Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

I will keep my fingers crossed for you magnificat

Thanks, both.

Fingers also crossed for you magnificat

Visit to the clinic last Friday showed that my follicles had not grown at all, Dr has now put me on an extra shot of merional in the evening with the gonal-f. We had a bit of a nightmare with one of the injections as you can see on the pic (ouch - faulty needle maybe?) and so it's getting harder to find space for my three a day!

Next scan is tomorrow morning so I am hoping that some action has taken place in the follicle area and we can start thinking towards EC day...

Of course the weather changed a few hours after my brother got off the plane and it's been raining now since yesterday afternoon, but it was still a nice weekend and good to get away from clinic visits and work.

Hope everyone is doing well xx

Gosh that looks painful sparrow I have a similar sight on my tummy and bottom!!! Sorry to hear follicles are not behaving... Heres is to mega growth tonight!

Ouch sparrow!

god Sparrow, that looks awful!

i guess that's one upside to being unable to see a consultant - no injections of steroids or LMWHs...

It looks worse than it feels now, although it did hurt at the time. The ladies at the clinic said it was normal to get some bruising. I think it might have been a dodgy needle though as it just did not want to go in and we've had no issues with the others.

So my follicles are not playing ball at all. The Dr said they were 'tired', maybe he was trying to be kind and not say 'old'!

On the scan today you could see a few had grown a little but others not at all, after 6 days of Gonal-F and 4 of Merional. He said we would just have to wait and be patient, I guess when you're on your first try of IVF there is no way to know how these things will pan out.

I'm not that disappointed just as long as we get there in the end, only pain is will have to change DH's flights as he was due to come Friday for possible weekend EC. EC is likely now to be at the earliest next Wednesday/Thursday. His work is not as flexible as mine so he can't stay here for more than a week really.

Excuse the rambling! I better get on and do some work now.

Hope everyone is well.

Good luck for everything Sparrow and I hope your bruising has gone down now. Yes my tests are to see if I am ovulating. I should have had the day 21 test on Monday but I just couldn't get in at my doctor at a time I could make it. I've booked another for what should be day 2 (but of course I'm secretly hoping that I won't need to go for it!). My DH has got his testing booked in but not til the end of April so I suppose it doesn't matter too much that mine has been delayed a little bit.

Annie my cycle buddy - I am impressed at the number of times you dtd. I think we dtd about 4 times across the fertile window. Actually I don't feel like I ovulated really but the monitor thing says I did on day 12/13 so I am trying to believe it. When is your AF due? Mine is Tuesday 22nd March so a while to wait yet.

magnificat - hope you are OK.

Hope everyone else is OK too.

cityzen I wasn't that good in the end - I was over-exuberant and burned out earlier than planned!!

So we DTD on cycle days 11, 13, 14, 17 and. 19. According to Fertility Friend my AF is due on the 26th i(CD33) but might be earlier.. Cheapie sticks seemed to peak on CD17 so I predict it will come on 23rd.

Fingers crossed !!!!!

sparrow I am keeping my fingers crossed for many large and lovely follicles! I found (no scientific proof though) that drinking lots of whole milk helped with that. Sorry if I have mentioned that before/sorry if I have not!

I am due to test on 22 March but have taken executive decision to start tomorrow so if it is a bfn I can deal with disappointment through weekend.

Hi everyone

I haven't read the whole thread, and I hope my post isn't upsetting for you. I want to tell you all to not give up hope.

I started TTC at 37. In the first year I had 3MCs, and then nothing happened in the year after that. I was doing everything imaginable trying for the BFP. I was convinced I'd missed all my chances. I was scheduled for IVF in February, but got my BFP in January the month before, and this one stuck.

DD was born when I was 40. She was enough for me, but in my heart I wanted her to have a sibling. DH and I decided to try again but this time I was resigned to failure with my history but felt I needed to try so I knew I had tried (if that makes sense). I conceived instantly, and DS was born when I was 43, nearly 44.

Every time I here stories on the radio about older women blah blah, my heart breaks for the women hearing it and being crushed by it. Yes, it is harder. Yes, we are more prone to MCs. But it is not without proper solid hope and lots of success stories either.

Also, I've found the stories you get from medics changes through the process. While I was TTC my age was mentioned often, along with the stats. I think my MC history haunted me through my PG with DD, with everyone being careful and concerned. Not so with DS: although older, my age wasn't mentioned at all. Fast forward to the day I delivered DS, and I asked the midwife if I was the oldest person she delivered that day. She said not at all. The woman just before me had been 47! She also told me it was completely the norm now to have women my age come in.

I hope this is of comfort to some of you. Ask me questions if you like, or tell me to piss off if my story upsets you.

Chocciechip, that's a lovely story. Congratulations to you! You have given me a bit of hope that this 3rd pregnancy within a year may be successful unlike the 2 miscarriages I had earlier.

I am not getting my hopes up, I am also realistic about the quality of my eggs given my age (43), and keep telling myself that miscarriages quite often relate to the embryo not forming correctly and that there are chromosomal abnormalities.

My OH overheard a radio show the other day where there was discussion on the increased risk of Down's Syndrome with advancing age in women, that led to me stressing about having to consider other factors even if I was successful. I would love a baby either way, my concern would be for the child when I was no longer around.

Anyway, sorry for the digression, I think we all need to hear the lovely stories and continue to wish everyone lots of luck and hope.

chocciechip what a lovely uplifting story - thank you so much for sharing.

Kitten I understand those fears. I was very fearful about chromosomal problems. Did you know that there's a test you can get done now for Downs and other disorders that is 100% conclusive and (I think) can be done at about 6weeks? It's a blood test that identifies baby DNA in the mothers blood. So it is totally non invasive and reduces risks of MC. I think it is still only available privately, and unfortunately very expensive. DH and I were torn over it. Our fear was leaving DD with a burden in her life. In the end we didn't do it because I knew I personally wouldn't be able to act on it. However, it offers women the option of very very early termination, if that's what they decide is best for them. And because it is 100% conclusive it means a relatively worry free pregnancy. Google Harmony test. Easy for me to say, but don't let those worries stop you hoping.

Thanks so much for your encouraging words, chocciechip.

I haven't lost hope yet. Although I do worry that if it's going to happen at our age it usually does quite quickly or you have miscarriages first (not that I would wish that on myself but it at least it would show that I can conceive).

I've been trying for about 18 months with 1 IVF (as it was free on the NHS) and... absolutely nothing. Not a dickie bird.

So hopefully there IS still hope for me. Depends what mood I'm in as to whether I believe there is or not.

Chocciechip - just one important thing about NIPT (which includes Harmony, and others) - I totally agree they're extremely useful for all sorts of things - but they're not 100% conclusive. They are about 99% conclusive at best (and less for some things being looked at). They're not diagnostic tests, they're screening tests, and they can (and do) have errors. In some cases those errors can be significant. Different NIPTs have different error rates.

However, that's a much higher rate of successful screening than a lot of the other methods, and Harmony (and the others) are all valuable tests. What you do once you have the results from those tests is, if relevant, diagnose using amniocentesis.

Hi all. I wandered over looking for news of Daisy - are you out there?

Thanks for the story choccie.

Not much to report from me - am 17 weeks tomorrow and all checks fine so far. I am slowly getting into the mentality of someone who is going to have a baby rather than someone who is precariously pregnant, but I will feel better once I start to feel movement and have some sort of regular signs that all is OK in there. That should be in the next few weeks I understand.

We've finally moved into our new house and although I've been trying not to lift boxes it has a lot more stairs than I am used to and I am pretty knackered. There is an empty room earmarked as "for the baby" but it still feels far too early to decorate it.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you all and hoping for good news from this thread soon.

Hi Jessie!
All ok here!
I had more bleeding at 7 weeks and an A&E ultrasound was a bit crap not showing much, perhaps 2 sacs still. They said I could have a proper EPU scan the next day or wait til my appointment the next week. I was fed up with hospital waits to opted to wait a week.

I was very nervous about the scan, thinking there may not be anything there.
They found 2 sacs and 2 heart beats. Everything measuring what it should,
Obviously still early days so still taking it a day at a time.
I have gotten used to the idea of 2 babies, reading a lot of ladies experience online has given me an idea of the reality. Although I am still cautious as I know a lot can happen at this stage.
I have had no more red bleeding, but am still getting brown spotting. I am just hoping it is the end of the hematoma and/or more common with twins/IVF.
The scan looks like I have a lot of bubbles in there!!!
Glad to hear you are doing well, Jessie. I can totally understand your feeling with movement etc. This doesn't feel real for me yet and I don't think it will until the signs you mentioned.
I am knackered though, going to bed very early at the moment. Luckily only a few days sickness, Saturday was bad but very mild since.

Wishing everyone well on here. Xxx

Wow Daisy! How many weeks along are you now then? I think that in general if a hb is seen at 8 weeks then miscarriage risk diminishes quite substantially. Though perhaps the rules are different for twins.

Glad you're not suffering too much with sickness. I haven't either and wonder if all those IVF drugs prepare the body for pregnancy better than in a natural conception.

Lovely updates jessie and daisyboo :)

I am very pleased to confirm that 11 HPTs and 1 beta-hcg blood test later I am pregnant!!! I am going back to clinic again tomorrow to pick up more meds - apparently progesterone is on the low side again so I am gong to start cyclogest (any info on this?).

Woo hoo Kwick! How exciting. I had cyclone at pessaries for my IUI and both IVFs- bit messy but no side effects for me.

Good luck!

Congratulations kwick!!
Wow lovely posts - so lovely to see twins!!

Nothing to report here, tested negative so far but could still be too early.

How are you getting on city my cycle buddy?

So applied cyclogest and it leaked - through knickers, and trousers to chair - very embarassing... Think will apply to fanjo next time so panty liner can "catch"....

Did you lie down for 5 mins after? I was told to do that. Don't always have 5 mins to linger around though! Yes panty liners are the answer!

Anniehoo how can I lie down - I am at work It is hard enough to apply! So have adopted new approach - lets see how that goes: up the fanjo - will alternate throughout the day between crinone and cyclogest and will wear a sanitary pad....