The BESH are cheating on Luck with Irony, all Hags aboard for the ironiclusterdiff of the decade (for the B's and the none B's!)

[Blue2014]

You know the drill by now ...

Rules of Entry - must be over 30, TTC no. 1 for over a year, be suitably evil and Hag like, willing to shout Cunt at the moon on regular occasions, consume extra gin when our fellow hags are unable to, and to get the nipple tassles out for any successful Hag ...

No admittance without a complete BESHtionnaire - see below.

HAHAHAHA @ notion that going to a child-free wedding would make you come across as smug!! Maybe to the few breeders who are there having a shit time speed drinking in order to fob the other partner off with bedtime duty maybe, but fuck off are they get any sympathy.

You are seriously not being smug for being happy to go into a comfortable environment - go forth, conquer that wine and have a marvelous day! Not like we don't deserve having a blast.

We're off to the Maldives on Sunday for 10 days. It's very expensive and entirely child free (everyone asks me 'is it just the 2 of you or are his kids going to'? I'm like 'fucking obviously it's just the two of us?! It's the Maldives you idiot. Who takes kids to the Maldives?')

Actually the answer to that last question is: Russians. We went to Maldives a few years ago, long story short, they fucked some stuff up, I cried and the resort upgraded us from their lovely but not ridiculous all-inclusive resort to their £1k a night 5 * sister island. The only kids there arrived with Mama, grandmother, 3 nannies, 3 bodyguards and no sign of Oligarch Papa. They didn't come by seaplane transfer, they came on their private super yacht that was moored up just off the island. It was fucking crazy. In the morning there were GINORMOUS footprints from where the bodyguards had been jogging/training on the sand. IT WAS A MINDFUCK WITNESSING SUCH MENTAL WEALTH.

Every hour or so I'd start laughing at our upgrade luck then OH would laugh and we'd then go and get a beer from the minibar (because we got upgraded on the same all-inclusive package - KERCHIIIING) and laugh some more.

Totally gearing up to start complaining/crying this time!

Icy I want to go on holiday with you!!!!

Fuck, I can't tell you how much I would love a holiday right now. Didn't go away at half term last week as we thought we were moving house. Can't go away at Easter because of the sodding ivf (and still not knowing when we might be moving house).
Just spoken to the nurse who is coming round tomorrow to stick a drip in me for two hours, and now I'm in tears. I'm at breaking point, can't handle the thought that this is it, this is the last chance.
Someone throw a bucket of fish at me, I'm freaking out.

icy does your dh definitely want to go away? I'm sure I could take his place, do him a favour...

erica 1% is shit. I'm in there as well. That's still 1 in every 100 women though, that's a hell of a lot really when you consider how many women there are.
I'm not even going to think about the barren statistics.

Why us? I fucking hate this shit.

And next week I've got to stay overnight with mate who has had a toddler and a baby since we started TTC, in fact since our first mc, and then spend the day with a pregnant woman who I know very little (it's work). Give me strength, hags.

Barking I feel you, hag. I am holding your toe and throwing cockles of calm at you.

I know what you mean. I have moments when the reality of having been on this failed TTC shitshow for over 4 years, and having gone through 3-4 mcs (depends on whether you count the chemical one) and all the failed IUIs and the surgeries and heartbreak and people having had two kids in the same period of time... sometimes it all hits me like a ton of bricks, the very real possibility that it may just not happen to me ... and feel like I am going mad.

But then it passes and I can feel normal for a while before something sets me off again (today it was another FB pregnancy announcement).

It is unfair and it sucks. There is not much else to say... just that at least we have the hags to offer support and fish and untwee word of confort.

I will be online today and tomorrow if you want to vent.

Barkig oh hag all I can say is breathe through it. I've not had all the shit you've had, but I know how it feels to be at the last chance saloon. It's just incomorehensively utterly shite. I wrote on another forum about just having to have some other way of getting your own little wins, and doing something (anything) to feel strong and like you're winning.

I take a very confrontational approach to life - on days where I feel overwhelmed and want to quit work and just cry for a year, before getting a shitty little local job, I just keep telling myself I've worked too fucking hard to get where I am and out up with too much shit to let 'them' beat me now. I don't know who 'them' is - I just see it as some sort of smugly happy woman somewhere. Why the fucking fuck do YOU get the monopoly on happiness and a "good" or "fulfilled" life? Fuck you, I'm going to out earn you,you stay at home cunt and have a fucking fabulous life.

It's a very negative approach and maybe not helpful for you, but just keep going. What will be will be, you can only ever do your very best. This is not a reflection on you or your DH. Arm punches, toe holding, moon howling and a sneaky awkward haddocky hug.

Sorry Hags, work is crazy so I'm not really around much at the mo ( including working with a 16 year old with a 4 week old baby and a 18 year old with 3 children - SURELY it's supposed to be my turn before them?!!)

hags, it's not over til the fat lady fucking says so .. This is shit, and so so so so fucking unfair and especially evil for my Hags who have suffered m/c . I have nothing to say that will make this better. But we're not done yet Hags, not yet. Hold on. (Secret )

Oh god.

At the wedding. Just met this really lovely woman who happens to be 14 weeks pg... Exactly the same as I would be if I had not mc-d.

Sometimes life does not give you a fucking break.

Oh that's bloody shit Erica. Stupid bloody sneaky duffed woman!! Sorry she snuck in when you were hoping for a diffed free zone

Sadkilp fish of sympathy to you

Erica I'm so sorry, after you were looking forward to all the non smugness. Life is so fucking shit sometimes .

Thanks, hags. Managed to get over it and had fun (have a headache today). I am just so fed up. Surely giving up and accepting childlessness cannot be harder than this? Mmmmhh...

How are you? Barking how did the drip go? How are you feeling.

Hags,

How do you know that your period is an actual period after an mc? I have been spotting on and off for the most part of the last month but this week end I had cramps and had to use my Mooncup for one day and a half or so but it has gone back to spotting?

Time wise, it may well be (32 days after mc) but it seems quite light? But maybe since I have bled so much in the last 6 weeks, there is not as much as left, so to speak?

Am sorry lovely Hag, I don't know (just replying so you know I'm here)

Erica I don't think there is any way of knowing, I had random spotting and odd days of light bleeding for 4 months after mc 1, I was never sure what the fuck was going on.
I don't think there's a 'normal'.
I had spotting after around 50 days with mc 3, then AF finally definitely arrived after 77 days. I know a lot of women have a normal cycle though. I can ask the rmc group if you like?

Hey Barking,

Yeah, that´s what I thought. I made an appointment for a scan tomorrow (day 6, if it was the droid indeed) so not ideal for basal ultrasound but we will have to see...

Looks like we may get started in May! How is it going for you, hags?

Erica I asked for you anyway, here are the collective responses!!
If you want to join the group (it's a secret fb group) just let me know, they're a lovely and very supportive group of women, all who have had rmc.

Yeah Hun this sounds like me. Bit of a light period after about 4 weeks. Things will be back to normal for next cycle I'd imagine.

That sounds like af to me.

I had this on mc1 and mc3 (both my med man ones), as I bled /spotted for weeks and weeks after both of them, but within the spotting time, I definitely had a few days when the flow was heavier, and I took this to be my af. I know officially the line is that it's not af unless you've had 2 weeks without bleeding before af, but personally i think that's bullshit. I'm sure this was my af, even though i continued to spot before and after.
I imagine if you're still spotting from mc then it means you're still shedding lining, so it makes sense that the af will be lighter/shorter. Of course it could just be a heavier patch of mc bleeding, but I think af is more likely. It's she tracking ov? I'd take that as cd1 if she is.

I had spotting after both mcs for wks but for a few days the flow was steadier and medium like, the bleeding stopped after this so I assumed they were af. (And I think the timing was about right(ish). I also don't think you need to stop bleeding completely to have af.

I didn't spot but all my AFs post MC were lighter.

my AF after my late mc and labour was HORRENDOUS, it was a shock wave of FLOOD that wouldn't stop- couldn't really be missed... But the periods after the 2 early mc's with medical management to them were sort of similar to your friend's - esp last time when my EPRC wasn't complete so I just continue to spot and bleed a bit for about a month- something that I assumed was AF came 4 weeks after my first EPRC but 2 weeks after the second one. So ultra confusing, but I think it always is after a mc. The date of her next cycle might be able to confirm if it was or wasn't

Barking Thanks so much! I get this fear that my body is "broken" and strange stuff like semi-periods just make me even more anxious...

I would love to join this FB group, how do I go about it?

Thanks, hag!

Blue will still be here - No BESH left behind! (like someone said upthread)

Erica pm me your fb name and a description of your profile pic so I can find you. I'll have to add you as a friend to invite you to the group as it's a secret one but feel free to defriend me once you're in!

It was the droid, they think... so I am back to "normal".

Sorry fell off Fred ...

Hope you hags are doing ok. Barking are you stabbing now?

I joined a new professional network as a senior lead today. Got added to their email distribution list ... First emails? "Baby time!" Followed by a fucking string of emails (including photos) of new born babies of people I have never even fucking met!! ffs

Blue wtf is all that about?!?!

Yep, started stabbing last Sunday.

Morning hags, sorry for the continually shit times and my awful attendance here.

icy I am SO envious of your holiday(s)!

Can we organise a hag holiday for next time?

How's everyone doing?

I know barking, a professional network too! It's makes me all anti feminist (my professional is largely female, I'm pretty sure men just wouldn't do this shit, fuck off women and your functioning baby making anatomy. )
My stabbing starts next week, now trying to book last minute accommodation and praying the droid arrives exactly on time so as not to fuck everything up.

Coop! hey, I was wondering how you were doing.

Blue BABY TIME? What the actual fuck?

Wow, stabbing so soon already, how are you feeling? And how is your stabbing going Barking?

I am fine. We are waiting for a test on Mr Erica's sperm fragmentation but I have a very strong feeling that it will come back normal and we will just have to keep on trying... I feel a bit strange because on the one hand, I would love to get diffed quickly, on the other, I dread the idea of the panic and anxiety of possibly miscarrying again. So a bit in limbo but it is not too bad.

How are you doing, Coop?

Isn't it sad that we are now at the stage were we almost want "bad news" following tests so we have something to work with. Arm punches to you Erica (and barking) it's so hard to manage any of this with the fear of miscarriage hanging over you, it just makes every step hard. I wish I could make it better for you both but I know I can't.

Feeling ok about stabbing. If it was UK based I would probably have very little anxiety but the whole going to another country thing along with having no idea how ill respond is anxiety provoking. Roll on April is all I can say ...

Thanks Blue. Yeah, basically, I know that if I get a BFP I am going to be stress case and be in tears all the time, but still want it to happen. So it is weird.

I would (will?) feel anxious about the stabbing too. Hell, I got anxious having to stab once a day with the Heparin and I was diffed already! Take heart, hag! You can do this, you will be fine!! Arm punches and cockles of calm!