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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Over 40s TTC & success stories.

999 replies

Grizzer · 18/07/2015 22:20

Starting a new thread for support & advice ladies. Not quite ready to graduate yet!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
TwinklyMusic · 25/01/2016 01:16

Hi everyone.

Wow - loads more newbies! Smile welcome! Clearly ttc in your forties is becoming highly fashionable. Now we just need to prove to these doctors and statisticians that they underestimate us!

Hi ababs!! how are you doing? Have your wonky cycles settled? Nothing came up in the tests, did it?

I have a feeling I ovulated a couple of days early (although did not test or temp at all this month). Still, no harm in getting in a day or two extra dtd just in case (although I won't complain when I'm definitely in tww... So tired!!).

ChewyGiraffe · 25/01/2016 07:49

I was thinking the same Twinkly, great to see so many new joiners! And if TTC in forties is fashionable, I may well be the most fashionable here Hmm

Kitkat - I'm older than you my lovely (I'm 46), but for now at least, find that trying is way easier than dealing with giving up trying. So you're not allowed to be a 'grand old' or 'ripe old' age of anything. Think we should reserve the epithet of 'grand old' for singing about the Duke of York to our DC and leave it at that!
Wotsits makes a good point about ovulation, quite normal for it not to be every month, etc. If you're interested in testing I think you've identified the right ones. You could start with CD3/CD21 tests from your GP. If you wanted AMH and Antral Follicle Count (AFC) you'd have to pay for those (was about £120 and £80 respectively in my experience) although perhaps mainly useful if you're considering some form of fertility treatment.

Ababs - Waves. AF for me, so was indulging in a little sulk. Thanks, you've helped jolt me out of it a bit. On to the next cycle I s'pose.

Beegee3 · 25/01/2016 09:46

Hello twinkly and chewy. 5th day of flashing smiley today, are you supposed to take any notice of the lines on the stick? There is a dark blue line on the right and faint lines on a few (done 2 a day) can't really see a second line today x

FattyFishwife · 25/01/2016 10:02

hi ladies. 11dpo today, did a FRER this morning with fmu (7 hour hold!) BFN...ah well...3 more days and i can hit the pate again with gusto!

hope to hear about some BFN's for you lot soon...brighten a grey monday up :)

Gsmummyinthehut · 25/01/2016 13:09

hi Ladies
New to this board, have been catching up on this thread and got to the story about the bfp and the sperm syringe which made me laugh out loud and thought I must join you!!

I'm in there with kitkat and chewy (newbie with no idea how to make bold, apols) 46 and a bit now, ttc 18 months now, conceived DD at 42 without IVF, (did have a HSP and fell pg that month..) Started TTC when DD was 18months old and still going...slightly losing the will to live..its getting grindingly dull trying to be sexy every month in the important time zone, we try the eod approach and use the digital opks.. I get a smiley peak time pretty much every month, we dtd a couple of times, from about day 8, and usually get one in just before, during and after..I guess just not enough! But gee whizz its hard with a full time job and 3.5 year old DD.

I'm off for a day 21 test on Friday, my doc is maybe too relaxed and thinks we're still in with a chance, but I think I want to go to a clinic and see if they think we're totally barking for even thinking we should still be trying.

All your advice about getting the AMH and antral follicle count sounds useful, Doc has requested a load of other tests alongside the day 21 test so we'll get those too.

Great to see you all on here TTC over 40 and the stories of over 45s falling pg make me happy..like the lady who said if you think you want to try you kind of have to just do that. I think that's where I am, don't want to give us without a good try!

Tough this last week as one more friend in her 30s just announced she'sn pg 2 months after trying (of course she will she is a decade younger than me!) Meanwhile at work pretty much everyone who had a DC when I did is now sprogging number 2s..

Trying to be positive, keeping it real and keeping my sense of humour..
Waving to all..

ababsurdum · 25/01/2016 13:46

Ha ha Twinkly, I know what you mean about wanting to be in the tww. We dtd the last 3 nights and two days before that despite being super tired due to toddler being up in the night with a cold earlier in the week. We really had to force ourselves last night though it was good once we got going. I will be glad of a night off tonight!

Ds awake. Back later.

Beegee3 · 25/01/2016 14:01

Welcome Gsmummy Smile it sure is hard when other people around you are dropping pg like flies (is that even an expression?) My ex husband left me for a â‚©*$#... a decade younger and she is pregnant Hmm. Seriously though the hardest part about that is supporting the boys with it. Anyway onwards and upwards. I have my wonderful boys and my lovely man who happens to be 9.5yrs younger. Our age gap has never meant anything to either of us ...until now Hmm. It's great to meet everyone, keep smiling Flowers

ChewyGiraffe · 25/01/2016 18:57

Oooh Beegee - big hugs (do they always have to be 'unmumsnetty' ones? WTF is that all about?) for having to have dealt with that rubbish from your ex-H. A good friend of mine had a similar experience and says her ex suffers from a terrible case of 'next-place-itis' (not just women but where he wants to live/go on holiday/everything) and expects he'll put the â‚©*$#... through it too soon enough. Sorry if your boys are struggling with it and best wishes for supporting them as you said. But otherwise, sounds like you're laughing now and hope you're upduffed too v. soon.

Hi Gsmummy - I hear you on the mind-numbing dullness of TTC and just how hard it is to keep on going. Then I see DD (2.5) sitting on the bottom step of our staircase, playing at driving a bus to the seaside in France with her totally imaginary little brother Confused ... and it breaks my heart. And plenty of mummies I know too are effortlessly popping out siblings for real, its so tough! Oh well, onwards and upwards ...
(BTW - for bold, just type * either side of the word(s). There's a list if you scroll down underneath the 'add your message here' box.)

ChewyGiraffe · 25/01/2016 19:19

OK, a bit of a random choice of story, but posted in the hope of cheering us all on!

I'd heard that Arlene Phillips (i.e. formerly of Strictly Come Dancing) had had a late baby, but wasn't sure if she'd had some sort of 'help'. I came across this old article from the Sunday Times which makes clear it was definitely an 'oops' baby. Lovely story!

I've pasted some below and the rest is here (it might need the online subscription service): www.thesundaytimes.co.uk/sto/style/article58623.ece

"I was 47! To be honest, I was expecting to be told that it was the start of the menopause, not motherhood.

Once I’d got over the initial shock, the doctor told me that my age increased the chances of Down’s syndrome. I’d become pregnant with my first child, Alana, when I was 36. And even at that age I was warned about the risk of Down’s. This time round, the doctor asked me if I wanted to have a CVS, which is like amniocentesis ... Both carry a risk of miscarriage, but the CVS even more so. I was told to go home and think about everything.

When I told my partner, Angus, the news, he couldn’t believe it either. It’s true we weren’t using contraception, but that was because we thought the likelihood of me getting pregnant was so low. We certainly weren’t planning to have any children. Angus never particularly wanted to be a father, and he very much thought of Alana, who has a different father, as both of ours. Of course, that night my head was full of all the things that could go wrong, but then I think we both got to the point where it dawned on us that in some way this child must be a gift.

We decided to go ahead with CVS, and Angus came with me to the Portland hospital ... The results took a week, but it felt like the longest week in my life. When we got the news we were going to have a healthy baby girl, I can’t tell you the joy I felt. If there had been something wrong, I don’t know what I would’ve done. But ultimately I never had to confront that issue. My biggest fear was over.

... Despite the lethargy and the terrible morning sickness, I carried on working, and luckily I didn’t suffer from things like high blood pressure or swollen ankles. The only thing I did have was pain where the scar tissue from my earlier caesarean hadn’t healed properly. As a result, it was agreed I’d have another caesarean, and on September 29, Abi was born. Angus and I were over the moon.

... To anyone facing a similar journey to mine, I would say if you want to be a mother and have an opportunity to have a late baby, then you should. Being a mother is the most wonderful thing. Children make you feel young and active and they bring unimaginable joy."

ababsurdum · 25/01/2016 20:16

Oh Chewy what a lovely story. I knew that she'd had a baby late but I don't think I've read anything she's written about the experience. Heart warming Smile. I think many women have been caught out in perimenapause so it gives us all hope.

Sorry AF came for you Flowers. Are you going to do anything differently this month?

Twinkly, thanks for asking. I only had the scan to check whether everything is clear and it seemed to be, no guarantees I guess. Things have settled down though my last two periods have been a bit longer than usual.

If opk was right on Saturday then I've ovulated a bit early too. We'll skip dtd tonight and do it again tomorrow I think just incase the stick was wrong and I'm ovulating later.

Fatty sorry you're testing negative so far. Fingers crossed it's just a late starter. You are very good laying off the pate in anticipation!

Welcome Gsmummy, I'm sorry you've been ttc for so long. It's crap isn't it when others seem to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. Hopefully you will be the one doing the pg announcement soon!

Beegee I'm sorry again about your horrid dh, it sounds like you are well rid. Does you new partner have any dc already?

As I'm typing this my left side is starting to feel twingy. Not sure I can bear to dtd again tonight. I wonder what the chances are of there being swimmers left and waiting from last night?

Beegee3 · 25/01/2016 21:35

Thanks chewy and ababsurdum I don't mean to blart on or whine about ex-h etc but I suppose it puts my current status into context. Yes I am well rid, shame I wasted 18 years of my life on him. Eldest ds has really struggled - separation anxiety, anxiety, panic attacks, school phobia anger, low self esteem and very low mood. Me and dp have been extremely sensitive and gentle hence we don't live together yet ( nearly 4 years) I am sure that I want a baby but I really do carry anxiety around how my eldest ds will handle it. At the same time it moves things along and I am sure that he would love a baby if it came and the baby would love him...so complicated. No my dp doesn't have DC, which is at least one less complication Smile.
Enough about me Blush. ababsurdum good to be feeling twinges on the left - I am pretty sure there should be some swimmers still paddling about in there!
chewy yes your friends ex-h sounds very similar, ego-centric and selfish. Lol, I hope I am upduffed very soon too - love it Smile x

kitkat2016 · 25/01/2016 21:54

oh thanks so much everyone for your help and advice - you do sound such a super supportive group and its great to have this site to share the journey - my dh just doesn't seem to understand and it always causes arguments when we talk about ttc so best just not to!

sorry to hear you've had a difficult time beegee3 - that must be so tough - I agree with ababsurdum - you are well rid of the ex and the new dp sounds great

welcome to all the newbies - I am a newbie too and everyone on here has been so welcoming so thank you

So nice to meet you gsmummy and chewy - waving excitedly :) Im so reassured to meet others similar in age to me as I am constantly doubting myself for even thinking of trying but I agree and think that we should all try as long as we want - like I said I was told just a few years ago there was very little chance of me becoming pg naturally that I should go straight to DE and not waste any time - if I listened to said consultant I would not have conceived my gorgeous DC with my own eggs so what do they know!

Thanks for all your advice - I will get the 3 day and 21 day blood test done and also look into the others

Beegee3 · 25/01/2016 22:15

Hi kitkat thanks, it has been hard and heartbreaking with ds1, but I have gradually come through a stronger woman and better for it. It's only what others go through, life likes to chuck st at us sometimes. Dp is a lovely gentle man and would be a lovely daddySmile. You are sounding very positive and determined kitkat go you! Thanks for sharing that story chewy very encouraging.
very supportive group, thank you ladies Grin

Beegee3 · 25/01/2016 22:47

X

Over 40s TTC & success stories.
TwinklyMusic · 26/01/2016 00:47

V exciting to see the thread so busy. Thanks for the baby dust Beegee3! Hope it works for us.

Loved that story Chewy. It's good to hear about things working out like that.

Fx for a better result a few days on Fatty!

Yes ababs, I just did not feel like it tonight either! WinkAm hoping we covered the right days, but might wirk myself up to it again tomorrow just in case... Confused

TwinklyMusic · 26/01/2016 00:55

Gsmummy I'm sorry you've been trying so long - I've also been trying for absolute ages so I do understand. I very excitingly got a BFP in August but sadly had a MMC at 9 weeks. Since then, there have been loads of announcements, including close family. It is very hard!!

But we are due a few more graduates, so fingers crossed for all of us!

ababsurdum · 26/01/2016 08:13

Morning all. Twinkly I agree we are due a few graduates.

Well we dtd again last night. I was definitely getting twinges in my left ovary and I'd also had some ewcm yesterday. SMEP says to try 3 days in a row when you get a +ve opk too so that's what we've done. I just have to hope we've caught a decent egg - getting sperm there is probably the easy bit (assuming no blockages)!

Beegee3 · 26/01/2016 10:10

Everything crossed for you ababsurdum, hope this is your month x I am on day 6 of flashing smiley, I know they can go on for a bit but I don't have a clue if I have ovulated or not. Do we pay attention to the line bit of the test?? Have had faint lines on the left, not there yesterday but faint again today. Always had the blue line on the right. Argh ☺

ababsurdum · 26/01/2016 12:22

Beegee I was reading my instructions over the weekend and it said the result cannot be worked out from the lines. It also said if you saw high fertility for 9 or more days you are unlikely to see a peak in that cycle. I guess at that point you've either missed the LH surge or you may not have ovulated. I think alongside the opk's it's important to pay attention to your body too - cm etc.

Thanks for the good wishes. I hope this is my month too Smile

Beegee3 · 26/01/2016 13:29

Thanks ababsurdum I will try and ignore the lines then.
Well ladies I have just been to the doctors and I have bronchitis! it was a doctor that I like so I said you will say that I am mad... he said you're mad. I said I have decided to try for a baby. He said actually no I don't think you're mad, you're healthy and a wonderful mother and I actually think that it's rather lovely! There are lots of risks but there are some tests too so you have to prepare yourself. I said that I had started decreasing the amitriptyline (for chronic migraine) already and he confirmed that I have to do that quickly as poss (not allowed to just stop) and agreed how to do it. He said that yasmin his wife had their last child when she was 43 and he is the naughtiest but just wonderful. He also said sometimes you just have to do things for you, now you must just get working at it! I cried when i got in the car (I am ridiculous), he is just the most lovely doctor and that was really so kind and supportive. Good news for us all I think for a doctor to be so supportive and positive Smile! X

ababsurdum · 26/01/2016 17:55

How lovely Beegee, it's nice when health care professionals are what they are supposed to be - caring. Has he ordered some tests for you?

Beegee3 · 26/01/2016 18:22

No he hasn't yet ababsurdum he was just encouraging me to get on with it. I guess I will try for a while and then go to him. He had to refer me for some nerve studies today (unrelated) so I left it at that for today.

Beegee3 · 26/01/2016 18:22

How you doing today ababsurdum?

ababsurdum · 26/01/2016 19:13

If it were me I'd probably give it 4-6 months then go back and see him but see how you get on. If he's sympathetic then I'd definitely pop in and see him if you're concerned about anything. Fingers crossed you won't need to!

I'm good thanks, a bit tired. Looking forward to not dtd tonight Grin

My 2ww begins...

Gsmummyinthehut · 26/01/2016 20:32

Good to meet you all, thanks for the wise words and posting the beacon of hope story ChewyGiraffe..its great to read about positive stories.

Lovely to know there is a whole load of over 40s out there, feeling a touch more positive today to know there's a more of us out there and i'm not totally barking! Smile sending positive vibes to you all during the 2ww.

Fingers crossed for you Twinkly..it sure is hard.

Here's another positive one..Liz Earle was 47 too..will copy if link doesn't work.
www.redonline.co.uk/red-women/interviews/liz-earle