Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

Kwik - just wanted to say that I am very sorry to hear your news. It must be such a hard time for you. Sending you .

Annie - it sounds very hard going to that conference - you did really well. Not sure I'd have been able to do that.

Loueeza - hope you get some answers about your painful periods. It's good that they will investigate to check that you don't have endometriosis - hopefully you won't have it but if you do have painful periods then it's good to check.

I'm off to the doctor to get the results of my tests tonight so bit nervous about that. DH did his SA last week ok but we have to wait another week to get those results. We're trying the Sperm meets egg plan again this month so we'll just see how that goes.

Congrats to those who have BFPs and fingers crossed for the rest of us.

Hello everyone . I posted a few weeks ago but haven't been very active since getting a bfn and went into a bit of a funk.

Really sorry to read what kwick and Annie are going through.
I'd like an opinion on how long did people wait before they went to the docs to discuss further help. I'm 43 in a couple of months, this will be my second month of trying.

Powpowwow, go and see them straight away, you have no time to waste. (Fertility is decreasing month by month at our age although personally I'm a huge optimist, perhaps you are too). This is important: tell them you've been trying for more than 2 years (therefore classed as having fertility problems), otherwise they won't help you. In my experience, over 40 and definitely over 42, it is a postcode lottery as to whether doctors will help you and consultants will accept you as a referral. In London they shut the door in my face 3 years ago, but age 42 we moved to Worcestershire and NHS were lovely and willing to help. But I had a kind Gynae - he has just retired this month and it will be pot luck whether whoever replaces him is sympathetic to women over 42. For example he was willing to give me Clomid but his colleague was not. Make sure you get all the fertility tests, get your tubes flushed and get them to monitor your first cycle on Clomid otherwise you could end up with multiple births. As it happens I have fallen pregnant right after tube flushing and before I got around to taking it... IVF isn't offered at our age and there's a very low chance of it working, but if I had the money I would go straight to the Lister clinic in London which has the highest success rate in over 40's, and keep going for 6 rounds if necessary. Sadly we could never afford that so I'm on a super healthy diet, avoiding stress and being optimistic. Seems to be working! Good luck x

I agree. I went to the GP age 39 after trying for six years (!) and got referred straightaway. GP arranged all the hormone tests. However, it took a while for the gynae appointment to come through, then they wanted to do a laparoscopy for suspected endometriosis (which it turned out I have, so worth doing), then I had to recover from the lap before being referred for IVF. All in all, it took almost a year from seeing the GP to getting my first round of (successful) IVF. I will be 41 by the time the baby comes. My NHS trust offers one round of IVF to those aged 40 - 43, under 40s get three goes.

Hi Pow. The most important tests that you need to have are FSH and AMH. These will give you an idea of how fertile you are and how well you are likely to respond to IVF if needed. So if AMH (basically egg reserve, but Google for more details) comes back OK you can probably get away with trying naturally for a bit longer. But if it is very low you probably won't conceive naturally anyway and need to get your skates on for IVF. Equally, high FSH is a sign of perimenopause and tells you time is limited. As others have said, if you do need IVF then there is a long process for NHS funding and it may not be available to you. I'd suggest, as have others, telling the GP you have been trying for longer, but generally I think that over 6 months for over 35s is enough for a referral. If they won't refer you then I would strongly advise having the tests done privately- they are only a few hundred quid. Similarly if you can afford private IVF there is not much of a waiting time (though obviously depends where you are in the country). Private IVF is not quite as expensive as you may fear- our two cycles at Guy's in London were about 4K each including the drugs whereas I had in my head more like 12k a pop. I do understand not everyone has that kind of money though. Good luck.

Lots of information here, this is all very helpful
Dixie I feel I've been foolishly optimistic. Hoping to follow in your steps .
Alice where are you? I'm London, and suspect they would laugh me out of the door.

Jessie I didn't realise IVF was that cheap () because like you I'd expect it to cost a lot more.

Can anyone recommend a good fertility clinic. Dixxie referenced the Lister and I've seen Zita West mentioned in other posts. If we do have to go down the private route then I'd prefer to make an informed choice.

I promise the Lister Clinic has the highest success rates for over 40 women, but you pay for it. I have two friends who were successful there and I used to live in West London where all the 40+ ladies were doing Lister and finding the best possible acupuncturists with track record for IVF success. Another friend just had a baby after failed attempts by going on an alkaline diet with no caffeine, booze etc - none of us should be having those as they affect the quality of your eggs. Plus she had relaxed and they thought they were going down the adoption route after 5 months. Another friend tried natural cycle IVF - money down the drain, don't do it. There's a clinic in Madrid which is also good I think. You have to really do your research and look at their success rates for 40+ women. There's recent research that the more rounds of IVF the better the chance of success but again it depends on your financial (and emotional) situation

The IVI fertility clinic in Madrid - very impressive success stats and £3600 a cycle (add on travel expenses). www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/11482483/Fertility-treatment-Why-British-women-are-travelling-abroad.html

Very interesting discussion on IVF clinics, but PowPow, if you are still 42, you've only tried for one month so far, and don't yet know the outcome of your second month's trying, you may well be getting ahead of yourself thinking that you need IVF - lets hope so! You could surely give it another month or so, no?

I briefly considered Guys hospital too - they look like a serious, medical outfit - but as I'm over 45, they wouldn't treat me. However, as you can see, they were lucky for Jessie.

(BTW Jessie - it is wonderful to read of your progression past the anomaly scan, now through every hurdle bar the fun part of fattening your little boy up some more, when everyone in the world has to be lovely to the obviously pregnant person!)

Perhaps one of the reasons that Lister have a reputation for 40+ is that they will consider each individual - they don't have an automatic cut off for age (except the legal limit of 50) or indeed any FSH level below 50, so they are very 'approachable'. And yes indeed you will pay handsomely for it, over £6.5 - £7K for a stimulated cycle with ICSI. There are a few other London clinics with a similar 'flexible' approach, but cheaper prices, e.g. Create.

But you shouldn't have any real constraints at age 42 - why not look at Guys, or CRGH [- link to CRGH], where my friend has just got pregnant on her first try. ARGC [- link to ARGC] has a reputation for being IVF bootcamp and claim to have the highest success rates of all, but are also, allegedly, very picky about which patients they take on.

Good luck to you and to everyone else trying.

Kwick - I was so very sorry to read your news , , . Just such a terrible thing to happen, particularly when you've been fighting long and hard to establish a pregnancy. Remember you'll have a hormone crash too (as if it weren't cruel enough), so plenty of wallowing, trashy telly, Portuguese comfort food and generally looking after yourself. Glad you've decided to take some time off work, you need it really (I mean, I think anyone in your position would need some time off). And I hope you find your mojo again in a little while.

Annie - I hope you're looking after yourself too? Goodness, you're one brave lady tackling that work conference, so soon after your loss. I was sorry to read about the dinner table crunch point, I really felt for you. But as others have said, what a relief your conversation partner turned out to be so understanding. Take care, if there's any justice in the world, you'll get your baby soon.

chewy thank you ao much for your message. I am not feeling so great today - I have developed an allerhic reaction where my tummy flab hangs over... Fricking itchy. Also have womble ache... Although could be I have given myself a bout of food poisoning as have had diarrhea too... All happening here!
I am back to my consultant at CRGH tomorrow to see what options are.
Have treated myself to a new duvet cover... And am slowly clearing through years worth of clutter - but can only handle a bit at a time. Have put loads on sale with ebay.

Kwick sorry to hear you're not feeling great. Hope the allergic reaction clears up soon and the food poisoning too. It must be a very sad time for you - take care of yourself as best you can. I am trying to clear out clutter as well and I can certainly sympathise with only doing a bit at a time. Even though I've cleared out a lot I don't feel I've done anything. Good luck with it though and hope you have success with your sales on ebay.

I went to the doctor on Monday and everything is OK with my tests. She said my blood tests indicated I was ovulating so that's good. DH's SA results come out next week so we'll see what they say. My doctor has referred me on to the fertility consultant and asked for an ultrasound. I thought it might depend on what my DH's results were but she said we might as well start now. I do feel pleased with my doctor and how they have been with me. I know I'm lucky to have a good doctor.

Then when I did my clear blue ovulation thing it says I'm ovulating on day 9 which seems really early. I did feel as though I was ovulating but thought I must be imagining things. So we've dtd already on day 8 and 9 and hopefully some more over the next few days just in case that monitor thing was wrong! We were going to try sperm meets egg plan again but that seems to depend on me ovulating around day 12 or 14. Never mind. We'll do our best.

Sorry for the long post. Welcome to all the newbies and hello to everyone. Hope everyone is OK.

citizen your results sound encouraging and fx that this is your month!

Hello everyone. I went and had an AMH test and my result was 3.84 and it said with this result it would expect a below average ovarian response. It has suggested a higher dose of stimulation medication. Is this a really low result? Do I still have a chance with IVF? Sorry, I'm trying not to panic at the moment but am worried. Is there anyone with a similar story? X

Joey, no your AMH isn't 'really low'. Mine was 1.85 when it was done in August and my consultant said I had little to no hope of naturally conceiving and her only recommendation was donor egg IVF.

We're trying supplements and then, if no success will look at private IVF (perhaps abroad)!!

Thank you for replying Rememberallball. I keep looking on different websites to see if my results are normal for a 40 year old but they seem to be using a different conversion system so I can't work it out. I guess I'm just trying to put my mind at ease.

joey my AMH is 2.0 - my report says that there was a change in Feb 2015 - for direct comparison multiply by .75 if results prior to that date... Blimey this is all so complicated!

Thanks for your help. I've been so far seeing a consultant with the NHS but have now sent an email to see the same consultant but with a private clinic so we can discuss what to do next and start to get the ball rolling a bit quicker.

If you know whether your results are in pmol/l or NGOs/ml it will make it easier for you to interpret your results.

Ng/ml

It didn't say on the letter I received which is why I've been looking at lots of different websites, trying to convert and not being quite sure where I am. I've just sent an email to the clinic where I had the test to ask. Thanks - I was in panic/crying mode yesterday but I'm now ready for answers and action today. Thank you for listening.

Well I called the clinic and it is 3.84 pmol/l so hopefully that will make the results a bit clearer. I've also called the hospital and my consultant will hopefully call me back soon to discuss the result and hopefully increase my clomid medication to a higher amount of mg. I hope everyone else is okay out there.

Hi Joeypotter! I know it's hard, but try not to panic. I'm by no means an expert, but I think that sounds pretty 'normal' when you're over 40. Mine is something like 4.7 (or it was 6 months ago, so probably lower now). I've been told more than once that this doesn't mean that much necessarily. It just means you have a low ovarian reserve, which is to be expected as you get older, but it doesn't say anything definitive about quality. Certainly for IVF it's more about quality, although getting a few more eggs is good because then you can freeze some for future cycles. :-)

Thank you Loueeza for your kind words. I managed to arrange to have a higher dose of clomid and when I see my consultant in June we'll look at next steps which will be hopefully IVF.

Don't worry joey, loueeza is right, it's ONLY quality that matters. It only takes one good egg.

Quality is all that counts and so many ladies with extremely low AMH (as in 0-1) have gone on to have healthy babies!!!

Having a high result is no comfort btw. In July 2014 mine was 14.5 and to me it just means I have extra duff eggs so more miscarriages.

So don't worry just keep on keeping on!