Our new greeting cards are here! We're making vaginal butter and baking in a sneaky shag from behind. Our skittletits can't hold us back - it's JS'ing 43!

[jellypi3]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 42 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2342663-We-let-our-miroids-tie-us-up-and-pee-while-were-in-the-tub-and-the-grads-often-visit-so-we-can-give-their-bumps-a-rub-Weve-a-syncro-pee-approaching-so-heres-hoping-for-a-BFP-filled-JS-No-42?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2344912-Our-super-healthy-fanjos-just-love-getting-their-five-a-day-but-we-draw-the-line-at-frozen-poopsicles-Were-the-25th-JS-Grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2323427-Just-Mumming-Along-Viroids-4?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

You are better off moving lil, I might have to soon to get away from it. It just won't die!

I had to read that twice honey, thought you were disclosing something then. It's a dare - phew!

ribbed silicone is better

I've just seen all the drama over on Chat. Was actually nice to see so many people stick up for JS.

I did something bad with a banana once, does that count?

I was dared to do it...honest.

No la, not again!! Too many wasted food items!

relax, just shag him
you've really got to get the jizz in

oIo (willy!)

OO (boobs!)

(*) (fanny!)

Thanks for the welcomes everyone!

Well, you lot had me at vag butter, but by the time you got round to 'manjo' and the crotchless condoms I was completely sold!

Lil, still reeling that sperm travel at 28mph?! Jesus. I had no idea there was some kind of fluid Grand Prix going on up my cervix. My mind is boggling.

Interesting about the "to lie down with legs in the air or not to lie down with legs in the air" debate. I get bad cystitis if I combine too much shagging with not peeing immediately afterwards. Just recovering from a bad bout of it. When I went to my GP I asked her how am I going to get upduffed if I have to rush to the loo after sex every time? Should I risk losing prime jizz or risk getting cystitis? She looked kind of bemused and suggested keeping well hydrated and peeing beforehand and left it at that. She probably thought I was a loon. Ah well.

feathers you are supposed to pee before AND after so surprised by your GPS response. maybe you could try and get some ghost jizz? never works for me but many of the viroids say a buzzy pal helps! think the key is to orgasm at same time so it gets sucked right in!

Relax, don't sweat it, when you want to fuck, do it
Relax, just do it, you really want his cum

Cockweasel.

Now I am thinking of Zoolander.

Watch it again ladies... Its creepy how accurate it is. Things that sounded ridiculous when it was made are suddenly quite normal....

Lil she did say to go before and after but with the emphasis on not shagging with a full bladder and that I must remember to go before (not something I'd really thought about). I must have looked thoroughly sceptical about peeing afterwards but wasn't really in the frame of mind to ask more about it - just wanted those beautiful beautiful antibiotics!

...ghost jizz...?

FILL

DA

FRED

WITH

JIZZ

CUM

SPUNK

...and of course VAGINAL BUTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [GRIN]