Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

Unchallenged? Nuchal!

Yay Jessie I've been checking back to see how you are doing!! Fab news. Xx

Ahh jessie that's very good news. Big milestone . So exciting! Xx

Thanks Jessie

I am really excited for you about your scan. That is such good news!

Wonderful to read your news Jessie and Daisy... Hurray!

This good news and news from my best friend that she's preggers at 42 have really spurred me on.

I really need to make more effort to get preggers! I wish I'd continued with IVF now as it really increases your chances.

We need to dtd a lot more though. I'm so sick of it though - all this trying has put me off!!

I've been on the Pregnonolone or whatever it's called for a couple of days now that I'm (probably) post-ovulation. It's Day 24 here.

Still taking CQ10 and DHEA. Forget to take aspirin and folic acid most days. God knows what. Effect this cocktail has but feel ok.

No booze. Lots of water. Eating "clean".

Need to get to gym and lose weight.

It's a long struggle this. There is hope all around us 

I'm still only 42 - there is hope for a natural full term pregnancy and heathy baby!!!

Forgive me for gatecrashing (again) but just had to say what very lovely news on here today!

Daisy - woohoo! Congratulations on your BFP! They say fortune favours the brave and it sure looks like your gutsy decisions and 'throw everything at it' efforts have paid off. I am totally in awe that you've flown thousands of miles to pursue this on your own. Good for you.

Congratulations too for Jessie - how wonderful to have reached such a big milestone. I think you're totally right to be reassured by your excellent, low nuchal measurement.

I was given a high risk score from my NHS scan, 1:50, which the nurse then immediately and 'helpfully' pointed out that I might like to consider as being 2% (I must look like I'm remedial, FFS).

I had the Harmony test (result 1:10,000 for all 3 trisomies) but hadn't been particularly nervous about getting the results, mainly because the NHS risk had been ramped up entirely by the bloods (PAPP-A) and age statistics, yet the nuchal measurement was fine (1 point something, as yours is).

Interestingly, prior to the Harmony results, the Harmony test people did their own ultrasound and calculated the downs' risk as 1:625, and 1:1,165 for T13/18. (Bloods and age obviously identical, the difference was that their algorithm used 3 further soft markers from the scan in addition to the nuchal translucency - nasal bone, ductus venosus flow and tricuspid flow. Clever.)

I should say that I'd no idea what we'd have done - if anything - had the trisomy risk remained high. I just had a vague notion of wanting to 'be prepared' and thankfully, we never had to consider it any further.

Anyway, It's truly wonderful that you're into the safety zone and well on your way now.

Annie - "I'm still only 42 - there is hope for a natural full term pregnancy and heathy baby!!!"
May I say, thank f*ck you are back to your senses! It's great to hear you being so upbeat again, when I believe you've had perhaps more than your fair share of challenging experiences.

I'm no great example of anything at all and I'm ashamed to admit that I hadn't even had any unprotected sex whilst still 42. Desperately wanted to TTC at 42 and before, but time had passed me by in a blur of sort of faffing about, then tests (and more) for another health issue. Yet luckily I've still since then been truly blessed with a super little girl. Yes, TTC her potential sibling has tried my resolve, patience, spirit ... more than I could ever have imagined possible (and may yet prove a bridge too far) but I absolutely treasure my DD as she is my whole world - I'd run through brick walls for her.

Sending you - and everyone else - loads of good luck wishes x

Special for Loueeza - I imagine you must still be terribly disappointed, but hope you'll be moving forwards again soon. Good luck with your HSG/tests if that's your next step.

Aww fanks chewy! needed that! xxxxx

Brilliant news, Jessie!!!! That is so fantastic! You are well on your way.... Does it feel real yet?
I am taking it a day at a time, as Hcg decreased each time before, I'm trying to stay positive as Hcg is present today!!! Will probably get beta test down Saturday or next week if my cheapie tests are still showing 2 lines.

Annie, glad to hear you are feeling more positive,

Chewygiraffe, thanks. Fingers crossed this time is the one for me.
Good to hear you are TTC and overwhelmingly happy with your daughter.xxx
Definitely an inspiration to us all.

Still had 2 lines on the test this morning, I can stay positive today!!

Agreed - some lovely upbeat news here today.

Jessie ... arms and legs??? Yay!!! Definitely a day to celebrate .... erm, with a nice hot chocolate? :-)

Daisy ... congrats to you too! So far so good, honey!!

Chewy, when did you have your daughter? Did it take long to conceive her?

All OK here. To be honest I think I've dealt with my disappointment quite well. I'm mostly just frustrated that we can't try naturally yet as DH is away at exactly the wrong time :-(

My cycle seems to have got straight back to normal as far as I can tell - unfortunately, actually. A delay would have worked well this month!

The clinic called me today to tell me they'd discussed my case at their weekly meeting. They said we did quite well with good quality blastocysts, so it's hard to know why it didn't work. They'd recommend a slightly different protocol next time - just a slightly different drug cocktail and slightly longer time after the trigger shot and before egg collection to allow more eggs to mature. So we'll see. I'd love to try again naturally for a few months first, but I know time's of the essence. Will just have to have a think about that I suppose.

Well, that's all then, really. Have a good weekend, everyone! :-)

what a lovely thread to read this evening :)

Daisy so very pleased for you!!!!!

Jessie so so exciting!! well done you!

Chewy it looks like a I will need to learn a whole new vocabulary if the IVF works... lots of words in your post that I have no idea what they mean .. but all good as I am taking one thing at a time.

My af finally arrived (with a vengenance)... having my baseline scan and then a medication teach session tomorrow... gulp!

Kwick - I'm so sorry for rambling on. I thought Jessie was at the point where she'd had an ultrasound scan to screen for downs syndrome (Trisomy 21) but hadn't yet received a "risk score" as that could only be calculated once the blood tests results were back. It can be an anxious wait, but I noticed that Jessie seemed to have said that she was reassured by the scan part of the assessment and I suppose all I was trying to say (albeit not very well, I'm sorry) was that my limited personal experience would suggest that was pretty sound judgement.

Vocab-wise, you're bound to take it all in your stride when you're pregnant. Although you can sometimes feel a bit bombarded with the information on offer, there's plenty of time to digest and think about it.

Very best of luck with your IVF - how exciting! Are you starting your stimulation injections tomorrow then?

Loueeza - I had assumed that after some non-fertility health issues and much delay, I was bound to need IVF to conceive my DD. Once we were finally ready to start trying, I had a fertility assessment (the second one, actually) at a supposedly cutting edge IVF clinic. They diagnosed severely diminished ovarian reserve (or POF), said it was impossible I'd ever get pregnant naturally and refused me IVF. After rivers of tears I bought a box of Clearblue Original OPKs and conceived DD on the first go, when I was 43.3. (Years later I found out that the clinic assessment was nonsense as they'd done it on the wrong day of my cycle.)

Just in case it makes me seem like a total smug cow, I'll say that in many ways the circumstances of her conception haven't served me well at all.

Firstly, because of what the IVF clinic told me, I was convinced it must mean there was bound to be something fundamentally 'wrong' with DD. These worries were compounded by the fact that my pregnancy was a total nightmare (kept bleeding) and birth was a traumatic laundry list of everything I never wanted (took me weeks to believe DD was actually fine). Please note here - these things were nothing to do with my age.

Secondly, after DD was born I imagined that conceiving again would be at least achievable, even if not so easy ... but all I've had since is a MMC at 10 weeks having seen a heartbeat on a very early scan.

I'm still trying to keep trying, I think. But I do know that my age now is a totally different proposition to yours, so you should keep your chin up. x

Encouraging story, Chewy, although it does sound like you've had a tough time of it. We all have our own stories with this ttc business, don't we, and none of it is easy.

I do still have hope for myself, but mostly I feel so IMPATIENT now. I hate that mostly it's all about waiting, waiting, waiting.

Oh well - not going to dampen the good mood on the thread at the mo. The good news is really heartening.

Chewy seriously no need to apologise - just realised that I still have a lot to learn... and I hope I get that far to learn it!!

You did NOT sound smug! Your story is inspiring although I am OUTRAGED that you had the assessment on the wrong day!!!!

I had a rather poor experience today at my clinic but I am happy to report that baseline scan was fine... and the injections start tomorrow - Merional, Zomacton and Fostimon plus some Dexamethascone tablets.

Hi All
Hope you are all having a lovely weekend. Just a mini update from me. I did another clearblue digital test and the week's indicator has moved from 'pregnant 1-2 to pregnant 2-3'!
So this mean hcg is rising and has risen higher than my last 2 attempts. So my feelings of it going the same way as last time are fading a little. I can take this as a fresh, different try!
Hcg blood test on Tuesday for more definite results

Congratulations Daisy, Chinese New Year blessings to you xx.

Chewy great to hear your journey's story. It gives hope to me as someone who has been told my egg reserve is very low; AMH results are very poor (1.85) and that egg quality is likely to be bad as well. Add in being 44.2 and I've pretty much a 'full house' for not having a hope in Hades of conceiving - and, if by some miracle I do, the the likelihood of severe chromosomal abnormality is ridiculously high. The NHS consultant's only suggestion was donor egg IVF which is out of the question for DH and I. We are hoping something happens naturally but I'm pretty demoralised that it actually will.

Jessie, so glad to hear all looks well on your scan xx

Love and good blessings to everyone else xx

How exciting daisyboo!!!!! Keep us updated!

Remember have you read "right time baby" by Claudia Spahr? I just read a few chapters on friday as an amazon sample and it was very cheering and insightful... Book should arrive this week - I was in two minds about buying as I am in the middle if ivf so a bit hard to do anything dramatically different but nonetheless have found was I read so far very reassuring.

Hi Kwick, no I've not read that book - not heard of it even!! Off to look at Amazon!!

remember if you google her you can see her website - she has some videos also which are interesting.

How's it going Daisy?

Hi Jessie
Hcg test confirms I am pregnant. eek!
Now time to wait for scan!!
You are right!! Another nail biting wait!
I hope everyone is doing ok! Xxx

Great stuff. When you have, as we did, planned every last detail of the conception part (and for you in particular that was one helluva lot of planning) it's a really strange feeling just to sit back and let nature take its course as the baby beds in and gets bigger. I actually found it quite weird that it was just growing quietly in there while I have been going about my daily business.

Seeing the consultant tomorrow (standard for my age); not sure quite what she will have to say, although I have a few questions of my own. It's all about assessing how high risk I am, so they can decide if I need to keep seeing a doctor or will be OK with midwife and scans. Suspect I am pretty low risk apart from age. My brother and I were both premature and my Mum had a premature baby which died so I want to ask if the cause (incompetent cervix) is possibly hereditary. Trouble is I am a bit hazy on the details, like how many weeks I or the others were born at, and nobody left in the family to ask.

Daisy CONGRATULATIONS! I am sooooooo happy for you!!!! How exciting!

Congratulations Daisy that is exciting news!

Jessie hope your consultant appointment goes well today.

Well AF is here - she turned up yesterday. Deep down I knew that she would appear but I kept trying to convince myself otherwise. Disappointed but I have made a doctors appointment for a week on Monday. Have been meaning to do that for a while but kept putting it off. I realise that I won't get any answers then or anything but in a way the fact I have booked the appointment makes me feel like I'm doing something! Of course as well as that will keep trying very hard.

I use the clear blue digital ovulation predictor but I think it was wrong last month. I think I've read on here that they are sometimes a bit inaccurate so I was thinking of trying other ones. What would anyone recommend?

Hope everyone else is ok.

Congratulations daisy amazing news!!!!!

My best friend is also pregnant at 41 nearly 42. It's really giving me hope and helping me believe I can actually have a baby!!

At came a few days ago but I've got a month's DHEA under my belt this time...