Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

Jessie fantastic signs - I know it is a drag crying when you are not used to it but it is just a sign that things are progressing nicely :)

I looked up the Claudia Spahr site and am going to buy the book - wish I had done this sooner as looks like tips will be very useful.

I had the hysteroscopy yesterday all went well - in fact they did not find the bums the 3D scan had shown. However post op am feeling quite delicate due to major pain... seems to have calmed down now but am having a lazy day at home before I fly off for work again tomorrow.

After just coming out of what must have been one my worst ever weeks at work I am trying to find a way to lessen the stress my job causes me. I actually feel the adrenalin or cortisol rip through my veins... I just do not know how to shield myself. It used impact my sleep a lot and I seem to have got that under better control but it is during the day. I do deep breaths a lot but I am so fricking worried that I am going to be the cause of the IVF not working. And then if the miracle happens that I will then cause a miscarriage.... need to get out of this funk

Glad you have been to the Midwife Jessie and got your scan booked in. That will be very exciting.

Found out this week that my Sister in Law is pregnant. She is 40 and I am really happy for her and my brother and excited to have a new niece or nephew. I suspected that she was pg and was waiting for the news. It was quite hard (even though I'm happy for them) especially after having that positive test for 2 hours and thinking that we would be having a baby in September.

Am feeling all over the place this week. Forgot to test with the clear blue ovulation thing this morning when first got up, so had to do it later and then got high fertility but they said that might be false. Think we'll dtd tonight anyway just in case!! Am trying to be positive, visualise being pregnant like Chewy suggested and eat healthily and cut down on caffeine.

Anyway, hope everyone else is OK.

All good to hear, Jessie. Sounds like you are well on your way to being just like the mum in that soppy video, although I know you don't want to let yourself believe it yet. (I'd be the same, I know I would). Hold on in there - each milestone you pass you'll be able to relax more and more.

Great that you're feeling sick and tired, too ... lol!

Good decision, City. Do you think there's a chance your NHS might fund treatment? You might be surprised. Mine funds one cycle up to age 43.

Daisy, you must be in Cyprus already! :-)

As for me, I'm smack bang in the middle of my 2ww. Not too much to report - just feeling pre-menstrual-y really, especially today, but for better or worse I've done enough Googling to know that's really neither good nor bad at this stage. From what I've read, some get nothing, others get a few symptoms before test day so there's really no way to tell.

As you can imagine I've been swinging between thinking it must have failed because I pretty much feel the same as I always do during the 2ww, and still having a bit of hope.

One thing's for sure, I'm not going to be testing early! I'm such a wuss. I'm dreading the test. Just want to hold on to a bit of hope as long as poss!

DH made me cry a few days ago by telling me that he had a 'glimpse' of us (while he was standing at the urinals!!) showing a baby to his mum. I know this sounds weird, but he sometimes gets this sort of thing happen to him, just out of the blue, and he reckons he's always right. Anyway, whether he's right or not, I'll take all the hope I can get! Even if he is right, I know we might have to wait a bit longer. It might not be quite our turn this time.

Hope everyone else is well.

Fingers firmly crossed for you Loueeza.

Hi guys!
Aah, Jessie, sounds like you are turning into a right softie, hormones eh?

Loueeza, good luck...positive vibes.

Yes, I am in Cyprus now. Embryo transfer on Tuesday.

Hi all,

Good luck Loueeza for tues. I test on Sunday and I'm dreading it too. (I had 2 embies put back in after the 3 day transfer & unfortunately no frosties).

Afternoon all. Not been around much but catching up on threads.

Been avoiding threads as I'm trying to let myself down gently that I'm never going to get my bfp. I've not checked my temp, done opk's or even taken notice of my cm this month. AF is due tomorrow but I don't feel any inkling that she's on her way. Have done one or 5 poas over the last few days but all bfn. On top of everything I'm having physio at the moment for my neck and shoulder and the physio thinks my shoulder blade is pronated and wants to go slowly with treatment.

Going to relax tomorrow and enjoy the rugby!!

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for the good wishes, but unfortunately I found out today that the cycle failed. Official test date not til Tues, but started with brown spotting today. Did a test and it was negative. I know that means there's no hope.

So ... I shall pick myself back up and figure out my next move. :-(

Dear, dear Loueeza I am so sorry... what day were you on the 2WW... I mean is there no way it could be implantation? sorry do not mean to give you false hope or make things any harder.

I just spent some quiet time going over the IVF process again. I was in such a tizzy after my op on Tuesday that I started the nasal spray... which is not meant to be until day 21 (it was day 14). I have just read the instructions of the medicine and they say only have open for a week. I guess I should let the clinic know and have them order me a new lot right? I am so annoyed with myself!!!

Daisyboo best of luck with embryo transfer!!! Apologies if you have explained before - but have you had the egg collection bit on a previous trip?

Loueeza, I am sorry so to hear that. Please contact your clinic and don't stop meds until they say so.
You still have a few days til OTD, they give you
That date for a reason.
Xxx

Kwick. I am doing a tandem cycle, so I and egg donor had egg collection on Thursday.

Loueeza - I'm so sorry to read about your negative test, but like others have said, might it be different by your official test date (sorry I don't understand the dates in an IVF cycle)? I don't think the spotting necessarily means anything (I had a successful pregnancy with spotting/bleeding at various times from my missed period, right through the second tri - it nearly drove me insane). I was quite moved to read about the 'glimpse' of the future that your DH had. It seemed like he was onto something. But even if it turns out you were both right (i.e. you might have to wait a little longer) I'm sure you'll get there soon enough. Take care x

Hi girls,

Thanks so much for the support!

I did hold onto a tiny bit of hope yesterday - as you say, it was just a bit of spotting at first and I hadn't (still haven't) reached my official test date.

However, I now have full-on af (a lot more painful than usual), and I'm 11 days past my 5-day transfer. I'm afraid that really is it for this time.

But ... it's OK.

I'm already looking forward to future possibilities. I'm going to call the NHS clinic tomorrow to get myself booked in for an HSG, and take things from there.

Daisy, hope you're well!

Kwik, I hope you got your boo-boo sorted out? Don't worry - my DH forgot to put some of my drugs in the fridge and we had to buy new ones. They weren't as expensive as I thouhght to replace - just one of those things. ;-)

Sending you big hugs, loueeza. I have been there xxxx

Loueeza great that you are bouncing back... Sounds like a chemical? What is an HSG.

When you say boo-boo is that my fanjo or boobage? My boobage bump is loads better although still erupting when squeezed . My fanjo is fine now after hysteroscopy and I am sending it good vibes for egg growth

Daisyboo please forgive my ignorance - so you and a donor had eggs collected? How many were got! Any update on magic potion and eggs meeting and greeting? Does egg collection make you bleed? Apologies for TMI questions but my cousin (who did IVF) cannot remember!

Hi Kwick
As I have such a low AMH and follicle count, I opted for a tandem cycle. So my eggs and a donor eggs as back up,
As of yesterday I had 8 fertilised embryos altogether.
This is them though embryoscope on day 2. You
Can spot the ones that didn't fertilise.
Egg collection didn't make me bleed, just a bit crampy for a few hours

Thank you Daisyboo am I wrong to be getting very excited for you?

It's exciting and scary. After 2 fails I find it hard to get excited, I guess it's a protective thing.
But it's a fresh cycle, no reason for it not to work. Clinic have added more things to deal with possible immune issue that prevents hcg from rising last time. So fingers crossed! Transfer on Tuesday

Will keep my fingers crossed for you! Do you come back for 2WW?

Thanks. I will be returning home on the Friday, so have a few days to relax first

Loueeza am sorry that AF arrived for you this time. Am thinking of you. .

Good luck Daisy

I am officially in the 2WW now. We dtd a lot over the last few days but I know that we just have to be patient and am trying to feel optimistic.

Spoke to nurse to confess opening nasal spray a week early and she said it was fine and not to worry....
Tomorrow I start sniffing!!!

cityzen best of luck for 2WW!

Oh loueeza I'm sorry . It's so damn unfair. Hope you're ok.

daisy lovely to see the embryos from the embryoscope. They look so promising. Fingers crossed for you.

I'm on CD15, dtd every other day or more.feeling v bloated and uncomfortable and I think it's the DHEA. jessie did you get this? Or any of the others who have taken it?

I've been very constipated since I started taking it.

Good luck with nasal spray kwick how long have you got to do it for?

Loueeza so sorry to hear your news. I only saw just now as the thread had dropped off my active list and I thought nobody had updated. I have been thinking of you. It's shit, and I know you're not planning to jump right into private IVF, but I am proof that a failed cycle doesn't necessarily mean that IVF doesn't work. I hope your DH is coping OK too and good you have an action plan ready. to you both.

Annie I didn't get any side effects from the DHEA that I remember.

Nothing to report on my side, just a bit of insomnia. Our house purchase is also delayed due to a last minute Japanese bloody knotweed discovery at the property out vendors are buying so everything just in limbo for now.