Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

Have you thought about going overseas? I am pregnant from a cycle in Cyprus. Similar prices and top notch clinic and treatment! The clinic I went to are having an amazing run of BFPs at the moment! They add lots of extras that increase your chances of success.

Hi Daisy when you say similar costs, does that include being in Cyprus? We have family connections in Spain, Portugal and Greece so could potentially stay somewhere during treatment (depending on distance to clinic etc) however we'd rather not have to take too much leave to go abroad as I get limited leave. We have thought of treatment abroad and, if supplements don't make any difference we will research prices more thoroughly!!

Remember I have a full bottle of DHEA tablets that I never used sitting in a cupboard downstairs (it's the same brand mentioned on this thread before ordered from the USA). If you would like it please just message me, I'd be happy for it to go to a good home :)

Remember, yes. Plus all the extras which you don't get in the uk. Eg I had embryoscope (takes pics of the embryos so they know which are growing in the best way, blastgen (which was the only different thing that got me pregnant on this cycle.

Also you could think about a tandem cycle. This cycle tries with your eggs and has donor eggs as a backup, using both if needed. This is what I did as I don't produce many eggs.
Look up 'team miracle' or TM on 'baby centre forum' (Cyprus babies) or on fertility friends. You'll see the success there.
You only have to go out for 10 days using own eggs or 5-6 days de. And it's a nice holiday!!
Good luck with your trying! X

Thanks Daisy, will look this afternoon

Magnificat - just adding my congratulations too on your wonderful news. After 7 early losses you must be on top of the world. So I suppose you're 7+3 today, is that right? Wishing you all the best for a healthy and happy pregnancy.

AnnieHoo - I was so sorry to read your news from last week , but I notice that your GP had recommended doing a third blood test - have you had that yet? Anyway I was just wondering whether you're doing OK? Are you sure there's no hope for this particular pregnancy?

I remember reading somewhere that the rules of thumb about 'normal' B-HCG doubling times will hold good for about 85% of normal pregnancies, so it's far from infallible on that measure. You've perhaps also seen those tables showing 'normal' ranges for HCG levels at various gestations - the ranges are absolutely huge. I think this HCG calculator is quite a good one for inputting individual results.

Take care x

Rememberallball - wishing you all the best with your supplements and clinic investigations - sounds like a good, pro-active plan!

Ahh chewy thank you so much for asking. Started to miscarry today. Sore tummy getting worse. Camped out in front of telly with painkillers, magazines, doggy for cuddles and chocolate. Absolutely dreading this.

How are you getting on yourself? X

Oh no AnnieHoo! I'd hoped that with almost a week since your last post you might just be quietly getting on with being pregnant after all. Sending and . Would you have been about 6 1/2 weeks, or more? Well, if this has to be endured, I hope it's at least as painful and swift as possible. Is DH with you? Assume you're going to stay off work a little bit?

F*cking hell, you get sperm to meet egg all fine, lovely BFP ... and then WHY can't it just be a matter of doing nothing special except take folic acid, avoid alcohol and germy food and then carry on with regular life for 36 more weeks! NOT FAIR!

I wonder though - whilst of course I wouldn't wish you to go through a MC ever again - were you a little bit encouraged by Magnificat's marvellous progress after so many early losses? I get the impression you have wanted a child as much as anyone on any of these threads has ever done and I hope you can survive this low point - after an appropriate degree of wallowing (very important) - without becoming totally destroyed by it.

If you could ever face trying again (you are still young enough, and with enviable AMH) I'd tentatively suggest:
(a) Going to Coventry implantation clinic - brilliant and cost is subsidised by their research programme;
(b) Take your DHEA (and Ubiquinol) - it seems to have done some good;
(c) Try something to mitigate the tendency towards polycystic ovaries that you mentioned - take Inofolic daily, it's supposed to improve egg quality if PCOS;
(d) Eat low carb, high protein diet so far as possible for egg quality - a lady on the other 40+ thread recently fell pregnant after more or less completely cutting out all refined sugar from her diet.

Hmm - as for me, thank you for asking ... I know the polite answer is 'fine' but I've had one of the worst weeks of my life. I've barely stopped crying. (I can't say more, but suffice to say it's a particularly shitty episode on life's rollercoaster.) Am now forcing myself to be distracted by MN and catching up with telly on Sky Planner for a couple of hours - somehow need to find (or rather 'fake') my game face again for tomorrow. Tough times eh?

'painful' ? WTF!!! painless obviously!

Sending you lots of virtual hugs Annie

I just had 43 birthday and BFP! It's possible ladies, think positive! I have 3 friends same age who had babies in past 6 months. V excited but anxious about getting to 12 weeks. Met younger hubby 4 years ago, been TTC 3 years, 1 MC. Just had hysteroscopy and tubes flushed, maybe that did it. Gave up caffeine and booze and eating lots of fruit and veg, low meat. Swollen tummy, sore boobs, terrible headaches and insomnia just started. Taking Pregnacare, what else can I do?

Oh chewy I'm so sorry to hear you are going through an upsetting time. I hope things get better. Distractions are good sometimes - complete escapism is the best if you can find it.

You are amazing btw!

Your post was EXACTLY what I needed. I was thinking yesterday of asking my best friend what I should do, to decide for me because I can't do it myself. What I needed was help to put a plan together and then so it's clear in my mind what the options are. But she doesn't have the knowledge to help me.

And then your post popped up! Thank you so much - a solid plan - you even bullet pointed it!! ; )

And yes I am absolutely spurred on by magnificat's success. I want that wonderful happy ending. What a lot she has been through.

I realise that I am in quite a good position in that I can see the many positives in both stopping and giving it one more try.

Yes it's just 7 weeks so that's early. I'm hoping it will mean that it's a little less uncomfortable. I came home from work early yesterday and I've called in sick today as the cramps are more and more frequent and I want to be at home when it happens. I hope it's over soon !

Congratulations dixie! Positive stories happening all the time. Good news for us over 40 chicks!

You could take low dose asprin (75mg daily). A lot of people suggest that.

How many weeks are you? Have you been to the doctors yet? You could ask them to test your HCG levels for reassurance.

Sending positive vibes for the best results for you!

AnnieHoo - thanks. Yes going through a very upsetting issue, wish I had some answers/solutions ... maybe time will help a little bit.

But Goodness, you definitely should stay off work today/tomorrow, then it's the weekend (assuming you don't work weekends) ... be kind to yourself and have a good cry.

Thanks for being so generous - I was worried to suggest you might consider trying again, when you're ready, for fear of saying the wrong thing.

I do think it's worth going to Coventry, even if all you get is peace of mind that you don't have any underlying immune issues undermining these pregnancies. I've been to Coventry and in addition to the endometrial biopsy (gold standard IMHO) you get a consultation with a top professor (either Prof Brosens or Prof Quenby) to review your history and opportunity to ask lots of questions - e.g. if you're also wondering about potential clotting issues, you might discuss other tests.

I asked Prof Brosens about low dose aspirin, for example, and was actually told NOT to take it prior to BFP as in his view it can interfere with endometrial enzymes required for implantation, but could be started at about 7 weeks once a pregnancy had 'stuck'.
Can't remember how much it cost (about £400?) but was better value / information IMHO than the thick end of £2,000 I'd already paid to one of the well known private Miscarriage Clinics for consultation and bloods. (I think you're in Scotland - perhaps you could even fly into Coventry Airport?)

Also forgot to say, if PCOS is creating anovulatory cycles, Inofolic is supposed to help restore ovulation as well as reduce any tendency towards insulin resistance and improve egg quality. Of course, a low carb diet should help with that too.

Afternoon all. Sorry for the troubles Annie I hope you are managing to keep going xx

I now have an array of supplements say on my dining table - I managed to CoQ10 and Onega 3 fish oil for 75% discount as the nutricentre at the local Tesco is closing down at the end of the month so they're clearing all their stock. I saved over £70!! The stuff from Biovea and Sparrow arrived so I'm all ready to go tomorrow!!

Thanks Anniehoo! I called my NHS gynaecologist and spoke to his secretary explaining that I've miscarried before and asking for progesterone, she said it was his last day before retirement and to go to my doctor. She wasn't available and I'm told she's leaving at the end of April, so 2 people I trust are going... The doc I did see was so dismissive and not interested at all, she just said see the midwife at 10 weeks... I was not happy! Anyway I had a surprise call today to say my gynae had authorised progesterone suppositories before he'd left so I feel much happier. And I made a fuss to the doc and should have an early appointment with an obstetrician, so hoping to get HcG test and an early scan. I feel a bit bad for being pushy given the state of the NHS but I'm super healthy other than I've been trying for 3 years and I just want to do all I can... For anyone who's wondering: Apparently progesterone isn't definitely proven to stop miscarriage but it can help in some cases and you can't have too much of it, so I figure I want it.

For those TTC, a friend over 40 had tried everything inc. IVF, her last try was a special diet, but she didn't expect it to work and also began adoption process. And guess what? She has a beautiful baby boy. She cut out wheat, diary, caffeine, alcohol and ate alkalising foods, so you may think it's worth a try... I gave up caffeine and most booze, ate more fruit and veg; apparently it's about the quality of your eggs and nutrition has a huge impact at our age xxx

Hello, I turned 40 recently and met my partner when I was 38. I have been trying to get pregnant for just over a year but my first problem was soon as I came off the pill, my periods change to twice a month (with a week break) and was put on clomid to try and regulate them. I've had a hormone test, scans, day 21 test and a hycosy and all have come back with good results. I'm trying to book for an ovarian reserve now and I'm hoping that all goes well there too. My best friend (also 40) has just given birth to twins through IVF so I'm hoping that I'm just as lucky too.

Annie how are you feeling? My heart goes out to you.

Annie - sending you and . Am really sorry this has happened. Hope you managed to stay at home and look after yourself this weekend.

Chewy sorry you have been going through a bad time this week. [Flowers] to you too.

Had all my tests and everything now at the doctors and get my results a week today. Am really terrified of what they might say but at least will find out. DH has his SA on Wednesday which he is really not looking forward to! At least then we will both have been seen and we can consider next steps.

AF is on her way - due tomorrow although I started spotting on Thursday and thought she was coming then. I was really annoyed because I thought that would mean my day 21 tests would be messed up but she seems to have gone away again. Have all the usual signs though and this has happened before so fully expecting her today or tomorrow.

Hope everyone else is ok.

Cityzen - thank you, that's kind of you to say so.

About your test results - I think it's only natural to worry, but I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine. Just a thought - when your DH has his SA, perhaps consider asking exactly what they'll be testing for? My DP had an SA which looked at Count, Motility and Morphology (I think) and was all fine. Eventually he had another SA including a MAR test for anti-sperm antibodies, which found he had a really high antibody level. It means we'd require ICSI to conceive - we were NEVER going to conceive naturally and had wasted loads of time trying. Having said all that, please do NOT panic! As I understand it, what my DP has is really rare, but I'm just mentioning it as I think it's worthwhile understanding which tests have been ticked off the endless list of possibilities and which haven't.

AnnieHoo - just to add my best wishes to the pp - thinking of you and hope you're getting through it physically as best you can. A very gentle suggestion - if you feel you might benefit from some additional emotional support (sometimes family and friends are a bit too close, IYSWIM), I wondered whether you'd considered ringing your local hospital Early Pregnancy Unit (or perhaps Antenatal Care/Fetal Medicine, if there's no EPU)? They should be able to put you in touch with a bereavement services midwife or a miscarriage counselling service. This type of service was offered to me after a miscarriage (medical management at 10weeks) and I never took it up. I probably should have done in hindsight. x

Hello All,

Hope everyone is doing (relatively) OK. I just had my follow-up appointment today after my HSG and it was confirmed that everything looked good.

The consultant said (in a little bit of a hurried manner, I must say! Good 'ole NHS!) that we are now in the 'unexplained infertility' category. However, I then asked him if we could be expected to take as long as this to conceive just due to my age, and he said yes, so to me that's not unexplained - it's just being old!

Of course, we haven't had every test out there (you could probably go on and on), but there doesn't seem to be anything obvious 'wrong'.

City, try not to worry about your tests. I have, so I can talk (!!) but I think I've decided that it is relatively 'normal' to struggle. The consultant also said that we can expect two thirds of my eggs and 5% of DH's sperm to be chromosomally abnormal. And if you think that everything else has to go right on a month when the egg and sperm do happen to be good, you can sort of begin to see what we're up against.

Not meaning to discourage anyone further with all this - it actually encourages me to think that I'm normal - it's just that it's going to be more difficult at this age :-)

Loueeza - thanks for your kind words. I am trying hard not to worry too much and just wait and see what the doctor says on Monday. I'm glad that your appointment was OK after your HSG. I think you are right that it is normal to take a while but I've got my fingers crossed that you will get your bfp soon.

Chewy - thank you for your advice about DH's SA. He is very worried about it I think - we are completely opposite. When I'm worried I just want to talk and talk and talk about it but I can tell he is worried because he just clams up and doesn't want to talk at all! Hopefully it will be OK though.

I've been reading that book 'It starts with the egg' that Jessie recommended and I'm trying very hard to implement some of the suggestions in there. It really made sense to me. I'm a bit anxious about taking supplements - I don't really know why (apart from Folic Acid). I think I should be taking some B vitamins but then I read somewhere they make your cycles longer but if it helps I think I should take them. Anyway, I might see what the doctor says on Monday.

Annie - thinking of you.

Hello all. Won't say too much as I am wary of sounding smug having made it to the other side, so to speak, but just to say that I am still following everyone's stories and wishing you all as much luck as I possibly can. Loueeza are you still taking the DHEA? Did the most recent consultant have anything to say about it - I think it was a the IVF clinic that recommended it before? If you can possibly find the funds and energy then another try at IVF would be a good bet as they can tweak the medication using the data of how you responded last time so it is more precise than the first try. I was really disillusioned with the process/my body when ours failed first time round but so glad we tried again.

All fine with me, 21 weeks now. Had the anomaly scan last week and all seems fine. The baby is a boy. Just needs to keep growing.

Fingers crossed for everyone.

Hi ladies, Just turned 40, DH is 41. TTC for baby #1, never had children before. In 2014 had 2 polyps in cervix, had a procedure done in Riga (grew up there). All my tests are in in IVF Riga clinic, procedures and consultations too. Even took my DH for his tests there and we got his sperm frozen there too. Also, my left tube was blocked, was given some tablets and next I know the tube is open now! I've been OPK since 2015 and pretty regular with OV on CD13. Been away from DH is a nightmare in terms of fertile window (working in Iraq). So going forward, there will be alot of thinking and logistics involved as how soon can I get out of Iraq to be in time for OV etc fingers and toes are crossed.
I'm taking loads of vitamins/supplements. I exercise, keep myself healthy. But totally aware of as to what to expect in terms of TTC, pregnancies, MC etc
I'm in CD9 and flying home tomorrow am. Will keep you posted. And thank you for all your support in advance!