Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

Hello, can I join too? I'm 40, no children yet and in the 2ww from my first round of IVF. Official test date is this Friday and I'm terrified. Been having odd symptoms all week (cramps in my cervix and by my ovary, feeling hot and cold) but I guess that might be the IVF drugs. Scared it won't have worked but also scared in case it's positive - I don't know anything about babies!

Hi Russkispy and alice! Exciting posts- best of luck to you both. Russkispy you sound like you have been very proactive and juggling ttc with working in Iraq is definitely a new one on this thread!

Alice gosh you could be almost there...we've had a couple of IVF successes on the thread- me as above and also Daisyboo who is pregnant with twins after treatment in Cyprus (hope all OK Daisy). Sorry to anyone else I have forgotten. Not first time for either of us though. I had frequent twinges in my ovary in the week leading up to my BFP.

Good to hear from you Jessie - glad all is well with you.

Welcome to Russkispy and Alice - this is a very friendly and supportive thread.

Thank you both, need all the support I can get, am a nervous wreck. And don't even get me started on the progesterone pessaries and the blood thinning injections....

Alice - sounds very complicated?! and I hope it works for you! Please let us know. Fingers and toes are crossed for you.

And thank you for welcoming the newbies. This is indeed a very friendly bunch of ladies. Guess we're all scattered all over the UK? I'm in Iraq at the moment but live in Kent. Any Kent ladies out here?

I was in Hong Kong when this thread started but now in London. Daisy is also in Hong Kong, though we didn't know each other IRL. Annie is in Scotland (where I am from originally) and I can't remember if other have said - Loueeza I have in my head you are in the N of England but can't think why.

Ah yes the pessaries Alice. A bit messy but at least I felt like I was doing something proactive. I didn't have to have blood thinning injections though, but am now on aspirin 75 mg a day to thin blood a bit as apparently over 40s more prone to not so good blood flow to placenta. My consultant last week, a slightly eccentric Indian lady was very direct "you must remember that your uterus is 42 like the rest of you so might not work like a young one". OK then.

I'm in the north of England, Russkispy.

Hi Alice, welcome and best of luck. I'm a newbie too. I'm 6 weeks, on progesterone pessaries. Haven't felt much in my womb area the last 3 days and panicking but not necessarily a bad thing? I'm just 43, listening to the group and a friend who was prescribed 75mg aspirin a day, should I be taking it too then? Sounds like it...

Hi Dixie and thank you. I don't know about the aspirin - I'm only on blood thinners because I have a genetic blood clotting disorder.

Was made redundant yesterday and just landed in the Blighty! And now it's all about DTD and TTC for a baby #1! No Iraq or work related issues and stress involved! Hopefully will be positive before I know it!

Hi Dixxie. I am on daily 75mg aspirin now but I wasn't prescribed it till 13 weeks. Don't know if that was just because I didn't see consultant till then, or whether it is not recommended in early pregnancy. Good luck!

Thanks Jessie. I just found this on a medical website which explains why aspirin is prescribed to thin the blood: "women are more likely to develop clots in pregnancy due to an increase in platelets and clotting factors. The uterus can also compress the veins slowing blood flow, which can lead to blood clots." I think I'm going to see a private consultant to ask, as my doc just said see the midwife at 10 weeks.

Just found out today - it's a BFP! So joining this thread has been lucky for me. Good luck to those who are still waiting.

Hello newbies and congrats on bfp

This has been a horrific week for me. Scan on tuesday (8 weeks) found no heartbeat and no growth. After some soul searching and a visit to Early Pregnancy unit has procedure today and am now in recovery at home. Devastated but trying to find my PMA. Lord knows how the human race has survived given how fricking hard it is to conceive and then actually get to full term

Kwick I'm so sorry. I can't find any words to make you feel better, only to say don't give up hope xxx

Omg (((kwick))) I am so sad to read this . It's so cruel and unfair. I am sorry you are going through this. It is the most awful thing to happen. I'm right here with you, just a week on and hormones all over the place. Wallowing and moping around the house works for me. Sending lots of love xxx

I hardly had time to recover as I had to go away with work on Monday and stay in a hotel for a week and do a really intense course with 25 strangers! I was so fragile emotionally. Everyone kept asking if I had children which was just chit chat but extreeeeemely painful for me. The last person to ask made me burst into tears at the table and blurt out that I'd just had a miscarriage!! The poor guy!!!!! He was a hospital consultant so I convinced myself it wasn't that bad and he did go on to tell me that he has IVF twins and he totally understood. Amazingly I managed to hide it from anyone else, it was quite dark! I find it makes me feel so much better if I tell people, it does seem to be very common so there is a little comfort in knowing that you're not completely alone and lots and lots of people go on to have a beautiful healthy baby.

Hello newbies to the thread!!

I need to read and catch up over the weekend but welcome to our little gang and congratulations on the BFP!! X

It sounds like we all scattered around the world.

Kwick - so sorry to hear your news! Big hugs and don't give up just yet.

It is so unfair that not only can it take ages to actually conceive, there's still no guarantee. Here I am at nearly 6 weeks a nervous wreck about what the next 6-8 weeks might have in store. Not allowing myself to think ahead, just in case. I'm trying to forget about it for a but with all the symptoms it's hard.

Thanks all for kind words and support.
anniehoo I am going to try and take off as much time as possible - so go back on 4 May - as otherwise I have to travel and be with loads of people in a very public setting and I am just not ready for that. At least you blubbed to someone understanding.
dixxie I think it is a really good sign if you are getting loads of symptoms. I was not and I did have an inkling all was not well with kwicklet. Anyway there us nothing I could have done differently to change outcome and just need to get back strength so can try again soon. Am starting ubiquinol supplements today and will atart again to force feed myself walnuts and so on!!!
Do you think pasteis de nata (those delicious portuguese tarts) can be classified as a good source of calcium?

Kwick, so sorry to hear your news. You're right, so much of this stuff is out of our hands and we can't control what happens. Take care of yourself.

I do know how you're feeling as I miscarried last time at 7 weeks. I really believe in nutrition, exercise and positive thinking. It's very common to fall pregnant again straight after a miscarriage and you have everything to play for xxx

So sorry to hear your news Kwick. I heartily endorse Portuguese custard tarts. The only vague pregnancy craving I have had has been for all things dairy and I scoffed a few of those myself so the calcium theory definitely makes sense.

Congrats Alice, hope that the next 8 weeks aren't too stressful. It was only after I got my BFP that I realised the 2ww was actually a walk in the park compared to waiting for the 12 week scan to arrive. I have no tips how to deal with it other than saying that it can be a bit comforting to do another test now and again to see the line, even though it means nothing at all really.

Kwik, I'm so so sorry to hear this news. It's a cruel business indeed. I'm just wishing for you that this initially awful time passes quickly and you're soon able to look forward again with new hopefulness.

Annie, sending you lots of virtual hugs and , too. I can only imagine how awful that conference must have been for you. If people only knew, they wouldn't ask about children so readily. Thank goodness that man was someone who understood, though. I think that might have comforted me somewhat.

We finally had our follow-up appointment at the IVF clinic this week. It was really interesting. I finally got someone to listen to my concerns about my period pains which seem to be starting earlier and earlier every month, and I think the doc's going to refer me for a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis. She kept saying she didn't think they'd find anything, but I think I'd like to be able to rule that out. Not a nice thought to have to go through yet another invasive test (and this one is the most invasive of all), but another means to an end.

They're suggesting we should do another IVF soon too, of course - with tweaks based on how I did last time. The price has recently gone up though. Because I'd need so many drugs, it would be close to £5,500 - ouch.

I think we will end up doing that, but to be honest it's a tricky decision. The doc told us that my chances every month should be 15% (although I'm not sure about this - I'd heard 5% for my age?). With IVF about 20%. Is that extra 5% chance really worth all that dosh?

Overall though the doc was very positive. She said my eggs were looking pretty good and she thought we would get there eventually. If my eggs are good though, how come we've not got anywhere so far? I know, the million dollar question!

Keep on in there, everyone.

Jessie, I'm thrilled that you're doing well. A boy! So exciting for you. :-)

Louezza, have you had your tubes flushed? I had a hysteroscopy and laparoscopy in March to look for secondary causes of dysmenorrhea. As part of the hystero, they flushed my tubes. And hey presto I'm pregnant right afterwards, on my 43 birthday.

Hi Dixxie! I've actually just had an HSG this very month, and my tubes were clear.

That was through the NHS, but at the ivf follow-up appointment I just had the doctor suggested sending me for the hysteroscopy and laparoscopy as you describe to rule out a few more things, including endometriosis.

When you say dysmenorrhea, do you mean period pains before your period begins? I started to get them (mildish but very uncomfortable, including back pains) about a week before my period when we started trying about 18 months ago. Very strangely they only started after a horrible, weird and late period which I suspect could have been a very early miscarriage. I've been asking every doctor I've seen since (which is a lot!) about this but haven't had any answers. It was only when I told the doc last week that I was worried about possible endometriosis that she suggested the lap to check. She seems to think I'll be fine, but I'm not so sure... It might explain why we've been struggling, as my egg quality was quite good when we did the IVF.