TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided - all welcome!

[Kwick709]

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Robin sorry I can't help with your query, Im not quite there yet in the process - good luck though!!

Kwick I agree, its a case of just pay, I will say though that with Care I was disappointed that I was paying a premium private price (alliteration alert!) but wasn't getting the service I would expect, that quick turnaround, the being there at the end of the phone when they said they would - it just made me a little angry. trying to book me in for a Hycosy before I even saw a consultant to agree a treatment plan. It was just all a little strange and off putting for me.

and I also agree that coughing up the readies (great phrasing!) does indeed lower the anxiety level.

speaking of which, my acupuncturist suggested I stop doing my basal temp and OPKs as given I was doing IVF it would all be monitored for me anyway, for really why worry myself (had been freaking about my ovulation not hitting peak last month...) great advice. still can't quite throw the opk kits away though....

Oooh Caution if you are on the wales website, check out the overview of consultations page under the Treatment&Services tab. very helpful and might answer some of your questions?

Kwick I'm ok thanks. It's been a tough few weeks but I feel like I've come through the worst now. Like you, I've had a horrid virus thing these past few days which has been annoying because I felt like I was just resuming normal service after the miscarriage when I came down with it! How are you feeling today? Sorry that AF still hasn't shown up. Are you already taking a good dose of Vitamin C? I've read that this helps the lining of the womb build up so would encourage AF...

I've ticked hurdle number one off my list. I had a negative pregnancy test on Friday so I'm crossing my fingers that AF shows up within the next seven weeks.

Stork after reading what you've said about CRGH I'm tempted. I absolutely love my clinic in Denmark but the cost of flights and hotels has shot up with it being summer, and more worryingly some flights have been selling out. I don't think I could bear getting a positive OPK and then discovering that I couldn't get a flight to get to the clinic in time.

Can I ask you a couple of questions as you seem to be well researched on CRGH?

1. The cost stated for IUI is £650 but includes some blood tests. I've already had all the blood tests I need. Are they giving you a discount on your IVF price because you already had some of the tests done?

2. Have you worked out how much donor sperm from ESB will cost including shipping to CRGH and storage there?

I hope everyone's ok today

Hey shoes glad you are turning the corner! xxx

So CRGW is the clinic in wales. I haven't asked them about a discount, but the AMH and Follicle scan wasn't what was included anyway, the Hep/HIV etc are and I will need those closer to the time of treatment - so can't help there Im afraid.

Re ESP: yes! also I worked out Xytex too.:

ESB:
2 x vials @ Euro(E)498 + pregnancy slot @ E600 + postage @ E275 = Euro1871 x Uk ex rate of eg 0.77 = £1434.55

Xytex:
2 x vials @ USD($)700 + postage @ $585 = $1985 x Uk ex rate of eg 0.692804 = £1375.22

now, bear in mind that the clinic said that you 'could' buy one vial from your chosen sperm bank and have it sent over to wales and they would use that, but if there was a problem with it, then you could always select a back up welsh donor ahead of time, so if there was an issue with your first choice, a nice welsh man could come to save the day, so you would only need to pay for 2 lots of sperm if there was a problem with the first choice - that make sense? I guess it depends a) if money is tight b) how you feel about using welsh donor as a back up?

That help?

Thanks Stork

Wow - those sperm prices are more than I had imagined! When I go to Denmark the sperm costs £250. I suppose it's because the sperm bank is in the same city it doesn't have to be shipped far and you only need to order one vial because if there was an issue with it the clinic could just send for another.

I wonder how much info you can get on the Welsh donors. I'd be perfectly happy with a Welsh donor as long as he was tall, preferably dark, and educated. Obviously there are plenty of men in Wales who fit that description, but whether they're the same ones who decide to be sperm donors... who knows. I need to be careful - I may be casting nasturtiums (sic.)

shoes ya donor sperm is crazy expensive, even wales is just under £500. The donor co-ordinator at CRGW could answer your questions Im sure. They seem to all be v helpful.

Stork - I rang again today on my lunch break and managed to get somewhere. Hurrah! Basically I have a telephone consult booked for 29th June at 11am - I have managed to get the morning off work for this. I'm just going to keep writing down my questions and go through everything I want to talk about. They said it usually lasts 30-40 minutes, and this IS the one I'll be charged £150 for. I think it's because it's my first consultation anywhere. I'm a bit dubious (as I said yesterday) about what they can tell me over the phone - but I think this is definitely the clinic I want to go with. I'll explain all about how I'd only want to be there for what I'm really needed for. They told me to have a look at the list of donors they have in case I can see one there I'd like to use. I'll still go to the open evening again at Care - I'm just a bit worried I'll end up having to pay twice for a consult! 😂

caution, that's good news! So I guess I would say that you have to have. Consultation, it's up to you if it's in person or on the phone. And I guess I would say what can't they tell you on the phone the they could tell you in person? For example, my long donor meeting with care could have been completed on the phone easily.

As for paying twice, well you shouldn't, should you? The core thing I think is to just be clear about what's important for you to know during this consultation. However saying that Amanda said I could email her with any further questions I had, so don't think it's all or nothing!

Xx

robins learning how to inject takes no more than 30 mins and less if they are subcutaneous. The mixing was the bit that got me - but after a few tries I was a pro!!! BTW not sure what your meds are but I still have some fostimon and merional (and zomacton in the fridge) and am happy to give away. I am not some dodgy drugs pusher, I promise. Just PM me if you are interested.
Starting with next af sounds right... Comment on drugs is wierd - they should either have on site or have a supplier that can deliver real quick.

stork dont't throw away opks!!! You can use for bfp checking maddness :)
My clinic is a bit erratic sometimes but I just weather the storm and suck it up - they have high success rates.
Btw if you take any kind of hormonal meds the opks are not reliable.

shoes if I take anymore vitamin C I will turn orange!
Sorry to hear you had lurgy too. Its pants.

Yep magic potion is well expensive. I managed to save a bit this time with xytex as I shared shipment costs with someone else. I have 3 vials safetly frozen at my clinic just waiting for my ovaries to deliver.

pickle how's tricks?
taydex you still there?

kwick - oh, how very kind of you (and I'm amused at the drug pushing image. I bet we could get MN on the front page of the papers in a different way, with that!). But we've already paid our clinic, and in any case I've no idea what it would be for us. It's just something to stimulate her ovaries slightly, but a really gentle dose.

It's really reassuring what you say about injecting. I do think that the clinic we're with can be a bit odd at communicating. They said the meds are on-site, so I can't see why it would be an issue for us to get them. But at every step they've been very vague about how long the next step will take - I get the impression it's because they know people will be desperately hoping, so they don't want to come straight out and say 'here is the usual time frame; here are the tiny risks of what might go wrong' in case you pin all your hopes on that time frame and it doesn't work out.

But I would much rather be told!

Anyway, they have good success rates, so they must be doing something right.

Hope your ovaries start doing their thing soon, and thank you for setting my mind at rest.

Kinda feel like the universe is against me. Too many good sized follicles so my iui has been cancelled. Have to wait for the next cycle now.

karen oh Im sorry - that sucks!!!! do you lose money?

Stork - yeah I can totally understand that. Most things can be done over the phone nowadays. Is it just a consultation that's included in the £150? I'm gonna have a look after I've written this anyway, but just wanted to ask you as well as you'll know more than what the website could probably tell me... For example, at Care they said the donor meeting is included in the price with first consultation. If that makes sense?

That's really good that you've still got an open source of contact with Amanda. The support you get at CRGW sounds amazing. I've been writing my questions down at work - but when it comes to writing them down, I can't think of any!!! I'll just have to write them down as I think of them.

I've started doing ovulation tests too - my cycle is still a bit out, but I'm hoping in the coming months it'll settle. The cyst I had threw them out of whack! I just think it'd be a good idea to have a clear knowledge of when I'm ovulating and when I'm not.
Thank you so much Stork - you've been so helpful.

Kwick has AF showed up yet??
Karen I'm really sorry to hear that

That is pants karen what are they worried about though? A multiple pregnancy?

caution doing opks before you start sounds like a grand plan. If I could go back and do-over I would have done this. Also I would have kept a hourly diary of 2 weeks afterwards - to lessen symptom spotting during 2ww.

I have just landed back at LHR - another couple of hours and home sweet home

Still no fricking af

robins my clinic were/are a bit vague at times. I think it is a mixture of:
A) they have to repeat themselves a lot
B) some decisions like meds is very last minute as depends on what scans and bloods show
C) they do not want to over promise and under deliver

Thanks everyone. I'm not devastated but pretty down none the less. I was having symptoms this cycle I've never had in my life, so thought something might be odd. Turns out my estrogen is through the roof right now. I have 7 mature follicles all ready to pop. Such a waste, and that's what bothers me the most.

stork no money lost with the cycle, just the time spent going into the clinic and the cost to travel the hour each way everytime.

kwick I suppose that I could have ended up with 7 babies. Not quite what I'm after, so I get why it's not advisable to proceed, but I still feel like shaking my fist at the universe.

Bottle of wine and bag of crisps already purchased for my pity party tonight.

Here's hoping Things go well in a few weeks. Guess I gave my ovaries too many pep talks this time around!!

Oh and kwick I hope your af shows up very very shortly.

Shake your fist karen I would plus say a few choice words
No chance of collecting the eggs? I never got beyond 2 eggs even with heavy duty drugs.

My clinic charges for cancelled cycles - a bit less, but that way they recoup for scans.

Just had a bit of a cry - my cousin's babies were 2 today and she sent me some lovely pictures and I was just overwhelmed by longing. Hope this is a sign af on its way - yes I have got to clutching at straws stage.

Have just placed a mahoosive Deliveroo order - will drown sorrows in burrata cheese: verboten when upduffed.

Oh, karen, how rotten. It must feel so frustrating that your body is doing so well, but just too well!

kwick - yes, hoping for you too!

Hey caution, so honestly, I'm not sure. What it says on the website won't be what we get as we are asking them to merge visits together because we are travelling so far. Best to write that down and ask. What I would say is that Care were quite officious in terms of I HAD to do a 90min donor meeting with the team before I even met a consultant. It was really annoying as so many questions couldn't be answered by the donor co-ordinators. So I say go with the flow, trust that you'll get the info you need and prep accordingly.

karen we spend such time hoping for super quality eggs, then much like buses they all come along at the same time! I'm sorry for that.

kwick to be honest I didn't even know that collecting eggs could be a possibility until I started looking with Google. Didn't even know that cancelling and iui was a possibility until today. And I went to my appointment with such a positive attitude! Even brought everyone pastries. To be honest I'm terrified of scans now, ever since my missed miscarriage. Trying to get over that one as the anxiety is a bit silly. I'm sure your af will be here shortly. Hope you are feeling ok.

stork I know, right? All those wonderful potentials that are just going to waste. Now I know I just need to focus on getting two, maybe three. That's it.

Karen that's so bloody annoying. I really feel for you.

Looking for the positives in the situation, it must be a good sign that your body is producing good follicles so hopefully bodes well for your next cycle.

Enjoy your wine. We need to make the most of lovely wine while we can!

Stork, what did your 90min consultation include with the donor coordinator? I've always been intrigued by that consult. Is that basically where they just talk about donor sperm etc? I can't imagine it needing to be 90mins tho..?? Do CRGW have consults with donor coordinators?
Yeah I'll write it all down and I'll ask on the 29th June. I'll re-ask any questions I've asked you also - not because I don't trust you, but because it's always good to ask them too :)
I'm getting really excited now. I know it's still three weeks away... But hopefully it'll fly round! This is my first full week at my new job (bank holiday Monday interrupted last week) and it's gone so quickly.
My cousin is prepared to take the road trip with me to Wales too :) mum said she would come but I think my cousin really wants too as she's so intrigued. I've also told my best friend who lives near Cardiff - she's up for meeting up too, which will be amazing as I haven't seen her for three years!!

Kwick - the reason why I wanted to start ovulation testing is because my cycles are still out. If I have a good knowledge of them and can pin point a day within the next 4/5 months, it should be enough, right?? My last scan I had with my gynaecologist was okay - he said my cyst had disappeared (although I already knew that as I'd stopped getting pains!) and everything looked perfectly normal... I have another appointment with him on 3rd November too, so I can always fire questions at him about my ovulation if it's still not up to scratch

Karen - enjoy your wine!! I think you've deserved it!! At least you know your body can produce good quality eggs - that's got to be a little bit of a weight off your mind, huh? X

So at care they sent me the biggest pack of paperwork you've ever seen with loads to fill out. You do that and return it before the appointment, or the appointment is cancelled. So it's 90mins of going through the paperwork with people who aren't your consultant and can only answer questions about donor sperm. They tell you all the issues, all the legalities, they bang on about counselling, about what you're going to tell the child. They ask about your colours and build preferences. Honestly I didn't learn anything new as I'm a researcher by nature! Like I'd do something like this without talking to people and finding out about it.

So basically a load of messing about, then a few weeks till Antral scan then another few weeks till my consultant appointment. What a waste of time!!! That is what annoyed me about Care, a laxidaisical attitude and bigger all sense of urgency. Why not group these appointments together like CRGW? And I've been called by the donor co-ordinator of CRGW but only because I asked about using Welsh donors as a backup. If you are buying in from eg esb, then you don't really need to talk to crgws sperm bank I guess?! I was told donor sperm would be dealt with ie where I'm getting it from at treatment planning appointment.

Yes yes yes, double ask and double check everything!

stork I had that type of consult as well. Lots of questions about how I was going to talk about the donor with my child at 3 years old, 7 years, etc. I was pretty much like, what? Let's get pregnant first, have the baby and then cross bridges as they come. So many questions asked and answered, and the entire time I was thinking only that I have researched this, thought about it, and I'm ready. I hope the time flies by for you.

shoes and caution thank you. I keep telling myself that's it's good to have too many follicles rather than not producing any. Still feel like time is slipping away on me. At this point having an April baby would be nice. Summer mat leave and all that. Hugs to you all and hope you have a good night. Friday is soon upon us!

karen yeah exactly! I know they need to tell everyone everything, but to make me have that meeting first, when I really had medical questions that were more pressing, and to insist the meetings couldn't be done on the same day... it just made me feel that they were more about process than they were about people.