We are the Viroid Warriors! We are practising our PMAs and stockpiling the rare FRERs, come join us for the continued BFP boom...it's only bloody JS 60!!!

[stumblymonkey]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like 'something' = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 59 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2579958-We-have-enjoyed-jizzidents-and-jizznamis-We-are-fans-of-having-a-rummage-and-we-are-getting-all-the-baby-juice-we-can-to-keep-the-bfp-boom-going-Join-us-in-JS-59" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2582188-Weve-got-newbies-to-cheer-us-on-the-February-Warm-Up-is-complete-after-waiting-nine-long-months-its-only-bloody-time-for-March-Madness-Welcome-to-JS-thread-no-46" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

I've tried inverting the pics and there is a faint line on both, impossible to say if it's an indent though. Rip apart the packaging and see if closer scrutiny gives any clue?

DP lost his job, one weeks notice period . FUCK!

Fuck just! Only one week that seems really mean!

Bastards

Will he be able to find new work quickly?!

Also how on earth can they get away with only one weeks notice

Was still on his probation period so they can get away with it. He should be able to get something fairly quickly, fingers crossed

Fuck a duck, just! Not really what you need.

scottish I feel like I can see something. Definitely do one again in a couple of days.

Ah rubbash! Well that's s relief!

Bloody nightmare really. I'm trying to be positive but I'm inwardly crying and shrieking! Not his fault, think his face just didn't "fit" but bloody crap all the same.

He's worried he's let me down .

And to add to the shitness of today I have taught all day with no voice my fault for having too good a time at my sister's hen do which was fun and I think af is about to start. Although can't predict when af due as I don't think I iced this month. I suppose I must have as got the skittletits as usual but didn't get a pos opk and normally get positive for a few days .

Just shit shit & even more shit

Sorry to hear about DP's job just one week is really shit! I really hope he finds something soon. My DH is currently job hunting. There's a few jobs he's applied for, hoping he'll hear back from one soon. He is still currently employed, but hating his current work situation and coming home cranky a lot. I know that's not the same thing, but he is finding jobs to apply for so hopefully your DP will too..

I think I jinxed myself with saying my natural AFs are very light. My last one was slightly heavier. This one is now pretty normal.. the spotting/light bleeding kicked it up a notch unexpectedly and I think I've ruined a pair of underwear..

Ain I'm actually quite pleased for you that you've ruined underwear with a normalish AF! Have been thinking about you.

chat seriously, who tags anyone in a bfp post on fb anyway! Except the dad maybe. Idiots!

just sorry dh has lost his job and got so little notice. Hopefully you'll look back in a few months ths and think it was the best thing that could've happened because he'll have a better job.

just sorry that's so shit, your poor DP. Even though it's a probation period, one week seems incredibly harsh. Hope he's ok

Thanks for the line solidarity you lovely lot. DH was even a bit convinced he could see a faint line (normally thinks I'm a nutter staring at pictures of pretend lines) so we'll see.

Woop for a normal AF, ain!! I still wonder if I will ever get to the point in life where I can get through an AF without sacrificing at least one pair of undies. Maybe that's when you know you have life sorted? #lifegoals

I am glad for a normal af, and not too bothered about the underwear really. Was an old (but comfy!)) pair. I'm not enjoying the cramps though.

I've decide to class today as cd2 and yesterday (bright red instead of dark blood and yesterday was when the amount began to increase from just being really light). Not 100% sure that's right, but seeing as my last cycle was 83 days I don't think a day is going to make much difference in the grand scheme of things.

Scottish I'm with you on the #lifegoals! Looking at your pics I think I can see something on the second one, but don't want to fuel the crazy.. but I'll have my gx for you (plus toes, and everything else if it will help) that in a few days you'll get something a bit more defined.

cats my heart goes out to you.

What a wank stain just!

Hiya ain I missed you!

I am back to see consultant tomorrow so I can learn what next steps are... My womble hurts. I am still bleeding and did I tell you that I have had an allergic reaction to anti MRSA lotion where my tummy flab hangs over... Very itchy and just fricking awful.

Oh no kwick! Sorry to hear about your pains and rash- sounds rubbish

What are you thinking about what you'd like to do next?

Welll scottish I would like to regain my good looks and svelteness which deserted me in my early 30s but seeing as that will require hard work and sacrifice I rather think I am going to explore whether I can do another round of IVF

kwick you are hilarious! Good luck today lovely.

Thanks Kwick I have my MVA today, I am dreading it but at least it'll be over quickly. I'm loving your attitude, I hope it rubs off on me.

Just that is such a fucker for your DP, sorry to hear you are having to go through all that.

Ain whoop whoop for normal AF

Hope it goes well with the consultant Kwick.

Thinking of you Cats.

Good luck today Cats and Kwick

Good luck today cats and kwick!

NFM Pee- SuperDrug own brand even fainter than on Monday. GP suspects chemical pg. Redoubling efforts for this month- hopefully chemical won't have messed with icing too much!

Good luck cats

scottish after my chemical I read a lot of (entirely anecdotal none scientific stuff) which suggested it was the body's way of doing a trial run and you were likely to fall pregnant soon after. Whether that was true or whether the knowledge I could get pregnant helped with positive thinking I don't know, but I was pregnant with my sticky one two cycles later. I hope its the same for you.