Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows (thread2)

[townsender]

Time for a new thread, a sad welcome to any newcomers.

Introducing myself:
Name: Town?
Age: 34
Angel: DD 'G' born Feb14 at 27w by EMCS, lived 12 days (oxygen starvation at birth due to cord prolapse)?
Other DC: none?
TTC/Rainbow: TTC since Nov14, currently incubating a pea

Lake, am keeping everything crossed for you. My first positive after dd was so faint only I could see it, no one else could! I sometimes wonder whether there was no line but my body just knew I found the first response to be the best x

Hi all
ducky sorry to hear you are having a bad day, be kind to yourself and just go with it, don't let anyone tell you what to do or how you should be acting.

AFM... Well I think I got a faint line this morning, couldn't resist having a go. Could be nothing though as not due for another couple of days, so we shall see. lake I haven't told my hubby either yet, silly isn't it, but I'm going to try and hold off until the weekend when past AF date!

So sorry to hear you're having a bad day ducky and april, sending you and anyone else who needs one a massive hug. These anniversaries are so very hard, and those days that for no reason you just feel so so sad are awful too. I hope you we getting lots of love and support in rl and we are always here to offer virtual hugs and shoulders to cry on xx

lake and vicky a line is a line, however faint! Keeping it all crossed for you both xx bfps are like buses it seems! Good luck to anyone else waiting to test.

madem and ellie hope you're both doing ok if you're still lurking x

Afm, still feeling desperate to get ttc'ing, but I've got to be a bit patient and let dh come round in his own time, I can't and don't want to pressurise him into anything, but I have moments of panic that he won't want to. We're seeing the psychologist this week so I'm hoping she may be able to help us work through this a bit.

Ducky, a big hug from me. Vivid memories, so painful to remember but equally painful to not remember at this time of year.
April, glad to hear you've got some good friends in your new home, as that will make all the difference. Hopefully you can find something interesting to do after Feb. I signed up to a cake decorating course one morning a week, and also did 1 day a week volunteer gardening at my local national trust property. The though of being on my own with nothing to do 5 days a week while on mat leave absolutely terrified me.
If you end up getting pg soon then you can always cancel anything you've signed up for – you won't care as you'll be so happy to be pg!

Lake and Vicky, I am so excited for you both. A faint line is definitely still a line. Post a piccie if you like, and we can take a look (mind you, I'm pretty rubbish at line spotting!). We'll be due within a couple of weeks of each other!

Cake you're amazing. So patient

So, I phoned the hospital today. After 3 calls, they eventually confirmed they had received my self referral, and I was in the system, but no booking in appointment date yet. I'm down to have it with the specialist (bereavement) midwife, which is good, but in the normal course of time, ie 8-12 weeks. No mention of a consultant. I'm not entirely sure what to think of that, but I will give it until Friday and then give them another call. Did anyone else get special care in 1st trimester (assuming no mc history), or was it only 2nd and 3rd trimester when the extra care kicks in?
I've also booked myself the Harmony test which comes with 2 scans, one at 10 weeks and one at 12 weeks. So at least I know I'm going to get scanned on 28th Feb, even if I do have to pay for it myself. We had the Harmony test with 'G' after I came back as 'high but not really high' (1 in 130) chance of Downs after the NHS screening. She was fine, but it was a stressful 2 week wait, so we're just going straight for the test this time (with the added bonus of 2 scans!).

Hello again!

Sorry I have been absent. Thanks for starting the new thread town, think this might be the 3rd or maybe 4th Angels and Rainbows thread I've been on, I'm a proper old timer! Fingers crossed this is the thread that'll give us all good news.

Welcome to our newbies, I am so sorry to hear of your losses. You are most definitely in the best place for support.

Cake I'm glad you finally had your appointment, I understand you wanting to wait until your DH is ready, it is so difficult when sometimes all we want to be is pregnant!

Town, Lake and Vicky, gentle congratulations to you all! It is so unreal isn't it getting that bfp?

Kayleigh to answer a question you posted earlier, I had an early scan at 7 weeks, then the consultant wanted to scan me at 10 weeks. The next time the consultant wants to see me is after my 20 week scan. I have a brilliant team I am seeing a specialist midwife, and she has pretty much said I can go and see her whenever.

Ducky I am so glad your little man is home and getting better. Sorry you are feeling so sad about your angel, are you going to mark the day by doing anything? I planted a tree on 'A's birthday

Giant I think you mentioned age... I started TTC when I was 28, conceived and had a still birth at 30. I'm now 32, I really don't think age has much to do with it. It takes me ages and ages to conceive!

Critter how are you lovely?

AFM all going ok. I am now 17+1, have been feeling movements for a couple of weeks now. Last weekend I woke up feeling nothing, freaked out and booked myself in for a private scan. Scan was fine - phew! In my head i knew I was being ridiculous, you're not supposed to get regular movements at 16 weeks but I just had to know baby was ok. Not sure how I'm going to cope with this when the movements do get regular. I am trying to take each day at a time, my next milestone is the GTT next week and quick ante-natal check. I have requested the GTT test as I want all bases covered!

I am still hiding my pregnancy at work. My manager and a couple of close colleagues know but that is it, I really cant be doing with all the congratulations! And talking about the pregnancy - Aaarrghhh

Waves and hugs to all the others on the chat, sorry it's another quickie from me

Vicky, congratulations

Cake hope your appointment goes well.

Town that's good that it is with the bereavement midwife. My midwife managed to get me an early scan at 6 weeks and I saw the consultant at 9 weeks but he was pretty useless... Didn't see a consultant again until 26 weeks and that was only after going to hospital in tears, the bereavement midwife came to see me and sorted it. Apart from that there was nothing extra. I think sometimes they expect us not to worry until later in the pregnancy as that is when we had our losses, well that's the impression I got. I needed to fight for extra care but when I got it I couldn't fault it. How are you feeling?

Little I think I'm going to just get her some nice flowers and go to her grave with ds. . In regards to the movement I had the same thing! At 17 weeks I called the midwife (well actually I got so worked up my mom had to leave work and come to mine and call for me ) she was lovely and came straight round and listened to the heartbeat. So nerve wracking isn't it! I didn't get regular movement until late

Hugs to everyone x

Ducky hope the anniversary goes as nicely as possible.

Kayleigh I hope the kitchen is finished and things are calming down a bit at home

Cake you are coping so well whilst waiting for you DH to be ready to TTC. Must be hard for him as you went through quite a lot medically, hope he manages to come to terms with it all soon.

Tulip 17+1 things seem to be moving on fast, are you finding out the sex at your 20w scan?

Madem I hope you are doing ok

Well apparently I'm 4+4 which is ridiculous and have an EDD 9/10/15 although likely to be induced at 38. Doesn't feel in the slightest bit real and I have absolutely no symptoms. Frightened that I'll miscarry or something else awful will happen, feel like it's going to be a long 33/35 weeks. Trying to keep myself busy to stop thinking about it all!!
Think if I'm still in the same situation on Monday I'll call the childrens centre and get a booking appointment with the midwife.

ducky sending you hugs. The next few days will undoubtedly be hard. I hope your visit to the grave isn't too painful for you

lake and vicky congratulations to you both

AFM kitchen STILL not finished- not helped by the cooker very nearly blowing up on Thursday night (luckily no actual damage, and new cooker sorted my the landlord very quickly). My midwife rang me yesterday and my second urine sample was fine so good to know i don't have an infection

I haven't told the hubby yet...feel bad but seeing as I'm not actually late yet im trying to hold off. Thoughts welcome from you all. What would u do?

Thanks everyone.

Vicky, I think it depends. You hve a positive and if that changes (fingers tightly crossed it doesn't) would DH be supportive? I told my husband straight away, only because I had to tell my mom as if anything were to happen I would want them for support. But, if everything goes smoothly then there would be no harm in telling him.

I have no idea what I'm waffling on about any more

Ducky thanks for the info, that about sums up my expectation of consultant care so I will make sure I shout as necessary. For me I think the only critical bit is when are they going to give me antibiotics for the strep B.

Tulip hello my lovely! That was a long post, no guilt required. I'm amazed you are managing to hide it from work at 17w, lots of scarfs and baggy clothes I assume? Sounds like you're doing really well, and I'm pleased that your experience with the specialist midwife is so good. Fingers crossed mine will be good too (worried I have got off to a bad start with her, as I phoned her so often in summer to pester about the pre-conception scan which they messed up my appointment for).

Lake don't worry about no symptoms, think they're meant to come around 6 weeks and anything earlier is probably all in the mind!

Vicky I would tell him. I had an issue today (more to come) and nearly didn't call DP because I didn't want to worry him. Then I called him anyway, and I was very glad I did. If I'd waited and told him later he'd have been really upset that I'd had to go through stuff on my own, for the sake of 'not disturbing' him.

I've had a really shitty day. Got to work, went to the loo, found blood. More than spotting - kind of day 3 period blood. So I panicked, told my supervisor I wasn't feeling well and was going home, then got a taxi to the local hospital and presented at A&E. Luckily they weren't too busy, so I got seen fairly quickly, urine and blood sample, then internal examination. The blood had eased off a bit then and she confirmed my womb was still closed. Luckily she managed to squeeze me in for a scan that morning (usually I would have to come back but I did kind of play the bereaved mum card). Scan showed everything was in the right place (not ectopic) and nothing obvious wrong - but no sign of fetal pole or heartbeat. The sonographer wasn't worried, she said it was too early, but the consultant afterwards said 'I'm so sorry' (as in 'I'm so sorry there's no heartbeat') which got me all worried again .
So, long story short, I've had a scan, everything looks normal, but I have to go back for another one to find a heartbeat. And I'm still bleeding (but only spotting now).
I was exhausted when I got back from the hospital, and went for a nap before I started working from home. I'm kind of positive - really I know more now than I did at the start of today, and I don't have pain, and the bleeding is now spotting, so I think all the signs are good. Shit, I could have done without all this though. Work seem ok, but I think it'll make it more likely my team will guess, we work so closely together.
Next scan is either next Thursday at the hospital near work, or I might try and see if I can get a slightly earlier one at the hospital near home (where I'm booking into).

Wow! Long story. Nice to rant though. Thank y'all for listening.

town hugs to you. Take it easy! Rest x

Oh town how scary! Sending you big hugs x

vicky i didn't get my positive until the day after af was due, and in all honesty, my best friend was the first person i told (it was 6am Christmas eve and she was the only person i knew would be awake), then waited until dh was awake and waved the test at him asking if he could see the lines. I'm sure your dh would want to know.

town how scary for you, i'm sending big hugs. Make sure you get lots of rest and take things easy xx

Hi everyone,

Lots to catch up on. Welcome April and Kitty, so sorry you're both here and I'm so sorry you lost your precious little ones.

Town, I didn't even get to congratulate you, I am so sorry you're already having bleeding. With this pregnancy I had a lot of bleeding which stopped at 8 weeks. It was completely terrifying and awful, I was sure I was miscarrying again. I so hope that this is just a horrible scare and that everything settles. How far along are you? The doctor told me that 50% of people who have bleeding go on to continue the pregnancy.

Tulip - I told people at work last week after my 16 week scan showed a healthy baby. Still no obvious bump so I could probably have hidden it longer. The congratulations are weird but most people 'get it' - that it is bittersweet, even though we are obviously grateful to be here. There's another girl at work who is almost exactly the same stage with her first, and that hasn't been nice because she is all excited and innocent and it just reminds me of how I was, and how a pregnancy should be - uncomplicatedly happy.

Lake - YAY! I am so happy for you lovely. Tight tight squeeze. Take it day by day.

vicky, congratulations to you too.

cake that appointment sounds really tough. I am glad she went through it all with you, although the details must have been painful to hear.

madem - I think of you a lot. I hope you're doing ok. I am willing this to be a better year for you.

betty - ditto. Hope you are doing as ok as you can be right now. Big hug.

Adding my intro for those who haven't properly 'met' me:

Critter: 35
Started TTC 2011.
Long-awaited DS born by EMCS at 39 +3 in Jan 2014 after a haemorrhage (didn't go into labour, just started bleeding) after uneventful low risk pregnancy. They think a velamentous cord insertion rupture deprived him of oxygen. Died on the evening of the day he was born.
Early MC in July 2014. Second baby due July 2015.

(Thank you Critter - I haven't caught up at all yet but was drawn over here again as am having a really tough week...so your litle wave means a lot. I think of you all every day and all the little hopeful beans are in my prayers.
Off to catch up on the thread now x)

Thanks for all the well wishes. No more fresh bleeding today, so feeling much better.

Hi Critter, hope you're feeling ok - 17 weeks now I guess?

Short post - going to bed. Night all.

madem sorry to hear you're having a tough week, sending hugs x

town glad you're feeling better, i really hope the bleeding stops for you x

Hope there's no more bleeding town.

Hugs to you madem.

Well it's dd's birthday. Was easier than I expected (with the large wine) not as bad as the build up

X

Ducky, checked in to send you for today. Glad it was ok.

No more bleeding, phew. I'll stop the daily updates eventually

Glad to hear the bleeding stopped town x

ducky I'm glad wine helped see you through

town I'm really glad things have calmed down today, fingers crossed!

AFm, well I told dh last night and he said I shouldn't have worried about telling him that it was silly of me bless him. Hopefully it's a sticky one, time will tell!

Hi everyone,

Just on the train on my way home from my first day at work. It went as well as it could, but I'm dreadfully tired now! Was lovely to see a lot of people who has been there for us remotely since August and it felt good to be able to give them a hug. Only teared up once when our hr girl asked me about my necklace (it has our sons name on it but it's so tiny you can't really see the text if you're sitting across a table from me).

As some of you know I've had a bunch of health issues since we lost our little boy, and it doesn't seem ever stop. I'm so sick of being sick! It's like my body won't let me forget what happened. Not that I ever would anyway, I just want to feel better. I'm now on a hardcore two week antibiotic for a viral pneumonia and when I last saw my doctor she said my immune system is at an all time low. Since our little beautiful boy died I think I've seen some kind of doctor every single week.

Feel ready to start trying for another baby now but apparently my body does not agree. I guess I've got to be patient which I've never been very good at.

I haven't checked in for a while because I've been sick and generally down but I'll read back all your messages now.

Lots of love to everyone.

Xxa

Anna Hello!! Glad to hear you're ok and back to work. I found returning to work such a major (positive) step, really helped me start to feel almost normal again. Sorry to hear you're still having health issues, thats a crappy hand life has thrown you and I really hope you start to improve soon. Did your doctor give you any ideas how you could boost your immune system - diet or vitamins or anything?
Your necklace sounds lovely - giving me some ideas now.

Patience isn't my strong point, either! Small projects/distractions and mini milestones seem to be the only thing that works for me. 1st Trimester progressing really slowly, but I'm sure 2nd trimester will be even worse for me.

Vicky, told ya . When will you tell your parents? We think we're going to wait until 12 week scan, but its a long way off. It's that same issue, isn't it - don't want to tell them in case they worry, but then I worry that if we tell them at 12 weeks they'll be a bit miffed that we left it so long?!

Ah town I've been in the same boat I wish I could ask my mum which she'd prefer. Think I might tell her when I get the appt for the 12 week scan then see if she can come with me to that as my DH isn't that bothered about scans!!