We are the Viroid Warriors! We are practising our PMAs and stockpiling the rare FRERs, come join us for the continued BFP boom...it's only bloody JS 60!!!

[stumblymonkey]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like 'something' = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 59 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2579958-We-have-enjoyed-jizzidents-and-jizznamis-We-are-fans-of-having-a-rummage-and-we-are-getting-all-the-baby-juice-we-can-to-keep-the-bfp-boom-going-Join-us-in-JS-59" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2582188-Weve-got-newbies-to-cheer-us-on-the-February-Warm-Up-is-complete-after-waiting-nine-long-months-its-only-bloody-time-for-March-Madness-Welcome-to-JS-thread-no-46" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Big hugs for kwick and cats. Fucking hot onion foot did give me a giggle!

Hope today goes OK stumbly.

stumbly what have they done to you? Best of luck!

Hahaha at fucking hot onion foot! 😂
kwick you poor thing I hope you are OK! Know what you mean about unexpected crying though; I've still been doing pregnancy tests all week, negative obvs... Dh was like you need to stop doing these and threw my last one in the bin (was negative but i was staring at it for a line like a crazy woman) so I cried hysterically :s poor man!
Felt better after the cry and have agreed not to do anymore POASing till Friday. Think will be better when AF has been and gone and can just crack on with a new start.
Hope everyone is OK and hanging in there!

Oh Kwick I know what you mean about glass walls, my office is the same and mostly open plan. I have mostly been championing the silent tears sat at my desk approach today with frequent loo visits to get myself together. I hope today has been better for you and hasn't resulted in took much under desk diving.

Stumbly it is no wonder you are finding things tough at the moment, anyone would be without the extra difficulties that come with bipolar. I am sure your lawyer will do a good job for you and make things easier so the stress affects you less.

Corgi & Canter's I am glad DH's slapstick has caused some chuckles

For all you viroids who have had mcs, Tommy's is running a misCOURAGE campaign at the moment. I added my story and it was very cathartic. I'm still unsure about sharing it publicly but it is a great campaign. My story and details of the campaign is here: www.tommys.org/miscourage-stories/3-miscarriages-down-line-our-first-rainbow-baby-im-not-sure-well-ever-have

Oh viroids, this isn't TTC related but I'm so upset I've been unemployed for more than a year now (since I was made redundant last year). Yesterday I had an interview for a job I REALLY wanted. I thought I was a strong candidate and I did really well at the interview. But I found out today that they haven't invited me for a second one 😭 I'm absolutely gutted. Being unemployed is so hard and I had allowed myself to get my hopes up with this one.

Also due to ovulate about now but shagging is the last thing I want to do! Had a couple of shags over the last few days but can't face it tonight

Sorry I haven't been round much, I haven't got time to catch up. SATS week so I'm mentally busy/stressed. I'll be back soon though.

Just wanted to say to cats, your story is beautifully eloquently written and has me in floods of tears. You're so strong, I'm in awe.

name big hugs, it's tough. Dp is also unemployed and finding it hard. Chin up lovely

Name that really sucks, esp when you had been so hopeful, gx your dreram job is just around the corner.

Stumbly hope things went well today!!

Cats Corgi & Kwick sending hugs to you all.

Nothing much happening here, the witch due next Tues, thankfully no PMS as yet. I think I iced a day or 2 earlier than usual this cycle, so tww seems soooo long. Although I'm managing to keep my mind off it by looking for a last minute holiday , so it's all good

I spoke too soon, just got a text from a very close friend announcing her pregnancy. Much as I hate to admit it, the green eyed monster is creeping back in

Thank you just and angel. You (and everyone else on this thread) are so lovely and supportive.

I'm sorry many of you are having a difficult time for various reasons. Hope things start to look up for all of us soon.

Oh Name no wonder you are feeling low, that is tough to deal with. It doesn't matter that itbis not TTC related, it's bloody hard! And the TTC in the back of your mind makes it even harder. I hope this one just wasn't meant to be and something better comes up very soon.

Thank you just you have had me in tears simply saying that! I think I might be a little over emotional today. I hope you are feeling a bit chirpier today, even with the SAT stress.

I don't think there's any way to avoid the green eyed monster angel, it is a normal human reaction, don't beat yourself up.

Seems like a lot of us are having a pretty shit time of it recently. We need a large deluge of sticky beans.
and unmumsnetty hugs to those that want them. Also, open plan offices should be banned. We used to work in a building with individual loos with a sink,etc. Was brilliant, you can have a poo, do your make up and be ready to go with no one interfering.... Alas those glorious days have passed.

I'm freaking out right now, last night I started bleeding, no warning, bright red, no idea why. CD20. This morning had cramps, but this is not how AF usually starts at all. I think I'm going to see my GP if it happens again, I knew there was something wrong with me. Yes in theory it could be implantation bleeding, but it was quite a lot and I'm really not that lucky.
My irrational brain is saying that I've shook the embryo out by running too much and taking ibuprofen! Seriously, I need to chill out.
Today I will mostly be: cross. This TTC lark turns me right stroppy these days.

Viroids, so sorry this is a hard time for so many of you. Hope you can take it easy and have people IRL looking after after you.

This happened this morning.

DH thinks the lines too feint, I think a lines a line!

Frankie That's a line! Woohoo!

gundog* a line is a line especially on a FRER!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

name what a bummer about dream job. May I suggest that you contact the recruiter and ask for feedback - they may not give it to you but if they do then it could help for the next job - which is just around the corner.

cats I have book marked your link - will read when alone. I am glad you found it cathartic to write about your experiences.

Must dash!

Congrats gundog!!!! So exciting! Is your dh blind?!? Because that's a blinking line!

cats I loved your writing, so emotional though! I have also written a blog but don't want to out myself on MN, I will put it on the Undergrads fb group. Shared it on my fb last month and everyone was so kind and lovely it made a shit experience a bit better. Also people brought me RL !
Day 34 here and had a dream about a bfp last night, how odd. Am allowed to test tomorrow according to ovia and dh.....

Congrats gundog!!!!! Good solid line, it's about time we viroids started getting some BFPs!

We collected DHs SA report today- not sure what to make of it... The GP practice gave him the wrong pot so the repro lab have said he needs to do another sample as the pot will not have been checked for toxins and these may have damaged the sperm. Have any of you heard of this?
He had 81% immotile sperm, 21% motile and of these, 5% forward motility. Morphology 7% (technically normal but seems low!) and total count 29 million/mil (should be at least 39 million).

Anyone with similar experience or advice? He is being very rational and says he will just do another sample in a proper pot when if AF arrives and not stress in the meantime. I'm stressing a bit more but not letting him see!

Thanks Viroids, can't believe it really.

Scottish I don't have any experience of this sorry, hopefully it's just the contaminated pot to blame for the result. Does your DH take Vit C & Zinc? I've real (on this fred I think) that they can have a big positive impact on SA results. Hope you're not getting yourself too stressed out.

*read

Great line Gundog! Congratulations, gx for a lovely and uneventful nine months.

Alice I'm sorry to hear your body is being bizarre, definitely ask for advice if it is worrying you.

Thank you viroids for your kind words. Just I am very pleased you liked my writing, especially with you being a teacher I know this is missing the point somewhat but is a lovely distraction

Wow Corgi you are waaaaay braver than I am. I'm not sure I could share on fb. I am pleased it was a good experience for you

Congrats gundog
Have such a weird time at present for first time in months I had a tachycardia episode which resulted in matron trying to haul me off to a and e having major af symptoms ( uber emotional and doesn't matter what I eat can't fill myself) and totally weird dreams last night had a dream I was stack ham joints!?!? Then woke up to smell of bacon at 4.20 am starving blame dp for that one the night before spent the entire night (in my dream)walking in circles trying to squeeze through a part open door in work woke up exhausted with aching legs!
and hugs for all those having tough time at the moment!

Sounds scary coribeth both the tachycardia and the dream!

Yay congratulations Gundog, fab news!!!

Cori sorry if I'm stirring the crazy pot not really but does sound suspiciously like early pg symptoms methinks. When is the witch due??

Nothing to report from. I think I'll celebrate surviving the week with a few glasses of ice cold cider. Happy weekend vidroids, hope the sun is shining where you all are

Kwick Thanks for the suggestion - they did include brief feedback in the email they sent to let me know I wasn't invited to a second interview. I sent a polite reply (thanks for interview, enjoyed meeting you yadda yadda) and asking if they had any more feedback they could share, but they haven't replied and I don't think they're going to.

Scottish I don't know anything about those stats. But if the second sample results aren't ideal, there will still be lots your DH to do can improve his sperm quality. Gx for you both.

Thinking of you all, hope you have good / fun / relaxing / restorative weekends.

Well Angel it's cd 29 but my cycle is any where between 29 and 35 days so hard to tell !? However after over four years of trying and medical intervention I'm not really that hopefully that it's anything pg related!
Alice I think both dream and tachy where more frustrating than anything!
Have had totally random shift today loads of crazy patients a ten minute lunch break and a feacal incident which resulted in having to have my room fogged!