TTC for 10 months or more, and now we're moving onto thread 4! Ten plussers welcome!

[MPP81]

Thread for anyone TTC for over ten months. Please feel free to join us!

Took the liberty of starting a new thread (with what is obviously a brilliant piece of rhyme!) as I assume everyone else is sleeping peacefully right now :)

Congratulations Stealth. I hope it all goes smoothly from here.

Baby bombed by a couple that will be at the same party as us tonight. Fab.
It was a Facebook bomb with a picture of a baby name book and the caption 'some light reading to do before October'

I immediately blocked the post though so haven't had to see it again! Xx

Hugs Sammy. That is rough. I hope you can avoid them tonight.

Today I should be 37 weeks. Tomorrow is 6 months since the miscarriage. I am off to pick mum up from my brother and SIL and my new nephew. This cannot possible go badly can it?

On the other hand I had a comedy dream last night about going to a Japanese IVF clinic and having to start off with an appointment with a psychologist to determine our suitability. They sat me at a table with several half done pieces of something I was knitting, but all in the wrong wool, so I got on the table and unscrewed all the fancy painted lightbulbs from the ceiling.

Sorry for the baby bomb, Sammy. Is this someone you can mostly avoid tonight, if it's at a party with alot of people, or will you have to talk about it? It absolutely is rough, though perhaps a tiny tiny positive is that you are now forewarned and it's not going to be shoved in your face unexpectedly when you have nowhere to run? Not that that helps much, I know. Thinking of you and hope you're ok

Brenna, I imagine that will be very tough, and I have no advice, but I'm thinking of you. That dream is a strange one! Japan? The wrong wool? Fancy light bulbs? I'd love to know if there's any meaning behind all that! I had a brief phase of believing dreams meant things years ago and bought one of those books that tell you what they mean. Can't remember any of it now though.

lucie I am so very very sorry, it breaks my heart you’ve joined our m/c thread on FF. I hope you and DH can take time to be kind to each other

I can totally understand how you’re feeling and god it’s at time like these that you’re completely allowed to feel down in the dumps and feel sorry for yourself. Eat all the wine, chocolate, the lot. It will feel better, I promise. But just focus on healing right now.

And you have NOT let the baby down. Now, I say this as someone who doesn’t listen to a word of what anyone else says to me, as I am beating myself up for having killed a healthy baby. You have NOT let anyone down. It’s a law of averages that not every embryo is meant to be a baby. But it doesn’t mean that one or more of your frosties IS meant to be a baby, and WILL be a baby and you WILL be a Mummy. And a bloody great one at that.

I agree entirely with what everyone has said already - take time, don’t make any firm decisions right now -but as you know I can 100% relate to being a planner to help me work through the shit times and think ahead to next steps

Sammy that all sounds v positive from your consultant. It sounds like he’s really listened to you and that is a really really positive sign. My Dr says immunes drugs like Humira and IVIG are cytotoxic (because they are!) but is happily prescribing me full immunes this time around

I’m so sorry about the baby bombs. They really can all just get to fuck!

The Athens results came back within about 3-4 working days BTW

I’m going to write everything up on a Fertility Friends post so all the info is in one place - will post the link when it’s done

Stealth congrats on being PUPO! Looking forward to your BFP very soon. When did he say to test? Did he tell you a ridiculous 12dp5dt as well? (Obviously I ignored that completely!)

Sorry about the baby bombs MPP and trixie FFS

Brenna thinking of you. These dates are so so hard. You are doing amazingly.

AFM, got my follow up letter from the consultant, with the details of the plan of action we’ve discussed on Weds. It’s a big one, so I’d get a cuppa and strap in

Right, so first of all, how the fuck we un-pregnant me

Beta on Monday was 270
Beta on Friday was 207

I am clearly not getting un-pregnant-ed any time soon, and it’s nearly 5 weeks post ERPC

I’m doing a beta again on Weds

If results aren’t zero by the following Weds next, which they blatantly won’t be, we’re doing a hysteroscopy, with endometrial curettage. He'll do an endometrial biopsy while he's in there, which will serve as a super scratch.

As soon as my hCG is zero and everything else is OK, we’ll start again. At the start of the stims cycle, DH & I both go on a week of doxy to clear my ureaplasma. We also start me on thyroxine to get my TSH to under 2.

Stims wise, same as before, short protocol, start high (450iu Gonal-F) and drop down depending on follicle growth. Rest of cycle as usual, blah blah blah. Biopsy anything that makes it to day 5, bung em in freezer, send biopsies off for testing.

After period, start me on HRT as if preparing for a FET, until PGS results come back. Dr said we should aim for 4 euploid embryos, which realistically we ain’t gonna get in one cycle, so once results are back, we’re likely to convert the FET into another stims cycles (and treat the run up as oestrogen priming, which for a low-AMH-er is no bad thing!)

He normally recommends 3 months between fresh cycles - except for me. I seem to do so well on stims, and I get better quantity and quality when piggy backing off the last lot (ovaries slightly stimulated gives me more follies in the starting block, and cumulative effect of oestrogen gives me better quality), as long as my ovaries are looking OK, and I’m still up for going again, then we’ll crack on.

So basically lather rinse repeat exactly as before. Make eggs, collect eggs, make embryos, biopsy anything that makes it to day 5, send off biopsies for testing, whack in freezer

Now obviously all this is predicated on the assumption I can make embryos and blasts like last time!!! Which I may not, if it was a fluke.

If not, then we’ll start a FET again after my period, but this time keep it as a FET. Whatever results from PGS, hopefully out of two batches we will have SOMETHING to put back. Instead of Gestone, Dr has suggested I go on Lubion for injectable progesterone (subcutaneous so in my belly, no evil bum jabs yay!) as well as Cyclogest. 3 days before ET, first intralipids and start prednisolone. Day after ET start aspirin and Clexane.

Shit myself and hope for a BFP and that I don’t kill another baby.

Phew.

So hopefully we’re looking at either 2 cycles in 2 months (fresh+FET) or more likely 3 cycles in 3 months (fresh+fresh+FET)

Which, all being well, we’ll start in the next few weeks, as soon as we can un-pregnant me

I believe this is called the ’throwing the kitchen sink at it’ approach!!!

Thanks Brenna and MPP - it shouldn't be too bad, were only aquaitances really so won't have to talk to them much. In fact I'm kind of hoping she has terrible morning sickness and won't be there at all :P

Brenna - I'm so sorry about the date, and how it gas coincided with seeing your nephew. I love my nieces, but every time I spend time with them it leaves me feeling a little bit sad that I don't have one to take home with me. Your dream sounds like mine, incredibly details but makes no sense at all!!!

Banana - thank you. I feel a bit more positive now. I'm slightly confused as to why he jumped straight to those hardcore drugs and didn't mention the less evil ones... Perhaps because he doesn't think I need them.
Thanks for letting me know the Athens timings. Do you have s contest address for them? I'd like to have it saved incase of another failure.
That is a detailed plan you have there! Your consultant sounds brilliant :)..... Where are you based again?! Lol. Throwing everything at its sounds wise, at least you'll know you've done everything possible.
You know that you didn't 'kill' the baby don't you? It's was s very sad act of nature, and not something you had control over. Xx

Thanks Banana, this sucks doesn't it. I really wish that I could make a decent number of blastocysts as it would make such a difference to my embryo banking, even 3 a time would be something. I would be well up for doing a couple more fresh rounds like you then but we are lucky to get one a time now. How does the estrogen priming work? Do you take the estrogen tablets from day 1 of cycle and when do you stop them? Do you wait for your next period then to start stimms?

I'm loving your kitchen sink approach. I think it is similar to what I did this time although I was advised to have intralipids a lot sooner before transfer as apparently they can take a week or so to kick in?

Sammy, so sorry for your baby bomb. It doesn't get any easier does it.

I've just come back from epu this afternoon for my 2nd beta. I've got to ring up at 7pm this evening for the results. I did a cheapy pg test this morning and the line looks fainter so I'm hoping the numbers will have dropped down quite a bit. I just really want to get this over with and for the bleeding to stop. It's over 2 weeks now since I first started spotting and it's been pretty much constant and I'm really tired of it now.

Oh God I am so sorry that everyone's having such a shit time. I don't know why it has to be this hard.

Lucie I really hope the bleeding stops soon ... and good luck for your results tonight. You deserve a break.

Banana thinking of you too, it sounds like you've got a good plan in place and excellent doc, here's to kitchen sinks and all who throw things in them.

Sammy that sucks. I hate people who do 'witty' baby bombs. It's not cute, just fuck off. (Do I sound bitter?)

Thinking of you Brenna ... I second Banana, you are doing brilliantly even though you shouldn't have to. Loving the Japanese IVF Knitting Club.

MPP - the hotpoint man?! Is nowhere safe? Just fix the machine, don't boast about your baby. Ugh.

I got bombed myself today - a close friend and I am really happy for her, it's just ... hard. She's always been very ambivalent about having kids and they've been trying about 2 months. I honestly thought I'd prepared myself for EVERYONE from Hillary Clinton to my 12-year-old niece to be pregnant, but for some reason this one gutted me. I smiled and said the right things though despite a lump in my throat. So I feel for you Trixie

Stealth - congrats and good luck!! All possible fingers and tentacles crossed for you

Hope everyone has nice plans for tonight? I'm out to have an indulgent dinner and some

Thanks all!

to all struggling. I had an unexpected baby bomb last night, luckily via email (long chatty email followed by "oh and I'm having a baby girl in May" -!!!) - just take a deep breath and soldier on. It is so hard though.

ps sammylou I think we have a friend in common. Was it a female doctor with a photographer husband?!

Ugh. Soldier on is right. I actually think email/text is by far the best, so you can assimilate it in private and then be happy for them.Worst I think was my SIL who announced it on Christmas Day before I'd even had a drink. I think she felt Xmas made it extra happy and magical which I'm sure it did. For them!

Ugghh my hcg levels have gone up from 119 to 130. It's way way too low for a viable pregnancy and I've had plenty of bleeding the last couple of days but I have no idea why it would go up and not down?! I have to go back on Monday now for another blood test. It's just like a never ending nightmare and I can't see us getting to a point where this is ever going to work out well for us. I'm just so down. Sorry everyone maybe I should take some time off here as I don't want to bring you all down with me x

Please don't go anywhere Lucie! We're all in this together xx

It's crap isn't it Rebecca. I went out for some retail therapy today, did me the world of good!

Hope you can still enjoy the party Sammy. Hopefully there is plenty of

Brenna, it must be so hard. Hope your mother's visit is going ok.

Brilliant plan Banana! You may well end up starting around the same time as me.

DH is out with his mates tonight, probably undoing the effects of the proxeed....will be good for him to let his hair down though. I think things have been getting to him too recently and he doesn't have anyone other than me to talk to about it.

Omg forgot to say congrats on being PUPO stealth! Fx very tightly.

Hi all. Hope nobody minds me joining in? This is our 12th month ttc. Stopped the pill in early april 2015 and am still awaiting the return of af. Was diagnosed with pcos in december, currently going through the world's most tedious wait for all the tests to be run before we can get an appointment at the infertility clinic. I already have a dd who is almost 7 but this will be my oh's first. Seems like a far tmi introduction there, sorry!

Hi mysterious, welcome! Sorry you find yourself here. I am newish myself but this is a lovely bunch. Sorry to hear about the PCOS and AF, that sounds tough. I'm waiting for IVF myself, ttc 15 months (16 next week!) - being fast tracked due to endo and age (38).

Lucie that sounds so distressing your numbers going up. Please don't feel you're a downer. I just wish I could help/ say anything useful.

We had a nice dinner out but I still feel sad. I feel like a horrible person not to be happier for my friend, I hate what this is doing to me

Thank you for all the baby bomb sympathy, and sorry to all those who also had to face them.

stealth - not the same couple, she is most definitely not a doctor, but how strange that they announced in the same way on the same day!

lucie - don't you dare go anywhere. You need this thread more than ever if you're feeling low. We all just get it. I for one am more than happy for you to rant/moan even if I have no wise words to offer.

Welcome mysterious, if you have to be in this crap situation then these ladies are the right people to be in it with!

rebecca - I feel the same. I'm no longer happy for people when they announce. Just bitter. And I hate that I feel like this.

We went clubbing last night for the 30th birthday! We were the oldest there by about 8 years, but it was fun and I think I needed to let my hair down! Had about 4 vodkas, so having not drunk properly in over two years it was enough to make me feel tipsy! The pg girl came to the party beforehand, but I managed not to talk to her! X

Oh wow sammy that's a weird coincidence. Maybe this is some weird standard way of announcing pregnancies that the prego club pass around that we don't know about?

Have now had a trifecta of baby bombs in the past 24 hours - including a scan picture sent to me last night whilst I was at the theatre. Am ashamed to say it sent me into a complete spiral of meltdown, convinced that IVF would never work for me etc etc. Have somewhat recovered now, but oof.

lucie please don't go anywhere - this thread is as much about crying and ranting and feeling low with people who get it as it is about celebrating successes. Sadly for all of us the highs and the lows are so intertwined. But I hope you feel you can be supported by this amazing community - we are here for you! I know it's hard when you're a planner but sometimes you do need to let the emotions (and hormones!) settle to give yourself some space to breathe. I can't believe your hcg is going UP, what is the error rate on the tests? Could there have been some kind of mistake?

Lucie, don't go. As Stealth said the highs and the lows are all part of the process - sometimes happening simultaneously. My niece's HCG went up at one point while she was being monitored as part of a miscarriage. Then they started dropping again. No real reason why.

Banana, my niece's mc was really long and drawn out over about 5 weeks, but it finished eventually.

In other news. The Hairy Inmate has accepted the New Inmate with no growling, menacing or threats. The Bald Warden is happily wandering around dispensing food to all and sundry. The Short Warden is confused and suspicious about the tranquility and suspects Bad Deeds are being plotted.

Rebecca the situation is a bit crappy to be fair! Hoping it will return of its own accord at some point, but will look forward to finally getting an appointment as I am beginning to doubt it. It's made more frustrating by the fact we had an appointment last month that was cancelled as my doctors are useless and didnt organise our tests in time. Ho hum. When you say you're waiting for ivf, have you been to see a specialist before or is that your option due to endo etc? Hope you're not waiting too long to be seen!

Sammy thanks. Sorry that everyone here seems to be in a not so ideal situation but nice to 'speak' to people who don't seem to fall pregnant just by their partner looking in their direction, which is how it often feels with endless baby announcements. I just turned 30 in January, so we are a similar age.

Brenna i hope you don't mind me asking. Who are all these hairy and bald ones you mention?!

Brenna - I may have missed something in my post IVF failure haze, but I also don't know what on earth you're taking about with these hairy and bald ones?!

mysterious - I was 30 at the end of last year so we're same school year. Xx

Mysterious, God that sounds frustrating! This stuff is hard enough without doctors being incompetent. We are due IVF in June. I just meant that most people would probably not go straight to IVF after only 15 months but I had major surgery in 2014 due to endometriosis, so the advice was straight to IVF. Fast track is the wrong word, it's all gone veeery slooowly!

Stealth sorry to hear about the IVF meltdown. Can only imagine what a nail-biting time it is. And horrible that you got bombed while at the theatre, seriously. Hope the play was good and more importantly that your cycle goes well

Sammy loving the clubbing and vodkas! Can't remember the last time I went clubbing. Glad it was fun!

Brenna I think I know who your cast of characters are - the Hairy One is the dog right? and new Inmate is your mum? Sounds like Game of Thrones goes into reverie about Jon Snow

So bald warden is DH and short warden is DC?! I didn't miss it then - just can't keep up!

Mysterious - if you read back a bit you'll see Brenbas post about a relative visiting! Xx

• brennas

The Hairy Inmate is DDog, the new inmate is my Mum, the Bald Warden is DH and the Short Warden is me. We have no dcs.

Mum's visit is going better than expected. She is being nice to me and the dog is being nice to her. These two facts may be linked. Mum is in a food coma asleep in an armchair now and DDog is asleep in one of his beds.