TTC after miscarriage thread #7

[SayItIsntSo1]

Hello,

Starting a new one as we've maxed out the #6 thread.

Hoping MrsY, Brenna, Rose, Legend, Miami, Bertie, Insufficiently and all the others find it!

Let it be our lucky no.7 thread for BFPs

@theotherendofthesockportal

Thankyou! Just out of interest what do you take? If you don't mind me asking?!

Hi ladies so I saw the consultant today and he scanned me and we saw a baby and heartbeat, measuring 6+4 which is bang on my dates so feeling some sense of relief but still have it in the back of my mind it's still early days and I know things can still go wrong.

He gave me his list of pre-conception pills to take which include a pregnancy vitamin, omega 3, high dose vitamin D and low dose aspirin and recommended I start on them all now, he said he prescribes that combination to all his patients so thought I'd share with you all. I am actually rattling after taking all those pills this evening!

Claire I didn't stop taking my vitamins after my mc I just continued so I'd start again as soon as you can.

I will probably step away from the thread a bit now but will pop by to see how everyone is getting on every now and then. Thanks to you all for the support over the past few months and I really hope you all get your sticky BFPs soon

@88claire I was taking the healthy start vitamins for women which the doctors were giving me for free. I was also taking a high dose of folic acid -5mg (this is due to a vitamin b12 deficiency) and once a week I was taking vitamin d.

Although I was told I could start taking them all again, I'm taking a break until after I have a blood test on Monday as I want my blood tests to have the most accurate reading possible.

What vitamins is everyone else taking?

Hi girls just dropping in.

Congrats on all the BFP & sorry to hear about all ur losses girls.

I had mmc in October when for d&c took 9 weeks to get AF. Started tracking issuing Ovia app.

So had AF on 5th Jan. Start of fertile week tomorrow apprently so will start to use ovulation kits? Is that how u do it? I wish I knew when I ovualted. I tracked my last pregnancy back and could work out the day I conceived & that date is in my fertile week this month so hoping for the best.

lookingforhope As im an expert on the anxiety and waking early thing thought I'd share my cure - the only thing i've found that works (and believe me i've tried so many) is bach's rescue remedy spray.

I got it when pg with ds and just could not sleep at all i sent dp tp the chemist to get me something to help and of all the things he brought back this was the 1 that worked. When I wake up now i just spray it in my mouth and guaranteed I always fall back asleep. hope that helps

Hello, I'm new here. So very sorry to hear of everyone's losses, I haven't read every post yet but am working through them!

I had a MC at the start of December, was 7 weeks along with DC3. It's been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least, although fortunately I've been ok physically. The decision to try for #3 wasn't entirely easy. I've wanted one since I was pregnant with #2 (DS is 5 and DD is 2.5) but DH took persuading, and tbh I had given up hope he'd agree so convinced myself of all the benefits of stopping at 2. Then all of a sudden he announced he was really up for having #3 so I stopped taking the pill and had the mindset of 'let's see what happens'. What happened was instant pregnancy so I decided 'fate' must have agreed to the plan! But still I felt guilty and overwhelmed at the idea of having another baby - guilty mainly that it would be bad for my existing children, but I kept reminding myself it would be ok as I felt exactly the same last time. Personally with both previous pregnancies I haven't really got my head around it and felt excited until after the 12 wk scan so this was normal.

Then, the MC. I went into total self-preservation mode e.g. 'It wasn't meant to be/I'm so lucky to have my 2 DCs already/I'm 37 and should look forward to what life has in store next rather than going back to baby days again' etc etc etc. My mother, initially supportive, decided over Christmas it would 'help' to tell me I should stop at 2 kids. She made some reasonable points but nothing I haven't already considered - clearly she didn't get the inexplicable longing feeling I just have for a third. Tbh though I was just grateful she wanted to talk at all about the MC as most people who know avoid it, which hurts.

Anyway I've been confused since but on Monday I heard from my brother that he and his wife are expecting their first baby the same week in July I was due. Now I'm devastated and starting to accept just how much I still want this third baby. Neither he nor my parents have mentioned my MC and acknowledged that this news might be hard for me to hear.

Sorry for the long post but it does help to write it all down. My heart breaks for anyone else who has to go through any of this, lots of hugs to you all xx

I had my miscarriage over the weekend, and since then I've needed 12 hours sleeps each night. Is this normal?

Ooh, good tip on the rescue remedy Buddahbelly, haven't taken that in years but it was a winner before exams! Have you had any news on your appointment? Can't believe how they messed you around, not what you need.

I'm so sorry for your loss 24carrot, sounds like you've been on a tough rollercoaster. Having acknowledgement of what you've been through makes such a difference to being able to process it. You lost your baby and that's heartbreaking. It's totally understandable to need some time to come to terms with it and work out how you feel about it, there aren't any rules.

I suspect we've all been there with other people's pregnancy news and it's not easy! Give yourself time. As this is your brother's first baby he can't possibly understand what you've been through or how hard it is. Them not mentioning your loss could be awkwardness and not knowing what to say or being so wrapped up in their own happy bubble they're not thinking about anyone else. As difficult as it is, you wouldn't really want him to really understand how much this hurts as none of us would wish it on anyone.

Oh how I envy the people who get through the whole baby making thing in blissful ignorance!

Have you and DH discussed trying again? It's up to the two of you, your mother might have her views but it's not her family is it.

Sorry for your loss theotherendofthesockportal

It's normal to feel pretty wiped out, especially if you've lost a lot of blood or been in a lot of pain. Physically, mentally and emotionally it's exhausting. Do you have someone looking after you? Would you like to talk about it?

Your situation sounds similar to mine 24carrot. I have two dc ages 5 and 2.5 and I've wanted a third since I gave birth to my second. I had to persuade my dh as he was happy with two. I had a miscarriage in early November and then found out my SIL is expecting her third this year. I fell pregnant really easily with my other two so finding it hard that it's taking longer this time

@AnneLovesGilbert

Thank you, I do have someone looking after me today, one of my good friends is off work today so we are spending the day together.

I just feel like the hospital never prepare me for what was going to happen. Thank God for this forum!

It's brilliant. So many people have told me how important it is to talk about your feelings after a miscarriage but apart from my DH I wouldn't really know who to approach! Someone mentioned councelling through the EPU but I don't think they have anything like that here.

The thread on the practicalities in the MC forum on here was a godsend to me, and I was actually really lucky in the advice and info I was given at my EPU.

Do you know what your iron levels are like @theotherendofthesockportal ?

It's easy for them to drop so get yourself a decent iron supplement if you're not already on one. Also, being in pain is absolutely bloody exhausting so if you're still crampy make sure you take everything you can get your hands on. No one gets prizes for suffering.

I found a hot water bottle, big socks, a massive bottle of floradix and a supply of dry biscuits helped a lot. Take it easy okay x

theotherendofthesockportal I'm so sorry you're going through this, yes I felt wiped out after my MC but also the pregnancy hormones are still raging for a while so it could be that anyway. I really hope you're getting the rest you need - put everything else on hold if you can for as long as you need to x

AnneLovesGilbert thank you, yes I gritted my teeth as he was telling me the news - my brother is lovely and not someone you can be mad at for long, but even so. She actually had an ectopic and emergency surgery about 15 months ago so that softens my feelings a bit, but also think, well he might have had an idea! Especially because he was telling me they had an early scan and what a relief it was etc etc - majorly tactless! DH said he's just a man and wouldn't think... As for DH, he says it's 'up to me' what we do. Not much help! I think he actually does want to carry on ttc, for him the MC was a setback but not a game-changer, I think he just doesn't want to put pressure on me. Having a day out alone with him next weekend so planning a long and honest chat and then hopefully agree to start ttc again.

Kirsty8333 Hello, I'm sorry to hear you are in the same boat, although at the same time it's helpful knowing there are others in the same situation. I hope your SIL and others are being understanding. Have you at any point had second thoughts about ttc #3? For me, this has been the hardest thing to deal with since the MC - there were times right after when I almost felt relief it had happened. It's hard to explain but I'd look at my kids and feel so grateful for them, then berate myself for being 'greedy' wanting a 3rd and think it was maybe for the best for my existing kids that I'd had the MC, then feel guilty for the poor baby I lost - it was all so weird and horrible, like mental torture. Those feelings have subsided a lot now though thank God. Where are you at with it?

24carrot and Kirsty8333 - I'm in the same position in that my MC was supposed to be my third, I get what you mean about thinking maybe it was for the best and it wasn't the right time. I look at my boys and think I'm grateful for them so much, do I want to rock the boat. But, I want a third and the MC for me and DH just solidified that. I knew that my MC was girl, and lots of people felt really sorry for me after it happen (everyone knew as I announced at 12 weeks and MC at 16) but I don't want people to feel sorry for me, a baby, boy or girl is what I long for.

I think your brother was insensitive but like others have said, sometimes it might be self preservation for them as well not to think about it, especially if his wife had an ectopic.

Hi 24carrot yes its reassuring to know you are not alone in the feelings you have. I sometimes feel I have become so obsessed with having a third that I'm not putting my other children first and then I feel guilty and wonder if I am being selfish wanting a third but I just can't get the thought of it out of my head that a 3rd will complete our family and would prob regret not having one. I think having a miscarriage has made things much worse as I am now even more desparate to conceive again.

@AnneLovesGilbert

I have a blood test on Monday, so hopefully any iron deficiencies will be picked up then.

I have another week off work, well actually starting a new job, I delayed my start job by a week. I've booked an appointment for a new hair do, this should hopefully make me feel better and encourage me towards my fresh start.

I gave all my maternity clothes to a friend who is 7 months pregnant. She looks fab in them and is getting some wear out of them before I will hopefully need them back.

That's one thing that did make me feel sad out my mmc, for the past 3 weeks, when the baby had already passed away, my body clearly thought I was still pregnant and I was getting noticeably fatter. Which is why I bought loads of clothes, so glad I got them in the sales and my friend is getting the use out of them.

theotherendofthesockportal I think that's absolutely lovely of you to think of your friend and let her borrow your new maternity clothes. It was a total shock to me the way your body still feels pregnant after a MC, it's so cruel. I read somewhere that any time you go from being pregnant to not pregnant, whether by MC, live birth or stillbirth, you still have that postpartum hormone crash over the following weeks and days. I woke up every morning for a few weeks thinking I was still pregnant and then remembering each time with a shock that I wasn't.

Good luck with starting your new job, I hope you really like it. Do you know anyone there already who can support you? I've always found starting a new job pretty tiring.

Hi Buddahbelly and AnneLovesGilbert, thank you so much for the sleep tip. Despite taking a herbal tablet that's supposed to help, I woke up again at around 3am. I'm completely shattered and barely able to function at work. I had some wine tonight, maybe that works better... If not, I'll follow your advice tomorrow.

Hope everyone is okay! I've actually just finished reading the whole thread, but I'm so tired that I don't remember much . Not to mention that I'm really crap at remembering names!

MrsY87, thank you so much for letting us know how your appointment went, very helpful. I'm also convinced my progesterone is low, so it gives me a bit of hope that your pregnancy is progressing nicely after the progesterone pressaries. Take care of yourself and do keep us updated. Giving you a big hug.

theotherendofthesockportal, that's so lovely of you. The day I started bleeding (3 days before I passed the sac) was the same day I got my Asos order with maternity jeans... I had to return them as I don't have any close friends who are pregnant . I didn't even look at them.

theotherendofthesockportal, 24carrot and Kirsty8333 - I really hope you each get your third DC to complete your lovely families. I don't have any DCs and I've always said I only want one, but my recent MC made me realise how precious a baby is. Now I think I want 2 . I haven't even started to TTC again, so that's going to be a long journey...

A little update on me: I feel like I'm going crazy. It's been 12 days since I've passed the sac (I was 10+6) and I'm switching from "I can't stand seeing / being around pregnant women" to "Oh, look at that tiny cute bump, I really want to be pregnant again". It's definitely a rollercoaster.

@looking4hope

I know exactly how you feel. I'm going through the whole 'everyone is pregnant or has a child' phase. Which sucks!

88claire, it does indeed suck, but today I feel hopeful that better days will come. Maybe it's just the wine I had after dinner

Forgot to ask you: why are you taking agnus castus? I'm asking because I read about its benefits, but that it might not be good for everyone (ending up making things worse). For example it may raise hormone levels where they are already too high (e.g. LH in PCOS). If only I could find that bloody article...

I'm taking Agnus Castus to try and regulate my cycles... Mine can be anywhere from 27 to 54 days long! So with the miscarriage I didn't really know how far gone I was which was really annoying. Plus I don't know when I'm late for AF.

I'm going to research into a whether it can cause miscarriage though as I did get pregnant first time around despite the dodgy cycle length.

I've also found it helps with PMS symptoms so I don't turn into the monster from the black lagoon! If you find that article id be very interested in reading it!

Thanks for clarifying - sorry if I'm prying, just curious as I've been reading about it. I've always had irregular and long cycles, so I can definitely symphatise! Funnily enough, I got pregnant during the first TTC cycle despite not being able to rely on my CM to spot the fertile window. I think I took Agnus Castus a few years ago, but stopped because I wasn't seeing any improvement. Opinions seem to be mixed but encouragingly, a lot women vouch for it.

I asked my GP to refer me to an endocrinologist as I want proper blood tests (full hormone profile) and an expert opinion to understand why my cycles are all over the place. He agreed and hopefully I'll see the guy I mentioned to him. Maybe you can do the same?

If I find that article, I'll definitely send it to you. But as with anything surfaced by Google, it needs to be taken with a pinch of salt...

Off to pray to the Sleep Goddess. I haven't had a proper sleep in 17 days (not that I'm counting...).

Interesting so many people are in Agnus castus, I'd never heard of it!

I take a general pregnancy vitamin, probiotics (not for fertility just general health) and have started taking vitamin D this week. DH is a general man multivitamin.

I'm 99% sure I ovulated today, ewcm and ovia in agreement, though I've never used opk. I get pretty reliable ovulation cramps but have myself a nasty case of food poisoning today so hard to tell what was what! Dtd anyway, no one can say we're not committed to the cause! Poor DH is now fast asleep on the sofa next to me looking very peaky bless him.

I've got more energy today despite the tummy troubles and totally wrapped up in optimism for this cycle despite trying not to let myself get carried away...

We need some more bfps on here, nothing makes me happier than you lot getting knocked up!

I don't have any DC of my own but DH has twins so I life a funny pseudo parent life these days. They're adorable, I love them to bits and they often say how much they want a baby brother or sister so I desperately hope I can oblige.

Sleep well looking4hope, sending you restful thoughts! x

AnneLovesGilbert, you made me laugh. I love your commitment . I've already warned my DP that once my first post-MC AF is out of the way, I might want to start to TTC again so I'll be very 'demanding'. His reply: bring it on!

Hope the cramps subside soon and your body directs all its energy into growing that little human. Keeping everything crossed for you!