ttc #1 support during the waiting game and friends needed on same boat

[beccarella]

Hi ladies! I am 33 and have been trying to get preggars 6months now :( feels like forever. my partner has two children from prev relationship (marriage) and his ex fell pregnant straight away apparently, my younger sister-by 6 yrs is pregnant with her 2nd which happened 2 months into her relationship ! I have been really positive this month but my period is due wed and now i have brown spotting-meaning am out again. I guess i am just on a downer now... this sucks. I have a regular 28 day cycle and ovulate day 13 (opk) and have sex at least every other day! eating more healthily and tried fertilcm to help. I have worked with children for years and so long for my own. I am addicted to these threads and love how everyone is so supportive of one another! Fairy dust to us all!x

Thanks ladies.

I think I will find all this a struggle - I'm not a relaxed, go with the flow sort of person, really! It's hard when something is not really in your control, isn't it? I hate not knowing how long it will all take!

Hi everyone

Happy Saturday!
flatwhite gosh those are long hours - suddenly feel lucky with my lot! I agree with baby cakes with trying to switch off when possible, though of course it's easier said than done. My chill out techniques are listening to music, eating at the dinner table with OH (not sitting eating in front of TV gormlessly as I used to do all the time) and walking - I try and walk part of my journey home and find that while I leave work tense, I'm a lot better when I walk through my front door.

cinder don't beat yourself up too much. Sounds like you're making brilliant progress. And take the BMI thing with a pinch of salt - it considers athletes overweight because of its calculations! I've read that the waist measurement method is better to go by.

So my update:

Flashing smiley face tues and weds, solid smiley thurs and fri (fri was cd16) Tested with a boots OPK fri morning too and got a positive. dtd Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. OH wants a rest today! But Ovia says today is my last fertile window. Haven't tested OPK today though.

Maybe I should just chill out... Do you reckon not dtd today is ok?

Hi ladies, lovely to 'meet' you, can I join you? It's lovely to read a thread just for TTC #1, it is a very different beast to TTC when you already have at least 1 child (and know you can get - and stay - pregnant!)

I'm 33, cycle 1, TTC #1. I have PCOS and never really had proper periods - when I last came off the pill, in order to get myself checked out, I had a 9 month long anovulatory cycle. Gynae said fine to come straight off the pill and start Clomid, given we don't know if I've ever ovulated more than a few times in my life. But DH & I decided I'd come off the pill to give my body a break from one lot of hormones before chucking another lot at it, and start Clomid after the summer. Also by charting am hoping to try to tune into my body and be able to better understand if/how Clomid's making any difference.

So this is my first cycle off the pill - wasn't expecting anything at all to happen. Yet by some miracle it appears I have somehow managed to lay an egg! We did our best to try and catch it and currently 6dpo in the 2ww. If AF turns up I'll know I did O and will be able to get day 3 bloods done, if I've had my first genuine period in over 10 years! If it doesn't, then I guess I'll know not to rely on a +ve OPK & temperature shift as signs of ovulation. Unless by some mad stroke of luck I get a BFP....well a girl can hope!

Apols for wanging on, thanks for having me xx

Oh and way to jumping in on my first proper post with a TMI post, but was just reading your posts about CM & Pre Seed. We used Pre Seed because I didn't seem to have much CM - it's not the same as arousal, er, wetness, which comes from the vagina to, er, grease the wheels for DTD. CM comes from inside the cervix and is designed to help the boys swim up through the cervix to get where they need to be. The more and slipperier the easier it is for the boys to swim through it. So the Pre-Seed goes right up where it needs to be (it comes with some REALLY alluring applicators...I told DH to stay away from the bathroom!) - that was why we used it anyway.

Orgasm is totally not going to hurt, and its benefits are pretty obvious, but I think it's been shown that it doesn't actually make any difference to conceiving or not...

There is a school of thought that the contractions help the cervix 'suck' up some of the sperm, but I think that's been discredited....but certainly can't hurt, eh what girls?

Right, well, now I've lowered the tone, can I still stay?!! Haha

I might get some PreSeed next month - I don't think I've spotted any EWCM! Given the cost of the stuff, I will wait until AF comes - in the unlikely event I have got pregnant this month I'd be annoyed to have wasted the money! I've ordered a Basal Thermometer though - it wasn't very expensive and can be used as a normal thermometer as well.

I'm becoming paranoid that maybe I haven't been ovulating because I haven't seen any EWCM. Plenty of watery CM, but it never seemed to become egg whitey. I'm sure I do remember seeing some one month ages ago, but I haven't been paying super close attention and I don't think I normally get any! I usually get twingey back/side pain around the time I might expect to ovulate though, and it alternates sides every month, so I wonder if that could be ovulation pain, even though it isn't usually abdominal?

I might get some PreSeed next month - I don't think I've spotted any EWCM! Given the cost of the stuff, I will wait until AF comes - in the unlikely event I have got pregnant this month I'd be annoyed to have wasted the money! I've ordered a Basal Thermometer though - it wasn't very expensive and can be used as a normal thermometer as well.

I'm becoming paranoid that maybe I haven't been ovulating because I haven't seen any EWCM. Plenty of watery CM, but it never seemed to become egg whitey. I'm sure I do remember seeing some one month ages ago, but I haven't been paying super close attention and I don't think I normally get any! I usually get twingey back/side pain around the time I might expect to ovulate though, and it alternates sides every month, so I wonder if that could be ovulation pain, even though it isn't usually abdominal?

Welcome banana! That's great news about you ovulating! I do hope you get your BFP this cycle or if not very soon xx Thanks for info about preseed too - I guess it's worth a try!

Can I ask you a little bit more about PCOS? If you don't mind...I do worry about having it a bit but I had blood tests which apparently indicated everything was 'normal'. I had irreulgar periods as a teen (about every 6/7 weeks maybe) then I went on the pill for 7 years. After I came off it, I had three AFs then nothing for 7 months. Then I had another last month. The thing is, my blood test was on the day my AF came!! So do you think that would have affected the results of the test? They checked my FSH and LH and can't remember what else. I'd been going through a tough time before my most recent AF so I put the long wait down to stress (my doc said I could have still been ovulating). Anyway, so sorry for the long message - just wanted some advice from someone who has a bit of knowledge and first-hand experience.

Cinder - are you testing? I guess that would be the only way to know for sure! Sorry you may have already said! I'm getting the opposite - EWCM for the past week but no positive OPK.

Thanks babycakes! Not a prob at all to ask about pcos - Apols for waffly response!

Normally hormonal blood tests are called Day 3 bloods (although they can be done CD2-4!) but as long as it's not in the middle of a cycle if was when AF came along that's probably not far off!

The criteria for diagnosis for pcos is at least 2 out of 3 of the following (known as the Rotterdam criteria):

1. irregular or absent periods
2. Clinical or biochemical hormone imbalance ie elevated testosterone in your blood OR physical evidence of hormonal imbalance (ie acne, hirsuitism) - even if bloods are normal
3. Polycystic ovaries (PCO) visible on ultrasound scan

I had v irregular periods, acne and polycystic ovaries - so even though my bloods were normal, I had 3/3 of the criteria. But as you only need 2/3 for a diagnosis, it's possible to have PCOS without actually having Polycystic ovaries - and lots of women are PCO without having the syndrome, if that makes any sense!

PCOS is actually a metabolic condition related to how the body processes insulin - it's that which causes the hormone imbalances and it's why PCOS and being overweight often go hand in hand. The insulin resistance can make losing weight v difficult - but equally losing weight can often help regulate hormones.

Unfortunately that's not the case with me - as I'm in the smaller proportion of women who have so called 'lean' pcos - ie we don't have weight issues, and losing weight isn't advisable. My gynae actually said I needed to put on weight as being underweight was as unhealthy as being overweight (body needs minimum 22% body fat to ovulate) and so was told to get my BMI up to a minimum of 18.5.

He did say that even lean pcos women should eat a low GL diet as we still have insulin sensitivity, so chocolate is sadly only a rare treat for me nowadays!

I don't know if any of the above is of any use whatsoever? Would def be worth speaking to your gp if you have any concerns (and if any of the above sounds familiar)

Xx

Thanks so much for your detailed response banana, I really appreciate it! :) I have irregular periods and have never had a scan so at the moment only 1 out of 3 symptoms. Ah yeah I remember they tested for testosterone too. Well actually...I do have a few spots (mainly on my chin) but I don't think I would call it acne?!Generally comes and goes at certain times of the month and has only happened since coming off the pill. I don't know. I guess spots at age 23 isn't normal is it?! I didn't realise there was a difference between PCOS and just polycystic ovaries either - thank you for clarifying. I think I am just going to wait to see if I get my next AF (or BFP before that FX) and then, if I'm waiting a while, I will go back to the docs again. Both my mom and sisters have/had irregular periods. They were never diagnosed with PCOS and had no problems conceiving so maybe it's just a hereditary thing. I really wish, more than anything, that I never went on the pill. I know that it it scientifically proven not to mess with your fertility, but as it's relatively new, I don't think we really know enough about the potential side effects. It really changed my personality - since coming off it I am a compeltely different person (far happier and nicer). I went on it like 12 months after starting my periods too so I feel like I never really gave my body chance to do its thing properly...if that makes sense. Plus it may have disguised a problem with my fertility. Just praying for my positive OPK soon. Day 24 today and nothing still. Ahhh starting to feel all worried now :(

I hope you get a positive soon babycakes.

I'm not testing, so I should shut my whinging really! If I did ovulate then I must have caught the window, so I guess now it's time for the TWW. I'm going to start temping and see what that reveals over the next few cycles - I'm not keen on OPKs really - I feel like they might stress me out too much.

Hi, may I join you? Long time lurker, feel compelled to write today as it appears I'm almost cycle buddies with you bananafish. Also babycakes I wouldn't be so sure you haven't ovulated. I find OPKs very unreliable as you can easily miss LH surge and personally my boobs always start hurting day after ovulation!

25 yrs old, TTC #1, Cycle 5, 6 DPO

Came off cerazette pill 4 months ago (having been on pill for 8 years). First AF 3 weeks later then 3 x 3 week cycles. First normal 26-27 day cycle last month possibly due to taking Agnes castus. On EPO, red clover, AC and multivitamin. DH on multivitamin. Add in another level of trying each failed month so using CB ovulation monitor now. Worked great first month, no solid smiley this month as probably didn't start early enough. OPKs only work for me if I take when I'm pretty sure will be high anyway, late in the evening.

Sick of 2wws! Wondering if there's anything else I could be doing? Might try preseed next month!

Thanks Cinder :)

Welcome Lemon! Thanks for the advice. I think my sore boobs may have been imagined as they feel fine now tbh :( although they do feel fuller. I am jealous of your cycle lengths I think you're right about OPKs - they seem to make the whole thing more stressful don't they!

I know what you mean - it always seems like you should be doing something more. HOWEVER, maybe that's where we're going wrong. People who fall pregnant by accident certainly aren't doing anything special, so maybe we need to follow them! How often are you dtd?

How is everyone else today? Anyone else dreading work tomorrow? Would much rather be at home relaxing, dtd and thinking of baby stuff. Would be great if ttc leave existed wouldn't it

Yes babycakes I wish I could relax and see what happens but just been waiting so many years to start trying, I quite enjoy all the research and charting etc. (forgot to mention I also temp now which I find very helpful!). DTD EOD between AF and fertile window then try every day until I get a temp rise. I'd highly recommend CB dual hormone on monitor to reassure you you're ovulating! Have taken this week off work as originally thought would be fertile window but now it's in 2ww think it will make the wait even longer!

Still no AF but don't think I'm PG either...can't do a test until at least Tuesday...

Cramps have stopped, no other symptoms of AF.....suspect I'll just explode out bleeding when I least expect it!

Hi everyone

Can I join this thread, I haven't read it all but it seemed relevant to me. I'm nearly 33 years old and have been ttc for 6 months, my fiance is 31 nearly 32. I have a regular cycle of 28 days and have just started using the ovulation sticks. I'm worried because my fiance was born prematurely and I've heard it can be linked to infertility. So far I'm too scared to go to the gp. My fiance is very relaxed about it, wants children but talk about 'when' not 'if' which makes me nervous. I also haven't told anyone we are trying, people ask but I'm very non committal. Also my sister (has 2 daughters already) just got pregnant but had a miscarriage. Obviously I am upset for her but also a bit envious as she gets pregnant easily. I can't talk to my family about ttc because I feel bad for my sister but deep down I just want to get pregnant despite what happened to her.
Hoping to get some support from here and hopefully share stories. I'm brand new to this but read a few threads and they seem so friendly and supportive. :-)

Lemon - I will have to look into the dual monitor as it would be good to know for sure that I ovulated.

Oh Mermaid, I hope that AF stays away for you!!

Hey funnybeanz - 6 months isn't too long but if you do have genuine concerns, it's best to go get them checked out so that you can do something about it. Totally with you on the family issue - it is hard as you care about others but ultimately your journey is most important, especially when ttc number 1. My SIL recently announced she was pregnant. She and her partner are in no way financially secure (still living with parents etc). It may sound horrible, but for a while I found it really hard to be happy for her (I still do I guess), as we have been ttc for a little while now that we are financially secure etc and she just seemed to fall pregnant almost just expecting that everyone will rally round her. It may sound silly, but I wanted us to give our parents the first grandchild and I feel that the news just won't be as exciting now. But life goes on and I've just tried to focus on us now and stop being jealous! Easier said than done

Babycakes I have the CBFM - it unfortunately won't tell you for definite if you did ovulate - only a blood test and/or temperature charting can do that. It will tell you if your body is indicating that you're going to ovulate (although if you're pcos like me it says we shouldn't use it as we can have false positives - we can get the LH surge which OPKs detect to indicate ovulation is on its way in the next 12-36h. Except we don't always then go on to ovulate. My temperature shift confirmed for me that I definitely did! If you're not pcos you don't have to worry about this!)

The CBFM does the same as the CB dual hormone OPKs in that it detects the increased levels of oestrogen that precede the LH surge - ie your whole fertile window, not just immediately before you're about to ovulate. Your CM ought to be a sign of this too. The difference is the CBFM learns your cycles - so it will remind you to test based on when you ovulated in your previous cycles.

I ignored the instructions not to use in the first month off the pill, which is prob why I was caught on the hop....I went straight from 'Low' (not fertile) to 'Peak' (ovulation imminent!) skipping 'High' - because my oestrogen rise started immediately before my LH surge - the fact I didn't have any EWCM reflected this (which is apparently common just after coming off the pill)

So great for predicting, but wo5n't tell you for definite if you did. But ought to give you a pretty good indication!

In any case, if AF or a BFP turn up 2 weeks after your peak reading, that's pretty much confirmation!

Sorry for rambling, just chucking in my tuppence worth on the fertility monitor

Hello everyone. I hope you're all ok .

Pallas - I'm good thanks. Looking forward to getting back in the TTC game in a few weeks. Tbh, it's been quite nice having an enforced month off TTC as I've been able to relax a bit and not focus on every tiny symptom. How are you getting on? How is DP? I hope he's starting to get back on his feet and feels up to some TTC-action soon!

Babycakes - Your long ramble is definitely appreciated, ha ha. Thank you so much. I know what you say is true. The situation has become ridiculous. Unfortunately because I am very junior I have no control over the hours I work. Also, there is a bad "long hours culture" where I work so everyone is pulling those sorts of hours. It definitely sucks for TTC purposes (not to mention my general life and happiness, ha ha!). What's frustrating is I worked my arse off so that I would be in a "good job" so that I could provide for my family. I also hoped that by working this hard now, I'd be able to relax a bit once pregnant and with young kids as I would have "proved myself". I never ever thought it would take this long to get pregnant, and I obviously can't say to my colleagues "I need a quiet week this week as it's my fertile window"! I think what you say about exercise and diet is a MASSIVE factor. Over the last year+ I've been really bad at eating sugar and processed foods. The hours mean that I have many weeks where I eat every single meal at my desk, and if you're eating dinner at 2am the last thing you feel like eating is a salad! Ha ha. I definitely think we should bring in your suggested TTC-leave . How are you getting on with everything? Are you managing to stay positive about everything?

CinderToffee - ha ha, you're just like me. I am super organised and have a plan for everything. I am the last person to just "go with the flow". Just think - when we actually are mummies we'll be super organised and on top of everything! As for the EWCM, I wouldn't worry too much. I hardly ever get anything (I'm actually not even sure what I think may be EWCM IS actually EWCM). If I ever do get anything it seems to be in the days before my period. Give temping a whirl as it can show you quite a lot. For example, I found out that I ovulate later than I thought. I'd get a positive OPK and assume ovulation would take place 12-36 hours later, but the temps suggested it was more like 48-72 hours later!! It does take some time to get used to, as you need to do it as soon as you wake up, so it takes a while to get into the habit.

LL2015 - thanks as well for the advice. I think that the eating at the dinner table would make a massive difference, even if it's just a few times a week. I can also see why the walk home helps clear your head! I often pop out for 20 mins at lunch and put my iPod on, just so I'm switching off and getting some fresh air. It sounds like you're also in a stressful job. How are you getting on? Managing to stay relatively sane with all this TTC nonsense? .

Finally...welcome to Bananafish and Funnybeanz! Good to see some newbies . To echo what Babycakes said, it can be very hard to be happy for other people sometimes. It sounds awful, but when you have disappointment after disappointment every month...then people come along who "weren't even trying", it can be so damn painful. We've had loads of friends do that and it can be hard to put the fake smile on all the time. What's worse, is that loads of them say things like "you two should totally have children" or "you've been married a few years, when will you have kids" or even "you two need to stop focussing on your careers, because one day you'll wake up and find you've left it too late". Errm thanks you dickhead, I actually can't remember the last hour when I didn't think about kids at some point.

Despite my promise that I supposed to be relaxed, I am already starting to symptom spot. It's insane - because I'm not testing I don't know exactly when I ovulated but I can't be more than 3dpo!

"Ooh my breasts hurt!" - they do every month!

"ooh my sense of smell seems really good!" - it is always excellent anyway.

This is ridiculous. Genuinely ridiculous. I need to get a grip.

CinderToffee that made me literally laugh out loud. It’s like you’re in my head.

1. Ooh, I feel X

1. I wonder if that cramping is implantation cramping

1. If I get spotting then maybe it’s definitely implantation cramping.

1. Unless it’s AF turning up really early. I’m only 10 DPO could that really be it?

1. If spotting turns up, it’s definitely AF, I’m definitely out

1. I wonder if I’ve got sore boobs. I’ve never had sore boobs before. I wonder if I’ll know?

1. Hmm, I wonder if those cramps are actually just gas. Maybe gas is a sign of early pregnancy?

1. I’m not going to POAS early. I’m not. I will be strong and wait for AF to be late

1. I wonder how early I can test.

Cinder - shall I book us both into the loony bin now, or later?!

I think it has to be now banana - this is the beginning of the TWW of cycle ONE - at this rate I am going to be a complete and utter basket case by the time a BFP appears!

Logically I know that I am supremely unlikely to get pregnant on the first try (although I do have a super fertile friend who did!). But the not logical part of my brain is convinced I will. It's kind of like when you buy a lottery ticket, and spend ages daydreaming about what you will do with the money when you win, and then are surprised when you don't.

My basal thermometer arrived today, so I guess I'll start doing that tomorrow.

Thanks for the lovely welcome everyone!! I'm so pleased that people are understanding about being somewhat envious about pthers who are getting pregnant easily, I'm really not usually a green eyed monster but I have to say ttc isn't bringing out the best in me.

I haven't got a thermometer, maybe I should get one. I've been clinging on to the 'seeing what happens' kind of trying for a while but I think that's pretty much gone and I'm entering full blown obsessing! This is the first month i've tried the ovulation sticks (just got the cheapo ones because obviously I'm so relaxed about all this)!!! Anyway been testing since Friday which was day 10 and still no surge detected. This isn't helping me avoid obsessing. Off to Google basal thermometers

cinder same here! Logic tells me that there is no way I'm PG and that AF will turn up any minute, but you just can't help hoping! Every time I go to the loo I'm checking my knickers to make sure AF hasn't turned up!

Evening!

banana that jus made me laugh out loud. all day today I've had minor cramps convinced it's some sort of implantation but indeed it's probably gas

Welcome funnybeanz I know what you mean - so many friends have babies often within first two months but I also have friends who took a good three years(!) and quite frankly I applaud their determination.

cinder sounds like we have similar patterns as I'm around 3DPO today, AF due next Thurs/Fri

flat white felt quite productive and calm today which is nice but it's so changeable. Often people get stressed which rubs off on me. I'm very much trying to stay calm at the mo, because it's really not worth ever getting worked up about. Easier said than done though of course!

No AF today, negative PG test also....

It's hardly likely that I'd be PG on my first cycle, but you can always hope! Just got to wait for AF to turn up now....