Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

Glad you are doing well Jessie!
I understand your worries, it is hard to ignore the stats, although you are right, we can see and read tons of evidence that goes against what we are told.
You have done amazingly so far!
I am starting a healthy month, trying my best to have no alcohol. Injections start around the 24th!! 3 weeks, eek!!

I am with wotsitsmaltesers - I do not think think this is about absolutes Annie... Just take care of yourself and focus on your plan.
Jessie I agree 100%... Women do get preggers past 40 - sometimes with a helping hand but sometimes without it too!
I had my 5th IUI earlier today.... So fingers crossed! The consultant told me to take 75mg of Aspirin daily which is new advice.

Hi, can I join your group?

I've been trying for a family since I was 33 & am now 39 (40 next month!). 6yrs of trying and was too scared to ask for help as I thought it was just something I was doing wrong (did all manner of stuff over the years - dieting, no booze, charting, relax, ov sticks, stressing alot etc - except get referred - argh!). Did have a lot of stuff happen in those 6 years like family deaths, signed off with stress & 2 operations so those things did pause attempts at times.

Finally asked my Dr for a referral & saw the fertility clinic last Oct (yay).
Wish with all my heart I'd gone years ago. Wish I'd found this forum years ago. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

OH is ok but I have ovulation problems. Was totally shocked. Hit the ground running since then. I had the lap & dye op just before Xmas and am now on 1st cycle of Clomid & hoping by some luck that it works by 10 Jan. But if it doesn't, before I have a chance to try a 2nd cycle the clinic have offered IVF because of funding ending next month as I'm 40. I have 1st planning meeting tomorrow. Excited. Scared.

I really appreciate you sharing your stories as it's helped me a lot. Thank you x

Hi Youdothatvoodoo ... welcome (and love your quirky name!)

So glad you decided to join us. You are so right when you say hindsight is a wonderful thing. I certainly regret certain things, but there is no trial run at life. Sometimes time just runs away from us and we don't always make the 'right' decisions. It's really great that you feel like things are moving for you now.

I too decided to do IVF (this month ... eek!) because of time. I would have loved to give it longer trying naturally, but as I'm getting funding from NHS I have to go for it now before I get even older and not eligible any more.

Anyway, looking forward to seeing how you get on!

Good luck to Daisy and Quick. Daisy, I think you're being really brave. Fingers really crossed for you for this next time!

Thanks loueesa for taking time to respond. It's funny that you are experiencing "not bothered" feelings on IVF drugs. I was on a long protocol and went on Yasmin contraception for a while. It was wonderful emotionally. I hadn't felt so balanced and in control of my emotions for years. I was so rational and calm, I would definitely go on it again if it weren't for the fact it is a contraceptive!

Yes we have considered donor eggs and it's a joint decision that neither of us want to use donor eggs.

wotsit yes, you're right, all these churned up feelings are absolutely connected to the new year and feeling like you haven't achieved what you'd hoped. Still, it's good to have a fresh start and move on to new hope. I will take your advice and not think of it in terms of starting to live and make choices and plans again on the assumption that I'll not be pregnant.

As you said Kwick, it's not absolute. As long as we are not using contraception we are still ttc and there is still hope. I know that to really move on from the emotional pain we need to make that step to make it absolute but I'm just not ready quite yet.

jessie hope you are doing well, I do think catastrophic thinking has got the better of me lately. I used to be a very positive person and a real cheer leader and support to others on the Clomid, Old Birds and IVF threads but I have slowly lost hope and don't have the drive I once had to try new things. I will however get back on the vitamins and try aspirin this month as your BFP has given me a boost. I think I need a good talking to from your friend!

Welcome youdothat, you've found the right place for support and a unique viewpoint of those is us who are in the position of ttc over 40 for a variety of reasons. Good luck with your clomid cycle I hope it works for you. It worked for me on 2nd cycle (sadly mc'd). Sounds like you are being well looked after by Health professionals in terms of lining you up with treatment.

So sorry for all my typos - autocorrect on my phone come up with weird stuff. Enjoy being a wife not enjoy being a wide!

Hello to everyone else! Xx

Hello ladies, just dropping in to wave and say good luck to you all. I have two dc, the first conceived when I was 40. All best wishes to you all

Hello, wanted to cheer you all on. I gave birth to my first child at 42 and she was conceived using donor eggs in a clinic abroad. Utterly magical to find that she's really 'all mine' in every significant respect. I couldn't love her more.

This year, at the age of 44 - and with only one functioning fallopian tube, and using DIY artificial insemination due to a wrecked sexual confidence on DH's part - we found ourselves pregnant! I'm due in a few weeks.

Please don't give up. Just keep getting the sperm in any way you can and do consider coenzyme q10, zinc, selenium and a high protein diet. That's what worked for us after several years of ttc and resorting to IVF.

That's an amazing story Itworks, thank you for sharing. I've had a dark night tonight trawling the web for positive stories and that has lifted my spirits no end.

Thank you for sharing your inspirational story itworks - it really did work for you! And thank you too devora. Love these positive stories.

Just used an Amazon voucher u was given for Christmas to order some Pregnenolone, CoQ10 and pregnancare conception for an artificial boost to start the year!

Itworks what a lovely story! I would do the same if I had a magic potion source to hand, so to say...

What is the CoQ10 supposed to do?

I have taken it very easy today - watching old episodes of Death in Paradise on YouTube :) whilst keeping my feet warm and doing a yoga pose that is supposed to aid conception! I will do more visualisation/affirmations later on.

Back to work tomorrow :(

Good luck kwick. I do admire you. Was thinking of going the donor route at start of last year. Am still grappling with whether that would be the better option. Fingers crossed for you. Am going to start a few yoga poses of my own as getting worried my weight is causing problems. I'm not huge, about 12 and a half stone but all my friends who get pregnant do seem so much thinner.
Well done for positive purchasing annie a good decision.

Oh and to top my day af came and partner away looking after nephew as his sister gone into labour today with her second. Great.

ItWorks, Can I ask what the cost is for an average cycle of donor IVF abroad? I know we probably can't afford to self fund in the UK and my consultant said donor was the best chance we'd have of conceiving.

I did/am doing a tandem cycle, so the price of this is more than a donor cycle. But I think a donor cycle can be around 4000 euros.
My tandem cycle without meds is 6000. This will be my last attempt with my eggs I reckon

Hello all ,newbie here. Tolu is the name and am 44 ,anybody that age looking at doing an ivf soon need encouragements to put me thru after a failed cycle last year thanks all

Thanks Daisy

Hello ladies, also coming to cheer you on. I had my first at 38 and second at 41. Jessie, so pleased for your news and hoping for more bfps in 2016 on this thread. I hope you feel better soon Anniehoo.. Ttc is tough there is no getting away from it esp when other people declare. All good wishes to you incl if you go for adoption.

Fwiw neither home pregnancy tests nor opks work for me due to a bladder condition. But I think this enforced zen ness has made ttc slightly less horrendous. So I'm for ditching the tests! Tho I am one of those mucus watchers (sorry tmi).

i feel for all as took a year plus to conceive dc2 and found that really hard tho I was already lucky enough to have one. Keep believing and keep trying ladies ;-)

Thank you so much, Clara101. That IS really encouraging. My favourite stories are ones from ladies who took a while to conceive but got there in the end. Makes me believe that's just to be expected for our age - which I can cope with!

:-)

Happy New Year to everyone, great to hear all the positive stories.

I am really hoping that this year will be full of good news from us all.

Booked flights to Athens yesterday for a consultation with a clinic at the end of this month to discuss IVF, thought I would hit the ground running in this New Year .

Also managed to get the NHS clinic to agree to send me our results from tests we had last year so we don't have to pay to have them all done again. Initially when I emailed them they said they could not send to me directly (?!), but they would send on to whichever clinic we chose. After mailing them yesterday and asking them to send to Greece they have replied today saying they can't do that and will send to me.

Did anyone else return to work this week with a bit of a bump? It was a shock to the system for me on Monday after 10 days of relaxing and chocolate/mince pie eating!

sparrow well done on hitting the ground running :)
Work has been complete hell, especially today where I was inly supposed to have 2 meetings which morphed into a non-stop from 13pm until pretty much now... Tomorrow is worse... Not even time for toilet break! Oh well at least it keeps ny mind off 2ww!

Work has been pretty normal for me over the festive period as I was only off for 4 days and have worked every day since last Tuesday - my next day off is a week tomorrow!!

Hi all,

SparrowSG - yes, back to work with a bump for me too. I had to lose weight over Xmas to qualify for IVF so felt really mince pie deprived! Made up for it now though :)
Good luck with your consultation & glad you got your test results ok without paying again.

Daisyboo & Loueeza - good luck with your IVF cycles. Looks like we will be around the same time? My drugs are being delivered tomorrow & due to start them next week. No idea what to expect so I'm imagining I'm waiting to board a rollercoaster ride.

Kwick709 - good luck :) hope you are getting some nice distractions as well as work distractions in your 2ww.

Devora & Clara101 - thank you for the wishes

Jessie - great news :) hope everything is going well.

Itworks - thank you & congratulations

Was trying to message everyone but sorry if I missed anyone.

I am liking the positive stories too. I wish everyone here good luck and hope this sweet sixteen year gives us all joy.

Hi all, really quick checking in, sorry I can't do individual replies as am at work and don't have much time.

All still OK in that I have no reason to think otherwise, but am still only 6 weeks and feels like the first scan is a lifetime away - it's 2 weeks but time is dragging so slowly. As I am taking progesterone I probably wouldn't bleed if there was a problem. I am not going near those CB digitals with weeks indicators.

I'm feeling pretty crushed by the uncertainty of it all. No symptoms, am not feeling sick or massively tired and boobs only a tiny bit sore. Just lying low and willing the time to pass and trying not to play out again and again the scene in my head where the sonographer finds nothing.

But I need to remember that this is so much further than I have ever got before.

(We're also in limbo on our house, completion delayed from 18 December to a date as yet not fixed....just want to get ON with life!)

Fingers crossed and lots of luck to you all.

Hi Jessie - happy to hear that all seems to be fine, but I can totally imagine how you must be feeling. I'd love to be able to give you some gem of advice to help you feel better, but I'm pretty sure nothing I could say would help. I know I'd feel exactly the same as you.

Unfortunately this whole ttc thing seems to be one big uncertain waiting game, at every stage.

Still, as you say, you've got further than you ever have, and that's a great reason for celebration. Hang on in there, honey.

As for me, I went for a scan today which showed that I'm ready to start taking the stimms drug. So I guess that's some good news. Or not bad news at least.

Realised that I'd been doing the first injections slightly wrong! I thought I'd figured out a less uncomfortable way of doing them by angling them at about 45 degrees. Apparently that was wrong as the drug might not get deep enough into your tissues. Oops. Still, seems no harm was done. Means that I've got to brave stabbing myself with the new lot at 90 degrees though. Ouch.

Hope everyone else is well. Good luck with all your respective treatments! :-)

Hang in there Jessie, we never know what the future holds but right now according to the best understanding you have you are pregnant. So all you can do is one day at a time and live in the moment xxx