Anyone taking part in the Response Medical Trial or any other medical trial?

[sizethree]

Hi, I'm taking part in the Response medical trial and wondering if anyone else on here is too?
It's been a very difficult year and a half and I have had three consecutive miscarriages, 1st in Nov 2013 at 12 weeks, 2nd in July 2014 at 7 weeks, 3rd in Nov 2014 at 9 weeks. It's a 4 month waiting list for my Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic so I'm taking part in the trial as want to keep things moving as worried I'm running out of time (I'm 36 this year - although I was 33 when first started TTC) but I'm in the 2WW and feeling terrified.
There's a lot of extra support offered as part of the trial but I'm feeling a bit lonely and out on a limb about it.
Anyone else on the same boat or had medical trial experience?

So pleased you are doing so well Choccy. Best news.
I'm ok. I'm absolutely shattered this weekend. I've already hit my pjs back on!
I've got site boobs, tiredness and headachy and weird sore back. But not crampy anymore. But I keep forgetting at what stage of pregnancy my symptoms usually kick in so I'm worried that my boobs haven't grown much yet and that I don't feel sick either. But then again I am only 4+3, so need to develop a little patience.
So glad youve shared your news. Hope you feel comforted by it. I'm feeling a bit more relaxed now I've told close friends abc family as I feel like now everyone is rooting fif us that must bring about some good energy. That sounded a bit hippish!
Claire hoping you get that smiley face soon. It's such a drag a this procedure and waiting. X

hi there.

sounds like you both are doing so well. I'm so pleased.
glad you have both told People for support its so important......
no sign of ovulation yet, it's annoying me as I wouldnt be testing this early so feels like I should have a positive by now! your right sizethree all this waiting is a nightmare xx

I'm the most impatient person in the world! The first month I didn't ov til CD16.
And it must be extra frustrating with me and Choccy so fast off the starting blocks. I do so hope you are well on your way to joining us. But please rant away whenever needed. We are all in this together. X

It's so frustrating isn't it Claire!! I'm still convinced those tests show late!! I didn't get my smiley til cd18 and I've always got a + dip stick on cd14!!
Hopefully you've not got too long a wait though.

Sounds like it's all going well with you sizethree :) Did you have many symptoms before?

I've had nausea and properly swollen boobs before. But I think those symptoms kicked in later than where I am now. I need to keep reminding myself I'm only 4+3, but it feels like I've sieve a lot of time pregnant over the past two years that I get confused. Hoping more symptoms kick in soon so I feel more reassured. As it this stage it's impossible to know if things are happening as they should.
Only 2 sleeps til your scan!
How are you feeling? Hope scanxiety hasn't kicked in yet.

last month I didn't get positive til day 18 but that was miscarriage cycle so hoping its a bit sooner this month. it seems like ages since I miscarried (found out beginning of Jan) so I just want to be back on track.

eek not long at all until your scan choccy?bet it seems like you 've waited ages though? how far are you now?
is it your first app this week too sizethree xx

Claire I bet the last couple of months have dragged something rotten! But think positive, you WILL be pregnant by Mother's Day (even if you don't know!)

Early days sizethree. I don't think most symptoms kick in til over 6 weeks tbh, then you'll pay

I am so excited but absolutely PETRIFIED about tomorrow's scan. I just feel sick at the thought of it.
I'm trying to not think about it too much as I keep thinking something has gone wrong :(

Am 6 weeks btw Claire :)

what times your scan tomorrow? I 'll be thinking of you x

1pm :) got to be there for 12 to have bloods etc.
I do not feel well this morning :(
Just taken ds to swimming lesson, now off to soft play. I could happily go back to bed!

It's Scanxiety kicking in. So know how you're feeling. But I keep telling myself that worrying wing chance the outcome. So just get yourself as rested as possible and as positive a mind set as you can for tomorrow.
Gosh I sounded so bossy! Sorry. X

I'm feeling so impatient I hate all the waiting.....I know you girls are the same with your situations too. I'm sure its cos I'm having to opk test earlier than I usually would sigh nevermind patience is a virtue apparently!x

Apparently Claire! I have no patience at all!

Scanxiety love it!
I thought I started spotting earlier at soft play. But I think what happened was I wiped my nose while having a wee, then I saw it when I wiped. I was gutted, however I think it was my foundation makeup! I think I wiped it off my nose, then wiped myself and it showed through the paper when it was wet! Ffs hate this with a passion!

Oh honestly choccywoccydodah what a nightmare I can imagine bet you had that horror feeling in the pit of your stomach. that's all it would be so put it out of your mind. it has your nerves shot doesn't it xx

Oh gosh Choccy, that'd make my heart sink. So glad it was a false alarm.
I'm constantly terrified whenever I go to the loo.
I am so jealous of those lucky women who have never had a MC and just breeze through pregnancy without a care in the world. It wild be such a gift to get that innocebce back and speed up time!

Yes I know sizethree a miscarriage changes you from then on. just been to see my twin Shes getting all sorted for new baby and getting a fair size. Hope that's us soon xx

It must be really hard for you Claire. I bet your sister is finding it hard too with what you've lost. Does she have any more dc?

I know what you mean sizethree. I was totally naive to mc before mine. I thought it was quite rare, especially recurrent mc, but it seems not.
Ds was a breeze and I just kept thinking every time 'why me?' it's so not fair.

I'm really hoping this trial is it for all of us :) and the answer to our prayers.

my sister has 2 other children a boy and a girl who is the same age as my ds. she doesn't really mention it to be honest but she probably doesnt know what to say. she knows about trial and tests etc and asks about them but she's quite matter of fact about my losses - the usual lines like they are common and not meant to be bla bla sometimes I find it insensitive but I definitely haven't talked about her pregnancy as much as last time ,(we were both pregnant together ) so it's just changed everything. which is sad.
I ask myself all the time why its happening. so many women get pregnant and are fine I just find it hard to deal with.
I find I'm thinking about it more and more now and reading up on miscarriages loads. dont know why........I guess you hope to find a reason or something you can do to try and prevent it happening again.x

It is such a difficult situation with your sister. I'm so sad that it's damaged the relationship, but I hope there are happier times ahead for you both. It's so emotionally complicated that there's no easy fix is there. It's just time and perseverance. I have two sisters myself and have always found that I'm the one that tends to be the most sensitive and thoughtful when dealing with delicate situations. And it's upsetting when people don't treat you with the same care and empathy you offer them. An all too common problem I've found in this awful journey.
I spend more time than I should ruminating about the possible reasons and causes for my miscarriages. It would be so much easier to have answers, a solution so it doesn't happen again. I hate that I have zero control. That no matter how hard i try, how well I look after myself and how much I want this baby that it's out if my hands entirely. It doesn't make sense and it's so very unfair. It is the cruelest lottery.
Physically and emotionally, falling pregnant after miscarriages must be one of the hardest things to cope with. When I oroperly stop and think about it, I'm very proud of myself that I actually get up and dressed each day and go to work as the sadness that I feel at times is all consuming and I'm surprised that I function. But the thing that skways keeps me going is the hope that I will one day hold my newborn in my arms.
I think I may have said it over oust in this tread, but here's a quote that really resonates with me in this situation which is:
'In the end, everything will be ok. If it's not ok, it's not yet the end.'

you have such a lovely way of putting things sizethree. I like your way of thinking.
I like to think I'm quite a sensitive person who considers people a lot but perhaps when I think about it, if someone said they had a miscarriage before I did, I would think oh that must be awful but I probably didn't ever imagine how much it effects someone. I too wonder how I get on with it and keep going. at times I've felt very low but like you, the thought of eventually having my baby makes it all worthwhile. I can deal with all the heartache and physical stuff as long as I do have a baby at the end of it all. I would do anything.
I really think I have an unheathy obsession though, I spend so much of my waking moments thinking about it and cannot stand the jealousy it brings out in me
I even dreamt I was pregnant last night, its torture.
anyway hope your feeling well. do you have your appointment in the morning? let us know how it goes. then only a week to get through for you, keep positive xx

You 2 just made me cry :(

Exactly how I feel. Again I'm the sympathetic one with people no matter what's happened. I only have one friend who had a mc ears ago that i know of. She said 'it's ok, it was just a bunch of cells' I was more upset than her I think!!
It's just awful not feeling much joy when you do get pregnant. You just hope and hope just to be let down again.
But happy thoughts ladies! We will get there, we will have our babies and we will bitch and moan that we're knackered and why can't baby just sleep

good luck for scan choccywoccydodah please update us asap!!! I bet your up a height this morning?
sizethree hope your app goes well.

thinking of you both xx

Choccy best of luck with your scan today. I'll be keeping everything crossed for you. Please update us asap so we don't worry.
I got a bit of a panic on last night as I got lower back pain and abdominal cramps. But it's eased off this morning, so was hopefully just trapped wind or something. But it's the first thing that has really shook me up. I'm so up tight about any niggle. It's unbelibably stressful. It's so sad that brjng pregnant just reminds me of miscarriages. That's the only exoerience if pregnancy I've ever had.
Gosh, a big depressing this morning. Sorry. I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed by being on this roller coaster yet again and having no control.
I hope you two ladies are on much better form!

ahh hope your okay sizethree I can imagine the worry. im sure everything is fine but it's hard to settle yourself after all you have been through.
I'm not feeling great either today feeling particularly down at moment with it all.

hoping you ladies will cheer me up with your apps/scan xx

I'm here and I am actually shaking