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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Our new greeting cards are here! We're making vaginal butter and baking in a sneaky shag from behind. Our skittletits can't hold us back - it's JS'ing 43!

999 replies

jellypi3 · 06/04/2015 18:14

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 42 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2342663-We-let-our-miroids-tie-us-up-and-pee-while-were-in-the-tub-and-the-grads-often-visit-so-we-can-give-their-bumps-a-rub-Weve-a-syncro-pee-approaching-so-heres-hoping-for-a-BFP-filled-JS-No-42?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2344912-Our-super-healthy-fanjos-just-love-getting-their-five-a-day-but-we-draw-the-line-at-frozen-poopsicles-Were-the-25th-JS-Grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2323427-Just-Mumming-Along-Viroids-4?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
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12
SunshinePickle · 06/04/2015 22:12

Name: SunshinePickle
Age: 27
DC: 2 much-loved fluffy cats
TTC: since Nov '14

Welcome to JS Fluff!

bellybuttonfluffy · 06/04/2015 22:16

Thanks so much for the answers. I shall pop out and get some vitamins as soon as then so I can be better prepared.

Totally newbie to the whole cycle and stuff. Was great when I was on pill as it was like clockwork, but last month when I came off it, I had an 11 day period. Began on the 20th and ended on the 31st, do you could from the last day of period or first? Hoping that it will settle back down to normal (whatever that may be after years on pill) but usually 28 days between period and lasting 6 days.

bellybuttonfluffy · 06/04/2015 22:17

And can I ask what does JS mean as I'm wracking my brain with that one?

maemay · 06/04/2015 22:22

JS = Just Shagging! Wink

LaLaLaaaa · 06/04/2015 22:23

Just shagging!

Grin

If you POAS before af due you are just like the rest of us will get a stern look and a hooyah.

See how you get on with the drinking. I drank as normal (ie heavily) for a while when ttc but it's well known I can hinder your fertility. I decided to cut down after a year of ttc and got first bfp the next month. It wasn't the only factor as I made a few other changes to help cycle but I'm sure it helped.

honey whatever helps keep you guys going - you know we are here if you need us

maemay · 06/04/2015 22:23

...ie. keeping the temping and charting and symptom-spotting to a minimum. (though some of that does still happen!)

maemay · 06/04/2015 22:27

Fluffy, first day of period is CD1 (cycle day 1). Spotting doesn't count apparently, gotta be proper flow.

I came of the pill in Jan, after 10 years. I think the first step is to observe a few cycles and see what is 'normal' for our bodies. Then once we've got the hang of what our symptoms are each month, it's easier to predict when you ice and therefore when dtd (doing the dirty) is more likely to be successful.

Are you using an app to track your cycles?

bellybuttonfluffy · 06/04/2015 22:28

Ahh makes sense then. Thanks so much.

DH did give me some horrified looks when I started talking about ovulation tests and temperatures the day we spoke about starting to try. So I think the laid back approach is best to start off Wink

I downloaded an app today on my phone- sole reason is I will never remember period being due without the pill, so hopefully if I am late then I will know it! it also tells me when I should be more fertile, is this cheating?

bellybuttonfluffy · 06/04/2015 22:32

Thank you Mae.

The app had confused me, as I had assumed first day cycle would be last day of period.

I'm terrible for my impatience.. Anyone bulk buy pregnancy tests off ebay? 30x urine test strips for only £2.50! I'd end up using all 30 in a cycle!

Purpleball · 06/04/2015 22:33

Just checking in

Name: Purpleball
Age: 40 and 360 days Confused
TTC since: jan 14
DC: MC July 14, currently growing a pear due 22/9

Can I also reassure those who've had a pregnancy loss. I calmed down after I got past the loss point but I've had more scans than most.
I paid for a 7 week one as it's the earliest you can have an abdominal one no dildocam here thank you very much

I had an 8 week one at EPAU after spotting, a 10 week one with Harmony test and the a 13 week dating scan. Each time I get a bit anxious before that it's going to go wrong but at 15+4 I have mostly stopped worrying now.

I do still worry things will go wrong as I'm high risk but it's not OTT anxiety yet
That said I can't wait to feel movement then I know it's ok in there Smile

LaLaLaaaa · 06/04/2015 22:34

Def recommend using app to follow cycles - it helps you know icing day each month and how long luteal phase is. But try not to get sucked into opks or temping at first - just shag! I only started using temping when we'd had no success for ages

LaLaLaaaa · 06/04/2015 22:36

No testing til af is late! ;)

But yes - those cheap tests are ics (Internet cheapies), beloved by all the POAS addicts

bellybuttonfluffy · 06/04/2015 22:39

I'll maybe order 10 or so. If you order 30 that's just setting up for a jinx isn't it surely?

maemay · 06/04/2015 23:01

Yes, what La said. She is the oracle. Wink
I found app v helpful when I came off the pill as I had no idea how long a normal cycle was for me!
Generally, the more you enter your data, the more they learn about your cycle (as we're all different!). It will probably start off with a 'norm', and adjust to your specifics as you enter more data.
Temping and using opks is another way to pinpoint your fertile peak in each cycle, but I'd say try JSing to start with and see where you get to. If after months and months you aren't getting anywhere, then temping might be helpful so you know for definite when you are icing and dtd at the right time.

It's worth mentioning that the average time it takes to conceive is 6months - 1 year (pls correct me if that stat is wrong!), for some it's longer for some it's shorter (as you may gather from this fred).
So basically don't get your hopes up too much and automatically assume that it will happen first time round, just in case it doesn't. Though it might do! And fingers crossed for ya!

Niffertiti · 06/04/2015 23:12

Niff
33
No DCs
TTC june 2014 MC March 2015

Wow, I go out for dinner w DH and it's page 3 of new Fred before I even post stats! Was nice to spend time chatting after family-tastic w/e. Talked about MC quite a lot. I think I'm getting a bit hung up on getting pg again as a way of coping with the loss. Lots of wise words on here tho.

Just, I petsonally think you is preggers.Easter Wink

lildottie · 06/04/2015 23:20

love you la Thanks

hehem Mae, much as I do live la I am the oracle in these parts!

so, folic acid 400mg per day is a must. if you want to/can afford to then you can get conception vitamins and I would highly recommend these as studies on ivf patients have shown an increases pregnancy rate in woman who take such vitamins compared to those who don't.

drink plenty of water to improve ewcm (egg white cervical mucus - the most fertile stuff) to help you both pinpoint icing (our word for ovulation) and get the swimmers where they need to be.

to tell the difference between jizz juice and ewcm check what it does on the tissue - ewcm stays on top and stretches whilst jizz soaks in.

DTD every 2-3 days, more if you can when you get ewcm. don't stop when you think you've iced as lots of people here in the past have gone on to find out from using contraband (opks, temping etc) that they ice later than they thought they did.

as for booze, I went t total when we started ttc. but its wearing especially 2years on so I'd recommend making it an occasional thing, not a regular thing. alcohol in the twot (two weeks of torture aka two week wait) can hinder implantation of an embryo, but the embryo won't get anything from you until placenta takes over at 5wks.

telling people you are trying may seem a good idea now, but in 6 months if you aren't pg and they keep asking you of you are pg yet you'll wish you hadn't told them. you may decide to later if you go through something like a mc or and ivf, but that's a different ball game and like honey said then you may well need the support.

testing before AF is due, I'm a little pot kettle black this cycle as I caved but... ics are good to have to satisfy your need to know. if you get a line on those bad boys then you know its time to break open the piggy bank and treat yourself to a frer (first response early result - annoys me when people get that wring!). but it depends how you will feel if --when- you get a bfn as to whether you test early or not. in any event there is no point testing earlier than 10dpo as it takes 3-4 days from implantation for hcg to build up enough to be detected on even the most sensitive tests. and implantation occurs around 7-10dpo.

if you think you have ovulated later in a cycle, assume AF will be later. the time between ovulation and AF doesn't change month to month in the same woman. if you aren't temping, assume AF due 15 days after last ewcm, is 15dpo so a 14day lp (leutal phase - time between icing and AF).

cd1 is indeed first day of full red flow.

if you are going to use an app use fertility friend, the rest are shit IMO.

if you decide to look at charting I can give you a link to a fab free eBook they do.

but the number 1 MOST important thing for ttc.....enjoy it!

Think I regain my title, Grin

WouldRatherHaveWine · 07/04/2015 01:24

Late to the party again!

Wine
28
11mo DS
MC Dec 14 so put a hold on til may 15

Only 1 person knows about ttc but she knows how I've not been able to let go of the MC so is there for support. Don't want anyone else knowing in case it takes ages or I don't have a sticky bean. Also iv still not lost all of the weight from the last time so worried what people will think!

ZylaB · 07/04/2015 01:35

lil you always had the title as the all-knowing knowledgeable one!

maemay · 07/04/2015 07:04

Lil ah sorry!!! As I typed it I did wonder whether it was you (both begin with L -it's too much for my little brain!) La does seem also very wisey wise and knowledgable on these stuffs too, but I bow to your greater wisdom and knowledgeness!

maemay · 07/04/2015 07:05

embarrased face

maemay · 07/04/2015 07:10

Please don't banish me from the kingdom queendom!

LaLaLaaaa · 07/04/2015 07:18

Ha ha ha there is no WAY I'd ever try to usurp oracle lil! She is indeedy the oracle.

My specialist subjects are stealth shags (my baby was conceived on my lunch break) and luteal phase defects. Summon me for these, but otherwise lil is your guide!

auxiliaryauroch · 07/04/2015 07:32

Fix my 5/6 day lp la. I'm trying soy tomorrow. I've decided.

bows to lil too

fallenstar27 · 07/04/2015 07:33

Hah La your specialist subjects made me think they should do a conception edition of Mastermind.

Morning viroids :) my bus to work smells like pepperoni. Thought you'd all like to know.

justtheonethen · 07/04/2015 07:54

Newbies look away....or embrace the crazy.
So I poas at either 16dpo or 9dpo and got myself a major squinter. Can anyone else see this? I've also put same pic in black and white and inverted colours so you can see (yep, there's the crazy)

If I keep the unicorn until I can go and get a frer later this morning will it be ok? Or does it go off in some way?

Our new greeting cards are here! We're making vaginal butter and baking in a sneaky shag from behind. Our skittletits can't hold us back - it's JS'ing 43!
Our new greeting cards are here! We're making vaginal butter and baking in a sneaky shag from behind. Our skittletits can't hold us back - it's JS'ing 43!
Our new greeting cards are here! We're making vaginal butter and baking in a sneaky shag from behind. Our skittletits can't hold us back - it's JS'ing 43!