Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

m.institutmarques.com/fertility-clinic.html

Yes, it's on this page. But thanks for looking up more stats.

Bah too! The clinic is booked for the dates I want. They are available a week later (delay cycle with pill). I would probably miss a week of work which would be daft school admin meetings that are useless! Last year the first one was about the Principal's holiday!
I could stay in the UK and claim 'family emergency'....
I'm on day 27 of cycle so waiting for af (or not) and day 3 tests to decide....
jessie, you are young and healthy, you can beat the odds!!!
The clinic in Cyprus published these...

Jessie you are already beating the odds! I was 42 in May, it is definitely a milestone. We started trying when i was just 39 and I told myself i'd stop at 42. Now I'm 42 I'm thinking.. i could keep going for a while.

My friends kids are having their last days of primary school this week that makes me feel maybe it's better that I accept that particular time has passed in my life and start to look forward to the independence I can have in my 50's and 60's and share those experiences with my friends when their kids fly the nest.

But then someone tells me that their mum was in her 40's when they were born etc and I think ... oh I'm still young, i look younger than I am... i can do it.. I would LOVE a little boy or girl of my own.

I'm really glad I did IVF but I only did one round because it was such a hassle travelling from the islands down to Edinburgh and then the clinic closed down. I produced 8 eggs, 6 fertilised, had 2 transferred in October 2014, 3 were abnormal and one was frozen. The fresh transfer embryos didn't implant and the frozen transfer in February 2015 did implant but it was a chemical. I have no doubt it's all about my egg quality. I did IVF because I thought it would give me a better chance than ttc naturally.

I just have to decide whether to keep going or not and it's a bit scary thinking that if none of those eggs or embryos were good enough and if the embryos from my 3 miscarriages weren't good enough. How likely is it that there is a good one in there? I just don't know. There seem to be a lot of ladies who have their child after 2 or 3 miscarriages I've found out!

I sound depressing but I'm trying to be as rational as possible.

Once you speak to your consultant you will feel so much better, it makes you feel looked after and you can hand it over to them instead of having all the responsibility on your shoulders.

There is a lovely thread called 'Starting IVF soon, Join me' or something like that, it's in 'Infertility' there are absolutely fantastic ladies on there with a huge amount of knowledge of ICSI and all the clinics and protocols so you might find that a good support if you have any specific questions.

I'm blabbering on!

This is the thread Jessie and anyone else starting IVF soon

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/infertility/2355793-Anyone-starting-IVF-soon-Join-me-3

Thanks Annie. I suspected the other day when you said "och" that you might be Scottish! So am I. But I have never been to any of the Islands...on the list for when we get back to the UK.

You're right, once we speak to a consultant and get some specific info I will feel better.

DH texted last night with a pic of a bag of vitamins that he had just bought on my instructions. I sent him back a pic of the tray of shots that my friends and I were about to down...

Hi there, wondering if i can join in - Annie** i recognise you from the rmc! Just looking foe general advice/tips/support on ttc at 40. I am 40 and a hald now, have 1ds but have had 3 mc in last year trying to concieve dc2 (didnt get married til later in life). Now ttc a successful egg...

Am reading 'it starts with the egg' - it makes gripping reading for tge over 40s. Her theory is that eggs are almost in 'suspended annimation' until the three months before they are released and that what you eat and chemicals you are expossed to in that time determins quality of egg. Some of it's unmanageable, but the supliment advice is usefull.

Hi Freckle - welcome. Sorry to hear about your miscarriages - that must be really hard. This list is really supportive - everyone is really nice.

I'm 40 and a half as well and I'm ttc #1. Been trying for about 18 months but for lots of those months I know we didn't dtd at the right time so I'm trying to make myself feel better about that!!

Hi to everyone else too.

I have a bit of a dilemma actually and I wouldn't mind a bit of advice if you don't mind. I've managed to get a new job (well half a new one and staying in my old one the other half). I'm really pleased about it as I know I will really like it but I was reading about the maternity leave policy. I get the benefits as long as I've been there a year when the baby is due so basically I would need to wait for 3 months. Obviously I'd get benefits from the job I'm in now but not as much. Do you think I should have a break for 3 months concentrate on getting healthy and perhaps go to the docs to get checked out or should we just carry on? My head is telling me to wait but in my heart I'm thinking that if I did get a bfp we could handle it and of course we'd be over the moon. What does anyone think?

Fwiw, i'd keep trying. There never is enough money whatever the circumstance and when you're on mat leave you get used to having no money and usually buddy up with other mums who also have no money and find fun things to do around it. There are so many reasons to have a break 'to save up' to 'get fit' 'to make sure the supliments are working', 'to be in the right head space' 'because by then childcare will be free' and so on, but at our age i don't think we can afford not to keep trying, and other circumstances would hsve to work around it.

Jessie I'm 40 in august ttc #2 Who os 11.5. Been trying for 14 months now

Hi Freckle and HawkEye. Sorry to hear about your mcs Freckle. I read the egg book a while back and took some solace from it in terms of it suggesting that you can still do something about quality. I haven't really acted on many of its recommendations yet though.

city I'd just keep trying and hope that sod's law gets you a BFP too soon to get the enhanced benefits . My feeling is that time is absolutely ticking and should not be wasted. However it really depends on your own personal financial circumstances and how much difference the extra money would make to you in the long run.

HawkEye I'm maybe being a bit dim but I don't understand your reference to 11.5?

I'm sorry to be negative but I think that "It starts with the egg" book is just a book and part of the great money making industry that js infertility.

Egg quality declines with age. Just like skin, circulation, eyesight etc etc . Why do we think we can reverse nature with high protein diets and expensive pills from amazon? I took cq10, fresh royal jelly and loads of other weird expensive things for months and years and it has produced lots of eggs and lots of miscarriages... I really believe in nature and I believe that there was NOTHING I could do to stop those miscarriages. I also believe that nature is gloriously indifferent and that if I keep trying I could get pregnant again and have a perfectly healthy baby.

sorry i come across really badly in that last email - i was on a rant.

I know that we will do anything we can and understand the need to be in control when everything is so out of our control.

I haven't even read the book so please ignore me i'm being an ignorant hypocrite!

i mean message not email ... scurries off under nearest rock

Hi Annie. I can't speak for others on the thread but for my part I think that there is plenty of room here for rants and differences of opinion. Wouldn't be worth coming here if it was all just "you go for it hun".

AF is here, so now begins my fallow cycle.

Have spent the entire day researching ivf clinics, gorging myself on information. I got sucked into the FertilityFriends forum, which has a wealth of info but if Mumsnet is a cheeky spliff then FF is mainline heroin. Too much too soon for me, must step back. We've only been trying for 9 months ffs! . When I started this thread I knew that it might not happen overnight but I must admit I was optimistic that it would just happen for us (all of us...) without ivf because over 40s needing ivf seems in many ways like such a bloody cliche.

It's DH's sperm results and my impending 42nd birthday that are causing me to press the fast forward button though.

Anyway I produced a nice email summary of my shortlist for DH and the we had a conference call and we've picked Guy's Hospital Assisted Conception Unit as our first choice. It's got good results, it's near where I will be working and I like the fact that it's part of a teaching hospital and not a standalone clinic. I also read on a forum from a past patient that they have team members with particular research interest in male factor issues. Their website is for me just the right blend of informative without seeming too slick. So have emailed to see if we can get an appointment for the end of July, when I will be in London but not starting work till the following week. However I have also sneakily emailed a clinic in Greece called Serum which most of FF seems to rave about, as they say that they will actually give a treatment recommendation for free by email if you send them enough info. I'm just impatient to see what an expert says about our stats. I didn't tell DH about that one though...

So now (deep breath) I need to STOP BLOODY THINKING ABOUT TTC for the next couple of weeks and enjoy my remaining time in HK.

With that resolution I will keep an eye on this thread but won't be posting so much for a while. DH and I have a trip to Norway lined up for 20th to 26th July; his Dad is Norwegian and it's his parents' 40th anniversary so the whole family is going there to celebrate. I'll also get to meet his 97 year old Granny for the first (and probably only) time. I should be looking forward to the trip - DH's family are all fab- but I'm now just resenting it delaying our first ivf consultation by a week. Unhealthy attitude.

Good luck to everyone - anyone in the 2ww at the moment?

Jessie sorry, DS is eleven and a half, I just couldn't be bothered typing all that out

Jessie have an amazing few weeks in HK!!
I am waiting for AF to arrive to get tests for IVF. Typical...for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE...AF is late!! I am on 16DPO.
Still got all PMT signs, sore boobs etc, just no period. Temp is still up. And before you ask BFN on cheapie tests.
Perhaps it's just stress delaying things. I am so sure it's not Going to be a BFP I even had some wine last night. Going to stop now though and eat and drink super dooper healthy for whatever is ahead (IVF?)

Hi ladies, been a bit of a long term lurker on this thread, but felt that I would like to share my experience in the hope it maybe helpful for others. Like many of you I met dp later in life (aged 38) and we started to ttc when I was 39. I got quite obsessed with the idea that I wanted to conceive before I turned 40, but we got to 10 months ttc and my 40th birthday with no success. We had a long conversation in which we decided not to go for fertility treatment or testing as we felt that the likeliest barriers were our ages of 40 and 46 respectively, and we made up our minds to focus on other things. We had a month where we just forgot about it more or less, no folic acid, supplements, kale juice, ovulation sticks etc, and boom, bfp aged 40 and 2 months. Now 20 weeks with all going well and the whole ttc rollercoaster seems forever ago. Our decisions with regard to not going for fertility treatment etc were obviously personal to us, and I wouldn't dream of trotting out the whole line of 'see what happens when you just relax', as I remember all too well the murderous feeling when friends and family said that to us at about six months in. But I did just want to say that reading your posts and your experiences really kept me going in some dark moments, and I genuinely believe that 40+ ladies are in with a good shot at conceiving and healthy pregnancies. I wish you all the very best of luck!

Thanks EEG and congratulations! I am glad that this thread was helpful to you and I am encouraged that you had a natural BFP after 12 months as I am only at 10 so far...best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy.

Very encouraging *Eastendgirl'!
Thanks for putting a smile on my face!
It's difficult to find a balance between trying and being hopeful and going the medical route.

Thanks EEG ... that is indeed very encouraging ... and many congrats! I find stories like yours really really encouraging. There was obviously no problem - it just takes a bit longer because of our age!

I've had a pretty terrible time of it ttc so far, if I'm honest. I've been overly stressed out about it and focused on it and stressed out about other things in my life too, which hasn't helped.

I feel like I'm turning a corner with all that though and managing to see this as a longer term thing while visualising success rather than lurching from one awful rollercoaster of hope and then disappointment every month.

I would really, really, really, really like to avoid going the fertility treatment route, so let's hope a few months of relaxing and having a different attitude WILL prove the cliches right and do it for me ...

... and for the rest of us here!

Still feeling encouraged by what my NHS nurse told me. She said 'Oh, maybe I'll see you soon at the baby clinic.'

So, girls, let's all look forward to chatting about our first 'baby clinic' appointments sometime very soon! :-)

Hi guys, went to the docs the other day for something else and mentioned we were ttc, she was really lovely looked at any advice and guidelines made sure I was taking folic acid etc. She said let's do a FSH level blood test just to make sure ( i'm 43 and my mum had early menopause) so very relieved she is supportive and helpful. She said after a year we are eligible for help on the NHS.

Anyways main reason for post is has anyone had very prominent veins around ovulation, this is the second month that my body had resembled an underground map very prominent veins all over tops of legs and breasts. Both times were on or just after ovulation.

Hi neetie. Veins like that aren't something I experienced I'm afraid. Interested that you were told you'd eligible for ivf on the NHS at 43, I thought that the NICE guidelines were 42 and even then not all ccgs went that far? Where are you?

I live in Cambridgeshire and it was the NICE guidelines she was looking at. It said for 35 + you had to be trying for a year before being eligible.

Hi all. I'm the GP's worst nightmare judging by her response to my wanting to ttc. I'm turning 40 in a few weeks and have a connective tissue disorder which has meant taking nasty meds. I'm also hypothyroid which has its added complications. I cannot TTC until September /October this year as I will have been off my meds for 6months by this point meaning it's safe to try. My problem is that my GP is totally unsupportive - as far as she is concerned I have one child already and should be happy with that. My consultants are more supportive or at least support giving it a chance. I know my chances of conceiving are quite low but if I don't try it will never happen. I think I'm prepared for it not happening with a bonus if it does. Two of my aunts had children well into their forties naturally so I hope it's in my genes. So yeah that's my story. Hello :)