Candle smugglers of the world unite! The Berries have loaded up the charabanc and have Barry on repeat. Destination BFP (via the pouch of Douglas)

[happylass]

The small print:

The Berries have strict entrance criteria: TTC #1 for 12 months+, over 30, NO instadiffers, must have a special pimping pot and absolutely no mention of baby dust/dancing. Not that we're fussy

Current passengers

Happylass, 37, TTC since Aug 2012. 2 failed ICSIs. Hopefully FET early May with only frostie. Long awaited NHS appt in June
Beaky 35, ttc coming up 3 yrs, 2x failed iui 1x long protocol ivf cancelled due to poor response. On the pill awaiting short protocol IVF in may
Minx, 34, both tubes blocked, 1 buried ovary, IVF info evening June, IVF "booking in" appointment in July
Nolly, 33, TTC 2.7 years, mc Dec 2014. awaiting ivf August 2015 while dh is off on a jolly.
Wild 40 - TTC for three years. Embies on ice and planning FET with immune treatment in June.
HampshireBlues 36 TTC 3.5 years, unexplained. Cycle 1 chemical pregnancy, cycle 2 abandoned due to cyst, cycle 3 failed. Plan thrombotic profile, scratch and short protocol.
Lumen, 35, ttc since Nov 2011, unexplained, two IVF cycles in 2014, both bfns, waiting for lap&dye and results of numerous bloods, aiming for one last IVF cycle in the summer.
Tigerdog, 34 ttc since Jan 2013. Unexplained and all test results good. Currently in the middle of long protocol IVF, 13 eggs collected and awaiting news for next steps.
Gillster, 41, TTC since Feb 2012. Had IVF in Feb 14 and had 6 one cell embies frozen due to polyp. 2 x 2 day embies finally put back 14 months later on 16th April, BFP 28th April
Smidge, 39 this month, TTC since Jan 2013. Unexplained. IVF#1 Short protocol July '14 BFN, IVF#2 Nov'14 and IVF#3 Feb '15 both Long protocol BFNs. High NK cells immune treatment. 2 frosties due to be put back in natural FET in May or June.
Kuma - 40. TTC 2.5 years. Low AMH high FSH - DH antisperm ABs. Failed IVF June 14 and March 15. Looking to change clinic and try another natural cycle in June 2015.
Lucieloos, 35, TTC 18 months, low AMH & sperm motility. 1st ICSI in Czech Republic in April 2015. Awaiting results.
Barkingtreefrog, 35, ttc since Dec 2011. Clomid bfp summer 2013, mc @ 7 weeks. IUI bfp summer 2014, mc @ 7 weeks. Diagnosed with factor v leiden thrombophilia (but
not thought to be the cause of the mc's as they were too early). Failed IUI January 2015, failed IVF March 2015. No further NHS help. Going private for nk cells testing and a scratch before putting the frosties back, hopefully this summer.
Rain, 33 ttc since March 2012. unexplained. mystery bfp oct 13, MMC Nov 13. NHS IVF starting in June
Spare planning FET with remaining frosties shortly
Pont 1st IVF in Czech Republic in July.

Happy PUPO in a couple of hours! Best of luck, and get guzzling that water soon..!
tiger Good to hear you are doing well. The progesterone is pretty horrid, isn't it.

Good news Happy!

Hi all! Hope that everyone's bank holiday was good and that you all got some well deserved rest!

So I have finally had a catch up on this and the closed thread (had both the time and have been awake for long enough!).

Happy congrats on being PUPO. Will have everything crossed.

Gill it's a little on the late side but congratulations on you BFP then end of the month will fly towards you

Lucie I was sorry to hear your news it is utterly rubbish. Do you know what your next steps are?

Tiger congrats as well on being PUPO

Spare and Kuma I hope your both hanging on in there. I do wonder about people's sensitivity sometimes. DH and I had a stand up row in Next the other weekend as he announced that friends of ours were 12wks pg. i also don't understand the need for strangers to probe and over share.

Barking hope you and DH are hanging on in there and that he is starting to pick himself up. It's always so difficult when the men folk are on a downer.

Rain ooh a new cat....pictures please....soon!

I hope I haven't missed too many people off, I did make notes but I find scrolling back on the iPad difficult.

As for me, I have my second scan tomorrow and planned EC on Friday. The sonographer thinks I may need to wait until Monday but she says this every time so we will see tomorrow! Not feeling too brilliant this time, so tired that I slept my way through the bank holiday and today I am ridiculously breathless and wheezy (a lot of staff at work commented on it so I now I must be bad) so I'm desperately hoping that all is ok and that they whip them out on Friday as planned. Bizarrely I realised today that this time last year we were having our EC so am hoping it's a sign!

gillster the ridiculous thing is that he refused to sign up to my 'this shit finishes this summer' plan, he was the one pushing me to keep an open mind and just take it one step at a time! Now it's me panicking and clinging onto hope, and him who's given up!

I agree with gill, kuma, very restrained of you! I would definitely have talked all about both of my pregnancies if she felt the need to tell me all about hers.

Good work on the detox wild, impressive willpower. I'm considering trying wheat free again once all the tests are over. AF arrived today. That's a whopping 7 day LP .

Spare the ride was ok, I just wanted to be doing the medium or long route, not the short, and was grumbling all the way round about how much TTC has f&cked up my life. Really not a happy person to be around right now!!!!
I found the week+ after stopping the progesterone I had no control over my emotions. This has happened all three times, post mc when I had still been taking it, post iui and post ivf. I've no idea if the steroids will be compounding this, but just give yourself a break, and maybe remind DH that you've got a lot of excess hormones to deal with that are making it hard to control your thoughts.

happy pupo!!!!!???

HB good luck for the next scan

Assume all went well and that you are now PUPO Happy? Really hope that this is finally your time. Work will be good to keep you distracted but remember to take it easy too.

Wow HB, didn't realise you were so close to EC. Keeping everything crossed for a good haul.

Sorry about the meltdown Spare. TTC in general puts such a strain on a relationship and you've been through the mill over the last few months. Can't imagine having to deal with what you've had to deal with.

For those who have been asking, I am doing fine thanks. Sleep is a bit erratic and I get some low level cramping from time to time but so far so good (obviously mentally I am a complete mess with conflicting emotions about getting excited and planning ahead interspersed with feelings like it's all going to go wrong at any moment). Just willing you ladies on to get your BFPs and keep me company.

I thought I'd lost you all, sorry to hear that things have been rough for some of you. As I've reread some posts I was wondering whether anyone could give me some advice. Our final (4th) round of clomid didn't work and we have a consultant appointment next week to discuss ivf. What questions should we be asking to get the most out of our 15 min appointment.

Hope things start looking better

P ??

Gill everything you're feeling is completely normal. I hope the worrying gets easier and I'm sure the graduated berries will be there to help.

Patch it may be worth looking at the different options available and sussing out what they offer and where they start. I presume you've had all the relevant testing (AMH, FSH, HyCOSy, semen analysis for DH etc) done so it may just be a case of looking at protocols and cracking on. Is this the same FC that you've had your clomid treatment through (auto correct just changed clomid to comic!) if not it may be worth checking out success rates etc.

Hormones are such little shit stirrers. I'm sorry so many of you are being puppeteered around by them and dealing with other unwanted side effects (wheeziness is a new one on me HB, hope you're ok!)

Glad to hear you're doing well Gil, mindfuckery aside. One foot in front of the other dear berry, that's all you can do.

happy hoping you're PUPO by now, hope it went well.

patch I'm trying to remember what we asked before our referral. Mainly questions about our clinic choices and also what we could/should be doing prep wise beforehand (answer: multivits, water, healthy diet - duh!). Not very helpful!

I've attached a pic of new rainycat, she's rather sweet!

Evening ladies. Thanks for all the well wishes. I am indeed PUPO again and a fully paid up member of the candle smugglers brigade . All went well. Embryo was not affected at all by the freeze/thaw and started hatching by itself. ET was a little different this time as done by consultant not nurse. They also had the ultrasound on my tummy so we could see it going in and then printed a little picture off afterwards which hasn't happened before. Not sure how I feel about that as it's usually what happens after you're diffed
Gill glad all is well. Hope May passes quickly for you so that you can have some reassurance from your scan.
Patch I think the wise HB/Rain have given some very sensible advice there re your appointment. Hope it all goes well.
HB not long for you - you kept that quiet! Hope you're not too uncomfy and that you can join team PUPO soon (basically a duet of me and Tiger at the moment!)
Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Happy, how did they do ET before without using an ultrasound? We also saw our embies getting squirted in but didn't get a picture.

Happy EVERYTHING crossed

rain rainy cat is beautiful!
I'm fine thanks tiger & wild.
People still say stupid things about getting pg, IVF etc & I'm too private/polite to say things. I've had a friend comment about why do these people spend all this time & money getting pg when there are so many unwanted children out there. I think people just don't get it.
Willing you all on ladies. X

Gillster I have absolutely no idea . I know they do a dummy ET during EC to check uterus position/shape and I vaguely remember the nurse last time saying the embies needed to go x amount of cm in so I'm hoping she knew what she was doing rather than just throwing them in anywhere! I'm not sure whether the consultant today was actually looking at the screen as it was up by my head - got the impression it was more for our benefit.

Oh bushy I can only imagine what the folk on the adoption boards would say about that sort of comment! From what I understand adoption is no quick an easy route to parenthood these days.

Congrats happy! I'm also surprised to hear they didn't use an ultrasound before. Mine always has - and the instructions for full bladder while they press heavily on your tummy makes it really quite uncomfortable! Never been offered a print out though, and in fact never wanted to look at the screen while they're doing it either as I find I just need to close my eyes and ignore any conversation to try to 'relax' surely the most annoying thing they can ask you to do in such circumstances

I spoke to AliG's nursing team to discuss May vs June. It hasn't got me anywhere Hopeless. Did find out I'm supposed to be having another Intralipid infusion on day 10 of the cycle though, which is forgotten about. So I have to decide quickly as I'm on day 6 now. I think I might be veering towards June...

If I do end up with June it'll mean more energy available to Pom Pom my legs off to mini happy and the tigercubs though.

Loving little rainycat. Was keen to get a kitten over here til I discovered they want over $400 to 'adopt' one! Blimey. Might use that money to help the IVF costs I think.

HB wow I didn't realise you were in the May camp too, that's exciting!

Gill take each day as it comes. Every day that goes by is one step closer! When is your scan? Must be coming up soon.

Exactly smidge, people seem to think adoption is easy, and there are loads of cute little babies just waiting for a home. Perhaps in the 1950's when unwed mothers were forced to part with them and abortion wasn't an option. Not today. If you're a teenage mum you use your baby to get a council house not a sweeping generalisation at all and if you're a professional woman who doesn't want a baby at that point in life you have it aborted no stereotypes here . There are no unwanted babies being abandoned. The only babies in care are those who have removed at birth, which generally means mum has been drinking and taking drugs through her pregnancy, like my adopted brother who was withdrawing from heroin when he was born, and had to be given methadone. The focus is very much on keeping families together, so by the time it's all fallen apart and the children are taken into care they are not babies any more, they are children with a difficult history (like my other adopted brother) who are very hard work to parent.
There are plenty of happy stories out there, but it's just not the simple solution people who don't have to face it seem to think it is. I don't think people have a clue about the year or more of stress whilst being assessed, the experience of going to panel, or the horrible wait for a match and not knowing whether that child is right for you.
And that's all not even taking into account that some people are desperate to see the person that would be created by a mix of your genes, a mini you and DH. To never experience that pregnancy, giving birth etc.
I have tried explaining this to people who give me that line, but unless they're having to face it, people just don't get it.

And last night I picked up DH's ipad and one of the tabs was a website about adoption .

Yes, I'm open to it, but I'm not ready to lose hope yet. I've got pg twice, it makes it harder to let go .

Oops, that was a bit of a rant for this time in the morning!

Barking that is exactly the idealised view of adoption that my DH has. Whilst I'm open to the idea, I have a far more realistic view of what it entails. Mr Happy honestly thinks that you apply, then a few months later will be handed a newborn fresh from the womb who's parents have willingly given him/her up for adoption as it is in the best interests of the child. I think DH would gladly knock the IVF on the head now and go for adoption if I agreed. But to be fair hes completely on board with pursuing the IVF if that's what I want.

happy from the adoption website:
Today, the majority of adoptions in the UK involve older children, sibling groups and children with disabilities, who have been taken into care.
This is what people don't seem to realise, but it's why you get lots of people trying to adopt a baby from abroad.

DH is on board with the frozen round, he just doesn't think it will work. Annoyingly, the appointment his school wouldn't release him to attend was the one in which I was hoping the consultant would explain our chances .

Rainy cat is gorgeous rain and I hope you're enjoying falling in love with your little fur ball! I want another dog but two is just too much work. Also, after being woken up by an excited dog at 5am (we're in a lovely dog friendly hotel and t-dog isn't usually even allowed upstairs at home) one is too many!

smidge I think that if you're uncertain, then it might make sense to wait as perhaps if you felt ready you'd be going for it without question. More recovery time between cycles and a chance to prepare yourself never hurt anyone.

Yay to joining me in the PUPO club happy when is your OTD? I may test early, as I'm away Mon-thur next week. I guess with my lower grade embryos I'm not as hopeful and in some ways that is easier, but I'm trying to be positive. My ET was exactly as you described - the consultant did the rummaging and peashooter and the nurse did the ultrasound. I have a pic of my two blobs in situ. I thought they looked like shooting stars going in, so I made a wish!

barking you've summed it up very well in your post there. Mr T is not up for adoption for those reasons. I don't think you need to give up, plenty of hope and possibilities. Try to be kind to yourself and do some things that will make you happy
easier said then done

Good luck with the scan hb and hope you're not feeling too rotten.

gill keeping everything crossed for you until the scan. I think I'd be tempted by a private one before then as I'm the most impatient person ever.

I agree barking. What ever happened to good old shame hey? All these people no longer looking down on single mothers, Pah.

Exactly, smidge!

Tiger OTD is 18th but if it hasn't worked AF is likely to show up as normal around 13/14th. As it's a natural cycle I'm probably not on enough drugs to keep her at bay.

barking I'm dreading the conversation with my ILs at some point because I think they live under the same illusion. Probably doesn't help that they live in a country where abortion is totally illegal...

So after my shitfit at DH at the weekend, I've had a productive day.
Firstly, booked in for a dildocam with the clinic on Friday to see if there is any point in doing another (and final) FET this month. If we can't do it this month, we have to wait for 5 or 6 due to my brother's foreign wedding next year.
And in parallel, I've booked a GP appointment for next week to plead our case for NHS funding based on having a firm diagnosis and not needing all the tests/clomid/iui before IVF, which seems to be the bulk of the waiting time (currently 3 years). Not holding out much hope though...

happy
Are you not candle smuggling?

Just the one candle per day Spare and that was optional. My FC has a very lax attitude to drugs. The consultant yesterday said I could use 1 Cyclogest a day 'if I wanted'. When I then said I thought I was having Prednisolone too she said "Yeah we can give you some steroids if you like"