23 year old single and have been thinking about having a baby

[Tannedbarbie1]

Hey girlies,

So I'm 23 years old 24 in may! And I've been thinking about having a child for the past 6 months, i would love to be a mother and have a beautiful baby. But I'm single so don't know if it's the right move. Financially I can definitely do it I work from home so no worries there, but the responsibility does scare me! Most my friends are having babies now and I'd love one, but im single. Alot of my friends have supportive family, i don't really have a big family at all, i only live with my mum and I live miles from the rest of my family. But I know I can do it. If anyone has had these feelings let me know, I get the feeling I wont meet a guy and il leave it to Late

Xxx

The more I read the OPs comments on this thread the more convinced I am that she should be waiting to start a family and absolutely not doing it now. In the meantime here are some things to focus on - develop career, travel, move out, date, revisit situation in two years.

And that doctor who said it was her "age" at 29 - horeshit is a rather kind word to describe that.

I actually (finally) registered just to reply to this.

I am a single mother of one child. I love children and have always wanted to be a mother. I was 28 went I had DS.

DO NOT TRY TO GET PREGNANT AT THIS STAGE IN YOUR LIFE.

Being a single mother is hard. It is lonely. You have no partner to consult when things get hard (and they will) and you have no break. Sure, you could ask your mother or a friend to babysit, but do that too often and they will start to feel taken advantage of.

I work from home. It is not easy. For the first four years of life your child will need constant attention. If you are LUCKY you may get a 2-3 hour break in the afternoon for work. But probably you will be too sleep deprived to actually do the work and you will either crash on the couch or cook, clean, and do laundry.

Having kids "completes" me in a certain sense. They are probably the most important thing I will ever do. However, kids alone do not make parents happy. Parents still need goals, hobbies, careers (if they choose), private time, romance, etc. All those things are in VERY short supply as a single parent.

I don't mean to offend you but it really sounds like you are too immature to have a child right now. To want children just because your friends are having them, or because you want a "beautiful baby", or because you have "spent time" with your cousin. You honestly have no idea what will be required of you as a parent for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. It seems like you have an idealistic dream version of what parenting is like.

Having a child when you don't even have your own house is irresponsible.

Get a puppy.

Very good post from buhfly PLEASE listen to her.

Exactly what I meant when I said the more I read ops responses the more the immaturity becomes visible. Please don't do this now. Bush fly hits the nail on the head.

Having a child is amazing and fulfilling,

BUT

It is exhausting, emotionally draining and expensive too. I am lucky enough to have a partner and a supportive family and I still feel like this. I went back to work when my daughter was 1 and my partner is at home with her when she isn't at nursery.

You will not be able to work any significant amount while looking after a baby. Babies need attention. Toddlers need even more attention. When you are not giving them attention you need to rest or wash your and their clothes which are covered in food.. Or worse. My daughter woke up five times a night until she was 2. Now I know why the midwife laughed when I said "the baby will just have to learn to sleep"!

You sound very warm and loving, and it am sure you will be a great Mum when the time comes. But it doesn't sound like now is the right time. I had my daughter at 33, and had a very easy pregnancy, as did my friend who had her son at 40. I'm not suggesting you need to wait that long, just pointing out there is no rush. It doesn't matter what other people are doing.

Could you offer to look after a friend's baby for a day or so, or perhaps your cousin?

You sound very immature. You are very young and have a lot to do in terms of learning, experiencing, building a life, making mistakes and having a child now would make all of that so much more difficult.
Being a single mum is hard. Most people don't choose to be a single mum, they find themselves there because of a relationship breakdown or because they don't meet someone. You haven't given yourself chance to meet someone. It's great that you know what you want and you have set yourself high standards in terms of the person you might spend your life with. Keep those standards, don't miss out on your fun twenties and don't be in such a rush. When the time comes, you'll be a great mum.

Sorry, posted too soon.
This would give you a chance to see the full demands of a small child, rather than just the "oh aren't they beautiful" and "I'll hold him/her while you do x"

Everything about you screams out immaturity, from your username, to "Hi Girlies" to living with your Mum and particularly your saying that you are very mature for your age!

You sound bored. How about going to University or college or moving cities and making some friends who (like the VAST majority of people your age) don't have children? You might even meet a potential husband.

Sorry but I'm still giggling at brooki's spelling of 'whom', i've not had a baby yet but I do know it's spelt womb. That's no autocorrect error.
And her 'at her age' comment. I don't think ANY doctor would say that regarding age as that issue could happen to any aged pregnant woman.
Erm, I can think of many ways to spend my early 20s. Growing into an actual adult. Gaining an education. Building friendships. A career. Becoming independant. Finding the love of your life. Having fun without the responsibility of being a parent.
I'm so very much trying not to judge, but from your name 'tannedbarbie1' and your comments it is sounding like you are very immature.
I too have been broody from a very young age. But I wanted to make sure I had a healthy and secure relationship before having a child.
A baby is not an accessory. Or something you fancy having as your friends have one. And a baby deserves the best possible start in life, which as a single parent and living with your mum would be really challenging. I don't know any single parents that have chosen to be in their position. My sister had her baby at 33. (Ancient I know, he'll the hell did she even manage being THAT OLD) and she, even with all her life experience, independence and other family support, finds it really tough. It is exhausting and lonely and not something that I think is a sensible option at your age.
You sound immature and selfish. Sorry to be blunt but it's such a crazy ill informed thing to consider.

I came on here to agree that you don't sound like you're really ready- especially if you want to have a partner to bring up your child with, which it sounds like you do.

I think some people on here have been a bit patronising though. I'm sure you are aware that having a baby involves alot more work than cooing about how beautiful it is.

I had my son at 20, he wasn't planned and I was far from ready for having children. I still lived with my parents at the time too.

You would, I assume have maternity leave to adjust without having to fret about working straight away?

DS' dad has been completely absent, I have had other issues, but being a single mum hasn't been one of them so don't let that put you off. You could look at sperm donation if you feel you want to do this alone.

FWIW, I have brought DS up myself, he is now 5. I have never wished I had a partner other than having to rely on other people for childcare a bit more. I don't have anyone to argue with and DS and I can just please ourselves. We have quite a harmonious and peaceful life, I get by financially (though I don't have to pay for childcare) with some spare money to enjoy things like swimming lessons and days out for DS.

I would say to give it more thought and of you still feel as strongly in a year or two then consider it more seriously. In the meantime, gaining some more independence, like getting your own place might help?

Just wanted to point out that partners are not the be all and end all, I am only 25 and have been celibate by choice for 3 years, I have no desire to find a partner and i don't think I ever will.

You are twenty years away from your age having any real impact upon the ease of your pregnancy or the way your body will cope with the rigours of motherhood.
Having a child on your own will most likely make you feel incomplete and leave you wishing you waited to find a supportive partner.
I'm really irritated by your posts.

"I'd need a partner by the sounds of it", " I think it's better to have them young. "
You don't have a clue. You haven't thought about this at all.

Hearing all the responses I've definitely decided against having kids for now. Hearing all your different thoughts, having kids would be amazing but the best thing I can do right now is wait and find myself first, i guess I feel like there is something missing in my life and I thought it was having a baby as so many people I know are having babies and im feeling quite broody. Would love to be a mother and have my own family. And yeah your all right it's alot easier with a partner, i have looked after a friends little ones before, so I do know whats involved but I guess you never really know until you have your own.

I don't know anyone who had a baby in their early 20's. I suppose it's just the different circles people move in. The average age of a first time mother is 30 so perhaps you just need to find some friends your age who aren't having kids.

You've made the right decision OP.

Looking after someone else's children is not the same as having you're own. Factor in the sheer exhaustion from getting up overnight, the constant clearing and wiping up (believe me I spend my days picking up food and wiping up) and trying to fit in washing and housework whilst your toddler is clinging to your leg or stopping them from emptying the cupboards whilst you're trying to put things away.

Everything you want to do takes twice as long. I adore the very bones of my two DC but I am so tired.

And don't forget you still have to be there when they're ill. Spending a week cleaning up vomit and diarrhoea, washing endless vomit covered clothes and scrubbing the carpet. And being up all night. Oh and don't forget potty training and the multiple accidents.

Having a baby because all your friends are having one is not a reason to have one. And something I'm not sure you've thought about, babies grow up.

Chilly chicken - I wish someone had described their day with a baby when I was 24! Might have made me rethink.

Thankfully op I was married by then but it's incredibly hard and then I did it 2 more times! Was I mad?! If I could have my chance again I would have waited until my 30's before I had the dc's. There's no rush and the age of the mother is irrelevant it's the experience of life that's important. Enjoy being single because once you are tied down with a baby that's it it's no longer about you it's all on them. Keep on looking for Mr Perfect too, he's out there, you just got to kiss a few frogs first.

I'm pleased you have decided this OP. There is every chance you will find a lovely dp to have kids with, if not, becoming a single mum in your 30s, when financially independent, whilst not ideal, is very different to having one in your early 20s.

Am horrified though, and would not trust any doc that thought that 29 was old to have kids. The nhs officially keeps a closer eye on you if you're over 40. I will be 37 when my next baby arrives and my mw actually said my age has not impacted anything with this pregnancy.
I didnt get married till 33 and had my first at 35. Similar age to my friends. We're all pleased we waited till our 30s. Best of luck

I had a baby at 23 and a baby at 25 and was shocked at the difference between the two pregnancies and my energy levels etc. This was explained away to me as being my age (thanks a lot!)

Although back in the day, my mother had me at 29 and was referred to by somebody medical as a geriatric mother.

Btw I was similarly just about sorted by 23, degree, just started a good job, married, own house etc and didn't feel too young but it's not for everyone. I'm 29 now and my friendship group is just starting to catch up and I'm very pleased to have already ticked the boxes. Children haven't held us back in our careers and projects etc, they are along for the ride.

strawberrymouse your smug comments 'my friendship group is just starting to catch up and I'm very pleased to have already ticked those boxes' is a very strange one. I didn't realise it was a race. Very relived to not be in your friendship group. It sounds awful. And your post bares no resemblance to the original poster's situation.
But congrats on being a 'winner'.

Oh I don't know. I think Armani wins the prize for shittiest post of the thread.