We are the Viroid Warriors! We are practising our PMAs and stockpiling the rare FRERs, come join us for the continued BFP boom...it's only bloody JS 60!!!

[stumblymonkey]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like 'something' = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 59 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2579958-We-have-enjoyed-jizzidents-and-jizznamis-We-are-fans-of-having-a-rummage-and-we-are-getting-all-the-baby-juice-we-can-to-keep-the-bfp-boom-going-Join-us-in-JS-59" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2582188-Weve-got-newbies-to-cheer-us-on-the-February-Warm-Up-is-complete-after-waiting-nine-long-months-its-only-bloody-time-for-March-Madness-Welcome-to-JS-thread-no-46" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

But we like scan pics on here myblackcat!!!!

Just life is a bitch (and then you die). Sorry will get my pma mojo back soon...

Alas, no, Kwick. That's probably a couple of weeks or so away. Too much to hope I get upduffed in the meantime - mother nature hates me.

Just I totally get it. Hate it too, but can't change it. Life has beaten me. Not a fact I'm proud of to be honest.

Vidroids sorry a lot of you are having a horrible time atm, it can be so hard to keep positive & not let the bitterness take over. But keep those heads up, keep ploughing on, & you WILL get there, we all will. In the meantime, have lots

Stumbly gx for the new home.

Welcome la

chat I wish I knew what to say. I'll settle for sending lots of love. Here if you need anything.

Sending a hug to viroids who are down. There's nothing I can say to make it better I know. I remember the hurt and frustration month after month, and being so resentful of anyone who was pregnant. It's totally human and no one will ever judge you for it. I am sending positive womble vibes and lots of

Thanks so much for the nice welcome. In denial just now as I can't imagine actually wanting to shag!

Congratulations myblackcat! Living that the cat love is still here. I have my two gingers who I adore

lala you could always do what I do and circumvent the js (yes I am an honorary member of this thread as am have no one to js with)... Seriously I read an interesting piece of information on a US magic potion bank the other day that explains how to do home insemination

I did consider using a turkey baster. I saw it on Sunset Beach

There you go! It is actually a "thing".

Didn't honey introduce us to the "stork" la? Maybe invest in one of those!!

just you sound like you need a break my dear. Hopefully you can get some head space on your trip and feel better when you're back. It's bloody hard and you're doing fine. It's OK to feel how you feel. I still feel it sometimes because im still not convinced this will end in me being a mummy. You just have to be honest with yourself and try and separate the truth from what your mind is doing to protect you. I seriously questioned if I actually wanted a baby before doing the second ivf and ATM I'm doing it again because of the anxiety that something might go wrong in the next 4 weeks. Keep your head above water and try to do things that make you happy. Focus on what is good and will continue to be good elif you don't have a baby. I kept booking holidays!!

chat I don't know how you are surviving but you are doing it and however you do it is a win. Life has been seriously shit to you, but you are on a different path now with the RMC appt and hopefully you can get some answers. I think it's possibly worse for you as you know more than any of us the things that go wrong and that can't be easy to deal with in your situation. Have all the wine, blur cheese, steak and pate you can find these next few weeks. Maybe los will be invoked in the meantime

Love to you all viroids. I'm so sorry so many of you are going through these hard times. I know it doesn't really help to know you aren't the only one but where you are now is not where you will be, whervevr your journey ends xx

Sorry to hear a lot of you are going through a tough time. I have been there and sometimes still there after my recent mc. I too am not a fan of fb announcements with scan pics. In my NCT group (well, the equivalent of it here in Oz) not long after my m/c a woman announced her 2nd pregnancy via Facebook along with scan photo and announcing how shit she has been feeling with morning sickness . And to make things worse her effing due date is the same as what mine would have been . It was like a knife in the stomach. I'm getting over it by had to remover her from FB. I have always been sensitive to others re: pregnancy, loss, infertility. You never know what someone else is going through.

Hoping things improve for you all.

As for myself, got positive OPK yesterday so managed to don the cape yesterday and jumped DH whilst DS was napping. Hoping to fit another in again tonight. I do understand how fed up you get with ttc. Sometimes a break does wonders. Yak are all

Sorry my last sentence was meant to say take care all!

Lil, if you have bad feelings, do let the team know - lots of women in retrospect will say they knew something wasn't right but stayed quiet. They might think you're mad but it's worth it for the 1% of the time those mad feelings are right. I'm not woo in the slightest, but this is real. Researched and everything!

Yak are

Hi La x-posted with you on Saturday morning. Great to meet you waves I had random icing whilst bfing, my SIL had none, it is different for everyone apparently. Gx for a short age gap and brilliant you are trying for no2 quickly, I wish I had.

Just sending you love, you are brilliant and your negative feelings are you being human, do not think badly of yourself

Haha Kwick that would be a super nn for me, I am often asleep by half 8! What happened to the days of partying all night?

Chat I just want to come and give you a big hug, you are so kind and supportive of everyone else when you have been through such awful times. Life has not beaten you, you are here and you are lovely and I too think you are brilliant.

NFMW (weekend): Well the wine was good! We had a really stressful moment and I really struggled to hold it together, Aunty saw and asked if I had had a tough week, all I could say was yes (DH family politics mean we aren't telling everyone his side). Otherwise it was OK, we had a lovely time with my BIL, SIL and kids who are really supportive. I'm feeling a bit low this morning and now know that I am fine until I am faced with a stressful situation then I really struggle. Work will be hard when I go back on Wednesday, I really just want to hide away still and only go out when I feel comfortable but I know that isn't sustainable. ARG!!!

Thanks chat, definitely following instinct here regardless of how mad I seem. Usually I know I'm being irrational and my expectation is that it's OK. After knowing the mc was coming before I saw that faded line I really do believe instinct is key. I thinkb5am this morning is the worst I've been. Luckily it started moving to make me feel better!

Just dropping in again..

Hi La ! Great to see you again. Can't believe he's 9months already!!! I have my gx that number two won't take as long.

I have no news myself (which is why I haven't been posting much). CD 16 for me here today, but that means nothing. I'm trying to not think about pregnancies or anything baby related too much... hard when I have 3 friends on Facebook that have given birth in the past week, a few others that are pregnant, and 2 of my work colleagues are pregnant, now with clearly visible bumps... sigh..

hello all you lovely viroids. Have been awol, busy with family wedding etc. Hope everyone is OK and not too glum. Big unmumsnetty hugs to you chat. I think you're amazing.
I'm TWOTting pretty badly and have been POAS since about 5dpo because I'm a twat. Sadly they started off looking faintly positive (think hcg from last MC hanging around) and have got steadily more negative. Still no witch but day 32/9dpo now (cycles can be 32-35 days but am aware this is the WTF cycle). I have just guessed what day I iced based on EWCM and icing pains.....
< braces self for all the hooyahs will undoubtedly receive in light of this POASing confession >

AF arrived today for me (wasn't expecting anything so not disappointed).

So back to CD1....cycle six I think? Have slightly lost count...

Still waiting to hear if we have managed to get our new house and so crossing fingers that our HR processes are shit and they don't say I'm under consultation.

Lots of contact today about potential new jobs and DP has already found something beginning at the start of June. Won't be income straight away as he's a PT and will need to build a client base but a good start!

Hello Corgi! Lovely to hear from you, only a very small quiet hooyah to you, I think you are allowed to be a little dotty this cycle. In fact I am quite impressed at your positivity, my wtf cycles never result in anything.

Stumbly keeping gx for you for your new place and that is great new for your DP, hopefully things will start looking up now and this new cycle will be new start.

I go back to work tomorrow, I was quite looking forward to it but now my senior colleague isn't going to be in and has told me I have double the projects I had when I left. I know I'll be fine, I was bored before but I also know that if it gets stressful I'm going to find it hard to keep it together. Stupidly today I've been feeling the most wobbly but that's probably because I will be leaving my comfort zone.

Hello lovely viroids.
Have been very low last day or so.... I am hoping that it is related to PMT (God knows I have enough spots) and that the witch will magically appear.

You all give me great courage and I am not sure what I would do without MN (by the way can someone please explain to me what mn hugs are like?).

Just checking in to send my love to everyone having a bad time.

My 2nd blood test couldn't confirm ovulation either so one more attempt next month then we'll get referred to the fertility clinic. Not sure I'm ready for this to become so medicalised but at 35 and no previous pregnancies I don't think I'm in a position to hang around.

Oh Kwick I'm sorry to hear you are feeling low, I think the hugs can be taken as you like but definitely are there for comfort and support. So I am sending you big hugs of comfort, support and solidarity, we can get through this!

Gundog that sounds difficult and I totally understand the not wanting it to be medicalised - I think a lot of us ended up on this thread because we are not science inclined. I hope though that any information you get helps you in your TTC.

I'm still shifting it about work tomorrow but DH has lightened the mood by dropping the remnants of his stock making and shouting 'Fucking hot onion foot!'

*shitting not shifting - damn you autocorrect!

Thanks Cats you are lovely. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

Hope DH's onion foot has recovered!!

cats hope work goes well.... Take it easy and if you need to have a cry then do so (where I work even the walls are glass so I end up crawling under my desk).

Oh Kwick....now I have visions of you crawling on all fours under your desk to have a quick sob.

Maybe keep some emergency sob chocolate down there?

My bipolar mood is pretty iffy this week (just the stress of the past couple of months catching up with me I think)....hopefully it will pass. Went to see an employment lawyer the other day and they advised me to raise a grievance at work re: disability discrimination so have my initial grievance hearing today which will be not at all fun.

Sorry...turning this into an employment issues board. TTC news will resume once AF is done.