April 2014 ttc thread - come on baby cupcake!

[zombiemeow]

Shiny new thread and this time I got the title right!

We're all waiting for baby cupcake to come along

Hopefully she will return soon. Maybe her ds got hold of her I pad

Ds has been up for ages and I'm so tired. He just won't settle unless I hold him but I'm so tired

Haha my DS got hold of my iPad and never gave it back

Oh no ducky :( I hope u got him to sleep.
DS went to sleep at 8:30 but he woke up at 11:30pm :/ and went downhill from there.
1st night he's slept in his bed. Even if it was just for 3 hours lol

DS2 well he went to sleep at 9:30pm and woke up at 6:30am.
I wish DS1 would do that!

Ha ds loves face timing

OMG ds2 sleeps so good! It's crazy. I hope ds1 learns from him!

My ds was being held until 1.45 every time I tried to put him down he woke up screaming before then. He had two more wake ups and up at 5am. H is still in bed having 'a lie in' whatever one of those is

Is it today you have your Drs appt for ds?

Gosh ducky I bet u are exhausted! That sounds like a long night!
Pfffffttt a lie in!! I've totally forgotten what one of those are! Lie in is anything past 6am for me
He should have got up with DS for u and let u sleep a few hours.
Men!

No ducky it's tomorrow DS's appt is.
See he's fine getting to sleep now it's just staying asleep. He wakes up a lot.

And oh my gosh he was awful when I picked him up from nursery I've no idea why!! He was screaming and throwing himself on the floor! I had to get a nursery worker to actually drag him to my car for me cuz I was holding DS2!! don't know why he behaved like that! I felt so embarrassed as he's normally such a polite little boy.
But he's been so good for the rest of the day, ate all his dinner and has been so so loving giving me lots of cuddles. Love it when he's like that :)
See sometimes I feel a bit crap and alone but when DS2 hugs me and gives me kisses and says 'love you mummy' makes me realise I made the right choice to be on my own :)

How strange that he was like that. Is he over tired maybe?

So many wake ups here already, dreading tonight.

H birthday tomorrow, I haven't got him anything. He's got lots of money from his dm. From the sound of it he'll go out not long After dragging himself out of bed to spend it all and will be out most the day.

My friend messaged me the other day, she has a ds a bit younger than my ds. She said the other day her dh gave her money and sent her out shopping and for a spa day while he took ds, where do they find these men!!?!?!

How was today ducky ?
Did he spend all day out ?

Oh my gosh I want a man who gives me money for shopping and spa days!!

I've now got an appt with a different doctor next week who knows more about sleep issues apparently. The one I saw today was useless

DS has been better today no tantrums! But still not sleeping haha.
How did last night go with DS?

Well he was out all day so I made plans, he came back demanded I change my plans as 'it's his birthday'. We had a HUGE Argument and he told me I'm a horrible person, he was going out alone and I'm a bitch for making him spend his birthday alone, I told him fine and to get the fuck out then I think he realised I was serious and has spent the rest of the night grovelling. It's not working.

Oh no is that a sleep consultant? Or a different gp? Hope they can help more.

Ds was awful last night. Don't know how much... Or should I say little, sleep I got

Wow that's mean of him! I do not think in anyway ur a horrible person !

I've no idea ducky , she said I'm best to book in to see this other GP as he specialises more in sleep. And apparently he'll be able to suggest what I can do to help DS sleep then she said in the meantime I should stick to a bedtime routine, read him a book, put a nightlight on for him. Which is what ive tried any way

Can I join u on the little sleep? DS was in my bed again! I spent till about 2am attempting to put him to bed! :( gave up and left him in my bed but he woke up twice cried and wanted a drink.

Oh ds was awful last night. At one point I was so tired I couldn't even hold him so I out him in with me but then couldn't sleep as I was scared of him wandering off. Every time I went to move him back to his cot he woke up

Hope the other person can give you some answers about sleep, from what I read online the sleep consultant will be pretty useless. I read they just tell you about routines etc but I know all of that.

Oh no ducky :( that's not good. Do u feel each night is getting worse?

That's what I think will happen ducky. They will suggest routines. I've tried all that tho and sometimes it works then suddenly it doesn't and he just won't sleep properly.

I had my appt today and I had to fill in a questionnaire. They want to see whether it's post natal depression or just depression so they can put me on the right meds. Got another appt on 12th Feb.
I'm fed up of the doctors lol

That is exactly the same as ds! Some nhfgrs he will do great, although I don't think he has ever slept through completely, most nights he is bad though.

The Drs really seem to be dragging these appointments out! That's a long time to go without meds if you need them.

Same with mine ducky most nights my DS is bad. He's fallen aslee just now and I'm gonna attempt to put him in his bed. Praying he stays there but I lmao he'll be up in a few hours :/

And yep! Rele dragging it out!! She even said to me today's it's clear I am depressed and anxious but she just needs to see if it's pnd or just depression.
Eugh.
I've told her how I'm getting like small panic attacks. I get so stressed and my chest tightens and I can hardly breath. But still making me wait another 3 weeks till I actually get help.
HV hasn't even contacted me either. They were the 1st people I contacted about this and said they were gonna set up a listen meeting but I've heard nothing from them.

That's awful, I have found hv utterly useless so far. I won't go to their clinic as its held at the place I heard dds heart beat for the last time so it brings back too many memories. They're meant to do home visits for me but I haven't heard off them since ds was about 4/5 weeks old.... He's now 13 months

I had a long chat with one of my closest friends today, I told her what was going on with h. She was very very supportive and says I need to leave him asap. She has been a huge support. I'm feeling a lot more confident about it all now.

They are rubbish. I don't trust anything they say anyway. They make u worry for no reason.

Aaww that's great ducky! I'm so glad uve been talking to a friend about it :) sounds silly but I want to hug her for being supportive to u!
Do u know what ur going to do yet?

Does your ds have random good nights still? Or have they stopped too? My ds used to have good nights then they just randomly stopped. Last night I was so tired from being up all the night before apparently I slept through 15 minutes of ds crying. I feel so bad! I woke up and h was there but he just screams at h. As soon as I took him he settled straight away but I felt awful

Atm ducky they are all bad :(
They were getting better then suddenly got worse and stayed that way.

Don't feel bad ducky, u can't help being exhausted. It's understandable.
U rele need a break and a good nights sleep. Could DM have DS for the night for u? Just so u can catch up on sleep?

I'm so so ill today :( went out for lunch with my mom and started to feel awful, I have the worst headache and it feels like a flu type headache. She brought me n the kids home and DS was due a nap so me and the kids went to bed! And now my heads got worse :( I've taken paracetamol but it's not worked one bit.

You feeling better cupcake?

You have been through a bloody lot the past year!

Any news on the new house?

Much better now I think I had a migraine because once I had slept I felt fine!

How are u ducky?

Nope, no new house yet. There's nothing atm, I'm hoping for a 3 bed so the boys get their own room but hardly any 3 beds seem to come up for rent it's all 2 beds. I'm just gonna keep looking :)

I'm ok, going to try and find time to phone WA in the next week or so. My solicitor doesn't get back to me so they're useless. It's all so scary.

I left him twice before and am an idiot for going back. The first time he got v angry and tried to hurt me, the second time he was as calm as anything and just sat there while I packed my bags and went.

How did you find the strength to have the talk wth exh? And what was his reaction, I have forgot.... And what did you say?

Sorry for all the questions, trying to plan this all out in my head.

Umm okay, well I ain't gonna lie it was really hard cuz I said to him 'I want to be honest as I think it will benefit him and me and especially the children if we weren't together. aNd he said 'so what? I saying u don't want to be with me anymore it's over that's it?' And I said yeah and just pointed out every single thing that made me feel crap and alone and let him know exactly why I didn't wanna be with him.
Then he sat there and said 'fine but I ain't going anywhere this is half my house so I don't have to leave so u can fuck off'
Were his exact words!
N I said its best for DS to stay here Cuz of his room and he's familiar with it etc.
But he wouldn't leave so that when I looked into a court order and showed him what I was about to apply for. He then went off and found a place with his dad's help and then moved out.
But I think he knew it was coming as we just weren't getting alone and I cried all the time and shouted at him for being horrible to me.

It's hard now ducky but the end result is what's the best. U will notice if ur happy and relaxed ur DS will be happy and relax :) hey his sleep may improve!

Thanks for sharing that cupcake, it's scary cus I really don't know what his reaction will be, it could be either extreme. I just walked in on him about to have a wank we haven't dtd in almost 6 months and he still doesn't think we have any issues in our relationship. Although the other day he said to ds 'I'm your daddy and you can't get rid of me' then he turned to me and went 'neither can you '

I feel a lot more braver now as my friend is the only one that knows the full truth as to what has gone on and I have her support. Her dp lives a few hours away but she lives down the road, she said to do it on a day he's at hers just incase it kicks off.

Both of us (my friend and me) think it's best ds is out the house when it happens incase he does go mad, but I worry if I do that he might see it coming or it might encourage him iyswim.

It's so hard but I'm actually starting to sort it out now.

I only have one place I can go once it happens and it's a tiny room, it will be difficult to squeeze ds, me and my dog in there but I suppose it will have to do

It's good u have the support of ur friend :)

I felt safer with DS there as I didn't think he'd do anything with DS there but I wasn't 100% sure :s
When DS was born, I was holding him and he grabbed me and pushed me to the side, whilst DS was in my arms! And cuz I shouted at him and told him DS was here how dare he, he punched a picture on the wall and split it before walking out to god knows where.

Tbh I think DS should be at ur dm's and maybe even have ur friend with u to tell him. I did got advised to do that, as u have a back up and he will less likely kick off etc.

The room will only be temporary and once u get ur own place the day u move in will be amazing :)

Also do u rent or own?

If u rent be sure to call the letting agent and have ur name removed from the tenancy so ur no longer responsible for the house!

Well my friend lives 10 mins down the road and her dp is very big and said they will be here in a flash if they need me. I think I don't want anyone else here as if he acts okish about it, other people here would probably just wind him up.

We have a mortgage, which makes it more difficult because I can get a house easy but not while my name is on the council tax for this house. So I have no idea how that will work out.

I know he could be happier too, he would get a full nights sleep, he could do what he wanted when he wanted. ( which has caused some arguments in the past as I won't allow certain things in the house with ds) and I'd still let him see ds. But then I think he won't see it that way.

Tbh our marriage has been a marriage of convenience for him, I used to pay every single bill we had, even his road tax/insurance, I do all of the cleaning/washing, I do the cooking and he does the 'fun bits' with ds when he feels like it. It's been so easy for him.

I have thoughts every now and then that maybe it's just me as I have been moody recently, I can barely stand to talk to him, then I was reading this thing that was saying once someone treats you like h has done to me, it will make you grumpy etc, but that will go when I'm rid of him!

Once u move by law u need to take ur name off the council tax for that house and add it to where u will be living.

Is the mortgage in both ur names?
I'm guessing only a solicitor will be able to sort u getting half what the house is worth.
He'd have to either pay u off or he'd have to sell the house and pay u half what it sells for.

See that's exactly like me n exH, our marriage was a convenience for him too. I also did everything! It was so annoying.
I know I do it all now but because I know I have to and i don't have a lazy ass sat on the sofa all day not helping and doing what he wants, it's not bad doing it all myself :)

And yes ducky ull notice a difference in ur moods. U will suddenly feel free. As cheesy as that sounds it's true. It's like u can breath again. U don't feel anxious and stressed and there's no one to make u feel like crap. So u feel great! :)