Things only TTCers will understand (swearing expected)

[clmustard]

I realised today there are some things only people who are now or who have TTC will get. Mine is:

The sheer and utter fucking soul sucking "joy" of buying pregnancy tests and tampons in the same weekly shop.

please feel free to add yours..

The heart renching jealousy and bitterness of upduffed SIL by "accident"

Facebook: the place where all of the worlds most fertile biatches like to post daily, if not fecking hourly, updates on every tiny detail of their pregnancy/baby/child's existence just to rub it in the noses of us other ladies still ttc! Have some self-restraint!

Ooh I also have a SIL 'accident' grrrrrr

Being asked by family and friends 'Are you wanting children?' Or those who know your ttc 'any news yet?'

People telling you that "It'll happen when you relax and stop thinking about it."
Grr.

youngoldmum I feel your pain.

My SIL asked if I could keep pram in my house til baby arrives

Looking at a very obvious negative pregnancy test and holding it up to the light, squinting at it, shining a light on it trying to make out a line then throwing it away in disgust then digging it out the bin half an hour later in the hope that something miraculous has happened and there's a line on it. There never fucking is, not once.

people who get pregnant 'by accident'
'just relax and have fun' im trying for a baby how am i supposed to relax!

Getting pregnant by accident, how does that happen? Did they fall on it?????

I will second the 'just stop thinking about it for a few months and it will happen'.

normally the whole 'the pill failed' or 'the condom broke'. me and oh have been together 6 years n have managed not to have 'an accident'!

Oh God. I totally understand all of these. Especially the "accidents" and the "we weren't even trying" comments.

I particularly hate the constant advice about "you need to make sure you don't focus on your career too much and wake up and realise you want kids". Erm...well I actually realised many years ago...and I'm only 30 you tw*t.

Another one here with a SIL pg first month of trying.

There's obv something about SIL! Mine accidentally 'messed up her pill' and got preg straight away within a fortnight. 7 weeks of obsessively waiting for ov post deliberately coming off my implant this seems a trifle ...
Ditto the POAS angling. Forcing self not to look (whilst looking at it an inch from face)

person looks at 6yr old dd, looks at me, TILTS FUCKING HEAD, "ahh are you going to have any more?"

"I dont know, let me look into my crystal ball and I will let you know if my fertility issues go away!"

When for the second month in a row you've not been able to get much shagging in on the right few days, because life's a bit too busy and stressful, even though you know a baby won't make itself.
I don't need to chill out I need to be superwoman and not need sleep...

Comfort eating and piling on the pounds to console every time AF arrives, and then people asking "do you have exciting news?!" No, I'm just a bit chubby and also, mind your own business!

Looking at a very obvious negative pregnancy test and holding it up to the light, squinting at it, shining a light on it trying to make out a line then throwing it away in disgust then digging it out the bin half an hour later in the hope that something miraculous has happened and there's a line on it.

Can I add to that - digging it out of the bin an hour later, and there's the faintest of faint lines. Spend the next hour googling evaporation lines, and trying to photograph the line that only shows up in certain light and weirdly not on the photograph.

Posting that photo on canyouseealine.com anyway, and resting your hopes on the 'votes' of complete strangers.

And finally accepting that it's all a figment of your imagination.

And the soul destroying feeling when you reach the last pee stick of your bag of 20 internet cheapies, which you laughingly bought thinking you'd only need one or two but might as well buy the bulk lot because it would be fun to keep testing and seeing the positive lines grow stronger as your pregnancy progressed. Never happened.

AND the fixed grin and 'Hmm yeah maybe I'll try that' noises you make when yet another friend tells you about someone they knew who had been ttc for years, and as soon as they relaxed they fell pregnant. So that's what you need to do. Just RELAX AND YOULL GET PREGNANT!!!!

Every time you get invited to an event happening later in the year, your thought process is: a) are you free that weekend? Immediately followed by b) if you conceived this month how far along will you be when the event happens.

Having a shitty day at work, start imagining what it will be like to go on maternity leave and let someone else have to pick up the stress for once!

Oh, and having (another) reason to hate Kim Kardashian now. Even she'll probably start banging on about how she and Kanye relaxed and it just happened!!

Reading a headline "The most cycle- friendly cities in the world" and immediately assuming it's referring to ovulation.

Ah! I have found my people! I too have am accidentally preg SIL. BIL is unbearable in his flippant smugness. Oh, we have all this to come, do we? Oh, you're jokingly offering us your unwanted child? You're soooooo fucking hilarious.