We are the Viroid Warriors! We are practising our PMAs and stockpiling the rare FRERs, come join us for the continued BFP boom...it's only bloody JS 60!!!

[stumblymonkey]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like 'something' = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 59 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2579958-We-have-enjoyed-jizzidents-and-jizznamis-We-are-fans-of-having-a-rummage-and-we-are-getting-all-the-baby-juice-we-can-to-keep-the-bfp-boom-going-Join-us-in-JS-59" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2582188-Weve-got-newbies-to-cheer-us-on-the-February-Warm-Up-is-complete-after-waiting-nine-long-months-its-only-bloody-time-for-March-Madness-Welcome-to-JS-thread-no-46" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Scottish 'urine soaked art'! . I hope you are feeling a bit better today after the hot sauce episode.

Hi Pineapple sorry to hear about your loss, there's a lot of us here getting over the same thing so plenty of support. And loads of PMA for trying again and having fun whilst doing it

Thanks Kwick I think you are right, I'm very safe at the moment in my little bubble so it's easy just to keep going. I'm hoping work will be busy when I go back next week so I can keep my head down. I hope you are doing OK today too and everyone is being lovely to you.

Scottish just so you know The test line has to be darker than the control to confirm ovulation

Thanks country! It is a bit darker than the control line so it's all good

Thanks cats, my fanjo and I have recovered well, thankfully. More importantly, I hope you and your fanjo are doing ok?

sends good wishes to everyone and their fanjos 😯

NFMV- just about to ice I think, DH is doing well in spite of his low testosterone.

Yay for icing all round! scottish and "Alice*

I'm OK still, happy in my little bubble, it'll get harder at the family party at the weekend and work next week but the R&R is doing me good.

My fanjo recovered well and quickly, apart from the fact the procedure seems to have undone all the good work I did on my pelvic floor post DS, eeeep

Thanks for the warm welcome (back!). Was funny I had "watched" my old JS thread back in 2012 and had a look earlier and it was thread #11 ! So pleased to see it has continued on strong and at thread 60 now!!

Great to hear some that some icing is happening. Did an opk this morning and eve but nothing yet... FF is predicting sun/mon so we shall see. I promise I don't get too obsessed with contraband etc

Sorry to those who have had losses too. It's been tough and some days I still am sad but really pleased to have come this far and also rejoined this lovely group. Fingers crossed for all of us

Welcome pineapple sorry to hear of your loss

Vidroids, hope all your fanjos are OK, very disturbing to hear what they've been through

Nothing much to report here, just a bit of an achy womble.

Hello viroids...just dropping in to give and to those who need it.

Nothing going on here...dropped out of TTC for a month due to work worries. Decided time for a new chapter and to move to a new (rented) house.

Found somewhere lovely and put down £450 for the totally obscene rip-off admin fees. Obviously they check work references but they specifically asked whether my role is under threat in any kind of way. Didn't expect them to be that thorough as previous references only asked whether I was currently employed.

So all fingers and toes are crossed that our HR shared services people in some far off land don't actually realise I'm under consultation.

Back to TTC in a few weeks probably...

Where are all the viroids this evening?????? I guess you are all jsing... Very jealous

So new factoid: if you have a BMI of over 30 then you should have 5000 micrograms of folic acid a day - Dr has to prescribe...
Have just emailed my consultant for a prescription

Hope the move goes OK Stumbly not long til you'll be donning your cape again

Today I have been mostly angry with my cm. This is a new low.
Only 2 days of ewcm in nearly 6 months. I wish I could ship it in from somewhere

Kwick I've just realised you said 5000 not 500....That's a big jump from the usual 400!

Kwick...I specifically asked my GP that and she looked it up in some sort of NHS reference book and they only prescribe it to diabetics on the NHS, not to people with a high BMI...

Hi viroids. Poking head in. I'm a old time JSer for those who've never met me. DS is now 9 months old and it took nearly 2 years on this thread plus a mc to get him.

We've decided to start ttc no 2 as we don't definitely know why it took so long the first time. My tests at the clinic found 'unexplained infertility' officially, but I have short lp and ended up upduffed after taking b complex to lengthen it over time, which was both interesting and highly frustrating. I'm on the older side at 35 (36 soon) so don't want to delay.

Waves to the viroids I know hi guys lovely to see you!

Considering Dh and I have only dtd 3 times since DS was born it might take us a while. He hasn't been very good at sleeping and only just started sleeping longer so previously we were just too knackered.

Nice to meet you all, looking forward to hearing all your stories and cheering you all on

PS how bloody rude - forgot to actually ask 'do you mind if I join you!?'

Stumbly gx it works out OK with the new place and you will be back able to enjoy the JSing soon.

Kwick no JSing was happening here, I was asleep on the sofa, so rock and roll.

I would like to get back to DTD now though, the RMC don't want us to conceive before I have the blood clotting tests in about 4 weeks but knowing my wtf cycles we won't conceive anyway until at least the next one so we should be safe to actually have some fun

Family party is this afternoon and evening, I will be out if my safe little bubble where I am coping just fine and thrown into questions about when we will have another. A good test of how I will cope at work plus at least there will be

Hi all, been crazy busy so not read back but sending hugs to kwick, corgi, chat and cats, hope you're all doing brilliantly.

la! come on in, how nice to have you back! How on earth is he 9 months?! Here's hoping for a nice small age gap

Hey just! How are you doing? I need to read back and find out what's been happening.

Cats enjoy your wine this afternoon and don't listen to the nosy people it's none of their business. I had folk asking when are we having no 2 as soon as I had him.

I'm still bf and haven't had af since birth so no idea if I'm even icing

Oooh la how exciting! Gx it happens quicker and easier for you this time. X

just hope ur doing OK lovely.

Woah I was moany last night. Sorry vroids, cycle 6 is quick approaching and it's freaking me out.

Hi La! Lovely to have you back here (you didn't need to ask...).

Hi pineapple, welcome back to you though I wasn't JSing in 2012 (DD is was also a shit sleeper). Sorry you're in the loss mama club too.

Brilliant would be an overstatement, just, I'm just happy not to have topped myself, I was in a pretty dark place. But, I did go out to see CBSO do Queen last night, and had red steak with blue cheese, so there have been some smiles.

NFMV: BFN! Only took four and a half weeks

Welcome back la how on earth do you have a 9 month old? I managed to graduate a few weeks back, 9 weeks now still feeling very cautious. Hope you get a small age gap X

Kwick, Stumbly and Alice I'm on 5mg of Folic Acid and am not diabetic or overweight. The RMC consultant bunged me on it, not sure the exact reason why but think it's something the miscarriage specialists are doing especially if you're over 35. Alternatively you can just take 12.5 of the 400 microgram tablets to get the same dose, although maybe one of the medically trained viroids could confirm if that's right.

Welcome back lala!!!!

cats maybe you should change your name to rockchick????? . Best of luck at party.

Although it pains me to say it stumbly lets hope your HR mess up!

just how are you my lovely?

chat do you mean you have your AF? I have no idea how long it will take to get mine after MC... I guess I should be like a boy scout and always be prepared for an appearance?

mimi I would definitely rattle if I took so many pills!!!!

I think you're brilliant anyway chat . Not topping yourself is a victory, as is steak and blue cheese.

Me? I'm fed up and pissed off with ttc. I have no enthusiasm for the process left and I feel nothing but bitter jealousy for all my pregnant/mummy friends. I hate the person I have become but I'm powerless to stop it, I consider it a personal win that I haven't thrown something or cried in front of them. It's a daily battle not to come across as a total cunt, I've no more energy for positivity.

Well you did ask

Totally understand how you feel just, it's a complete fucker. With the jealousy thing, I tried to be happy for people that they hadn't gone through what we had and that they weren't having my baby, cos there isn't a limited number and them being pg is not one less for me - no idea if that makes any sense or not??

Still not happy with scan pics on Facebook, I've had a number this week, safe to say I will not be making a fb announcement, i will tell close friends at some point and that will be it.

Have some wine on me