Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows (thread2)

[townsender]

Time for a new thread, a sad welcome to any newcomers.

Introducing myself:
Name: Town?
Age: 34
Angel: DD 'G' born Feb14 at 27w by EMCS, lived 12 days (oxygen starvation at birth due to cord prolapse)?
Other DC: none?
TTC/Rainbow: TTC since Nov14, currently incubating a pea

[Apple17]

Thank you flambola

[vicky123uk]

Hi to flambola and apple sorry that you have found yourselves here and hoping that you are coping as well as you can be. Honestly I've only been on here a couple of months but the ladies are really lovely and welcoming. It's definitely helped being on here.

So next question... For those who are Preggo or been preggo since having their angel baby... How quickly did you make your appointment at the doctors to get the ball rolling in terms of antinatal care? Did you manage to get early scan just because of our history of angels or am I just being silly thinking they might offer this? Thanks all

X

[Ducky23]

I got on v well with my new midwife, I was seeing her after dd (she was covering the awful midwife the day I went for my appt and she couldn't find dd's heartbeat so sent me to the hospital where they confirmed her heart had stopped beating). As it was only a matter of weeks I got pregnant after I just called her directly and she came and did my booking appt at just 5 weeks obviously I was a bit nervous about that as it was so early and she then arranged an early 'reassurance' scan at 6 weeks.

Is there a particular midwife you get on with? I don't know if it's the same everywhere but I was basically told I can pick and choose my care team.

Did you call apple?

X

[kayleighferrie1985]

A sad but warm welcome to apple and flambola.

flambola what an awful time to be going through the loss of your darling son- i hope you had plenty of support around you.

vicky with regard to starting the ball rolling, i'd had my bfp on Christmas eve (and another on Christmas day) and i phoned the doctors surgery the following Monday as soon as they opened and got an appointment on the Tuesday (the doctor was an ass about things, but that's another story). I only got an early scan because i rang my consultants secretary in frustration after seeing the gp and she sorted me an appointment 10 days later with EPU.

apple i'm so sorry your care has been so inadequate, i think ringing the midwife supervisior is a good idea, as i'm sure all the worrying your going through is driving you mad. I hope everything goes well at your scan tomorrow.

AFM not been on in a couple of days as been feeling very tired recently. I had a letter this morning informing me that an appointment has been made for me to see my consultant on 24th Feb. Obviously i have no issue with that, i'm just a bit confused because my midwife said i wouldn't see the consultant until i was 16 weeks (she said that's routine) however when i see him this month i'll be 12 weeks, so he's seeing me early, hence my confusion.

[Apple17]

I did call ducky and no one was available to speak to so waiting for a call back

[April1984]

Hi Apple, sorry you find yourself here.

Townsender, I think you said it was your daughters birthday today so thinking of you.

Thanks all for you input re your DHs. I don't think there's an easy answer.

LakeOfDreams sorry to hear your DH has had a lot of loss in his life, I can't imagine.

Hope everyone is doing well.

I'm busy waiting for ovulation and using OPKS as I'm not totally sure whether post baby my cycles will be different.

Had a bit of a meltdown today, I dragged myself to the gym only to find that a mum and baby group was on and the changing room was full of babies. I felt like I was having a panic attack and hid in the toilets until they'd gone. Lesson learned to try to avoid that time of day in the future!
x

[Annaelisabeth]

Hi everyone,

I need help! Due to all my health issues our consultation session was moved a couple of times but it's finally happening today! I had all the questions formulated in my head but now that we're actually sitting down with the consultant I can't remember a single one! If anyone stops by and remember what the important questions were to ask please post!

Xxxxxa

[AllTerrainMammy]

Hi all. Apologies for the self indulgent post but I've not been around for a few weeks so not had chance to catch up on all the posts. Very sad to see even more new 'faces' though. A sad but warm welcome to those new to the thread.

For those of you that I haven't chatted to previously, here's my background.

Age: 30
Angel: 'F' born at 20+4 after I had slight spotting at work and midwife could not find heartbeat. PM results showed (as for many other people on this thread) that there was no conclusive reason and that the placenta just 'stopped working'.
Other DC: DD aged 3.9
Rainbow: Due to be delivered by c-section next Thursday (19th) when I'll be 38+4.

It's going to be a week of mixed emotions as it'll be F's first birthday this Sunday on the 15th and then we get to meet our rainbow on the 19th but I find this idea quite comforting and hope that it won't allow me to dwell on my sadness for too long. Not sure we have anything planned for F's birthday as we haven't yet scattered his ashes (we're landscaping our garden this spring and plan to plant a tree where we will scatter his ashes). Maybe I'll bake a cake, sure DD won't object!

How's everyone else doing? Congratulations to those who have received your bfp's in the last few weeks. Wishing you as much calm as is possible in a rainbow pregnancy.

Will try my very best to post again in the next week and keep more up to date with everyone's news x

[LakeOfDreams]

Two weeks off work and need to find things to do I keep myself busy. I'm currently x-stitching a dragon which if I focus I might get finished. I was trying to organise a nice weekend as DHs birthday is on valentines day but he doesn't really want to go out.

I want to be distracted so I don't keep thinking about being pregnant, however we are pretty broke so I might just get in touch with work and offer to work some extra shifts. Off to Bristol for a course tomorrow so that'll keep me busy for a while!!

Hope you managed to remember some questions Anna

Good luck for next week ATM hope everything goes smoothly for you

[Annaelisabeth]

Thanks!

The consultant was very thorough so I didn't need to ask that many questions in the end. They're doing some new+additional blood work and testing for possible risk-factors but I'm definitely feeling much more positive about TTC now compared to before the meeting. All my results to date have been pretty good despite me being sick all the time so I'm being quietly hopeful.

Waves to everyone.

Xxa

[Cakebaker35]

Hello everyone, a warm and sad welcome to the newbies, I'm so very sorry you find yourselves here but you will find great support and comfort from the brilliant ladies on this thread.

allterrain good to hear from you and how wonderful that you'll meet your rainbow next week. I'll be thinking of you on F's birthday x

anna so sorry I didn't see your post yesterday but really glad you had a good meeting with the consultant. I took a note book to my meeting! It's great they are being so thorough and doing the extra blood work. I'm so sorry you've had all these health issues to cope with, as if loss on its own isn't enough. I've had a few lingering issues too and it makes me feel a grey sometimes, like my body has let me down so badly.

april I think you asked about dh's? Dh and I are currently seeing a clinical psychologist who is attached to the neonatal unit at our hosp (we are v fortunate our hosp is a centre of excellence for neonatal and obstetrics). It has been really good for us, it's helped dh to say things and clear his head and even though he doesn't talk much at home at least we have these meetings to just take time out and talk. I know others who have had a lot of help from the SANDS charity and the Child Bereavement charity so that's also worth a look if you felt you or dh wanted any further support.

madem how are you doing? Think of you lots x

Afm, after our last session with the psychologist it's clear dh is suffering from post traumatic stress disorder so this is making it difficult for him to want to ttc. When I went into labour with W he arrived at hosp just as I was being whisked into theatre for the emcs and he felt he was about to lose us both. It's also linked to our dd's birth which was also a traumatic labour and emcs but thankfully at full term and we were both fine. He now feels our luck has run out, that if there was a next time he may lose me too. It's very hard as the consultant has said we are ok to try again but his trauma is very real and I can't/don't want to force him into anything. I'm hoping the psychologist sessions will help him and in the not too distant future he will feel ready. I do feel the time pressure though due to my age. It's very very hard. He's been amazing throughout all this, my rock, and I just want to help him but I think it's only time that can do that. Anyway, sorry to ramble on. Just struggling today x

Sorry not to mention everyone, waves and hugs to all xxx

[Ducky23]

Kayleigh, I first saw my consultant at 9 weeks, but I was meant to be 12

Apple hope they call you soon, sorry you had a crap time at the gym

Sorry Anna, I only just saw your post! Glad they were thorough

Atm, it's good to hear from you will be thinking of you and your angel on Sunday, hope it goes smoothly for you, and will be thinking of you when you meet your rainbow

X

[kayleighferrie1985]

atm i'll be thinking of you and F on Sunday, and scattering his ashes under the tree sounds lovely. If i don't catch you before then, i hope your c-section goes well and wish you a speedy but gentle recovery.

Apologies anna i too have only just seen your post. I'm so glad your doctor was so thorough and you now feel a lot better about ttc.

cake sorry to hear your dh is suffering from ptsd, it's so hard to see your loved one experience that (my dh used to suffer from it due to being in the army and witnessing terrible things), even without your worries regarding your age. Sending you hugs x

Thank ducky. I just found it odd that the midwife had said one thing regarding when i'd see my consultant and then an appointment letter arrives saying something different. My mum said it's possibly just that my consultant has recieved notification of my pregnancy and wants to see me sooner (he had said at my blood results meeting in June that he'd want to see me sooner rather than later)

[townsender]

Cake I'm glad that your dh has managed to open up to the psychologist and get a diagnosis, as that must be better than bottling it up and will hopefully lead to some way forward for you both. Big hugs

Vicky, I didn't bother with my GP, I did a self referral to the hospital I want to use, with the name of the bereavement midwife written on the top. But I have so far only been sent appointment for the booking in (which I phoned and checked, and it IS with the bereavement midwife) and 12 week scan. As I don't have a history of mc or ectopic, I wasn't expected to be offered an early scan, and indeed I wasn't. I'll be asking plenty of detailed questions at my booking in appt about the care for the rest of my pg, as I will be expecting something more.
However I did go for an early scan because I had bleeding which was enough to panic me. I would have waited patiently otherwise, honest! I did make sure they were aware of my loss when I went to A&E and asked to be checked, no idea if that influenced their decision to scan me, but it didn't hurt to point it out.

Kayleigh, nice to see the consultant sooner rather than later, I'm sure its just an admin/communication error (wouldn't be the first) that this time has worked in your favour.

April, I'd have probably run home and burst into tears if that was my gym! You're doing fine. Thankyou for thinking of me yesterday.

Anna, sorry we all missed your post, but glad it was all ok and the meeting went well.

Lake, only one suggestion, pop your walking shoes on and get some fresh air. It's free!
Nightmare having DHs bday on valentines day, means you can never take him out for a nice meal.

ATM hello! I'll think of you on Sunday, hope you're feeling ok and not too anxious.

AFM its been a tough and varied week so far. There's a major conference at work, so I've spent the last 3 days being wined and dined, making small talk, handing out business cards, trying to remember if I've met people before or not. This should be amazing fun (my colleagues have been telling me all about how much of a giant party it is since I started this role back in August). But for me it has been complicated by:

1. it was 'G's birthday on Tuesday. DP went to the cemetery on his own, and I felt like I had a cloud of sorrow surrounding me all day. We are going together to the cemetery for the anniversary of her death, in 12 days time. In some ways it was good for me to have the distraction, as her birthday is the one which gives me nightmares and flashbacks. But I was sad that my lunch hadn't finished by the time she was born (3pm) so I had to wolf my main course down and rush out to call DH at the right time. Not exactly giving myself time to grieve and remember.
   
2. I'm pg so not drinking! It's not too bad, but would be a lot more fun if I could drink. And easier to talk bollocks make small talk. I have mastered the art of holding a wine glass and pretending to drink.
   But the exciting news is that I had my second early scan today, and all was good. 1cm diameter, and little heart beat fluttering away. They dated me at 7+1. I'm very relieved, and its starting to become very real.

[kayleighferrie1985]

town i agree, and i'm far from complaining about seeing the consultant sooner- it had just confused me as when the letter arrived i'd expected it to be for my 12 week scan (a letter which still hasn't arrived and i'm now 10+4). I'm sending you hugs for G's birthday, and sending love for her anniversary. I'm so pleased your scan today went well, and that it's made you feel relieved.

[Chottie]

Hello Everyone, some of you may remember me from the last thread, when I posted at the very end. I am the DM whose DD had to say goodbye to her Angel last year and I have found reading all your stories a way of understanding and supporting my DD. I have not posted the details of DD for two reasons, one it is not my story to tell and secondly it was extremely rare and would out our family to anyone who knows us.

I've come back to update and say goodbye. I have been a very grateful lurker. I didn't want to just take and not give back. DD had her Rainbow last week and all is well. Last year, we would never have thought this could happen, but it has.

I want to wish you all strength to continue on a difficult road, it's so hard sometimes when all round others are in the 'bubble of innocence' (not you would wish anything different) and you are so nervous and hoping all will be well this time. So many, many steps on a hard, steep path. We will never, ever forget our little Angel and certain dates are etched on our hearts forever. But, looking back to this time last year and where we are now, life has moved forward. I am sending all of you a very un MN hug and my heartfelt thanks to a very special group of ladies x.

[kayleighferrie1985]

chottie I'm so pleased for both you and your dd after the birth of dd's rainbow. Sending you all lots of love x

[LakeOfDreams]

Chortle that's beautiful congratulations to your whole family x

[LakeOfDreams]

Silly auto correct I meant Chottie of course

[vicky123uk]

Congratulations to your family chottie

Congratulations to town on your scan, super excited for you!

kayleigh maybe your consultant will get you scanned at the same time as that appointment?

AFM - well saw go yesterday and she said she'd send message to hospital and my consultant entering me on to the system. She also said to get appointment with practise midwife so have contact outside of hospital as well. She said call and book for 8 weeks. Anyway called them this morning and same old issues, midwife only does Tuesday morning appointments. Now I only go back to work we 23rd feb, no way I want to ask for antenatal appointment time the week after! I know they d let me but I just don't want to. I swapped midwives last time as the one linked to y surgery was ne'er there. On one of her missing appointments I met a fab midwife and changed my care to her. She is off on maternity herself now. Soon I rang hospital and spoke to lead midwife there who was lovely, explained I didn't want to tell work and so long as we get there I'm having a home appointment when im 8 weeks.

Sorry for long self indulgent post but the whole midwife situation got me so annoyed at start of E pregnancy. Can't say it had been brilliant with ds pregnancy either. Shame the last one is off on aternity now as she was lovely. Also for anyone taking aspirin low dose I emailed another consultant I'll be seeing during this pregnancy and they said to continue to take for length of pregnancy, even though I have no reason to red it it can just help set up placenta etc and blood flow just in case anyone was thinking of it and in sure x x

[Ducky23]

Lovely news chottie congratulations x

Vicky your a better person than me! The day I went back to work after 6 months off, I told them I was pg and had to leave that day for a scan! Then went home sick the next day hope it all gets sorted for you x

[vicky123uk]

ducky trust me I'm not thinking of them, just don't want to have to tell anyone until much further on! Having a real worrier of a day today, 35 weeks is going to go so slowly and be an absolute nightmare I imagine if its like today. I know I don't qualify for an early scan but I'm already thinking about trying to get one for end of half term to try and see if 'pud' has stuck and got a heartbeat by then. Bad isn't it! How we're work with you Ducky? I'm imagining mine will be fine, family on the other hand not so sure x

[Ducky23]

I hope you can get one x

Work were ok to my face but apparently a certain manager made a lot of comments to various other members of staff

Had to pop in today and apparently they have been telling people they will try and get me to go back in march!!!! Yea right!!!

[townsender]

Hahaha ducky, work can 'try' can't they.

chottie that's fantastic news, anonymous waves to your DD and rainbow grandchild. Lovely.
Vicky glad you found a helpful person to speak to eventually, and fingers crossed the one you get for booking will be a good'un.

I'm very excited tonight as I've just found out my SIL is 12 weeks pg. My DB and her had been trying for 6 years. Last year, between 'G' being born and passing, they had a mc at 10 weeks which was torture - they said ' at one point this year we really thought there would be 2 babies at our parents house for Christmas'. Of course by end Feb there were none.
Now we're back to the hope of there being 2 babies at my folks house for Christmas 2015. My mum is going to go mental when we tell her. 'G' was their first grandchild.

Please please let there be 2 babies this Christmas.

I was really worried about telling DB and SIL that I was pg again, and now I just can't wait.

[vicky123uk]

town fingers and toes crossed!! That is such a lovely thing to hear today x