We might be over 40 but we are young at heart, taking our supplements, shagging on time and waiting for the precious BFP!Over 40's TTC, join us here...

[Gumblossom]

Starting the new thread, Cloudjumper.

Anyone over 40, trying to conceive, whether it is your first or 6th (or more), we're facing the obstacles together.

I've been at it for 6 years now, but there are plenty of good news stories from these threads over the years.

Come and join us with your worries, woes,successes and milestones, we are here to support one another in our quest.

Jass, I am so sorry. I couldn't get onto the internet yesterday, and I am so sorry to come here to today and hear your news. You are an amazing,strong and inspiring woman. I know it is heartbreaking to get to 9 weeks and then lose your baby, but I agree,it is fantastic that you didn't lose the baby earlier,and that may mean the immune issues are resolving. It is a shame that you can't have the genetic testing done. It was very reassuring,for me, when I learnt that my baby passed due to a chromosomal issue. The Doctor told me it was unlucky and not just because I was old, that in fact many young woman lost babies due to Trisomy 13/18. However, I am sure that my age is a huge factor.

welcome to MOONSTONE. Sorry to hear of your troubles with periods.It sounds really awful. Is this something you've always had? My youngest daughter struggles with painful and heavy periods. She is only 14, so we have seen the Dr and she's been prescribed the pill. I am not sure it is a good idea, but it seems to be the only treatment,and she suffers for 8-9 days every damned month.

Green - your wee little man is adorable!Congratulations! I am so,so pleased for you.

Grizzer, it is interesting that your naturopath recommends SWI after ovulation. Everything I've read basically says it's SWI before the egg leaves the ovary or there's no point. I have often wondered if that really is the case, or if there is a possibility that catching the egg on the way down the fallopian tube could still result in pregnancy. How long is the egg supposed to live? It's not very long is it?

Anyway, I am taking your naturopath's advice. Just when I thought it was all too late, I had ovulation pain on Friday morning, so I managed SWI that night, and again Saturday night. However, I didn't get another positive OPK. It was positive on Wednesday night, so I must have ovulated on Friday. Anyway, I am happy with our efforts, better than nothing at all. My bloody thermometer is acting all weird. My temperature this morning was lower than pre-ovulation, which can't be right. I think I need a new one. I really liked that one because it stores the temperature until you use it again, so I could take my temp in the dark and check it later. It also had a very soft beeping sound so it didn't wake DH.I have another one but it is very loud. So, it looks like I won't be any the wiser about O day with the help of temperatures.

It is Sunday morning here, and I have a busy day. I have a mountain of marking to do, a yoga class, and a very disorganised pantry,which I am in the process of sorting out (it is a long term project.I have a big walk-in pantry, so it becomes a dumping ground for all sorts of crap.)

enjoy the weekend!

Jass, I am so sorry for you loss. I know how devastating it is to go into hospital full of hope and leave feeling as though your heart is breaking. A picture is good....believe it or not, making it seem more real helps.

I went for a late dating scan at 15 weeks, to find my baby had passed at 13 weeks. I got one photo, but it really helped me to process my grief.
It made it real....like she was a real person, and that I was entitled to grieve, just as much for her, as if she had been born and died afterwards.....it also helped others to understand why i was so sad, because they actually saw what I had lost....so many times with an m/c, its 'invisible' to everyone else, so they kinda dont understand, or (heaven forbid) think you are over-reacting.

You are in my thoughts hun, and im sending you a big cyber skwish through the ether xxx

Saturday night! Dancing the night away? Drinking cocktails? Or just seeing if somebody is wrong on the internet like I do?

Notso I often wonder if a short cycle is a blessing or a curse, I have always been 24 days, sometimes I think it’s great, more happening, but of course af comes more often and she doesn't shorten her visits to make up for it and I’m in a major grump more often..

Tell your husband spermiogenesis takes 74 days, so the supps he takes today are for the swimmers 3 cycles down the line, fireflies. I haven’t actually asked my dh to take anything yet, maybe I should. He has said he’d take whatever, what is everybody’s OH taking?

Good grief, grizzer and gum, dtd for three days after O? I find the timed shagging a bit exhausting without adding three days now I am not so super nubile or young anymore. What does SWI stand for? (sex when important/ shagging with impunity?)

Fromwest how are you doing?

JassS I hope you are as well as you can be at this point, sounds like you are trying to keep things as normal as possible, must be so hard.

I am on cd2, still bit put out by af, some would help, thanks, cloud. Got a nasty cold though so will stick to tea for the moment, very boring. Looking at ff several times a day, just making sure temps or cd haven’t changed since I last looked .

Thanks Gum and Fatty, wnd so sorry you are in the position to understand so well. I am taking a position that this baby must have had something generically wrong. Just becuase it suits me. And we have decided that if my cycle returns we will try again in the second-third cycle, May-June. Meanwhile I will try to lose my 3 first trimester kilos. Not by dieting, but I have a registration for end May semi-marathon and I will try to keep it. I will start walking next week and then during easter break I have all the time needed to start running a bit every day again, initially. not more than 4-5 km but trying to get to 10 by the end of easter break. So I have a plan, but need ot get through next week workwise, it will be difficult, I have a trip to Brussels and some more stressful meetings to do. But tey will get done.
I am slightly worried that I am not bleeding at all, and i mean not at all, not even a liner needed. Has anyone had this after d&c? I am worried that my cervix just closed when the doc stole the baby and my body has not realised what is going on, so closed cervix is keeping blood in and when it breaks out it will be carnage......

Jass, just wanted to be another to say how strong and brave you are being. In my experience when you know the worst has happened it's kind of easier to deal with than the doubting, wondering and waiting that goes before. You have no choice but to accept and move on.
Sorry, I don't know about the bleeding as I haven't had a d&c.
I was thinking back to 2002 when I had a mc which started at 11 weeks. After some days of bleeding I had the prearranged booking appointment with the midwife. Of course I told her about the bleeding straight away but she just said "please God it stops soon" and continued the appointment. No mention of a scan, and I had no idea about scans myself, so didn't ask for one. I mc at home a few days later. Only had a scan about 10 days after that to check everything had gone. So different it was back then.
FattyFishwife, I don't think we've heard from you in a long while? So sorry for your loss, is it very recent?
Nothing to report from here. I am 7+5. As far as I can tell, so far so good, but who knows what's really going on inside.

It must be good, from west. No bad signs are good signs!

Well, I will wait and see. I had no bad signs in 2013 all the way up to the 12 week scan, when they saw the baby had died at 7 weeks. So I'm not assuming anything.

I so get you, fromwest, we hope all is well and yet brace for the worst. there is nothing what can be done so all we can do is go through the 12ww....

Everywhere we read it says if heartbeat is seen your mc risk is down to 3-5%. Yet even that happens all the time seemingly. And some improbable cases where women have improper beta levels, bleed clots etc., go to term. Go figure. Life is just precious. i sat yesterday afternoon with my two boys and just wondered on the miracle that their hearts kept beating when they were still unborn. When I was expecting them my position was thatI do not worry daily about my kidney or heart having a failure, why should a baby fail? I truly was that confident then. It is sickening to realise that even if I fall pg again after this one now I will never again go to a scan expecting good news and feeling sure a baby would wave me. Never. Because this time, had I seen the heartbeat, say, at week 7, when it was present, I would have basically been sure it will go to term. Now..... one step lower in the pit again.

A flying visit and hope to catch up properly later in week, but for now:

Jass - still thinking of you ... I understand that awful undermining of your confidence as I feel it too. But I hope you do see 9+3 as progress, albeit the opposite outcome from what you wanted, so that next time you will indeed make it ... Meanwhile I hope your back is less sore - I remember the soreness in my epidural site, such that I was almost convinced it had been done with a screwdriver. I'm slightly in awe of your ability to carry on making cakes and deal with work while you recover. And I'm glad you've decided to try again once you're ready.

Fromwest - at least you're 2/3 through the 12ww, and fingers crossed here too that no bad signs is indeed a good sign.

Greenlizard - thank you for sharing the lovely photo - what a beautiful, perfect looking baby boy! And such a great weight too. You must be very proud. You're in for such a treat, the start of lots of fun! (Oh I'd so love to do it all again ...)

Hi. Can I join you? I'm 40 and ttc no 1. Have been sort of trying for a year now but properly for 6 months. AF started today so feeling bit down and as if it is never going to happen. Thought we might be lucky this month but not to be.

greenlizard Congratulations, that is the most wonderful news What a journey you have had, but now your gorgeous boy is here (and the next journey starts)!
Hope you are feeling OK, all the best xxxx

Welcome, Cityzen, yes, AF is horrid. I have a tendency to panic "I left it all too late" when she shows, too. Hope you will be in and out of here quickly and on to preg threads.

hi Gumblossom and thanks for the welcome...

yes...had them all my life...heavy and painful when i was young and gradually getting worse...used to envy the girls at school who had "normal" periods...like your daughter, mine would last over a week...now i'm lucky if they stop after two weeks and i'll be housebound for at least 10 days during that time...

got my first intense bout of nausea last night whilst rolling over to switch off the bedside light...boy was that unpleasant...!! lol

Hello, I'm joining you all again following a late miscarriage at 15 weeks in January. I'm 40, including my poor lost baby I am TTC #6, the second with my DP. Really hoping beyond hope for a happier outcome next time.

I'm currently CD25, about 10dpo I think although I've been trying not to obsess too much. AF due Thursday so will test Friday/sat if it doesn't arrive. I'd love to say I was blasé about it but I'm flaming nervous!!

Probably me, sad welcome and so sorry for your late loss. I also have 4 living kids. Was there a reason found for your second trimester loss? You must be so so nervous hoping for that new bfp. Good thing is, that among us, you are really young!

And Citizen, welocme, too, you are also among the younger women here, so welcome!

I am hiding away from grief. Thats why I am working and homeworking. Busy like madwoman roday, did some work in advance for easter break so I can have a real calm holiday and did not miss my 4-hour german class this afternoon. Just forcing myself to get going, I have no idea whether it would be better to stop and face the black pit of despair, but for now I feel I know where that pit is and am avoiding going and looking into. Otherwise I will fall into small pieces and I have no idea how to put myself back together. Thinking seriously about teying again, staying away feom wine as I am now used to and have decided there will be no alcohol in my life for time being, since I am totally weaned from wine anyway. Not too demanding on healthy eating though, but keep up with vit B and folic acid, thinking of adding vit d, too.mI have new thyroid and blood sugar tests prescribed by annual medical check-up team at work, so this falls well as well. But I need to do a three-day poo analysis too (for colon cancer prevention/detection I guess) and this is so offputting that I am postponing until after easter:-) Silly me. I have a good excuse that I am slightly bleeding and can not too the horrible analysis.

Thanks Jass - can't say I feel very young today, I slept terribly last night. We haven't got a reason why we lost our baby, just " one of those things". I did get a 1:5 risk of DS after my NT scan and bloods but tests on the placenta post delivery didn't show anything specific. Weirdly we found that ok to cope with, when we went to see the Consultant for the follow-up appointment we were more dreading that there would have been a specific cause that was likely to happen again.

I'm sorry to read about your recent loss too.

High nuchal measurement can indicate other developmental problems than down syndrome too. Sommaybe there was something wrong at lesser unit level, i.e., gene not chromosome errors. These are not picked up on simple chrmosomal testing. Luckily these probelms have no effect on future pgs.

probably So sorry to hear about your loss, how sad. How are you feeling? It is so difficult not to obsess, I found myself spiralling into a panic-like mode after my last mc, frantically trying to do everything and have a million back-up plans at the ready. Took me a long time to get out of that hole...

jass Focussing on work and life is a way of dealing with loss, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I think grief comes in many different forms, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to sit in the corner and sob into your tissue (although that sometimes really helps!). I often found that concentrating hard on work helps. Hope you are as OK as you can be, please be kind to yourself.

AF turned up very unexpectedly yesterday, 4 days early. I knew she was on the way, as my temps had done a massive nosedive. And I thought I'd be OK with it. Turns out I'm not. AF came too early, making this my shortest cycle ever - 21 days, WTAF! Trying hard not to be all doom & gloom about it, but I'm really grumpy Then I stumbled across this stupid thread last night, where someone had asked what people see as their 'cut-off age' when it comes to having children - I know I should not have read it, but I did, and I was quite shocked at some of the comments about over 40s having children. Plus, work are being really ar**y, which doesn't help in the least.
This is making me want to stuff my face with chocolate, argh!!!

(Sorry for the rant)

Cloud, maybe it was just an anovulatory cycle? I know you temp and it is supposed to be sure-fire indication, but luteal phases do not crash usually just like that. So maybe the ov was not there even if temp showed it?

Yes, even if I have known having babies well into 40ies is normal as many of my elder relatives have done so since beginning of 20th century, many people have disconnected from the older times when people just kept having kids as long as they were fertile. For them there are unnatural boundaries stemming from the middle of 21st century, when women got finally control over their fertility. So of course our grandmothers were so happy they could stop havig kids earlier and be less tired out from housework and enjoy their later years without babies around. Now us, we do not have it physically so hard, most of us are not tired from carrying 200% of the housework etc. We are much better preserved and it does not pose a hardship for us to have kids, especially of course for those who have missed out earlier. We are more able to handle it than our grandmothers were, as life is simply less strenuous, more automated. Just the "general opinion" is usually about a generation late, there is nothing to do with it. Mass forums are representing this "general opinion", it takes a lot of thinking to arrive at different conclusions from the majority. Pay no attention. If my grandma would see me today She would think I am 35-37, my great-grandmother would put me at 30 probably, as far as looks go. great-grandmother had her last babe at 46, it was her 14th, so if She had had pill She would have probably stopped long before, to save her the effort, but She did not have the pill....

Cloud I read that thread, too, even posted on it. It is such a meaningless question, one of those WWYD scenarios one cannot possibly answer until the day it happens. The "cut off point" is surely a shifting one for most and unnecessarily upsets people. Being no longer able to have babies is the only meaningful cut off point for having babies. Bit like asking the mum of a newborn how to discipline teenagers, she'll have loads of advise, much of it will upset parents of teenagers and 14 years later she'll cringe should she remember.

Thanks Cloud, I'm not quite sure where I am at the moment - most of my life is carrying on as normal but part of me has stopped and is in its own little holding pattern. I'm not crying everyday anymore but it's still there, near the surface and small things can bring it back again.

I want to be pregnant again and am trying not to obsess but I'm automatically checking all the signs and symptoms and it's hard not to. I told my DP I wouldn't be so obsessive this time but the urge to temp is getting strong and my box of supplements and ovulation monitor are staring at me from the cupboard so next cycle I'll be back to all that again.

I caved and did a test (First Response) this morning and it was negative. Not surprised really, didn't pick up O on the few tests I used this month despite having other signs that it was around the corner so I not convinced it happened. Will chart next month and use my monitor properly just to get a bit of a handle on what my out is doing. Will crack out the Soy Isoflavones too I think. I'm too much of a control freak to just leave it all to chance I think!

I didn't bother reading more than the first few posts on the "age" thread. What suits one person won't suit all - I don't feel old, and several women in my family have had children at 40+. I don't feel the need to read someone else's judgey posts about what they think everyone else should do!

probably It's like walking on eggshells, isn't it? Constantly on the watch, even the little things can become minefields.
I had a second trimester loss last year, and the fallout from it is still part of everyday life. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I also would love to be pg again, but at the same time, the thought scares me so much. Be kind to yourself, it's still early days.

reni, jass Thanks - you are right, of course. I just can't help wonder if this is what all my (younger) friends and family are thinking? Of course it is a completely meaningless question, however, it has yet again made me think how much longer do I want to continue ttc? When do I draw the line...? One particularly stupid clueless poster asked 'Why would you want to be an old mother', which I found really upsetting. Age has nothing to do with this, but sadly, some people cannot see beyond their limited horizon. Ah well.

I don't think that it was an anovulatory cycle, but of course I will never know. My temp profile looks like a normal cycle, it's just much shorter. I ovulated on CD10, which is also earlier than usual - but in general my ov date seems to be coming more and more forward recently. Still managing a decent luteal phase, though.
I'm wondering if I need to cut back on the supplements... I'm taking loads, and they are all meant to help, but I can't help thinking that since I started them in a serious manner, my cycles have become shorter with earlier and earlier ovulation.

Maybe we should all put our own cut-off on that thread, that should raise the average by some 15 years .

I haven't read the age thread, but I don't think the age bias exists in all cultures anyway. I have an Arab friend who says it's normal for women to have babies in their 40s where she comes from. She can't see what all the fuss is about in the Uk.
I think the UK does sometimes have this negative attitude that young children are a nuisance, boring or a trial to be endured. This probably has it's part to play in the "why would you want to be an old mother?" mindset.
It's all nonsense in my opinion. Seems to me parenting is easier and more fun as you get older.

There is no fuss about babies in 40ies certainly here in Luxembourg neither, but there is in Estonia for some reason. But frankly I am of the opinion that only nature sets the cut-off, I refuse to think in any other way. You can fall pg, you are entitled to do so, end of story really. I apply this to myself as well, I keep trying until menopause hits.

Cloud, I agree with your analysis that at some point supplements' effect can cross somehow and you may have eeird influence on your cycles. Maybe clean that slate for a cycle or two and only take the "normal" folic acid? See what happens?