Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

Hi Russkipsy, my partner is happy to have children and is only slightly older than me at 41. He already has 2 boys of his own and is a very hands on dad. It's more to do with the cost that puts him off. I mentioned that we could go to Greece or Cyprus as it has good results and can work out cheaper but he wants to stick with clinics in the UK because he thinks that they will be cheaper.

Glad you had a nice sunny holiday and hopefully the SMEP worked for you. I'm taking the tablets to get my period back and then I can hopefully start the SMEP plan too. I've got my meeting with the IVF doctor on the 11th when we find out what she can do to help us.

I think cyprus works out cheaper, and then you can have extras than may increase your chances.
Nearly 24 weeks pregnant with twins thanks to Team Miracle, Cyprus! Eek! Scary and exciting!!!

Jessie, how are you doing??

I agree, abroad will be. I have cheaper. I've had all my test and DH's test in Riga, Latvia, at the IVF Riga clinic. I grew up in Riga (born in Russia) and the staff was so caring and helpful and the IVF Doctor is the best! We Frozen DH's sperm in March, for our plan B. And that would be an IUI. I'm in 8dpo right now and can't tell whether there's a possibility of being pregnant this cycle. It's a week befor AF and I think there's a slight tenderness in my boobs. People on this site say, don't trust the boobs(haha) but mine never really let me down when it came to AF. Hmmmm will let you know how I'm getting on.
Joey, hopefully your partner can see that overseas treatment is much cheaper than UK. Everything is cheaper outside of the U.K., I believe

Not sure if you've seen this chart before but thought I'd share it...

Hi Russkipsy, I talked again about IVF abroad but I think it will be a last resort for us at the moment. He still thinks it's better to try in this country first.

Anyway, I went to see the doctor at my local IVF clinic today. She said although it was a low amh result, it was a normal result for a 40 year old. However, it will mean that IVF is my only option and I'll be given a higher dose of medication as well. The first cycle will be with my eggs (15% chance of success) and if that doesn't work then the next time it will be with donor eggs which I'm fine about. We'll probably start treatment in September so in the meantime we'll keep on trying and use the SMEP plan you suggested.

Hope all is okay with you and thanks for the chart you posted.

Not posted on here for a long while as needed a break. Been lurking though and willing everyone to get there and enjoyed hearing of successes - especially Loueeza who has similar story to me - i.e. trying for months with nothing and finally getting there. Hope you're ding well Looueza. I still hope for me but am at all time low. August sees me heading towards 44 and after 1 1/2 years of trying feel I should face reality. Had an HSG on Friday and was holding out for trying this cycle and partner came down with a back injury so combination of that and the pain killers has stopped any dtd - have never felt so dark about it all. My great grand mother was 48 when she had her first so you just never know but office for national statistics has only 700 births to women aged 44 . Sorry to be negative just have to get tonight's gloom out somewhere.

wotsits! So lovely to hear from you here, although I'm so sorry you're feeling really down right now.

I know that nothing I can say will necessarily make you feel much better (I remember all too well those days of eyes welling up with tears on my way home from work). BUT, I hope that it might help just a TAD to keep my story in your mind. It actually took us OVER 18 months if you include our messing around with the one cycle of IVF we did, and, uncannily, we also couldn't dtd the month I did the HSG, which I remember also finding very frustrating.

The HSG did in fact seem to be the magic bullet for us the next month though (unless it was just coincidence, which it could have been). I also had a raging UTI that month, wasn't feeling well at all, and dtd was the last thing I felt like doing - but that was the magic month.

Another thing I'd say is that when you're able to look objectively at others' situations, you do have a lot more hope for others than you do for yourself, and I definitely think you still have a chance. It's a small chance each month, but all those chances add up to a decent chance overall.

Just for fun, I asked the midwives last week if they got many women in their 40s, and they said LOADS.... the oldest natural they'd had was 48! They'd even had a few in their early 50s with donor eggs through IVF. And that's just some random NHS somewhere in the UK.

Oh, Wotsits, I know all too well how painful this all is, but if you possibly can keep on in there. Keep trying for a while longer, do lots of things you enjoy, try to stay positive and healthy, and let's keep our fingers crossed.

Please keep us updated!!! Crossing EVERYTHING for you too! xxxx

P.S. I can't remember what you said about this, but I was taking COq10 supplement for quite a few months - don't know if that helped with egg quality too? Was also taking DHEA for a while, but stopped after about 6 months as I wasn't sure about taking it long-term...

New here - hello everyone!
I'm 41 next week, met my DH at 38, married last October We started TTC in January and we're pregnant by March. First pregnancy for both of us. Unfortunately, had a mmc at 11 weeks. Devastated beyond devastated, but dh is very optimistic about future pregnancies. Me, not so much.
Periods returned regular and normal, so we're trying again.

Thanks so much Loueesa. Your story is a real inspiration and does help to keep me going. Feeling a bit more up and looking ahead to next cycle. Glad to hear things good for you. Are you past the dreaded 12 weeks. The wait must be horrendous. Flowers to everyone and welcome helbelle.

Can I join? Looking for ttc friends! My story very similar to lots of other posters. Married last year at ripe old age of 39. Started ttc in Sept, pregnant by Nov. Couldn't believe our luck but sadly mmc and erpc in Feb at 12 weeks. Now on month 5 ttc again. Very stressed and anxious..... Had amh etc tested last year, low (7.7) but normal for age, probably much lower now though. Decided to head for ivf in autumn if not pregnant again by then. At the quoted success rates of 5% per month trying naturally I am not feeling too optimistic but throwing everything at it!

Hi Apple, we've only been ttc again for a month and I'm finding that stressful enough. I hope it all works out for you.
I'm still having bereavement support after my mmc and have been told to try to pretend that we're not ttc, to take pressure of ourselves. It's so difficult though.

Hi Joey,
How are getting on?

For the ones who don't remember or know me.
I'm 40
DH 41
Cycle #3

And this cycle is another BFN. Sadly. After a few agonizing and frustrating days, the lady AF finally made her grande entre!
Which made it CD34 for me! The longest cycle to date! And I don't understand the reasons for it. I Ov'd on CD15, slight unusual as regularly it's a CD14. For the first time we followed the SMEP plan. In between we flew to Russia to visit my grandma, my DH has never been to Russia before.
And when we got back, the waiting game begun. I had sore boobs since CD7! And still have! Then I had some brown spotting on CD11. I tested on CD14, 15 and 16 and it was BFN. Went to see my acupuncturist on Tuesday and not sure what she did but got my brown discharge yesterday (first sign before AF) and sure of sure, AF landed on me lunch time. Amen!
I was so frustrated for the past few days as I just wanted to know one way or another. So what caused the delay. She made comments about change of scenery and flying. And funny enough in May i had a few flights and my cycle ended up 33days. Hmmm interesting.
Either way, disappointing but the show must go on.
My acupuncturist is still very optimistic about me conceiving within 3 months, she said that last month. Guess we will see that in the next 2 months as I'm out this cycle.
Will continue with the SMEP plan

Hi, Russkipsy. I'm fine. The provera tablets kicked in yesterday and after 60 days without an AF, I finally have started. I've never been so happy to have a AF as we can now try again. I'll start the SMEP plan soon and in the meantime I've ordered Coq10 Ubiqinol as I've read lots of good things about it. Next month we have to start having blood tests in preparation for treatment at the end of September.
I'm sorry that your AF came and keep going with the SMEP plan. I'm sure your acupuncturist is right to be optimistic.

Hello all. Welcome to Apple and Helbelle This is a very supportive thread.

For those who don't know me I am 41 and been ttc for nearly 2.5 years now.

Sorry for not posting for ages. I've had a bit of a rubbish few months. I got my bfp in May but sadly had a miscarriage at nearly 7 weeks. They thought it might have been a molar pregnancy as my hcg was 22,000 and they couldn't see anything on the internal scan except womb lining so I had to have surgical management of the miscarriage. It turned out not to be molar so we are ttc again and we have also been referred for IVF.

We had our first appointment this week and have discovered that when my GP said everything was fine with our tests that was not quite true. The nurse told me that my FSH level was quite high at 12.5. Does anyone else know what their level is? I have of course done what we should never do and Googled it with a lot of different results so I'm trying not to be too worried. She recommended that I get my AMH tested too. I had to pay for it but I decided it was worth it. Am not feeling optimistic but I know I should just wait and see.

Also I'm annoyed because my GP didn't tell me I don't have immunity to Rubella. I don't understand it because I have had Rubella itself when I was about 7 and also I remember getting the injection in my last year of primary school. But I'm mainly annoyed because you can't ttc for a month after having the MMR and I read I might have to have 2 injections so that's 2 months out. I had to wait to ttc again while waiting to find out if my pregnancy was molar or not so I could have had it done then if I'd have known. Grr.

Anyway, the nurse said I also had to have my fsh tested again as it sometimes fluctuates so I've made an appointment for my day 1-3 blood test and also she suggested they test my oestrogen levels which apparently they didn't do last time (I don't know why). They also didn't bother to send off the swabs and the urine test I gave them to test for chlamydia so I have to have that done again which I'm really annoyed about.

Sorry about the very long me me me post. I hope everyone else is well and I hope that we all get some good news soon.

Loueeza - how are you?

Annie - are you still around?

Just giving a nudge to see if anyone out there. Feeling very low today. Af has arrived. I knew it was a dud month as only dtd twice as partner hurt his back. Was really holding out as had an hsg just before. 16 months of trying and nothing ever. So exhausted and run down by it all. 43 and a half this month so feeling like it's game over. I know it can happen but the reality is just so so stark. Only 750 births to women aged 44 in a given year. 750, and god knows how many thousands and thousands are trying. Sorry I am so negative I need to find a way of letting go of the dream . The thought of more sex fills me with utter dread and now it's a four week, never mind two week to see what happens this cycle. God I never knew I could feel this sad and helpless.

I'm here. Joined this thread a few weeks ago, checking in again. Will keep my eye on it!

Wotsitsmaltesers - stay strong and do what you need to do to get through this, let yourself grieve if you need to. I really felt for you reading that post. Get as much support as you can. I only started using these forums recently but one thing that has really struck me is how amazing and supportive all the woman here are to each other. You are an amazing person and you will get through this. Thinking of you x.

Cityzen74 - only had my fsh measured once, about a year ago and it was 12.5. GP wasn't concerned, higher than it should be but it bounces around and you might have just gotten an off month (every so often I get really short duff cycles and it was measured on one of them). 12.5 is not terribly high. My amh has been measured twice in 3 years and was fine ('average for age') both times. Went for a consultation at private clinic and Consultant there was also not terribly bothered with FSH result either given that the amh was normal. I would definitely get your amh tested as well, they seem to put a lot more weight on that. Also, bear in mind its only important for IVF. Other thing I was told by same Consultant is that none of these tests are tests of natural fertility, the only test of that is your birth certificate! Blunt but true. Got all those tests done nearly a year ago and I've been pregnant in the interim (ended in mmc).....so still trying.

Helbelle75 - you are in a similar position to myself, my mmc was one month before you. I am finding ttc again quite stressful, mainly as I know I don't have years ahead of me to do this. Great bit of advice I read somewhere was to focus on the process as opposed to the end result and I'm finding that really helpful, so we've set a deadline before we start the IVF process. I feel as long as we are moving forward one way or the other we are progressing. I really don't want to do IVF but I'm too scared to leave it too long. How are you getting on? x

HI everyone, been having a bit of a 'down' time, feeling more positive today though.
I used opks this month for the first time. My period was shorter than usual last month, which is very unusual for me, I've always been 28 days, but I guess that's normal following the mmc. Anyway, it was a useful exercise, as they at least showed I was ovulating and we managed to dtd every other for 10 days around that time. So fingers crossed, just another few days to wait and see.
Same as you Apple, we've decided to set a deadline, but to start the adoption process rather than IVF. We've said December, and we're going to some information evenings over the next couple of months. I've always wanted to adopt, so this seems the next logical step for us.
Very best wishes to everyone xxx

Apple - thank you very much for your response. It's really useful and helpful to know that your consultant wasn't that bothered about your FSH being 12.5. I'm waiting for results of AMH so we'll see how that goes. I'm sorry to hear about your MMC. That must have been awful for you.

I like the idea of focussing on the process. I am waiting for AF this week (well obviously hoping she doesn't turn up but...) then have to have blood test on Thursday and the MMR jab. Then once AF arrives I have to arrange a scan to check everything ok with ovaries and tubes etc. Then once that has happened waiting for next appointment at hospital. Hopefully after that we can start.

"wotsits* - I am sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I do understand and sometimes it just feels as though I just want to give up when AF arrives yet again. This forum is really supportive and the other over 40s thread too.

Helbelle - glad you are feeling more positive and sorry about your loss as well. We are probably due our periods about the same time so fingers crossed they don't arrive! We have also been thinking about adoption. We get one try with IVF and if that doesn't work I think we will go down that road too.

Sending best wishes to everyone.

Thank you cityzen and apple for kind words and sorry you've been down too Helbell. Sorry I had such a moan, we're all in the same place after all but it was good to get it out.. Am day 6 of cycle now, so am gearing myself up to a tiring two weeks of dtd. Having very weird rumbles in my tubes already which is strange and I'm worrying it's connected to the HSG. Good luck everyone for the next few weeks and fingers crossed there's a bfp or two or ten - it's about time we had one.

It's for to chat on here as no one irl really gets it. AF is due on Saturday - or any time now as my cycle was shorter than usual last time. I have all kinds of strange pulling sensations and don't feel great at all, but don't know if my body's still sorting itself out after the mc.
Fingers crossed for everyone.

I was naughty this morning and a did a test. Just a strip test one, but it had a faint line on. Fingers crossed then e gets darker over the next couple of days and AF doesn't make an appearance.

Hello ladies :)

Hope you don't mind me joining in also. Thank you to russkispy for telling me about this thread

I turned 39 in June. We started Ttc in June '15. I had a chemical pregnancy in August and then fell pregnant in September only to have a mmc in November. We then took a break during which time I had some private tests done which threw up some immunological (killer cells, subclinical hypothyroidism) issues. We started Ttc again in April this year, fell pregnant in June but have sadly just miscarried again.

Now we're taking a bit of time to just regroup and focus on ourselves. Planning to try again in September if my cycle goes back to normal and take it from there.

Wishing everyone much luck and love on what's proving to be quite a bumpy journey! X

Hello Karryk. Welcome to the site. We really are a friendly bunch.

I have to admit I've been a bit down lately about the whole ttc. The provera kicked in and I had a chemically induced period but as to when I get my next normal period and my cycle goes back to normal. Who knows?

Cityzen74 - what apple said about fsh levels are right. I had an fsh level of 4.2 but it's the amh result that's the important one. When I got my amh result, which was pretty low, I was told quite quickly that my only option was ivf and my second cycle would be with donor eggs. My fsh result completely forgotten.

Helbelle - have you got a BFP? That is very exciting! Hope you are feeling well - let us know how you get on.

Joey - thanks for your advice about the fsh level. That's interesting. I am waiting to get my amh results so I'll see what they say. The nurse wasn't actually that bothered about the fsh (well she didn't seem to be) but just said I had to get it tested again but thinking about it she was quite insistent on the amh test. Sorry to hear you've been feeling down about everything. I hope your cycle gets back to normal soon. Do you know when your second cycle will be? Does it depend on your period coming? Sorry if that's a daft question.

I've got a scan tomorrow to check that my tubes and ovaries are OK. I had one when I was miscarrying and they said everything looked fine but I suppose this one will be particularly looking at my ovaries. Hope they tell me then and there if all is well or not.

Karry welcome to the thread. I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriages. It's awful isn't it? I really hope you have time to grieve and then when you feel ready to ttc again you get your bfp.

It appears so cityzen! Have done several tests and they all say yes. Very excited and trying not to be scared after the mmc. I feel fine symptom wise, tired, a little queasy.
So sorry about your miscarriages karry. Good idea to have a regroup and try again when you feel ready. We've been trying again since our mmc but in all honesty should have waited. Now feels like the right time.