Struggling to conceive No.2 after getting pregnant easily first time round

[Metalhead]

Still here, still struggling on, still hoping to get there in the end. Come on ladies, we'll all get our BFPs in 2015 (if not before)!

Yes - I think that's what my consultant will be telling me next week, although my odds won't be as high as that given that I'm only 7 weeks off the big 4-0. Sorry there wasn't any more positive news for you. Happy to chat with you about the pros and cons of ivf - we're 90% decided not to, but I am wondering whether that was too hasty and whether we should consider it in more detail. It's just such a lot of money to potentially throw away (on something emotionally and physically very difficult), but of course would all be worth it if it worked. No easy answers, that's for sure. If I didn't already have a child I'd jump at it like a shot (not just because the first round/s are free). But having ds already, its really changed my opinion.

Thanks Bubgal I have done a bit more research and found it has no real effect but is helpful to hear reassurance from others who have had it done.
Sorry your consultant couldn't offer any real help/solution metal it's so frustrating. Ivf is such a huge cost it must be such a difficult decision, I'm trying not to think about that possibility just yet.
Little I hope your appointment yields something positive.
I've got ultrasound on Friday and had a letter to say I need to get my day 4 bloods repeated for some reason. I'm kind of hoping there is something fixable wrong

metal you're right there is always a chance but just a very slim one & I haven't feel like DTD since last week so we haven't since. Sorry you didn't get much from your appointment, IVF is a big decision because of the expense, we couldn't even begin to contemplate it. Hopefully you will conceive naturally before you make any decision.

I'm the same little, if this was DC1 there'd be no question I'd go for IVF, but because we already have DD and it's so much money I'm wondering whether it's really worth it. Part of me thinks we should throw everything at it, but my biggest fear is how I'd cope with the disappointment if it didn't work. And I think once you've gone down that route it might be even harder to stop, which we'd definitely have to as we could only ever afford one shot at it. Good luck with your appointment next week, maybe your consultant will have some other suggestions?!

Also good luck with your scan goodegg. I was saying exactly that to DH yesterday, "I wish there was something wrong with me that's easily fixable" rather than this 'unexplained infertility' nonsense.

Thanks bobsy. I think I probably ov'd last night, which was our 'night off'. DH was all like 'yeah let's do it again tonight to maximise our chances' but then apparently forgot about it by bedtime, and I really wasn't in the mood so didn't try and persuade him otherwise. I'll try and get him to dtd tonight just in case, and then that's it again for this month [sigh].

Is anyone else thinking of all the pro's of having only one child? I'm finding myself thinking how much easier it would be with just the one I have, trying to convince myself it's not so bad, infact it's right for us/better in ways to have just one. Perhaps it's a self preservation thing incase number 2 never comes along?

I just so deeply regret not enjoying the baby stage. I had PND and struggled. Now I look back and wish with all my heart i'd have tried to enjoy it all more as it may never happen again for me. Also, the thought of one child terrifies me in a way, what if God forbid anything ever happened to her? I'd have nothing to live for. I know I shouldn't think like that, but those thoughts ocassionally creep into my mind.

metal even if you did ov last night it could still be enough that you DTD the night before. I told OH yesterday that I was in my fertile window but he's done nothing about it & I wasn't in the mood but I wouldnt have rejected his advances if he'd made any.

I wish I could totally get the idea of having another out of my head & just accept we'll just have DD. It always gets me on holidays or days out & you see other families with at least 2 kids & I feel like dd is missing out.

village I can totally relate to everything you say. I worry that in a few year I'll regret not doing more but at the moment I don't know what else I can do, there are too many things against me having another.

I know bobsy, I just have to remind myself that with my last pregnancy we literally dtd once about 1-2 days before ov so it's very much possible to get pregnant from sex before the day of ov.

I can definitely see the positives of having just one village, especially for us it would be much easier logistically as we both work and have no family nearby to help out. And there is of course no guarantee that siblings will get on, all I remember from my childhood is constantly fighting with my brother and always getting the blame because I was the older one! We get on fine now but I wouldn't say we are close, we see each other a couple of times a year and that's it.

I also had PND and have felt sadness at not enjoying the baby stage more, but tbh I'm not sure I would even now if I got the chance again, I think I'm just not a baby person. And as for your thoughts about your DD drying, I've had those too, but realistically I don't think having another child would in any way help to minimise the pain of losing one. That would be like saying that one isn't worth enough on their own, which is a terrible thought! But you're not alone in thinking along those lines, and you can't help what pops up in your head.

Glad to see i'm not alone in feeling this way.

My Aunt lost her only child & it was horrific, that being said he was 40 & had children so the grandkids are a massive comfort to her, but then one of the Grandkids died He was one of 3 & I do think the other two are the only thing that keep her going. God this is so bloody morbid, apologies! I guess because I have first hand experience of it, it kind of plays on my mind sometimes. I do remind myself that this is exceptionally rare.

I'm not a baby person myself actually! Much prefer it when they are 3 upwards.

I know that if it comes to us getting tests & it turns out IVF is the only option, it's not a road i'm willing to go down, I will accept then that it's never going to happen.

So sorry to hear about your aunt village, no wonder this plays on your mind.

But you've really not been trying for that long, so there's no reason to think that you won't have another or have to have IVF just yet.

I guess what it is Metal is that i've never used protection since DD (she's almost 6!) but have only been properly trying (as in making sure we DTD in fertile window as much as possible & using ovulation tests) for just on 5 months. I guess i'm assuming there's a problem. 2 of my closest friends both conceived last year after years on the pill, both conceived quickly & easily (within 3 months for one & straight away with the other) plus my cousin has 3 kids & on each child has conceived first try (she's not on contraception) so i'm just reading into it & wondering if I should get some tests if nothing happens in the next couple of months?

I know it's hard and it seems like everyone else is getting pregnant at the drop of a hat! Some of my friends struggled too but they were a bit older than me when they started trying. If you're over 35 then it's definitely a good idea to get the ball rolling with tests sooner rather than later as it can all take a lot of time on the NHS!

I wish I knew what my body was up to - not using opks has turned out to be rather more stressful than I thought! Had major ov pains the last couple of days, plus ewcm for 3 days, so expected ov to have happened Mon or Tue, but still haven't got any of the usual post-ov signs today . Guess we'll just have to keep shagging...

Metal - I toyed with the idea of not using ov sticks this month but have decided I should still use them for that very reason! The one month I didn't use them I was a few days late for af so got all excited, but of course it was just that I ov'd later than I'd guessed. So it works out more stressful for me not to have the sticks.

A question though - maybe a silly one - is it at all possible for ov sticks to be wrong, in that you ov at some other time without a detectable LH surge? I'm pretty sure the answer is no, but am clutching at straws for how it can be possible to shag so much at the perfect time for so many months and still not actually have had even a sniff of a bfp.....

Interesting reading about your thoughts too Village - I also didn't enjoy the first few months of the baby stage and had a nasty bout of PND. I got treatment (drugs - lots of them!) very quickly to prevent me throwing myself under the nearest bus and by about 4 months I was actually doing ok and enjoying things much more. But I don't relish the idea of having to go through those first few weeks again. So yes, maybe being stuck at 1 child isn't so bad after all. I do know what you mean about worrying about being left with no children. Luckily very unlikely to happen, but I can't imagine how awful that would be. Your poor Auntie.

Feeling very 'meh' in general this month. Work's just taken a turn for the worse and I'm getting bored of ttc. Need to pick myself up and find something to motivate me!

little you can get an LH surge and not ov, and get another one later in your cycle, but if your LP is always the same that's very unlikely. It could also be that you ov a bit later than you think after your surge, so maybe say 2-3 days after your first +opk. Do you keep testing after you get a positive?

I did actually test beyond the surge last month and didn't see any more surging so it's probably not that. Presumably its not actually possible to ov before you see the surge? A stealth ov?!

Haha, I don't think I've ever heard of stealth ov little!

I think I have now ov'd after all, boobs are starting to hurt and cm is drying up. I've ordered some CoQ10 for next month as I've read that's supposed to help with egg quality, particularly in women over 35.

Haven't you? I was wondering whether I'd hit on our problem. All this testing and actually the egg just sneaks out unannounced at some other time. No? Ah well.

Hey little I have heard of people getting an lh surge then ovulating later. First surge is where the body has geared up and tried to ovulate then hasn't. Not sure if you would see a second surge though. Also statistically some must ovulate very soon after surge ( hours ) and some three days later.

Can you throw in some random shagging too? Appreciate its hard going!!!

I'm not doing sticks and don't really get ov signs. I am less stressed buy had dtd less - just three times so far as opposed to about eleven by this time last month.

Keep reading about squabbling siblings on aibu and chat so that's continuing my drive to be happy with one!

little like I said earlier, if you're consistently getting AF after the same amount of days post +opk then it's extremely unlikely that you're not ovulating when you think you are. But it can't hurt to try and dtd for 2-3 days after you get a positive, if you can mange it!

It's so hard to work out what our bodies are doing. We had random DTD last week thinking this feels much better because I'm not in fertile window so we're not doing it because we have to, then 2 days later my boobs start to hurt a bit like they do after ov! Making it very early for me to have ovulated & I've not bothered with soy. Now I'm even symptom spotting! I'm so annoyed with myself because I seriously need to get a grip, I'm 38 I've tried 2 years & we DTD just once 2 days before suspected ov & I think I'm in with a chance! Get real Bobsy.

I should be in my fertile window this week & I told OH & he's not done a thing about it!

I'm really fed up at the moment, I should have been giving up which I have given up testing & taking stuff but I was hoping we'd have more random DTD.

Although I enjoy my job its getting harder to see my work colleague with her big baby bump, pg with #2 straight after coming off the pill. I know I shouldn't let it affect me but it does, I'm already dreading AF arriving

Hello everyone, we've officially started TTC no 2 again so thought I'd pop back onto the thread and reintroduce myself, 36 with one 3yr old DS conceived first month of trying (well it wasn't even trying I had no idea of OPKs and cycle days..). Started trying for second a year ago.

We also have the maybe we should just stick with one thoughts/conundrum. It took us a while to decide to try for a second mainly because our 3yr old has a number of autistic traits and may or may not get a diagnosis at some point, though he's actually grown out of most of them. One of the most worrying things is that with one autistic child the chances of a second jump to 20%...When we first started to worry about Autism we decided that we wouldn't risk it.

As DS developed and a lot of our worries subsided we had many heart to hearts and decided to go for it just over a year ago. I keep worrying maybe it's fate telling us something, maybe a 2nd child would be severely autistic and we couldn't cope. The main reason we had a little break was to avoid any double whammy of possible Autism issues along with being summer born and youngest in the class.

So anyway here we are again..I'm on CD14 and got a +ve opk this morning, surprisingly as it's normally more CD17/18 ish. I've just done a 2nd and it's now -ve so I'm not sure what's going on, the last couple of months I've had 2 days of +ve opks. So I'm a bit surprised that I've only got one +ve and earlier than usual. Typical that it goes a bit random on the first month of trying again! We've done fairly well on the DTD front though with Sat night, Tues morning and last night.

Hello again Emporer, hope for you you're not with us too long on here.
Little and Metal I like the idea of a stealth ov, it would make me feel better about how much time I spend scrutinising those little sticks!
Had scan today and although I need to go back to GP for proper talk about it and then probably a referral to gynie, the ultrasound technician lady said I've got 3 large cysts on my ovaries one of which has pulled my one ovary into a weird position so it looks like endometriosis. I've had a google and a little cry but its not all doom and gloom, there are plenty of success stories out there so going to stay positive.

And a bit more wine.

Sorry to hear that goodegg. I think endo is treatable though, so hopefully your GP will be able to refer you to a specialist who'll be able to help. In the meantime, have some more ! DH and I are going out tonight for a posh meal so I will be joining you on the vino.

Welcome back emperor and hope your break has done you good. We're all a bit nuts here still I'm afraid with some intermittent complaining (usually from me).

Sorry to hear your news goodegg-must be worrying waiting for a proper discussion about it. But in the other hand, it is hopefully treatable so that coups make all the difference for you. I hope you don't have long to wait for an appointment.

As for me, I have avoided ov sticks this month and can't even remember when af was so have no idea what's going on. Saying that though, I have had ewcm for days and odd tummy pains today so I guess that's ovulation. Better actually dtd tonight!...... We've only managed once so far so not or most impressive month. There again, it hasn't worked when we've done it like a million times either, so maybe this is the way forward!