Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

I phoned today but no results yet so I couldn't help myself and just did another clear blue digi. This time it's saying "pregnant 1-2 weeks".

This kind of confirms it for me that this is another miscarriage. 5th and final!

Will wait and see what he says tomorrow but I just know it's not going to be good news. Better to find out gradually like this than get a phone call from the doctor tomorrow at work and completely break down. . I'm sending myself some of these .

Welocome powwow and bonxie!!!!!

anniehoo completely empathise with head in sand approach :)

congratulations sparrow!!!!!!🎉🎊🎉

anniehoo let me send you some of these too 💐🌹🌷🌾 but I REALLY hope that you get good news tomorrow. Much love 💜💜💜💜💜

Annie, thinking of you.
I had the same scenario after my second IVF. So it is something that your body did try to implant an embryo naturally. I never achieved that.

Annie am sending you and and . Am hoping is better news today than you think. It's a very stressful time and thinking of you.

Oh well, only 400 for HCG yesterday so gp said to expect my period in next couple of weeks. So glad I had my meltdown last night at home with DH instead of here at work!

Retail therapy needed urgently!!! Buggery buggers.

Hi everyone!

Congratulations to all the BFP-ers around here lately! You've all done so well, and it certainly gives me hope for any future IVF attempts we have.

Thanks for thinking of me, City! I've been following along but having a bit of a break from thinking about ttc as much as usual. I think I've got to the stage where I've been on the monthly hope and disappointment train for SO long now (without seeing any results at all) that I just don't feel like I can realistically expect anything to happen any more.

Because of this I suppose I haven't felt like I've had too much to share.

Annie, I really don't have the words. I know I haven't experienced any losses to know truly how it must feel, but I certainly know that awful cycle of hope and disappointment. You start to believe you really might have got there, only to have it all come crashing down. I do know how that feels. Sending many many your way.

I've finally got my hsg test tomorrow (the one where they inject a dye into you and have a look around, including checking your tubes are open). Feeling really nervous about what they might find!

Annie I'm so sorry. I remember being in exactly the same situation about a year ago and how frustrating it was, but that pales by comparison with your having gone through it 5 times now. Might this trigger a referral to a specialist or have you already been to the recurrent miscarriage clinic? (Sorry, I am sure you've explained before but I can't recall the details).

Loueeza best of luck with the tests tomorrow. They should be able to tell you immediately if the tubes are open. Given that you have never had a BFP I wonder if you maybe do have a blockage. I was assured by my first doc that it was unlikely since I had no history of infections but the left one turned out to be totally closed for business when I had the test that you are about to have.

Oh and welcome to powwow and bonxie! You probably haven't trawled through the whole thread. I am 42 (closer to 43 actually) and am now 19 weeks pregnant after our second round of own-egg IVF- it was a long journey and it's not over yet but it can work. Very best of luck to you both.

Oh jessie I can't believe it's 19 weeks already! It's wonderful.

No I've never been referred to a recurrent miscarriage clinic. I'm not sure if there is one in Scotland, maybe Glasgow. I was just discharged by consultant as they said it was my age.

The GP phoned back later this afternoon and said he'd spoken to the same local OB/GYN consultant and he said I should go back for one last blood test to be extra sure which is delightful.

I am amazingly cool about it. Last night I was upset because I knew and it's the dread of the miscarriage that upsets me the most and makes me anxious more than the thought of not having a baby because I've had some pretty awful experiences. I spontaneously miscarriages while walking into the maternity ward the first time! It was like waters breaking, the same contractions the second time and brought into hospital for the night, the third was early so just a heavy period and the last one was a D&c which was blissful.

I'm feeling a bit euphoric that this is finally over!!! No more roller coaster of optimism, despair, hope, brief joy and then crashing depression. I can have my body back and my social life. I can do what I want forever!

Thank you so much for your support I would NEVER have coped with all the amazing mumsnetters. OMG I Can't stress that enough!!!

Annie this is incredibly unfair. I am so very sorry. I know what you mean about the cb digi measuring wrong. That happened to me in December and I tried to fool myself for a bit as I knew I ovulated late and probably implanted late but in my heart I knew and then it was the trepidation of a miscarriage. I was extremely lucky that mine was painless- like a three week period. I was very pleased with my body for that.

I really wish you every happiness for the next stage whatever that might be. You deserve it so much and with your attitude are very likely to achieve it.

I've not gone through all of this thread, although I will to get to know you guys a bit better.

Annie sending . I'm at the beginning of my (belated) journey so I can only imagine what you guys are going through. Will second Total in that I wish you every joy going forward.

For a little bit more information on me: I'm 42 (soon to be 43) and my dh is 47 with 2dcs from his previous. After some persuasion (for me) we've started ttc in March which is when I logged on here and found a whole new world! My lingo and my knowledge is v.much in its infancy so do bear with me. Naively thought it would be a breeze, but after reading the experiences of those much, much younger I'm now bricking it that I've left it too late. (I have been with DH a little over 18 months, previous to that I was never in a stable enough relationship.)
Am now in my 2ww - doubt that I am pg (although tempted to test) so have a whole new cycle to look forward to (not).
I've come to an undiscussed conclusion that if I haven't had a bfp in a couple of cycles then I'll be speaking to a doc and going down the fertility route. Any advice here is would be so welcome.
Jessie Massive CONGRATS on your 19 weeks. Wonderful
You too sparrow x

Thank you powpow please don't let my tale of woe put you off! I've seen hundreds of older birds and over 40's get preggers and go on to have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies on these threads over the last (almost) 4 years. I am an exception so I have a lot of hope for you and all the others on the thread!

Thank you all for your lovely messages. You are bouying me up nicely here. I'll probably come crashing down with the hormones next week so chocolate at the ready! X

anniehoo I am so so sorry. Not sure what else to say, except you are amazing.

Hi All. Thought I'd pop back again today to report a bit of good news. I had my HSG test today and witnessed (upside down on a big screen above me!) the dye spill gloriously out of the end of each of my tubes.

So no blocked tubes. I know nothing has changed, but at least that one can be ticked off the list. The other plus of this is that we now get a follow-up appointment with the same doctor we had when first referred to the fertility clinic. He was pretty good, so hopefully he'll have something more to suggest, or a bit of hope to give.

Jessie, congrats on reaching 19 weeks. You are still our poster child!

Sparrow, I haven't had chance to congratulate you yet either. WELL DONE - so pleased for you!

Also welcome to the new gals (we need you now that so many of us are 'graduating' around here!)

Annie, I agree with Kwik that you're amazing. You always have so many wise and kind words for us, and I really hope you're OK. I wonder if when you go back for your bloods again the GP will be able to help you with any next steps? As Jessie says, there may be a reason other than age for all your mc's. I know you must have thought through all of this carefully already, though, and I know you've made a decision to stop ttc now, so please ignore me if you like!

Thanks loueesa great news about the tubes - mat have been amazing to see!

I've already had all the tests done and they've never come up with anything. That's why I do think it's just age - or chromosome fragmentation due to ageing to be exact. It's cruel because I look (and act) much younger than 42. Maybe if I kept going the complete DNA double helix needed for life would happen...but so far it hasn't and my body has been quite efficient at ejecting these non viable embryos.

I am so addicted to this thread I don't know how I'll leave! It's very addictive this business!! X

Annie
Sorry to hear that.

After 7 previous miscarriages, I actually saw a heartbeat yesterday - 137bpm, blob measuring 6+6 (which is about right, I thought I was 7+1 ish). It was all so straightforward and normal - no radiographers whispering among themselves or strained silences. I am guessing the all-day nausea, heartburn, hungover headache, and feeling like I've been run over by a bus are all likewise delightfully normal, but I'm less keen on them...

Loueeza congratulations on your results - I have heard that even just having the test can help with TTC.

Magnificat wow!!! Excellent news!! Well done!

Oh magnificat that's amazing!!!! WOW!!!! I am so so over the moon for you!! Oh god this could drag me into thinking 5 isn't as bad as 7..! Could suffer another two....??? I'd better deal with this one first. Must have been amazing to have happy news and leave the room with tears of joy!!

Glad to hear the test was clear Loueeza and even more pleased that you've got another referral.

Congratulations magnificat, fingers crossed all continues to go well for you. Have all your miscarriages been early ones, so that this is the furthest stage you have reached so far?

Thanks all. This is the furthest I've got with a conventional pregnancy (molar last year got further). Fingers crossed!

Magnificat, that really is amazing news, and a reminder that if we have the heart to just keep on going, we might eventually get somewhere in the end. :-)

Couldn't be more pleased for you! xx

Annie I agree with everyone else and think you are amazing. It must be a really hard time for you and I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Thinking of you.

Good to hear from you Loueeza - am glad to hear that your tubes are not blocked - you must be relieved about that.

I've been for my day 21 blood test this morning. I've then got to go and have a swab test tomorrow morning and then I'll make an appointment with my doctor to discuss the results. Of course I'm now worrying that I've got my days wrong and my period will turn up too late (or too early which I believe also means you have to do the test again!). Then of course I'm also hoping that this might be my month but I was in a really bad mood at the weekend. I'm due AF on 19th April so that is surely too early for PMT but you never know! I've spent the weekend at children's birthday parties and visiting a newborn. He was very lovely but of course made me feel very broody.

Magnificat - congrats to you too.

Hope everyone else is well.

Morning all. Apologies for being absent for a while; I needed to step away while DH and I reassessed what we're up to.

We have stopped, thought about it and thought some more. And the upshot is.......

I am going to try boosting my chances myself by trying some DHEA; CoQ10; Onega-3 and Vit D3. We're going to give that 6 months and then, if no changes, we're going to save like mad and self finance 1 cycle of IVF!! We have looked at costs and there is a clinic here in UK who offer donor egg treatment for around £5300 including minimum 4 eggs and all the matching; preparation of sperm; drugs and the like for me and donor; pregnancy test and follow up consultation!! I do wonder if that's too good to be true but would mean travelling to another part of the U.K. for treatment!!