Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

Good to hear your doing well Jessie and baby is growing and growing xxx

City I recommend internet cheapies - you can use as many as you like because they're so cheap so you're certain to catch the first dark line. I usually buy these:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B001G7STT0/ref=pe385721137038051TEEdp_2

There are many versions of these.. You can watch the line get darker and darker over time.

For double reassurance you can use with clear blue smileys ( older version better than digital).

I'll be your cycle buddy

I did a cheapie test the other day just out of interest. Only now is the second line as dark as the control line, and my hcg is in the thousands! Haha

Looking good daisy. Hope little bean is burying away in there, growing and growing .

I must be feeling super-positive at the moment. Decided today that I do still want a baby and I'm really going to go for it from now on shagging-wise. Not only that, I want two!!!! Ah it's wonderful being an optimist. I can tell this to you lot without sounding like I've lost all grip on reality but I fear my RL friends and mother would be concerned. Best to keep this between me and you!

Hi all!

Daisy, looking REALLY good there!

Annie... great that you're having a surge of optimism!

I've been having a little break from thinking about everything ttc - or trying to, anyhow - which is why I've not been around so much lately.

So just checking in to say a quick hi! Still reading and following along...

Af due at the end of the week and I've had the most horrendous PMS since a few days ago. And when I say horrendous, I mean horrendous. Grumpy, spacy, back ache, horribly crampy, not sure what to do with myself tonight.

Did anyone have this after failed IVF? I'm thinking it must be my hormones all messed up from last month. Timing-wise I'm on track, but I REALLY hope things settle down soon. I can't cope with this every month! :-(

Annie thanks for the advice - think will get some of those Internet Cheapies as you suggest. Will be good to have a cycle buddy as well. I am trying to be optimistic too. My friend who is 42 has just had a baby so that's helping.

Loueeza - sorry PMS is really bad. That sounds horrible and I really hope things settle down soon.

Hello to everyone else!

Just throught you might be interested to know that we got our Down's screening results back last week and have been categorised as "low risk", which is a relief as I always expected that someone my/our age would get a high risk result and have to go on to have the diagnostic testing (amnio or CVS), both of which carry a risk of miscarriage.

My Trust do not give a number so I have no idea how narrowly I scraped into the low risk category but I don't think it really matters.

The NHS screening is not fail safe but we have decided that we are comfortable enough with the result not to have any further testing (which would not now be available on the NHS anyway). Had we got a high risk outcome, or I'd been given a number that was very close to the threshold, before going for amnio/CVS I'd have paid for the private Harmony test which is not definitive/diagnostic but is much more accurate than the NHS screening with no miscarriage risk. It's about £500 quid.

In other words, the old eggs are doing OK so far. Not much else going on now, am embarking on the second trimester and no more scans or appointments for over 6 weeks. No bump to speak of yet; I've always had a bit of a fat tummy though so am caring less about holding it in now that the news is public .

Soory about the PMS Loueeza I don't remember mine being much different after the first failed IVF. Glad you're on an optimism roll Annie.

City I found the IC ovulation tests worked fine but if you want to go all out and to hell with the cost I have friends who swore by the Clearblue Fertility Monitor.

Loueeza sorry that you are having a bad af time. Are you starting IVF again straight away?

Jessie glad that you are low risk - what a relief :)

Daisyboo how exciting!!! I would normally say use a FRER but not sure you can get hold of any.

I had my day 12 scan today - 5 follicles, one at 14mm. Last scan there were only 3 follicles, so I feel encouraged with the progress... although I would feel more comfortable if I had a lot more follicles... to up my chances. Anyway I am doing everything I can - especially trying to be positive.

Hope your feeling a bit better loueeza. Yes I had a horrible horrible heavy period after IVF. Just bleurgggggggh. The hormone crash makes it so much worse, all those drugs tricking your body into thinking its pregnant for so long, it's bound to have a effect. Once the hormones settle you'll feel better again.

jessie another big milestone - you're doing so well.

kwick keep positive, what stage are you at now? I've forgotten what happens next will egg collection be v soon? Sounds like better numbers.

daisy how are you? Had anymore tests? Fingers firmly crossed it's a sticky bean!

How's everyone else doing? Day 9 here... Better find some enthusiasm for the shaggathon I had planned....

So just had day 14 scan - 1 follie at 16mm, 1 @ 10, about 4 @ 5mm. Waiting for blood results but egg collection likely in next few days... Fingers crossed!

Good luck Kwick. Sorry, I can't remember, is this your first IVF? It's a relief when they do the EC and you finally feel that progress is being made. I am proof positive that it can work!

Yes good luck Kwick

I am on day 9 as well Annie as we are cycle buddies! I need to find some energy and enthusiasm for the next few days too! Haven't got round to buying the internet cheapie OPKs this month so using clear blue digital and we'll see if I believe it this month! Will get the others for next I think.

Glad all is well with you Jessie

Yep my first IVF after 5 cycles of IUI.

Thanks for the encouragement, Annie. Actually coming up to the af after the IVF. The first one was awful - painful and felt terrible.

But felt terrible during the run-up to this one too. Just really bad PMS including cramps and back ache ... but a week before af. Then it tails off as af approaches, presumably as my hormones drop. Never used to suffer like this, but have come to the conclusion that it must just be my age :-(

We weren't able to ttc this month as DH was away. I know it sounds crazy but even though I know there's no chance this month, I've still been slightly hoping. We were only able to BD about a week before ovulation, which of course makes a BFP almost impossible, but I think the cycle of hope and disappointment has become almost like a bad habit ... lol! Can't seem to stop it! Next month might be a no-go too as I was going to try to have my tubes checked and the NHS do that between days 8 and 14, but they only do it on certain days. You get the idea ... might end up missing the crucial days again. Feels so frustrating. I want to do the test, but feel like I'm losing precious time. And just wanted to get back to trying normally again for at least a couple of months before considering another IVF.

Probably will do another IVF... don't want to face thinking about it right now though.

Kwik, wanted to leave a separate post to wish you all the best!!

Sounds like you're really close to EC day! :-)

Oh and Jessie that's brilliant news! You're flying through all these milestones! :-)

Good luck, Kwick!!
Jessie, brilliant that the tests are all good!!

I have had a couple of stressful days. After problems with my crazy aggressive violent neighbour I started bleeding Monday night. I went to the doctors Tuesday (it had more or less stopped by then, and had turned brown rather than red). The doctor sent me to A&E where I had a scan. It wasn't great equipment there so they thought they could see a sac or 2.
They booked me an appointment for the next day at the early pregnancy unit and I had a couple of scans. The internal scan found 2 sac, 2 yolk sacs and 1 fetal pole. All normal at this stage (5weeks plus). It sounds to me though that one is more developed than the other.
Obviously early days and anything could happen at this stage.
I have another scan booked for 2 weeks.
I'm very glad to be in the system at th early pregnancy unit, hopefully this means lots of early scans and now I can cancel the private scan I have booked with doctors consult saving myself 200 quid!
If the 2 sacs keep developing i think I'll need all the money I can save!!!

Oh wow Daisy what a rollercoaster. Would you be OK with twins? You've got a nailbiting 2 weeks ahead but sounds like you are getting good care.

It doesn't feel nail biting as I feel I have already had a sneak peak nice and early.
I am aware at this early stage 2 sacs does not necessarily translate to 2 babies so I am not thinking about it too much. Maybe women I have read about have vanishing twin or one does not continue to grow before 12 weeks.
I am only 6 weeks, so anything could happen. I'm just really happy isn't 3!!!
But if 2 were still developing in a few months then ok! At least I would only have to think about doing this once!! Haha! It would change my plans a little and I would have to take advantage on the inexpensive hired help you can get in Hong Kong.

It's interesting, people who already have children think twins sounds fantastic! And people without sound wary. I thought it might be the other way round! Haha.
Anyway, I'm staying healthy and relaxed and seeing what happens further down the road.
And yes, the care in Hk has been great so far. Wouldn't want to repeat the A&E wait though, but hopefully I don't need to now I am in the system

thank yo so much Loueeza Egg collection is tomorrow morning!!!!!

Blimey daisy I really feel for you... so glad you were attended to quickly. You have a great outlook :) do they know why you were bleeding?

Right I am off to have a bath - last one in a while!

Tomorrow morning kwick! Wishing you all the best and hoping tomorrow brings good news. Step by step... Hope you're sleeping right now! You can relax a bit after EC and maybe have a wee glass of vino in those in-between days.

Oh daisy that's amazing seeing your two little sacs and good that there is at least one fetal pole.. V v early days. Bonus that you are now in the system for early scans.. I would also secretly love twins.

Kwick, it was a small hematoma that caused the bleed, apparently very common in early pregnancy, a lot of ladies suggested it could be this before the scan found it. The bleeding pretty much stopped after 10 hrs. Nothing since!
Annie, please have a glass of vino for me!! I don't know what to do with myself after a stressful day at work! I've been pretending soda water is a fizzy wine!

Ooh, Kwick! And good luck tomorrow!!

Thanks Annie and Daisy!!!!

I barely slept... Started to feel quite sick in the middle of the night might have been lamb kebab I had last night I am actually relieved the morning is here! Even if I am nil by mouth until after the EC

So pleased you are okay now Daisy