day and the day after. Not sure if that made any difference or not.

Kirsty! Tentative but heartfelt congratulations . Very happy for you.

Yay Kirsty! Fx for a sticky one this time.

kirsty that's lovely news! Congratulations, I hope everything goes well for you this time 😊