Trying to conceive for 10 months or more. Thread 5. All ten plussers welcome.

[lucieloos]

Thread for anyone TTC for over ten months. Please feel free to join us!

Trixie, I'm really sorry. It's so hard and unfair. I was just sat here in work listening to people talk about their kids and I just thought wow at how easy it seems to have been for all these different people yet for us after years still nothing. It must be such an amazing night gift to decide you want children and then have them naturally. I can't actually get my head around how amazing that would be. I'm glad you've managed to get a cancellation appointment so at least that's only a couple of weeks away and then hopefully you can get going with the fet as well shortly afterwards so definitely something to aim for. I'm so tired of all the waiting now. I'm hoping from July to Dec I will do something every month and then rethink next year if still nothing has worked. So Jul - Mini IVF. Aug - NHS. Sept,Oct,Nov&Dec - fet. That's potentially 5 more transfers. I can't see us doing much more after that if they don't work. We would probably have to consider donor. There comes a time when enough is enough and I think 18 months of constant fertility treatment would be it for us. I just want a baby and I'm tired of it.

I know Lucie, this time last year I was starting my first cycle and was convinced it would work first time! I've started having those same thoughts about when is enough enough as it is so much to go through. AF is absolutely awful this month and I keep having to go into the loos, I can handle all the physical stuff though, it is the emotional stuff. It is so unfair that we have to go through this, literally everyone I know seems to fall pregnant straight away. One of my friends is 20 weeks pregnant and I know the baby shower talk will be starting soon. You reminded me before about the antibiotics and I am going to ask the Dr. about a short course before our next cycle. I think our plan is going to be our NHS FET in July hopefully and then every other month until we run out of blasts. I guess we may think about more tests if we have another failed transfer....it's so so draining. Thank goodness the weekend is nearly here. I've barely seen DH as he's been really busy with work so hopefully we can spend some quality time together.

I know we felt the same about our first cycle especially having two put back and we had such an amazing time visiting Prague etc it just would have been the icing on the cake but it wasn't to be. I can deal with the physical effects too they are not too much of a problem. Even physically with the ectopic I had a few very painful days but I can deal with things like that it's just the constant hanging about and the emotional drain that gets to me. The fact everyone else seems to be moving on with their lives and their families and we feel like we are stuck in a never ending rut! The guy I sit next to in work has just finished for 2 weeks as his wife is going into hospital tomorrow to be induced with their 3rd baby. I can't imagine how amazing it must be for them knowing tomorrow they will have another child and take it home with them next week. It just sucks. I hope you have a good weekend and get to spend some quality time with DH and I hope the feelings that follow a failed cycle pass for you soon and you can look ahead to your next attempt. It has to work for us at some point surely!

I totally get it. I never in a million years thought that a year after starting fertility treatment, and over 2.5 years ttc I would still not be at least pregnant by now. It's all consuming sometimes. Hope you both have some lovely things planned for the weekend? Xx

It is very time consuming Sammy. In some ways I could continue longer but I really do feel like time is running out for us now age wise. It's our 2nd wedding anniversary on Monday so we have taken the day off so looking forward to a nice long weekend. We are planning to go somewhere nice for the day so I'm looking forward to that.

Happy anniversary! Glad you're planning something fun.

I often think 'should we start looking in to surrogates or adoption' as i don't want to leave it ages and then find I'm waiting forever for these options too.
I am open to adoption as I would rather that than never have a child in my life at all, but I can't give up the hope of having a newborn. Surrogacy would be fine (although a little sad not to carry my own child), but the fear of the surrogate claiming the baby as her own is terrifying. I just don't think I'm there yet.
I just wish I had a crystal ball that could tell me if the IVF will ever work!! Lol. Xx

I know it's hard to get your head in the right place for these things although I think after 5 more transfers I will probably be almost there. I'm not sure I could do adoption as like you say I would want to experience a newborn. I think we would definitely look at donor egg or even double donor before adoption.

I guess my thoughts are that our embryos make it to blast, were (relatively) young and healthy, so I'd rather try our own blasts in s host mother before giving up on our own genetic children.
I think the fear that my body can't do pregnancy might prevent us using a donor.... Gah, I don't know.
I've not given up yet though, we haven't done any immunes/hidden infections/genetic testing yet so we have more avenues to explore. Xx

Ah yes I see what you mean Sammy! Hopefully it won't come to that for either of us. I think we both have different issues. I am worried about not making normal embryos because of my age and lack of eggs although I guess I am fortunate that I have had the genetic testing and know I have at least one normal one which will be a good test round for us really whereas I guess at your age you are less worried about making normal embies but more about implanting and carrying them. It's not easy whatever the age or issue is it. I can see why you maybe wouldn't consider donor now though.

I can't believe we're even having this conversation to be honest! Sometimes it still feels like this is all happening to someone else and I'm watching. Xx

I know it may be a little premature to be thinking of it but for me I know that if nothing has happened by next year I will probably want to start looking into other options as I just want our baby and I'm tired of doing all this and we can't go on putting our lives on hold for much longer.

I get that lucie. I'm only one cycle down and I think we probably won't cycle again until sept but I think I've already decided that if that does work then we should move to adoption. It's hard though as I know that most agencies want you to be over a year from last attempt before you can even start the process and the process can easily take a couple of years.

Oh dear, this is really sad talk on the thread tonight it's so hard isn't it. Sorry you're feeling so down - I think it's good to consider an end point, but for what it's worth, I agree that we're all really far off that point and there's still a good chance for this working out before the end of the year.

Trixie, so sorry you've been feeling so down. I can only imagine how hard it must be with ivf. Hope you and your partner have some nice together time this weekend and just relax and look after each other . I hate the ups and downs of this. I think because I'm just starting treatment I'm feeling quite positive at the moment, but I know that will all go to shit without warning at some point and I'll wonder how I will face the world.

Lucie, so glad your beta us finally negative! Have a lovely anniversary and great holiday. You absolutely deserve a nice break. And the mini fet (?) in July will come around quickly I'm sure.

Banana, THANK YOU SO MUCH for the great TI advice. I have my day 10 scan on Monday and will ask the Dr then. At the appointment, she just said have sex within 48 hrs of the trigger, but will check if she'll offer more specific advice given the SA. If not, we're pretty much set on day before trigger, then 12 hrs and 36 hrs after. There's conflicting advice on whether every day is actually better for low count as it encourages production. Anyway.

Also, great news on all your blasts! I am certain you'll get plenty of certified normal embryos from that crop. Great work! And DOR? What DOR??!

Benna, so so sorry you've been feeling low. It's so awful at times but please rant and moan on here whenever you need. Your husband sounds so so lovely though, what a gem!

Great the injections are fine itsme - when do you hget going for real? Exciting!

Hi to everyone else, hope there are plenty of great weekend plans afoot. xx

I got really emotional reading this thread, it's so difficult to draw a line under something which seems like it should be so natural/easy.

I start buserelin on the tenth of June, eek!

Hi everyone. I haven't been on here in a while - don't even know if you'll remember me! I didn't fall of the face of the earth or get pregnant (hollow laugh). We went on holiday which was nice except crashing down to earth now. Have been trying not to think about it all - but starting IVF on next AF ie in about 2 weeks - so just after you Itsme. Good luck!

So sorry everyone's finding it all a slog at the moment. Lucie I totally agree, it seems so crazy that some people get to decide to have kids and then boom. Like, how can it be that simple?

I know this sounds trivial compared to what you guys are going through but I am dreading tonight. Having dinner with 2 other couples, one with baby and toddler and the other she's about 12 weeks. Honeymoon baby. Literally. Of course there will be pregnancy and baby talk - I don't want them to have to censor themselves, I just wish I could join in or at least listen without feeling utterly shit.
I actually was thinking of cancelling but I have said no to them so many times it's getting rude. Sigh. At least I can have a drink.
Hope everyone else is OK.

Hi Rebecca - of course I remember you :). Glad you had a good holiday!
I think we could be cycling together. I'm on the pill until the 16th, and baseline scan booked for 21st. It'll be nice to have a cycle buddy.

Good luck with your dinner. I have no advice as I have now become a bailer! I recently dodged a uni friends meet up as one girl is pg and another asked sooo many questions in the whatsapp group... Just couldn't bear the thought of hearing it all in person let alone 'we thought you'd have one by now, you've always loved children' comments.
Sorry, that's not helpful is it? But know you're not alone in feeling like this.

Itsme - that's so soon! Good luck!

Star - I would say EOD too, but really it's no more than a slightly educated guess. Definitely check with your doctor. Xx

Hi everyone, ive been lurking on MN for about 6 months and have now decided to throw my oar in! Im 32, trying to conceive #1, and have been actively trying for 11 months. Next month i will be making a dreaded appt for the doctor to find out whats up.

Hi Sheila - sorry you find yourself here, but you're in good company.
Have you had any tests yet? If not your GP will most likely run some basics now to save you time.
Actually my best advice is - when you do see the GPlie about the length of time you've been trying. Ultimately if you need IVF then most counties make you wait until you've been ttc for 2 years before you're eligible. Xx

Oh i didnt know that, thanks for the tip sammylou xx I have my suspicions, i had a preg that ended in mc several years ago and the ultrasound said they picked up a fibroid but they didn't tell me where, how big or if there was more than one. My DH is very plucky and doesnt think we should go to the doctor so soon, but you know when something feels a bit off xx

Hi all,

I'm new to this thread but have had five years plus of ttc naturally, IVF and FET so hope I can join, I'm ttc naturally atm.

Good luck to everyone, reading through the thread I can really relate to a lot of the experiences on here! I am very fortunate in that one of my IVF attempts worked and one of my five FET attempts worked so I have 2 dc, so if I don't ever manage to conceive then I know I've been lucky already. My IVF and FET were all done in London.

Fingers crossed for some BFPs soon

Hi Sheila, welcome to the thread. I can understand your partner being worried, but I would strongly recommend going to the GP now. 11 months is more than enough to get the ball rolling. I started trying when I was 34 so I'm older than you but went to the GP after 8 months. They did some tests and a sperm analysis for my partner and then referred us at 10 months. It can take a while, but you never know there might be something simple causing it to take a bit longer and it would be better to know that sooner rather than later. Good luck and hope you get a bfp very soon!

Hi Rebecca, how was the dinner? Hope it was ok. Like sammy, I'm a bailer too - I couldn't do a dinner like that at the moment. I find it impossible to show any interest in pregnancies without bursting into tears, so I just stay at home these days! That said we had some friends round last weekend including two pregnant friends one of whom brought her toddler. However, there were so many other people I could just duck out of any conversations that turned to pregnancy yoga and other nonsense and hang out with the drinkers.

Welcome to the thread giraffe. Congratulations on your 2 DC. What's causing your subfertility if you don't mind me asking?

Not long to go now itsme!

Sorry to see all the sadness on this thread recently it's a shit journey and really fucks us around doesn't it. and lots of all round. It's nice that we all get to talk about it so frankly on here and know others totally understand. All my RL friends / family who know are sympathetic but have no idea.

Hi Rebecca how are you doing? How was the dinner? Hope it wasn't too horrendous.

Welcome Sheila and giraffe. I went to the doctors before one year (I was 29 at the time) and was quite surprisingly sent for tests etc quickly although it wasn't until a few months ago that I went to the clinic so it does take a little while so I agree with star and sammy to go now.

AFM had lots of ewcm today and typically DH is away!!! Last time we dtd was Wednesday... He's back late tonight but his dad is also staying over.. Hinted I wanted to when he got back but not sure if he will want to!!

Hi all, please could I join you? I am 33, ttc no.1 for 3 years in August when we will be eligible for IVF where we live. Have our appointment with the fertility consultant tomorrow to discuss starting IVF (I think - we booked the appointment 8 months ago when we last saw him) - we have had most of the tests and so far are in the unexplained category. I would really appreciate any suggestions for useful questions to ask tomorrow from any of you who have been through IVF. He is usually very rushed and doesn't give us much information so we are out again before I register what he has said and think of things I wanted to ask! Many thanks in advance! Xx

Can't reply properly right now as I'm out still, but just a quick hello and welcome to all the newbies! And waves to everyone else! Xx

Echoing sammy - on my phone but just wanted to say welcome to the newbies - I wish none of us had cause to be on this thread, but it's a fantastic group of amazing women, supporting each other throughout what has got to be the roughest, toughest, least fun rollercoaster imaginable