Struggling to conceive No.2 after getting pregnant easily first time round

[Metalhead]

Still here, still struggling on, still hoping to get there in the end. Come on ladies, we'll all get our BFPs in 2015 (if not before)!

Last time I got pregnant little we only dtd once! I'm wondering too if maybe we're doing it too often?! (Only joking...)

Had a good chat with DH last night over a few too many , and apart from not realising how long we've actually been ttc now he said he feels exactly the same as me, one minute desperately wanting another and the next minute thinking one would be just fine.

It would be ironic wouldn't it if I got pregnant this month on one go rather than the multitude of perfectly timed sessions we normally orchestrate. I'm beginning to regret not peeing on the sticks though because timing wise I've worked out ov isn't due until Monday so now I don't know if yesterday's cramps was ov or not and don't know whether to bother dtd any more.... I'm just so not in the mood! Think I need a break. Did your break help emperor?

Hi ladies - I need somewhere to hangout out so I thought I'd try this thread. From passed experience you may not want me here. I struggled for 3 years to conceive DD who's not 14 months and about to try for our 2nd. Fully expecting it to take as long if not longer due to my DH working away. Last time for bad enough as he was away 2 weeks at a time but today we got the news that he's now got to go away for 3 weeks at a time. I just don't know how it's going to happen. Having DH here at Ovulation is going to be tricky. Anyway was just looking for some company but I totally understand if I don't fit the criteria.

Hello griffomais - please feel free to join us. We don't really worry about criteria! Most of us didn't have as hard as time as you having our first, but are mostly having a pretty tough time trying to have a second. Sounds very tricky with your dh being away so much. Does he get any control over when his trips are or is it all organised for him? Do you think his travel was why it took a long time to get pregnant the first time or was it just not working no matter where he was? Sorry for all the questions! Just interested to hear your story. We've had quite a few recent pregnancies on here so fingers crossed there's some more good luck around for you and the rest of us.

Hello griffomais and welcome! A positive story though lets hope none of us take three years! That must have been tough.

How long is your cycle? Is he only arou.d one week in four then? Hopefully you'll catch your ovulation at some point when you see him or just after!!

No news from me. Dtd four times but think too early and too late to catch. That said perfectly timed sex didn't help!

Lol just noticed little poot asked a load of similar questions!

Hello Griffomais, fingers crossed No 1 was the struggle for you and No 2 will be the easy one if the timing is right.

Goodegg hopefully you'll be one of the success stories.

I think having a break did help Littlepoot, I did still use OPKs to keep track of my cycle and so I'd know when AF was due. Other than that though I didn't give TTC another thought and it was pretty relaxing.

Hopefully those 4 times were enough Crispie.

I think I ov'd today, I got another +ve opk yesterday and this morning followed by cramping a few hours later. We DTD last night and hopefully again tonight. We DTD Sat night, Tues morning, Weds night and last night so hopefully should have it covered. Strangely though it's not felt forced at all this week, we've both been in the mood and it's felt spontaneous rather than a chore. Whereas previously it did feel like we were forcing ourselves a lot of the time when we were just too tired...I think I am feeling more relaxed in general about the whole thing. Next week while I'm in the midst of the 2 week wait might be a different story though

Thanks for such a warm welcome and being so friendly. No unfortunately he doesn't have any control over his trips it was definitely a factor first time around as we were unlucky at least 70% of the time due to DH simply not being there. The rest of the time trying like mad which lead eventually to us both getting so down about it whilst every single couple we knew conceived and 1 couple had 2 children while we were still trying. But was a really awful time. But we have the most beautiful DD now and she was worth every tear, all the despair we are so lucky and grateful. We were 2 days from signing our consent forms for private IVF when I got my BFP. We'd love a sibling for DD but we're under no illusion that it will be difficult. How about you guys how do your 1st time around experiences compare to now?

Metal, we're wavering quite a bit at the moment too between wanting another/thinking we should stick with one. Maybe that's why I'm feeling a bit more relaxed about the whole thing. I am feeling in more of a 'if it happens, it happens' mindset.

Life just seems to be feeling easier at the moment, I'm really enjoying DS and just been promoted at work. I guess I'll see how I feel when AF turns up in 2 weeks time..

Griff my first was a surprise so this is my first time actually ttc! I'm 42 now so age isn't on my side. I had a mc at seven weeks in September so assume I can still get pregnant. For now anyway.

I am a bit more relaxed atm and can actually see lots of benefits to one. Especially now she (mostly) sleeps. Dp still as keen as ever and not sure if I'm trying to convince myself.

Welcome Griffomais! Hopefully you will be lucky this time around.

Welcome griffo, hopefully you'll have an easier ride this time round! That's very annoying about your DH having to work away, fx his weeks at home coincide with your fertile window.

I'm going to try and stay off the booze from now until Valentines Day, just because that's the only thing I haven't tried do far! Not sure how well this will go, I usually manage about a week at most... Starting to think that my body is trying to tell me something, first the mc and now not being able to get pregnant again; maybe it's just not meant to be.

Thats me out for this month - I thought there was a very narrow chance this time so we went for it anyway but not surprised. Next couple of months are out due to DH being away. Oh well maybe I'll join you Metal and stay off the booze in an attempt to get myself healthy for trying again in April. Just checked DH rota and April, May, Jun & Dec are looking like the only months that could work. Better than nothing though and we said we'd only try this year then give up. Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Oh rubbish - sorry Griffo. And no chance of trying again until April? Sounds tough. My experience this time is very different to the last. I first got pregnant aged 34 on the 4th month of trying then lost that one about 14 weeks. Waited 6 months before trying again and got pregnant month 2, but that one didn't make it either. Then 2 months later, was pregnant with ds - now nearly 4. I'm now nearly 40 and have been trying for 18 months with not even a hint of a pregnancy, which is very strange as it seemed so easy before. I'm half a stone heavier, and a few years older, but struggling to believe that that makes the difference between 3 pregnancies in 7 months, vs none in 18 months. Mid-cycle this month so quite sane so far - probably won't be saying the same either when I'm 11 days into the 2ww.....

I'm the same little, can't believe that in our case literally one year can make the difference between getting upduffed on cycle 2 of using opks to not being able to conceive in coming up to 12 months! Seems utterly crazy.

The whole taking a more relaxed isn't really working out for me I have to say. I felt a bit less crazed up until around ov time, but now halfway through the 2ww I'm as obsessed as ever! So much for that...

That's rubbish about your DH's rota griffo. But, on the bright side, if him being away was your main issue last time it probably means that there are no medical reasons why it took you so long, and hopefully you'll manage to catch the egg one of those months he's home.

So, had my consultant follow up appointment today and as expected, it was pretty useless. HSG was clear so tubes are open - but I knew that as I watched the scan myself as they did it. My ultrasound was fine, although they reported something they call 'pre fibroid changes', which is a pretty unhelpful thing that means they saw something that wasn't a fibroid and might never be but they have to report it anyway. Apparently about 50% of the population would have it if they scanned everybody so it should be nothing to worry about. That's the problem with screening isn't it - you often find things you are actually better off not knowing about! Anyway, upshot is, everything seems normal and there's nothing else she can/will do or suggest. I talked a bit to her about IVF - my main concern (apart from the cost and the general unpleasantness of it, with low chance of success!) is that I'm at elevated risk of chromosomal abnormalities in pregnancy and they don't do pre-implantation diagnosis here. So even if it did work, I have a higher than normal risk of e.g. down syndrome, even above the fact I'm almost 40 and imagine how gutting it would be to spend all that money and effort and find out there was a problem 12 weeks in. She told me where the nearest place is that offers pre-implantation screening (Guy's) so I might check that out, but I don't think that's a route I can afford to go down, or that I'm quite desperate enough to, if you see what I mean. I think I've said before, if I didn't already have a child it would be a no-brainer, but it seems like an unhealthy amount of stress for everyone, including ds, to 'perfect' an already good situation - does that make sense? Other than that, I have secondary infertility of unknown cause and that's about the end of it. Unfortunately, my consultant is not at all research focussed so isn't interested in experimental treatments or things that 'might work'. I asked her opinion on things like soy (she had concerns about the whole messing with oestrogen thing), clomid even if you do ovulate (not keen because it has a negative effect on cervical mucus and womb lining so only worth it if you're not ovulating in the first place), pre-conception vitamins (won't do any harm but no good evidence they help), acupuncture (supportive - wont do any harm although no strong evidence it helps fertility, but it can be relaxing), and evening primrose oil (no opinion, although not likely to be able to do any harm). And that was that. Ah well.

I gave in and peed on an ov stick because I was curious where I was and managed to catch the LH surge - dead on time, but odd that I had symptoms a week ago as well. Managed a bit of dtd in a useful timescale but not a whole lot so not thinking this is the month. Sorry your feeling of relaxation has worn off metal. I know I'd be the same, so I should just stick with the sticks. I like to know where I am, and get more stressed through not knowing!

Hello! Can I join? You seem very supportive ladies and I feel like I need that. My DS was conceived quickly, he is now nearly 3. I've got my usual feeling of the witch arriving tomorrow and after a good cry today I've dusted myself off and decided that posting here will be better than feeling so down. Onto cycle 8. I naively never thought it would take long to happen and feel like I can't talk to anyone in real life as no one seems to have any probs with conceiving. Anyway I hope you don't mind me joining this thread

Sorry your no opks relaxed plan isn't working out Metal and also that your consultant wasn't able to offer you any further information Little. It must be extremely frustrating to have come to the end of the tests they will do and be non the wiser. I suppose all you can do is try to remain positive that there isn't anything dramatically wrong preventing this from happening for you and keep doing your own research.
Welcome Diamond. I hope your stay isn't too long. I am lucky to be able to talk to my mum about all of this, she is a fantastic listener and is very understanding and supportive. I do find all of the ladies here a real life saver though as they are all experiencing the same feelings.
I only have one friend experiencing similar issues but she hasn't even been lucky enough to have one dc so I feel a bit like I'm being greedy/insensitive if I bemoan my situation much if you know what I mean?? I know I'm incredibly blessed to have ds but I think when you put yourself on this path it's very difficult to try and get off again.
That was all a bit glum. Well, onwards and upwards, we've just booked a camping holiday to Cornwall in the summer. Is everyone off somewhere lovely this year?

Welcome diamond, hopefully the witch will stay away today but if not you'll find lots of support on here.

We've booked a week in Cyprus this summer goodegg, going with DH's parents so we'll have free babysitters on tap!

Sorry your consultant couldn't offer any more help either little, but it seems that's just the way it is with the NHS and secondary infertility. It sucks, but at the same time I can see why they'd rather spend the money on life-saving treatments (or at least I'm hoping that's why they're not paying for IVF...).

I totally get where you're coming from with the doubts and worries about IVF, I'm still not sure it's something I want to do. I've been researching clinics a bit this week and found one in London that seems to have double the success rate of any other clinic nationwide, but apparently it's twice as expensive too! I'm still hoping we'll miraculously manage to get pregnant in the next 6 months or so, and we won't have to go down that route. But I don't really believe it's going to happen (even though I'm still driving myself mad with symptom spotting!).

Urgh, I don't know what's up with me this week, but I'm seriously struggling to find any positivity. Probably just AF hormones, but I really don't know how much longer I can keep doing this... it's not exactly doing wonders for my mental health.

Oh metal - so sorry you're feeling low. When's af due? ish - given that you went stick-less this month. It's a tough old business this ttc lark. Such a rollercoaster. I'm only a few days past ov so this is always my positive part of the month - when there's nothing else you can do to increase your chances and it's too early to know one way or the other. By this time next week I'll be down again (assuming the result is the same as every other month!), ready to get af out of the way and start again. My saving grace at the moment is that work has picked up and got interesting. Way too busy mind you, but interesting, so it holds my attention during the day and stops me dwelling on everything. That and its ds's 4th birthday party this weekend (birthday start of Feb) so I'm up to my elbows in dinosaur cake.... Hope you're doing ok anyway - I'll keep a closer eye on the thread if you want to chat. x

Ah thanks little! I should probably take a leaf out of your book and stay away from MN a bit, but somehow I never seem to manage it for very long. AF due around Tue/Wed I think. Convinced myself I was having some symptoms the last couple of days (starving all the time and really tired) but it's probably just because I was feeling so down. My boobs are certainly no different from usual and neither is my cm.

I'm really trying to take my mind off ttc (started doing some yoga and have applied for a few volunteer jobs) but nothing seems to work! And unfortunately my work is still rubbish so even when I'm busy it doesn't really hold my attention for long. I think the only way forward is to stop hoping it will happen eventually and start believing that it's just going to be the three of us. Now, if I could only figure out how to do that...

Well done on making a dinosaur cake btw! I went for the easy option last time and just bought a Disney princess cake topper. Hope your DS has a lovely party!

Sorry you're feeling down Metal, AF is also due early next week for me so we are cycle buddies.
I'm also feeling all in a funk due to the likely endo diagnosis. Kind of feeling like there is no point ttc until something has been done about it but also have heard lots of 'miracle' stories.
We need someone to get some good news on here and soon!
Check you out with the cake Little! Impressive, I tend to coerce my mother into doing it.

Oh - I don't stay away from MN metal - just not always that I have time to actually reply rather than just read and run. I've got the app on my phone so I think I check every day. Just that usually I'm in the middle of other stuff too so I don't always get to respond. Don't know what to suggest about the endo - its not something I've ever known anything about. I'm not desperately keen to hear about my 'pre fibroid changes' either, even though the consultant assured me it was absolutely nothing to worry about. Sometimes its definitely better not to know.... Fingers crossed we're all magically pregnant this month anyway and then we don't need to worry about any of it. x

Couldn't stop myself and poas this morning - BFN of course. Oh well, at least now I can stop torturing myself with symptom spotting for another month.