Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

Oh right! I had fanny bullets morning only.

Kwick, where were you applying the cyclogest before?!?
If it is the same as my progesterone is it like a soft tablet that goes up.
And yes, you need a pad for the 'fall out'.
I also have progesterone injections for top up.
Jessie, I am 9 weeks today!

Just popping in to say wow, what lovely news on here!

Kwick - massive congratulations on your BFP, I'm thrilled for you! Two eggs, one embryo, one very pregnant lady! How encouraging that you've proved it really does only take one good 'un! I think you've had a few IUI, was this your first IVF? Truly marvellous!

Sparrow - hope your treatment is all progressing beautifully to plan for you in Athens?

Daisy - wonderful to read that your twins are both doing well, hearbeats and each of them measuring to date - that's great news surely.
All credit to you for coping with the bleeding. I had a sub-chorionic haematoma at 9 weeks pg with DD (naturally conceived) and oh my goodness the blood, it was terrifying! But like you I was scanned, they could see where the bleed had come from and all was well. Bleeding tailed off into brown spotting, then stopped. It sounds so lame to say try not to worry, but please don't (the result of mine is about to eat her breakfast).

Jessie - my goodness, 17 weeks already! It's lovely to hear that all is progressing perfectly on course - it dares to encourage me (and I suspect many others too) that happy endings are possible.
Do you have a nice bump already? You'll be having your 20 week scan soon - do you have any thoughts on finding out the sex too?
On movements, I felt some uncommonly early with DD (16 weeks I think) whilst she could still scoot about in there, but once bigger she hid behind my (high anterior) placenta which muffled her punches and kicks and gave me bags of worry. Do hope yours will behave better! You've probably seen these campaigns already, but just in case not, there's some useful info at www.kickscount.org.uk/ and www.countthekicks.org/about/. I found an old fashioned notebook was best way to keep calm!

Best of luck Annie, City and everyone else in 2ww x

Omg. Think I'm preggers!

Wowsers Annie - it definitely looks that way! Congratulations, I'm over the moon for you! x

Anniehoo !!!!!!!!!! More details please!!!!! Was this with FMU? What dpo are you? Defo a line there!!!!! CONGRATS!!!!

Daisyboo cyclogest can go up either offrice.... i have now reverted to non- fanjo one and theer was just too much up there (using crinone too)!

Err its day32 here no idea what dpo as didn't temp but think af due 26th. This is using a FRER.

Oh FMU ! Forgot what that meant. No it was this afternoon. X

Annie I've had to abandon my other thread (Fab 40 etc) as it's got too busy and I'm too busy to keep up but I've just seen this and have always found you inspiring- keeping absolutely everything crossed for you!

Gosh it's exciting on this thread atm. Twins and everything. All the best to all of you.

Hi Totalnamechanger - nice to have you here! We're a friendly bunch and always seems to be quite a bit going on!

And... wow!!! I turn my back for a few days and there are twins and BFPs galore!!

Congrats to Kwik and Annie!! My goodness, you two have done so well! :-)

Nothing really happening with me. We 'tried our bestest' this month, and I'm currently at about 8dpo. Feeling the first stirrings of AF today, so my heart's beginning to sink already, but you never know.

Oh, and congrats to Daisy too, of course.

Annie, that's incredible news!!!

Welcome totalnamechanger

I had another horrid night - my lurgy is now in full force and I am feeling very sorry for myself :(

anniehoo are you gonna test again? Please share next steps you wonderful lady! BTW I have been wishing for this for you so much!

Annie! No mistaking that line, how exciting! Fingers crossed for you.

OMG indeed Annie, amazing news.

Wow!! Annie, that Defo looks like a line!!

Kwick, I know it can go both ends I was just a bit confused when you said you had adopted a new approach, up the Fanjo, I wondered where it was going before. The way you described it I wondered it it was a cream rather than a soft tablet.
Good luck with it, I find if I can't lie down for the lunchtime one at work I make sure I do for the morning and evening one.
And get well soon!!! I never know if I am feeling poorly or if it's symptoms.

I am a bit worried about the lack of symptoms actually. No sickness for over a week, less cramps and twinges.
The spotting has even stopped!! (Glad about that!) I guess I just have to wait and see!

Aww thank you all for your lovely responses. I'm in total shock here. I just took another test and it's also positive. V v v v early days though. Not even due on until tomorrow.

Lovely lines anniehoo!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations again!!!!

Happy Easter everyone! Hope you have lots of Easter eggs. I got none. I'm away staying at dads so haven't had the chance to tell DH yet about BFP and thinking I might not tell him for a while to save him the worry. Haven't told anyone in RL and feel it would be so good to keep it to myself (and the TTC no1 at 40+-ers ) and maybe try to wait this out out until 11 weeks. I just can't bare the worry and stress of v early scans again.

The reason I'm away on my own is that I was upset recently at best friends pg announcement (I was last to find out by text at 6 months because she was scared to tell me). I was so shocked and upset that she saw me as someone she couldn't tell and it made me realise I had to work on myself and look after myself better. So at the start of this week I travelled down to a lovely health spa for 3 days on my own. It was absolute bliss. You don't realise how stressed and wound up you are until you completely truly relax.

During that time I read about nutrition, mindfulness, giving up alcohol ("Mrs D is going without" is a fascinating book!). I can't say this without sounding like a hippy but I got in touch with my core being again. I decided that I'm going to concentrate on making myself healthy and strong this year and everything else is secondary. TTC can ruin you (I believe it has ruined me) but if I work very hard I can build my body up again and my emotional strength will follow and I'll reach full recovery.

I caught up with old school friends in the week who are mums and they are both on the same anti depressant and say loads of mums they know are on it. I decided that I need to go to the GP when I get home and ask for something. I did this before and they showed me a link to a wellbeing website but I was so stressed from the Clomid that I developed shingles. I decided I would like to try to build myself up with good nutrition, giving up alcohol and gently building muscle.

In the meantime I've got this BFP and it might end up in another MC like the other 4 which I'm prepared for. I won't hesitate to get a D&C this time and that will be it. Infact that is it. No more TTC from now on. If it's another MC then I think I'll recover quicker this time and then i'll be free to move on and plan lovely family holidays, spa breaks and second honeymoons with DH and I'll be very happy with that life!

There is of course the remote chance that there could be an Actual Baby. I just can't begin to believe that could happen to me.

Do you think I sound like I need counselling? I do!

city how you doing? Any signs of anything?

Sorry about my mega-post don't want to scare everyone off!

Hi Annie I can definitely recommend yoga as something you might want to add to your list. I find it difficult to relax my brain and so didn't think I'd get much from it, but turns out I love it I've even started doing mindful relaxation breathing during this IVF process to help me get to sleep.

Keeping my fingers firmly crossed for you.

Had my transfer this morning. There were three good blastocasts ready today so they went in. Dr said he was happy they had progressed well over the five days and we might have one or two that can be frozen, will find that out tomorrow, but I'm happy with today's outcome.

Looking forward to going home on Wednesday and sleeping in my own bed! Also lots more to distract me there during the wait till OTD on the 6th.

Hope everyone had a lovely Easter break.

Anniehoo you are an amazing woman and I can only imagine what you have been through. Thank you for sharing - you give inspiration and hope to us all.

The spa break sounds amazeballs - I am glad you were able to do that and that you found some inner connection again. This is really important. Like Sparrow I would recommend yoga too - something restful like Yin yoga or even Yoga Nidra - I can recommend some tracks for that if you want (it is yogic sleep).

Sparrow this is very good news indeed! So have you had an ET of 3 blastocysts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My advice for the 2WW or TWOT (two weeks of torture) is to keep as busy as possible but pamper yourself too - I was really lucky in that I was away on a business trip for 4 days of my 2WW - which was intense and I only just had enough time to take my meds each day. I am actually finding this time now hardest (although not as hard as when I was stimming)... I do not feel pregnant and I am worried that it is all a dream and I will suddenly wake up...

Annie you said the early scans were a stresser - may I ask why?

3 blasts transferred Sparrow, fab. You're the only person other than me I have heard of going for the full three :-)

Annie your fortitude is amazing and maybe it is not such a bad idea to approach this one differently, but until 11 weeks does sound like a long time to keep the secret from your DH...won't he guess something is up after a while, even if just that you don't mention ttc in a couple of weeks' time?

Hi Sparrow - thank you for recommendations I will definitely start yoga again I used to love it - I'll make a space in the spare room for it, it's so good for you, even just the breathing.

kwick - early scans, I'm just scared of them because they are very traumatic for me, it's is advisable to go though and I'm sure I will if the time comes. It's just the fear for me of the sonographer not finding a heartbeat or saying are you sure your dates are right, these things mean miscarriage to me and it's the shock of finding out when you're so vulnerable in that room. I would rather avoid it but I know that it's not wise to as I need to keep and eye on things and I've got to go through it so I can deal with it sooner rather than later.

jessie I told mum today. Tried to tell DH but the words won't come out. I'll try again tonight. I do have to tell him though.

Annie glad you were able to talk to your Mum. Just to be clear I wasn't berating you for not telling DH, I was sympathising that it would be a tough one to keep quiet!

I know jessie I was having a wee laugh to myself at how unrealistic it was to last until 11weeks! He probably knows already as I'm an open book.