TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided - all welcome!

[Kwick709]

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Oops cross post. Sorry Pickle.

I'm not surprised you're confused. I hope things work themselves out

pickle hunky surgeon eh? Would it not be better to go with 4 ops option so you get to see him more? Sorry just trying to bring some levity to what must be an agonising decision. I take it you are self-funding?

Neighbours question 1: why is Steph still in it? - she was always my least favourite character
Neighbours question 2: why is the lady who is flirting with Karl so familiar (have I recognised her from sons & daughters which I used to watch)?
Neighbours question 3: why oh why did Charlene and Scott ever leave?
Nieghbours question 4: why has Steph not got her son Charlie anymore?

shoes I have 4 spots on face (more elsewhere ) - which is most unlike me... do you think we are getting the same symptom??????? Sorry just cannot stop the cray-cray now its started!!!!!

Oooh hopefully your spots are a negative in a positive situation :)

Neighbours questions....
Steph had left and came back fairly recently, she had a massive breakdown a few years back and tried to steal someone else's baby, Charlie got taken away from her and lives with her ex max.
Scott and Charlene own a garage or a farm or something somewhere else
I don't recognise weird flirty lady but I have seen sons and daughters lol

Yeh surgeon is a hunk but at £500 per surgery I can deal with just looking at his face on google hahaha....skin graft waiting to see the cost of :/ scared.com! Taking baby money away but want this sorted first

Ah Pickle, it all sounds so confusing. I hope you sort it all out soon, I know how much grief it's causing/caused you!

Kwick - Yeah you're right, that lady you're on about is from Sons & Daughters - we were talking about it today in Nans!
Charlie (Steph's son) is living with his Dad I think x

Well this is most disappointing that I missed Steph's absence!!!

I agree pickle you should get it sorted. Looking at photo on tinternet is a good compromise :)

I have got very good at spending money... I reckon yesterdays trips to clinic have set me back another £500...oh well all in such a good cause!!!

Have a great day everyone!!!!

How are you getting on Cloud ?

Hi ladies,

Kwik - Yes, I did hear about QI. Sara Pascoe made a couple of jokes about it on Saturday. I think she'll be ace! Likewise didn't think anyone could come close to Stephen Fry but I think she might just do it...

Pickle - Oooh, hunky surgeon! Whoop whoop! I have a hunky dentist, but he job shares with his wife and she's not so nice to look at. I've still not worked out which days each of them work so it's always pot luck it seems. Good luck with the decision on the op, sounds like a tricky choice. I saw the grating thing on embarrassing bodies once (I think it was a lady with a burn if I remember rightly) - I thought they were nuts but it sure did help.

Shoes - Not sure this helps, but the spotting could be anything to do with hormones. In the last week or 2 I've noticed a couple of spots, and haven't really had any (many?) for years (since my teen years I guess). Lets keep fingers crossed it's due to BFP... Goes for you too Kwik.

Latest symptom = Lots of tiredness. Probably made worse by the fact that I'm still not doing caffeine. I know, I know, I could do 1 cup of real or 2 cups of instant a day and still be fine, but hey, if I can get away without it that's got to be better, right? I'm also getting a bit fussy with food. Last night we were having chicken stir fry but I just didn't fancy it so had marmite on toast instead (the only thing in all of the cupboards/fridge that I thought I could stomach). I've not been sick but have an almost constantly weird feeling tummy. You know when you're not sure if you're feeling a bit sicky or just hungry? Mostly feels like I'm hungry and so I keep eating ginger biscuits and ready salted crisps which seem to ease it a little. Wouldn't call those cravings as such. Also feeling a bit bloated from the Progesterone (Crinone) which I have to keep using till week 12. Again, the Progesterone is known to cause sicky feeling so whoop whoop! I will keep using the Crinone though cos I know it's good for me, even if the side effects of it are quite annoying.

How is everyone doing? How's those dreaded 2WWs / TWOTs going?

TD x

So, ladies, I have a question for you. And I apologies if any of what I write is insensitive now that I have moved to the next step, but I'm keen to stay around here for a while longer to see how you're all getting on. I know I'm going slightly off topic here, and I apologise, but I value your opinions on this (and don't really have many other people to ask as I've not told many people I'm up-duffed yet).

So, my question is... I am 7.5 weeks up-duffed. And I am starting a new job on 11 April. Yes, I know, terrible timing! All going well I will be 11 weeks up-duffed when I start my new job. Do you think I should (a) Tell my new employer now/before I start about my situation? (b) Recind my notice and stay working here and not start the new job? (c) Start new job and once we get past 12/13 weeks tell new employer? I wasn't really too worried about this to be honest (was just going to go with c), but the more I've thought about it (and talked to my Mum about it) the more concerned I am getting about doing the right thing here. Anyone got any advice please? What would you do in my situation?

Thank you xx

With some employers I think you wouldn't be eligible for maternity pay if you hadn't racked up a certain number of months (I'm not sure how many) before going off on maternity leave, so you might want to bear that in mind.

If that's not an issue, I don't think I would tell them. My mother has already said to me that until you have had a good 12 week scan you shouldn't consider yourself pregnant as things so often go wrong before this point (sorry - I wouldn't say this but it's relevant for your work situation). Going by this you shouldn't be telling anyone yet.

This might be useful.

www.equalityhumanrights.com/your-rights/employment/applying-job/your-rights-if-you-are-pregnant-or-maternity-leave

But every situation has it's own factors to consider. For example, if I went off on maternity leave my employed job is so ridiculously niche that my employer would struggle to find cover for me and so it would seriously nark them off if they employed someone and then discovered shortly afterwards they'd be off on maternity leave for a year. If your job is less niche and they will easily find maternity cover and your colleagues won't be left to pick up the pieces, it's less of an issue.

I have no idea whether my witterings are helpful here. I might mull this over and come back later.

Hi Shoes,

So, I am lucky to a certain extent as one of my old colleagues works for the new company. I spoke to her some time back and said that me and my wife were thinking of looking in to having kids and could she send me the mat leave policy. She knows no more about our situation. So luckily I know how much money I will get (I should still get some money (18 weeks full pay), and also Maternity Allowance from the government up to 39 weeks (basically the same at Statutory Maternity Pay but the government pays it instead of the new company as I won't have been there 41 weeks when I go on mat leave - this is about £140 a week, and you can determine your eligibility from the gov.uk website)). Which is handy. Based on that I am happy to take the job and we'll be OK money wise. So that part is not really a consideration.

I must say, I am still leaning towards agreeing with you re not telling them before I start. As you say, anything can happen up to 12/13 weeks and the scan that you have around that time (should hopefully know tomorrow from GP appointment when this scan will be). We've told my parents, my sister, and my wife's sister. I figured if anything did go wrong I would want some support from them (and my Mum's sister died a couple of weeks back and I knew this news would really cheer my Mum up). We're not planning on telling anyone else till 12/13 weeks (my wife's Mum is a nightmare and would tell everyone so she's not getting to know till everyone else!). My job isn't particularly niche, it's Project Management so really lots of people could do it. I work in the pharmaceutical industry so I guess that makes it a bit more niche, but I don't think it should be a problem. And there's about 4 or 5 of us in the new team so could share the work around a bit. I guess they'd still get more notice from me (probably 5 months ish) than if I handed in my notice (3 months).

So, in conclusion, I am thinking I won't say anything. I think they will probably be a bit annoyed with me starting even though I'm just up-duffed (I think I would be), but what will be will be really. I didn't know I was up-duffed when I accepted the job... (I did know there was a chance I might be but was still in the 2WW). I applied for the job back in early November and hadn't heard anything till January so assumed I hadn't got it. I think it's acceptable that I would have got on with something else in the interim believing I hadn't been successful. I'll just have to be an awesome employee so they're not too annoyed with me...? LOL

18 weeks full pay! My silly niche job is 6 weeks at 90% pay followed by statutory, unless you guarantee returning after maternity leave and staying for at least 9 months in which case you get a bit more. I won't return to work after maternity leave as I'm developing my own business to work around any child I might have.

Don't feel too bad about your new employer. There are plenty of women who would still be unaware that they were pregnant at all at 8 weeks. Your employer never need know that you knew before starting the job.

I wouldn't say anything for a little while, as others have said a lot of people wouldn't know they were even pregnant yet so you are just keeping it to yourself until you been there a couple of weeks :)

So decided to have scar revision instead of the skin shaving (makes me shiver just saying that word,videos of it were horrific!!!)And costing came out as over £2000, the other surgery although I may need 2 or 3 more after the first one but at £425 each time it somehow seems more reasonable and won't have to get into debt over it can just pay upfront each time. All booked for end of next month,excited and scared all at the same time. Brought a lovely play suit today (shorts version) that can't wait to wear when all healed (which may well be in about a years time but exciting prospect :) )

Sorry I am joining the party late - but what shoes and pickle said. Say something when you get to 12 weeks and rejoice that you will benefit from mat leave :)
I have taken ostrich approach and not even looked at mat policy at work AND I am in HR!! "You should know the policy then" I hear you cry - well not really as 1) my brain space is limited and has enough to cope with without remembering things like this and 2) my area of purview does not include the UK so there! All I know is that by hook or by crook I will make things work financially :)
Actually my boss spoke with me today which was a bit of a surprise - she knows I am trying to get preggers - and wanted to know if I wanted her to count me in for a different job - not yet defined- but with less travel. The man from Delmonte said yes!
Night, night!
PS I am getting worried about boo and cloud. Fx for you both!

Sorry ladies. Back on the radar. Developed a bad migraine Sunday night so have been out of it in bed for the last two days. I suffer from chronic migraine, getting 2-3 migraines a month which generally last 2-3 days each. I can't take my pain medication if I'm trying to get pregnant so have gone on a preventative so I can hopefully survive the whole process - can't eat and can barely drink water due to migraine nausea. But it's a fine balance as whilethe preventative is apparently 'safe' for pregnancy, but I've also read it can cause problems during pregnancy. Pain is now receding and I'm absolutely STARVING so that's a good sign.

Hi ladies - sorry I've been AWOL! Been busy trying to sort some things out, plus my cold seemed to come out after I said I thought I got away with it. Sod's law!

Taydex - I ages with everyone else. I think there's no reason to tell your boss right away, especially seeing as you're not over 12 weeks yet. He can't penalise you for it, because it's just the way things have panned out. As the other ladies have said, many women don't realise they're pregnant at the stage you're at now, so you've got a bit of an advantage. Would be different if you're 6 months gone & have a bump, I suppose! Don't feel too bad either. It's just the way things have worked out and I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason :)

Hope you're all ok. I've got my Dr's appointment at 5:40pm to speak more about why my ovaries are small and not working . X

However, I did still manage to pee on a stick, four in fact, and you ladies were right! You're not out until you're out!!

Turns out....I'm PREGNANT!!

Seriously, WTF?!?

Late Monday night I was desperate to be able to take painkiller so I decided, stuff it, I'm gonna pee on a stick, confirm I'm not pregnant and take some bloody painkiller. I can still remember the utter disbelief when it came back saying 'Pregnant'.

I'd bought the ClearBlue digital reader ones so I didn't need to interpret the results (is it a line? Is it a shadow? Is it a cross? Am I cross-eyed?), and yet I still just kept staring at the word 'Pregnant' waiting for the word 'Not' to appear (Obviously the 'Not' needs to appear, I can't actually be pregnant, and how bad a design is this that the 'Pregnant' bit comes up first??) I even got out the instructions to double check if 'Pregnant' actually meant PREGNANT. It does, apparently.

And yet I still told myself that the test must be faulty. I'd heard that digital tests can be inaccurate. So my shocked, pain-addled brain decided that the only thing for it wasn't to do another test then and there, but to go back to bed and test again in the morning. Which I did. Three times. All three came back the same. Pregnant.

So, while I'm not sure I'll class myself as up-duffed just yet (I might save that milestone for after AF has well and truly missed her spot), it does appear that step #1, #2 and hopefully #3 are more or less completed! (And on IUI as well!)

(Oh, and I'm very happy about it too!)

OMG OMG OMG!!!! Cloud That is amazing news!!!! I am so so so so happy for you! It's a very odd feeling isn't it? I kept testing every other day ish till a week later just to be sure. And still it didn't really feel real until we went for an early scan at our clinic at 7 weeks.

Wow. Well done you, you clever little thing! Big hugs and xxx

P.S. Enjoy the calm before the nausea storm! Oh, and if you have any questions on the next bit, please do ask me.

Oh and thanks all for your advice re my new job. You've put my mind at ease. I had originally thought that I wouldn't tell them till after 12/13 weeks but Mum and Dad said they thought I should tell them sooner and, well, I normally trust their judgement. Anyway, I am sticking to my guns. The new guys can't do anything about it cos there's laws against that kind of thing (discriminating cos I'm up-duffed). Phew, I feel a lot more relaxed about the whole thing now. Oh, and I definitely didn't buy some more babygrow vest things in Asda's sale last night, cute Winnie the Pooh ones... No way, that would be bad

Pickle - Well done on making that decision re your scar. Sounds to me like you've made the right choice. Good luck and please keep us posted. Oh, and have you thought about doing before and after photos to remind yourself how you've come.

Kwik - Great news on that potential new job, that sounds amazing. Do you think they would consider you even if you are up-duffed (or will there be another ostrich head in the sand moment, but like with me?!).

Boo - How are you doing? Are you and your son still poorly?

Bloody hell, this is brilliant news!!!

So pleased for you Cloud

Fingers crossed for you that all goes smoothly from this point

Woohoo, another thread BFP

Thank you ladies! And thank you for your thoughts while I was offline. I was really looking forward to being able to share my news with you - I just had to wait until I could look at a phone screen without flinching. It's nice to have people to share this with.

And Taydex I totally understand your dilemma about to tell or not to tell. And it's always gonna be a tough one for anyone who values integrity and honesty. However, ultimately you need to look after yourself and your new little one first and foremost. Businesses are businesses and will adjust and keep going. There will either be good people who will understand and be excited for you when the time comes, or there will be rubbish people there in which case they don't deserve your concern!

Having said that, I'm struggling with the same dilemma myself so I was glad you posed the question. I was made redundant end of last year, and decided I was best to do consultant work rather than take another perm job. My plan is to move back home once I'm properly pregnant and don't want to fly any later than 7 months (if that!) and so will need to leave any job I take with about 2-3 months notice (basically forgoing maternity leave even if I was entitled). Of course with this recent news, all going well, it puts me in the odd situation of interviewing knowing I'm pregnant and that (hopefully) I'll be leaving the country in the next 5-6 months. Of course it could all go tits-up and I'll still be here for another year or two! (At which point I damn well need to be employed!!). To make matters worse, the role I'm currently going for I was put forward for by my old boss and friend. So I feel a responsibility toward him to let him know. It's uncomfortable to be keeping this from him when he's putting me forward. But then it's not like he was supposed to know whether I'm pregnant or not!

And sometimes I ask myself would we even be having this conversation if we were just 'trying' at home? Is there something in the fact that we have to book these procedures in that make them feel much more premeditated and intentional? But why should we feel like we owe it to (potential) employers to share very personal and private information, simply because we're not doing it the 'traditional' way?

Anyway, rant over. And I'm no closer to finding my answer. But for what it's worth, from everything you've said it sounds fair and reasonable (and prudent) for you to not inform them until it actually affects them.

Oh, and now that I can finally leave the house I will be heading to the nearest Boots to pick up a whole lot more tests! You're right Taydex it really does not seem real. I just hope I can get through this next week with AF showing up and ruining it. I need to remind myself that if this baby really wants to be born then there's nothing gonna stop 'em!

Okay off to shower for the first time in three days

Cloud if you want to avoid spending a fortune on tests, you could order these. If you go for express delivery they'll arrive tomorrow:

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00IWONP9E?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00

I've just ordered 8 and it came to £6.45 including express delivery.

I know it's not as definite as the ClearBlue digitals, but as someone wittier than me said on a different thread, using lots of those is like pissing on a five pound note each time!

Cloud - Also, please be aware of spotting. It's quite common around the time that AF is due. I personally use Crinone (front bottom suppository Progesterone gel) which needs poking out with a finger every now and then (I now do this daily as I find the Progesterone makes me bloated and sicky feeling, so I put it in about 7pm in the evening and remove manually during my morning shower - I figure by this point I've had most of the goodness from it anyway). So, around my AF due time / test date the Crinone was coming out a deep reddy brown colour instead of the usual creamy white colour. I convinced myself this was AF on her way (as I had this with previous unsuccessful cycles). But AF never came. I presume if I'd not been using Crinone that I would have had some spotting in my pants over these few days (2-3 days I'd say). Just to make you aware in case this does happen. Now, go shower, stinky!