Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

Hi Joeypotter. My AMH was about 3.3 I think, tested last July. Our first IVF failed and our second (last December) worked- our son is due on 31 August. Both times they only retrieved 4 eggs but both times we got 3 embryos to implant. On the second round my drugs dose was up to the max.

If you scroll through this thread and its predecessor you should be able to find my posts easily enough as you can adjust your settings to highlight the OP. They have a lot more detail about all my IVF stats. My AMH did go down quite quickly over the course of 6 months between Jan and July last year.

Good luck.

Thank you AnnieHoo and Jessie. I feel more positive about my the whole thing now. I'm glad I had the test as at least I've got a higher dose of clomid and when I see my consultant, we know the facts and can talk about the next stages now rather than discuss them in September.

Lovely ladies: any advice on DHEA? My consultant has put me on it (even though I have PCOS - well at least some of the symptoms), but would be appreciative to hear your experiences.

Hi Kwik. I was taking DHEA for about 4 months before my IVF, but a consultant I recently saw (NHS) told me that he wouldn't be taking it if he was me because it's not an approved drug. At the IVF clinic though they recommend that all their 'older ladies' (!!) take it before their cycle.

This has left me not really knowing what to do about it. I've read about it online of course and it is a bit controversial. Apparently it can help to get better quality eggs, but some believe it can be detrimental if you don't really need it. From what I understand it raises our testosterone levels, which us older girlies are sometimes deficient in, which affects egg quality (I may not be explaining perfectly correctly, but it's something like that!). The problem is is that if you don't really need it, it can have the opposite affect.

Unfortunately though no one really knows for sure, but IVF clinics have seen some improvement in egg quality.

For the moment I've decided to ditch it and take COq10 (also good for egg quality) which seems to be less controversial.

I think it's one of those things that you have to do a bit of reading about, and then make your own decision :-)

Thanks loueeza
I am on coq10 also plus vit d, c, b, e and trying to have a baby supplements.
I appreciate it is controversial... But seeing as my consultant proposed it I am going with it. Just wondering though if persistent headache could be related to consumption.

Now all I have to do is wait for AF... And try and lose loads of weight in the meantime....

Hi kwick I've stopped taking the DHEA and the CQ10 because I don't know what the hell they are!!

I honestly don't think anything can help egg quality. My simpleton logic is: when people say "just relax and drink lots of water, take vitamins, try a naturopath" I think, well this doesn't reverse the ageing process for any other part of my body like my skin or my hair or my heart so why would it work for my ovarian function? I'm ageing. I can spend an infinite amount of time and money on trying to reverse that process but it won't change the lifespan of my cells and organs.

Oh I'm on one today! I had made up my mind to stop ttc and then I saw an older mum in town and her beautiful sons... I want one!!!!!!!!!!

But both DHEA and coq10 are supposed to help the aging process
I need to feel that I am contributing to this ivf thing!

The CQ10 could be causing the headache. I was taking it at night and couldn't sleep because my mind was so active. I think the pills may have caffeine in them. I switched and took it in the morning and drank 2 litres of water a day and it was fine. When I was taking at night I couldn't sleep.

If your consultant had recommended it that's ok. I was just worried because j was taking it
Unprescribed.

Interesting chat - may I ask a couple of questions?

Joeypotter - Interested to read about your clomid.

• Are you/have you been taking the clomid already in your current cycle?
• Is this with a view to timed intercourse or IUI?
• Whilst on the clomid, are you being monitored by ultrasound scans (to see how many follicles you're getting and to guide the timing of DTD or IUI)? Especially if you've increased your dose of clomid, I did wonder whether anyone watching to see whether you're maturing multiple follicles and assessing your risk of a twin/multiple pregnancy?

Kwick709 - So glad to read you seem back on again with "this IVF thing"! When are you thinking about trying IVF again? Did your consultant have any 'learning points' about the previous cycle, or suggest tweaks for the next one?
Also on the DHEA - I was very interested to read you had a 'professional' recommendation for DHEA, so to speak. Did your consultant suggest/prescribe a particular brand, or say how long to be taking it for before your next IVF?

Rememberaball - I'm half thinking about IVF abroad too, but WHERE to choose is quite the dilemma! Wonder if you've considered similar clinics to me? PM me if you like.

AnnieHoo - Chin up chick. FWIW I hope you get your baby too. You come across some selfish 'me, me, me' people on MN (as in life), but pretty sure you're not one of them. So if there's any justice in the world, baby for you!

Good luck to everyone else.

Hi all, I'm just popping in from the 'other' 40+ thread to wish everyone well and tell you about two first time mums my friend recently told me about when updating me on old friends/ acquaintances.

They both came to ttc late for different reasons (and not because of career obsessed blah blah blah DM stuff!!). One had her first at Christmas at 45 after successful IVF. The other had her first just recently at 46, conceived naturally.

So keep on trying ladies, it does happen.

Special congrats to Jessie, who I've just seen is happily expecting baby boy in August. I've lurked occasionally on this and the previous thread so know how hard you've tried!

My best wishes to everyone else, and to those who have recently had set backs. I know how this feels.

Hi Chewy Giraffe. The answer is really no to most of your questions. I've just had my af so will probably start taking the tablets at the end of May. I've not had an IUI but am trying to work out the best dates to dtd. When I last spoke to my consultant in March, we'd talked about having scans to coincide with the tablets (I'd already had taken them for 3 months at a lower dose and one scan arranged by my Gp, showed I'd ovulated) but then a HyCosy was mentioned, the next lot of clomid was forgotten and the consultant decided I would go back onto clomid in June. Due to my amh result, I've been sent the tablets early. I'll be bringing up monitoring the follicles and next steps when I see her in June. I'm quite new to this so not quite sure if I know all the facts and what I have to do. X

anniehoo I do take my coq10 in the morning, I actually changed to pure ubiquinol - just looked at bottle, no caffeine there but thanks for suggesting.

chewy consultant prescribed the DHEA and also supplied - £18 a bottle which is reasonable. It is Health Aid super strength dhea 25mg. I did a stimulated ivf before, this time I am going for natural as I only got two eggs.
I will be starting protocol on second AF - no idea when first will arrive.
We did not discuss donor sperm, I have one vial left but I will need two. I need to consider my options.

twinkly lovely stories - thanks for sharing.

Thanks Twinkly .

Just spoke to an old friend this morning who has conceived her second naturally at 42, but it did take them over 18 months.

Any ideas what I can do with my left over meds? I have 3 boxes of Fostimon, 3 of Merional and 1 of Zomacton..... Seems a shame for them to go to waste.

Thanks for the stories of hope, Twinkly and Jessie.

My favourite stories are about 40s gals who tried for a while before striking it lucky - makes me feel like I'm not necessarily hoping in vain!

Hope everyone's OK - especially Kwik and Annie.

Where there is life, there is hope loueeza

I am ok - just anxious to get going again but desperate to lose weight also - just read up on risks for those with a bmi of over 30....

Sad news from me. Just turned 43. Miscarried 18 months ago. No children yet as I met my husband 4 years ago and stupidly didn't think we needed to hurry.

We conceived naturally in March but when I went for my 7-week scan this week they said I was only be 5 weeks 4 days pregnant. They could see a sack but nothing in it. I knew I was more like 7 weeks so I asked for HCG tests and had a call yesterday to say it's rising but not by 60% or more, and that it doesn't look like a viable pregnancy. I have some dark blood spotting and deep period-type pains and am preparing for the worst. I feel heartbroken but we have to go on...

I do believe in positive thinking. We were about to try Clomid, I think IVF is too expensive for a 10% chance of success, so should we (deep breath and long pause) stop messing around and get our head around egg donation IVF, perhaps in Spain with a 64% chance of success? DH is 37 with SuperSperm.

Just to add that we are far from rich; scraping the money together would be hard but not impossible.

DIxxie my heart goes out to you I have just had a MC - at 8 weeks after IVF. I had a scan at 7 weeks and all was well and then a week later not. I was heart broken, but I am feeling a bit better now - just anxious to have the 2 AFs so I can do the next round of IVF.... I left it too late (never found my Mr Right but always knew I wanted to be a mummy). The good news - and I know it is of little comfort right now- is that you CAN get pregnant. Getting to implantation is like a miracle in itself.

Dixxie - sorry to read your sad news. No words are enough really, but I am sorry for your loss. (Unfortunately I have been there too, so have first hand experience of just how awful it is).

As regards your question on egg donation in Spain, it's a big step and only you will know when/if you're ready to take it. BUT perhaps it's also worth remembering that others have had miscarriages and/or chemical pregnancies before succeeding with their own eggs, whether naturally or with some kind of 'help'? So perhaps you could give it a little longer before going to Spain? Is there any harm at least trying the Clomid, if that's what you already had in mind?

Hi Dixxie - so sorry to hear your news. That's so heartbreaking when you finally get there. I know that it's our bodies self-selecting, but it doesn't make it any easier. :-(

I feel exactly the same as you about IVF. We did one round a few months ago as it was on the dear old NHS, but obviously to do any more rounds we have to pay.

I was leaning towards having another go, but now I'm not so sure. I apparently have a 20% chance and with the drugs it costs about £5,500 now at my clinic (recently gone up). I'm just not sure I wan't to gamble with those odds. So hard!

I'm so sorry dixxie . Right here with you. I also met hubby later in life and we've only been married 4 years. It's a really hard decision whether to keep trying naturally and hope that nature will randomly select that one elusive good egg and not another duff one. Or go straight to Spain.

We decided at the start not to go for egg donation so I'm going to try one more time I think. I can do one more miscarriage. I'm 43 this month though and It feels like the positives for being childless (free) are stacking up as the likelihood of having a baby diminishes. This is a kind balance for the pain of acceptance if you know what I mean.

Hope you are ok.

Hello to everyone else X

DIxxie

Ladies, thank you so much for your responses, it really helps. It's a tough time but we are determined to stay positive.

I think we realise we haven't taken all of this seriously enough... I've had a laparoscopy and a hysteroscopy, my tubes flushed. I know I have good FSH levels for my age, lots of follicles and eggs... So now we're going to have to get some private expert advice, we are on a tight budget, but if possible I want to research and find really good fertility doctor and have tests to understand if there's any reason we have miscarried twice and what we can to do to improve egg quality and maximise our chances of a successful pregnancy.

We do want to try the Clomid first and we really believe we can have a baby naturally but we need to be realistic... We need a plan for what we will do if it doesn't work... egg donation may be an option.

If anyone can suggest who we should see or any direction from here that would be great, and I'll share my experiences if it helps others. Xxx

Reading your posts my heart goes out to you all. Each of you has a story and reasons for trying for a baby at a later age... we are all going through challenges and trying to find our way. Hang in there. Sending big hugs back out to you, we can do this xxx