TTC for 10 months or more, and now we're moving onto thread 4! Ten plussers welcome!

[MPP81]

Thread for anyone TTC for over ten months. Please feel free to join us!

Took the liberty of starting a new thread (with what is obviously a brilliant piece of rhyme!) as I assume everyone else is sleeping peacefully right now :)

Sorry Brenna, I got you muddled with someone else.... We need a new stats page! Xx

Stealth how are you getting on?

Lucie - thinking of you still

Hi boris! Thanks for asking - am ok, I guess. Zero symptoms - I have a sore throat and am a bit tired, but that's it. And am really struggling to believe that this is actually going to work. Just bracing myself for the inevitable disappointment when the snow white bfn comes up. Am a bit down, I suppose. Perhaps it's all the oestrogen?! Anyway, will stop being such a downer.

lucie hope you had an OK weekend

brenna am giggling at your navigating interpersonal (dogal?) relationships between your mother and your dog. Glad the visit is going well.

Ah rebecca I see. It does all seem to move so incredibly slowly, frustration all around! There's an appointment to focus on at least, I find that helps when you know something is at least scheduled. The doctors here did drive me a little insane, this whole ttc thing has that effect on me sometimes. Don't understand why it has to be so difficult!

Thanks sammy and brenna, ill go back and catch up a bit I think!

stealth I've not caught up but sounds like it's all sounding promising for you, fingers crossed and good luck

Hey stealth, congratulations on being pupo!!! Sorry I missed the announcement, Ive been away on a hen do in Sweden. Hope you're not driving yourself too mad on the two week wait. I have everything crossed for a positive test in a week or so. Yeay!

Hi everyone else, will catch up with where you're all at later. Hope you're all well :)

Thanks star. Hope the hen do was fun and you drank lots of vodka and ate lots of herring! Am driving myself absolutely and completely stark raving mad, am very unimpressed with myself!

Aw stealth you poor thing, you must be going nuts. The stakes are so high. Stressful. Hang in there though. The one good thing is at least this crazy wait can't last forever. When do you test officially?

Thanks rebecca. Am making a meal out of it! OTD is Wednesday week (27th) but I'll test over the weekend - not waiting that long!

Good luck stealth! The time will fly by and it'll be test day before you know it!

AF is due any day now, I know it's beyond unlikely to happen naturally so why do I still symptom spot like a madwoman?

Good luck stealth

itsme i don't know why we do it to ourselves. I dont even have periods and i still wonder sometimes!! Madness. It does happen though, my friend's sister got told there was no chance she would fall preg without ivf but her 17 month old would prove otherwise!!!

My phone stopped sending me emails about new posts :( Just had a catch up.

Banana I'm sorry to hear the hcg is dropping so slowly. That must be so frustrating for you. Fx for a bigger drop on your retest today. Im also loving your kitchen sink approach! Glad you have a good plan in place going forward. I'd also like to echo what one of the others said (I can't remember who, I'm sorry). You didn't kill the baby. It's crap and horrible, but it wasn't your fault. Please don't think it is.

Sammy I'm glad the night out was OK and you managed to avoid the baby-bomber. Hope you're doing OK.

Lucie How bloody frustrating for you that your hcg went up! Have you had a retest now? I hope you are as ok as you can be. Echoing everyone else - please don't leave. You don't bring anyone down and we are all here for you to help as much as we possibly can. You are so helpful and friendly to everyone else, please let us at least be here to listen for you, even though there's nothing else we can do.

Rebecca sorry for the baby bomb. It's hard, isn't it? I had one this week too where my friend (who knows that we are heading for ivf) text me to tell me she was having a baby and it was an 'accident'. To be fair, she was very sensitive and lovely,and I was grateful that she didn't do it in person in a group so I had time to process, but it was still difficult, and I felt horrible that I felt horrible about it if that makes sense! I felt slightly less bad when, the next morning I posted on our group chat that i had to pay to have my wedding dress altered because I've lost weight and it's a bit big, and she answered with 'well youre lucky, at least you only have to worry about getting it made smaller. I've got to look for something to wear that will expand now' and went on to post many pictures of maternity dresses that might be suitable for her to wear to my wedding. I just rolled my eyes and tried not to be upset, because I'm probably just being over sensitive, and I did say I didn't want her to worry about talking to me about it. she didn't mean anything by it, she just doesn't understand. But the point of me diverting to that story was that, it's difficult isn't it? You are happy for people but sad for yourself at the same time, and personally I'd agree that I don't like the person this is turning me into sometimes.

I'm going to post this then continue, as my phone has a habit of vanishing my posts if they're too long!

Stealth sorry to hear you've been bombed three times this week! Jesus, is there something in the air at the moment?? Hope you're OK and I have EVERYTHING crossed for you! :)

Trixie how are you doing? Everything ok?

mysteriousbat Welcome! Great to meet you, though sorry you find yourself here. I can't believe AF has been away so long! That's annoying! I hope you manage to get it sorted one way or another soon!

Brenna I'm glad the visit is going ok, and that your mum and dog are getting along well!

Boris how are things going with you? :)

Itsme I still do the symptom spotting and getting my hopes up too, even though I know it's unlikely. I suppose I think that there's always that small chance that it might happen. This month, AF arrived right on schedule though, so at least there was no wondering because I was late!

Star Hope you had a good time on the hen do! I have mine weekend after next, and I'm very much looking forward to a good drink!

Sorry if I've missed anyone!

No news here but I'm neck-deep in wedding planning, so that's keeping me nicely distracted! :)

Hi everyone I'm still here and thank you for your lovely words.

I had my 3rd beta yesterday and it went up slightly again so it started at 119 then 130 and now 141. The nurse at the hospital was meant to ring me this morning after speaking to the consultant to let me know what to do next. She seemed to think if it had gone up they would want me to go in today and speak to the consultant as they are still concerned it may be ectopic. I really don't think it is. The reason they didn't see anything on the scan is because my beta was too low. In order to see a sac or anything it needs to be around 2000 and mine was only 119 so they were never going to see anything, it doesn't mean it's ectopic. It's a bit annoying that the hcg keeps increasing slightly but it's hardly gone up in leaps and bounds and my thoughts are that I'm probably miscarrying but there is still a little bit of the placenta attached at the moment which is giving out a small amount of hcg but given a bit of time this may resolve itself naturally. I think they are keen for me to go in and have a shot of something called methotrexate which basically is a very strong drug which dissolves everything and it's reabsorbed or bleeds out. Hcg levels normally drop pretty quickly then. The only downside to it is that it depletes all folic acid in your body so you can't try to conceive again for at least 3 months. At first this devastated me and I told them I really didn't want it as I couldn't afford to lose that time at my age but banana has kindly pointed out that whilst I couldn't have a transfer for 3 months it probably wouldn't stop me embryo banking which dr sher has confirmed so it's not as bad as I initially thought and if this were the case I would go out to Czech and do the mini IVF which I had been planning on doing at some point anyway in the hope of getting one more frostie. We would have 5 altogether then if it went to plan which I would feel quite good about. We then have a holiday book for 10 days mid June so by the time we had come back from that our 3 months would almost be up and I could start the fresh nhs round with transfer on my af in July and the pressure would be off slightly with 5 frosties in the bank. If it didn't work we would then be able to start frozen transfers the following month and we could comfortably do 1-2 of those before i started panicking about numbers again! So that's about it from me so far. If the hospital do ring today I'm really going to try and persuade them to let me wait another week before having another blood test and then I will go along with what they want. I'm not in any pain or anything although the bleeding has picked up a bit and is quite a bit of proper red all the time on wiping now. Also yesterday for the first time I had af style cramps which made me wonder even more if something is starting to happen naturally. Anyway sorry for the mammoth me,me,me post. Just feels good to write it out.

Sammy, how are you? Do you know when you will be starting?

Trixie, when are you due to start?

Stealth, try not to panic. I know it's hard but remind yourself you've had a genetically normal blast transferred so success rates are high, around 60-70% so the odds are in your favour and just say to yourself if it doesn't work you have plenty more frosties and statistically it will be highly likely you are going to get that baby. It's just a numbers game. If not this time then one of the next couple of transfers.

Itsme, I always used to symptom spot when trying naturally as well even though I knew I had very little chance. It's just normal and hard not to hope it will work out.

Star, hope you had a fab time on the hen do!

Hi to everyone else. Is there anyone looking to get started shortly apart from Sammy and Trixie? I've lost track a little now.

Hi Mysterious, welcome to the thread. Must be so frustrating not having AF in all that time. Do you have any idea how long the tests will take?

Glad you had a good time on Saturday Sammy. I don't think I would have got through the last few years without plenty of when AF arrived/IVF failed.

Brenna, good to hear that the visit is going well.

Hi Star!

My phone forgets to notify me about new posts too sometimes MPP. Sorry to hear about the baby bomb, its so tough. I wish there was a magic answer to dealing with them but I guess we just have to do our best and not beat ourselves up for the way we feel. Not long until your wedding now, very exciting!

Good luck for testing this weekend Stealth!

Glad you're still here Lucie have been thinking about you. How frustrating about your hcg levels, I imagine that if it were ectopic you would be suffering other symptoms. I would also be inclined to ask them to wait a week to see what happens. I take it with the methotrexate they can't then pump you full of high dose folic acid - I am on the 5mg ones for my MTHFR. Sounds like you have a good plan anyway.

I have a scan on Monday afternoon and provided they are happy with how everything is looking I get a date to stop the bcp and then have a bleed and start injecting. I am waiting to hear from the Dr. re my intralipids and I also asked him about extra Gestone and Clexane so will see what he says.

Trixie I've run out of my 5mg tablets now but I noticed they sell them on Amazon funnily enough so I will buy some of those and get it all back into me before the next fresh transfer. The hospital have rung now and they are happy for me to wait a bit longer to see if anything does happen naturally but I have to go there and have my bloods monitored every other day which is a bit of a pain but I feel like I have half a plan going now so I will go tomorrow, Friday and Sunday for bloods unless anything drastic happens in the meantime and then I will reassess from there. If nothing is happening I will have the methotrexate hopefully towards the end of next week so I have the weekend to rest and take it easy. Then wait and see how long af takes and decide about the mini IVF and if we can fit it in. Even if the miscarriage happens naturally now I would be tempted to do the mini IVF rather than a frostie or NHS as it's less pressure and would be good to try and build up to 5 before making the next move. Feel a little happier now I know what's going on. Even though this has all been awful I suppose it's let us know that I don't have a problem with implantation which is a massive thing and it can happen for us we just need to hope we have a decent embryo in there somewhere!

I hope everything goes well with your scan on Monday. Will be

Sorry I hadn't finished!

Was just saying Trixie I hope everything goes well with your scan on Monday it will be good to get a start date in mind and get going again soon. Gosh this process is such a huge rollercoaster of emotions isn't it! I'm hoping by the end of this year we will have finished all our transfers which by then would be around 9 or 10 embryos in total and if still nothing has happened I'm thinking it may be time to consider donor egg. It's not really what I wanted but this process is so emotionally draining I don't think either of us could continue with it much longer than that. I know so many people now that have used donor egg and once they feel that baby growing inside them they love it to bits and don't feel any differently about it.

lucie it sounds like you're really going through it right now, sorry to hear of it. Glad that you have a plan in place though, I always find it helps you to have something to focus on even if it's not the ideal. What is mini ivf if you don't mind me asking?
Thanks Trixie and MPP...currently I have had all the "pre-screen (?)" tests for a referral to the infertility clibic. Just waiting for oh's semen analysis, but this is what has taken months to sort. I mean they have to check him and maybe they will find issues with him too but I strongly believe if they could just start me ovulating we would be on our way! I understand they need to get the full picture for us both, it just gets frustrating. After that is done in May they will send us a new appointment for the clinic. As far as I am aware the standard first option will be clomid, but I don't actually know. I'm in a very strange position ttc wise right now in that I held off looking for a new job for months because of ttc but I couldn't handle my current job anymore cos it is mind numbingly dull and there are one or two really quite nasty people on my team...so I got a nee job and am now working my notice period. So on one hand I want a bfp to happen like yesterday, but on the other another few months is probably not a bad thing at all for now!
Phew that was longer than expected!

Lucie it was great to hear from you and know your news - sounds devastating hearing about the folic acid thing, just another horrible surprise among too many for you lately. I'm glad you're beginning to put together a plan B and C. I'm interested you're thinking of DE, that is definitely something I would consider too.

Mysterious, that sounds horrible that you've had such a wait and that they are dicking around (no pun intended) with SA when you're not even ovulating. Can't the GP prescribe you Clomid? I know there's a PCOS thread, are you on there as well? They might have info for you or there might be other PCOS-ers here, I'm afraid I've forgotten.

Hi to everyone else x

lucie glad you are bearing up and sorry to hear the hcg is still going the wrong way. It sounds like you are doing a good job of gaming out all the options. I can imagine the stress of embryo banking is horrific, so if you feel up to looking into DE then fantastic. Either way you will be a mother, so don't worry about that! Thanks also for your sanity check; I am well aware that I am being a complete drama queen about all this and that I'm really in a relatively privileged position. Just a meltdown, that's all! I will expect the worst and hope for the best x

mpp hope the wedding planning is going well. You must be getting excited now!

Thanks all, we wouldn't be looking into donor until at least next year. We have around 6 or 7 more embryos to transfer yet so I would hope for success with one of them but if not it is a possibility I guess as we don't want to end up without a family at all!

Mysterious, mini ivf is the same as normal IVF but a lot less drugs. The theory is that you will collect less eggs but because you haven't used so much drugs they are meant to be better quality. It's also half the price of normal IVF. I am only collecting around 3 eggs a time with full IVF and that's around the number you are meant to get with mini so I don't see the point in paying for the full IVF and our doctor has said they have seen good results with the mini so we want to give it a go. We only want to get one more blast really so it seems doable although you never know with this process.

Stealth, I don't think you are being a drama queen at all. The 2ww is very stressful. I just find stats etc help me to relax so just helping you to see this will happen for you.

Like you said Lucie, it is great that you know that implantation can happen. Glad you've heard from the hospital and are feeling a little happier. With that many transfers the odds are that it will work, hopefully sooner rather than later. It is reassuring that there are other options though isn't it.
Thank you really hoping that everything looks good and we can get going though I guess I should be prepared for another week or two of the pill.

I don't think you're being a drama queen either Stealth, but if there was ever a time to be one it would be the IVF 2ww.

Oh, and re symptom spotting. Despite the fact that we have not dtd since AF and I am on the bcp when my lunch tasted a bit funny the first thing that popped into my head was maybe I'm pregnant. I think it becomes second nature. At this rate I will be drawing my pension and still symptom spotting.

Mysterious congrats on getting your new job.

I did exactly the same thing and stayed in my old role for about a year too long. I started a new job in January that I love!

It's also a nice distraction when ttc although I am wondering on how I'm going to get the time off for IVF without them suspecting anything...

Life doesn't wait for us to get upduffed I realised!

lucie all the love and hugs. I agree it doesn’t sound like an ectopic at all - the levels just don’t sound high enough. I can also relate to wanting to have a plan B,C, D….Z in place. Like you, I had had the ‘when do we call it a bust on my own eggs and move to DE’ conversation in my head. However I really don’t think you are anywhere near that place yet. You got pregnant, which means you don’t have an implantation problem (I know ‘at least you know you can get pregnant’ is one of those horrifically unhelpful people say to you when you’ve had a miscarriage, but there is a little bit of truth to it insofar as a diagnostic measure). Statistically, there’s likely to be at least one, probably more, good ones on ice already. So unless you’ve burned through ALL your blasts - which I hope would be a very remote possibility - I don’t think the DE issue is quite there. I am with you in that I don’t believe DNA makes you a parent, and with DE the fact you are the biological mother, if not the genetic mother, creates an incredible bond - as well as the fact that when you’re the one changing the shitty nappies, doing the night feeds, going to parents evenings, you are the parent, regardless of biology.

PS I wrote up all the Athens immune stuff here on FF: www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=344744.0

stealth not being a drama queen, god knows I was climbing the walls during the 2ww. I remember our lovely Dr saying ‘now here comes the difficult bit’ as I was getting off the transfer table, and he wasn’t wrong. I think I actually lost it just 2dp5dt when I couldn’t possibly see how I was going to survive another week, and couldn’t someone sedate me or something….voice of sanity, yeah?!

sammy thinking of you.

trixie excited for you, not long now! Good luck for your scan - do report back about the intralipids etc. I asked my consultant when we discussed injectable progesterone if it was possible to have Lubion instead of Gestone (no problem), because I am a wuss!

star hen do sounds fab!

rebecca sorry for the baby bomb too, total shite!

brenna hope visit is all going well

mysterious welcome! It’s a fab bunch of women here. Back in the days when I was PCOS (long story, 5 years later my PCOS had gone along with all of my eggs) I had 10 months without a period, until I got diagnosed. Fine when you’re not TTC but distinctly unhelpful when you are! Hope Clomid can kick start those ovaries into gear - and congrats on the new job

Mpp hope you’re doing OK, urgh about the baby bomb!! Obv life must be really quiet for you what with uni and wedding planning, nothing much going in at all really

boris hope you’re OK

AFM, well, it’s 5 weeks post ERPC and the status update is boringly that I’m still officially pregnant. However we think the hCG is going down slowly because of a ‘good’ reason. Because I’ve had persistent problems with thin lining, and one of the potential side effects of an ERPC can be adhesions (and given what a nightmare ashermans is to treat), the Dr said he was really careful not to scrape, so as not to damage my lining - which was a v good thing. However it’s possible that in doing so a tiny fragment of tissue may have been left behind, so small that it’s not showing up on the scan

So if he goes in with a camera, he can gently remove anything left behind (sounds nicer than 'endometrial curettage), have a good old look around, and will do a biopsy to serve as a super screatch while he’s there.

So whilst it’s massively frustrating that it’s taking so long, adhesions would be far worse, so the softly softly approach was definitely the right way to go.

And now…..drumroll…the good news

Operation ‘get me out of miscarriage limbo so I can start my next cycle asap’ is GO

Hysteroscopy is provisionally booked for next Weds (27th)

Consultant agreed it was silly to keep coming in for betas

I’m to come in next Tues (26th) first thing for bloods, assuming it hasn’t magically fallen to zero, I go in for the hysto the following day, and as soon as my hormone levels are normal (please, please), I can start stims

If by some miracle the hCG is zero (unlikely!) then we cancel the procedure and we can crack on with the cycle (and will do a hysto nearer the time of a FET to check out the uterine environment and do a scratch before we put anything back)

So hopefully one way or the other I will be un-pregnant-ed before too long, and hopefully starting IVF #3 in the not too distant future!

lucie v much appreciate the stats. Have been slightly less mental today. Helped a little bit by recognising that whilst the odds are there, they are just odds and that if it doesn't work I'll just have to get on with it!

Of course as soon as I started making my peace with it not working, I have suddenly been hit with strong period-like cramps and persistent nausea, had them for half a day now. I keep telling myself it must be the progesterone! not at all pushing me straight back into crazyland

Excited for the new starters on Monday, so pumped. Am sure you'll have great cycles!

And welcome mysterious! I have PCOS too and whilst I do have periods I'm totally anovulatory so they are basically completely useless. It's so frustrating - people ask how long youve been "trying" and it's like I'm not trying! There's nothing to try with! Hopefully the clomid does the job and you are upduffed in a jiffy!

banana just so pleased you have a plan

Hi ladies - a bit of good morning cheer. I cracked and did a very early test this morning 5dp5dt as am a glutton for punishment and, well, it's a BFP! It is obviously very early days and this could be all over by the weekend so am not counting my chickens, but it's certainly given me a bit of a boost.