Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

501, can't count .

Oooh, I did that once on day 12, Jessie, and felt SO disappointed and annoyed with myself. Used an expensive test, too, as that's all I had! Lesson learned (well, sort of ... still get a bit tempted to test sometimes)

Wow, 500 (501!) posts! I'm not sure if that's good or bad ... haha. Means most of us are 'still working on it', but of course we have had a bit of success (including you, Jessie - I still count that as a success and a sign of hope for you)

Hmmm ... names. I'm the sort of person who never thought about my wedding dress before I got married because I didn't know if it would ever happen so I guess I'm a bit the same with names. DH is pretty picky so I know we'd bandy quite a few around before deciding!

I'd probably go for something pretty but not too weird, though, like Isabella, Grace, Lydia, Charlotte, Ingrid for a girl and Ben, Isaac or Jacob for a boy! Just off the top of my head ... I'll probably think of loads more now you've said ...

LOVE Magnus & Audrey, Jessie ... might just steal them for myself ... lol!

Oh, and been reading this thread:

www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-circle-moms/is-it-impossible-to-get-pregnant-at-42-any-secrets-out-there-to-help-us-615558/2#replies

Finding it encouraging (mostly!)

Good morning ladies. Hope you are all well, sorry have not been on here for a while (have been lurking though!). City, hope all is ok with you and DH.

Still no idea what's going on with me, last month's AF is now beyond late (27 days) and if had have come next one would be today! Nothing as yet... just some brown gunk! (Sorry TMI!)Watch this space..

Went for blood test last Thurs, called surgery yest to check results. 3 out 4 are back and all normal! Don't know what happened to 4th one! And as much as is great news they are normal, now leaves me in even more WTF state of mind!!

Anyway, back to see GP on Thurs - hopefully she will be a bit nicer this time.

Oh, and names wise I have always wanted India Grace for a girl but no idea for boy!:)

Big love to all! XX

Oh, I'll take a look at that chat, thanks HS - I sometimes feel like I have read the entire internet re ttc over 40 but that's a new one.

Interesting that both you and Charlie went for Grace, that's another one I like. Thought of Constance the other day too, in the same vein. Magnus is because (a) DH is half Norwegian so it's a bit Scandinavian and (b) we like quizzes and Magnus Magnusson was the ultimate quizmaster . Audrey inspired by Audrey Tatou I think, but just like it really.

Charlie WTF indeed! Do you know what tests they did and which one is still to come? Maybe they'll give you something like Clomid?

PD HS I swear I never looked at a single wedding dress till the day I got engaged. Absolutely felt like tempting fate. But I went mad as soon as I did!

Hello Jessie! Yep I was trying for number two but the first baby was a total surprise so I'd never ttc before!! 40 with the first and 42 now. I had my 20 week scan yesterday and all was fine so delighted! I keep checking in to see how you are all doing xx

Brilliant news Crispie, half way there! Glad you're keeping an eye on us

Lovely news crispie! Another amazing milestone past. Good to hear you're doing well.

Great to hear from others on the thread too ! Hang in there those in the 2ww I'm a complete addict and buy bags of 100 internet cheapies for ov and preg. I'm shameless about testing 3 times a day then using monitor to back it up. Dont feel guilty for testing too much, it's a precise science!!

I've been having a right old panic today that it's going to be another mc today as I woke up with no sore boobs and that's what's happened before. My boobs sort of deflated and no matter how much I poke them they're not sore.

I had blood tests on Friday and Monday and the GP just called to say he's happy that my HCG levels have risen from 13,225 on Friday afternoon to 22,447 on Monday morning and are rising at an ok rate for 7 weeks.

A letter arrived in the post today asking me to go for a scan tomorrow at 8.40am! A bit shocked and delighted at how well I'm being looked after by our local NHS.

Worried sick about it being a bad result tomorrow so going to bed early.

Will update you as soon as I've had the scan. DH is away on a work trip until Friday so I'll have to be strong ??

Oh, Annie, that's such great news and I know I'd probably feel the same as you (in fact I know I would!) but objectively it really does sound like everything's OK.

Give the boob-poking a rest!! Although I don't know how I dare say that as I do the same during 2ww!

Sounds like you're being looked after well by the docs. Thinking of you tomorrow! xx

Throwing myself in as another first timer over 40. Can I be a +1 to your roll call?

My story is I had IUD removed in mid November 2014, 1st AF around Christmas only 5 weeks later (no AFs with the coil, so I'm considering myself pretty lucky to get back into a 27 day clockwork cycle so quickly) and the month after had my 41st birthday. And then the biological clock I didn't really believe in has been ticking ever more thunderously since.

Only really had 3 months where I've been watching and waiting. I let a couple months go by without thinking about timings as I was letting my body, and my mind adjust to the thought of trying for a baby. I've been with my DH since I was 19 so there's no backstory about finding a partner later in life. We have both been really happy with life so far and can't really think of a reason why we haven't tried earlier. Better late than never is my current thinking.

Good luck to everyone this month - I'll be looking out around the 1st June for news if this month is the one for us - but not holding out lots of hope as only got down to it once in the window. Fingers crossed for all.

Hello Frog, glad you've joined us! In a way I sort of know what you mean about the previously-mythical biological clock. Unlike quite a few of my friends, when I was single in my mid-late thirties I wasn't really thinking "find a man so I can have a baby" and more "really would like a partner for myself".

DH and I had quite a few soul-searching discussions about whether it was right for us. But now we've made the decision I can hardly remember what it was like to be unsure.

Annie and HS, yes, boob-poking indeed. The things we admit on here that we'd never fess up to in real life...

PS Annie fab you got the scan so quickly, will be thinking of you later in my afternoon when it's 8.40 for you. Everything crossed and the HSG results sound excellent.

Baby names?!?! Haha! You are a lot more forward thinking than me. I guess after reading all the crap online about slim chances a part of me believes it will never happen (then I sometimes feel 'why not? It has for so many others?')
I don't let myself think of the future too much as I feel I would be getting my hopes up too much.
I another subject, I know most people use Fertility friend app. Does anyone use Ovia? I've just started using that too as I have heard different apps and websites can give different fertile windows. Eg, the Mumsnet one gives me completely different dates for trying!

Hi guys
My scan today was inconclusive so I have to go back in 2 weeks. The could see a yolk sac measuring 6w6d but could not confirm anything inside. I've been here before and it doesn't look good. xxx

Oh Annie that must have been really hard for you. I know what way my mind would be going too but there is still a chance that all could be OK I think?Sending you and your DH much love.

I don't know Jessie I'm so confused. I hope that the dates are wrong and it's just too early and the ultrasound just couldn't pic it up. Im sure the midwife who was practicing on me said 'is that?' to the monographer and he said 'yes it looks like a developing embryo' but then I spoke to another midwife later and she said 'it doesn't look good' and went on and on talking about 'next time' and trying again and even mentioned fostering and adoption. So i have no idea. I think it's best that I just expect the worst and wait to miscarry in the next 2 weeks. I'm so upset I can't even think straight.
Don't want to depress everyone!!

Haha! My spelling is shocking. sonographer not monographer! I can confirm there was nobody doing monogrammed things in the room!!! xx

What the FUCK - a midwife started on about fostering and adoption?! Yeah cos that's the obvious easy next step when you've been told all of 5 minutes ago that your scan was not looking too great. And midwives know all about how it works, of course, what with them working closely with childless couples NEVER. Perhaps she thought you'd just nip into Tesco and pick up an adopted baby on the way home? I am outraged on your behalf. She needs to go with City's "it's the menopause" doctor to "think before you open your stupid mouth" school.

Glad you are keeping a bit of a sense of humour re sonographer/monographer. I know what you mean about expecting the worst in that psychologically getting your hopes up may lead to worse disappointment down the line but to be honest what you expect or don't expect won't make a jot of difference to the outcome so maybe the best idea is to try to be zen about it and think "what will be will be".

I'm glad you're raging jessie. I'm not angry yet, just shocked. I'll let you know when I hit the angry stage!

I wrote the whole story on the other 'we may be over 40..' thread if you'd like to see the other awful things she said!

I'm going to try to be positive but prepare for the worst. xxx

Morning ladies, another one joining the throng. Was sent a pm suggesting I come over so, having read the thread from start to finish, I thought I'd introduce myself.

I'm 43 (and 5 months) and been ttc since last September when DP suggested we not wait but get on with it given we're not getting any younger! ! Bit of back story about me/us.......

We got together last May (just had our first anniversary) through internet dating, and at the moment we're planning our wedding in September. Both been married before and he has 2 adult children in their 20's; I've had 2 pregnancies (one in my 20's which scan picked up development problems incompatible with life so had stp; one in my 30's which was unexpected but ended in mc at 11 weeks).

After 3 months of ttc we spoke to GP as worried that had not had af since coming off depo whereas previous occasions it returned within that window of time. GP kindly offered to start ball rolling in March if still not started af by then - but he fully expected us to be successful in the meantime!! Tried a week of norethisterone in Jan to see if it would help and did have a withdrawal bleed then af seemed to return naturally. As no bfp by March GP did bloods on me which were ok but was an anovulatory cycle so bloods repeated d21 this cycle. Sadly also v low progesterone level showing anovulatory month (2 from 3 but don't know if I ov'd in the month in between as +ve opk but so was this month!).

GP is referring us to the large County hospital to see a gynae there who has a special interest in older first time conception. Just got to get dp checked for his side of the process first so its another type of wait ahead of us over the next few weeks! !

Sorry that's so lomg for a first post ....

Thanks for the welcome Jessie

Annie your news about the scan sends (bad) shivers down my spine. I'm pretty new to all this and hadn't really thought too much about what can happen after the BFP. I've worked in healthcare quality improvement for a long time and staff training, interaction with patients, standards and protocols are big deal for me. It enrages me that you have had to experience such conflicting information, inconsistency and staff going off on their own little inappropriate narrative. I hope you have a much better experience next time and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for good news for you. No harm in a complaint to PALS though if you feel up to it.

Welcome Remember - from one brand newie on the thread to another. As well as naive to the specifics of scans like Annie's, I'm also novice about what the steps would be if things don't just drop naturally for us. I can tell I have a lot to learn. I reckon I'm going to be googling pretty solidly after your posts.

Upthread there was a discussion about names. I haven't thought about this at all apart from rehearsing the speech in my head for DH and PIL when I decline to make our first born the 4th generation with the same name. (Actually it could be 5th or more, I haven't asked if the great grandfather or beyond also has the same name). And then the part II of that discussion that is about surnames. I kept mine when I married. I think I want my kid(s) to have it too. But I'm parking that discussion until something more concrete happens - hopefully I'd have 9 months to figure it out.

Good Morning Ladies.

Welcome to Frog and Remember.

Annie, sorry you had such a rough time of it. Will keep fingers crossed that is just too early to be conclusive.

I was back to the GP this morning, thankfully was much better this morning and genuinely seemed interested/intrigued.

First off, all bloods were normal - so not early menopause. Did a urine test to rule, BFN so not PG.

Now we have no idea! Did internal exam and said all looked good. Took some swabs, which I can get results from next week.

She is also going to send me for an ultrasound, but think waiting time is about 4 weeks.

Thought I felt myself leaking after I left and that maybe speculum had brought on AF, but nothing!!

So, looks like I will stay on confused.com for a wee while longer. Now on missed AF #2.

Oh, and one funny thing. I generally ride to work so was on my bike this morning and in my cycling gear.. so when she asked me how long my cycle is, I said 5 miles each way... obv she meant my cycle, cycle!!!

Good job I'm blonde!! :)

Ha ha, brilliant "5 miles each way"-but how great that you are not so all consumed by TTC that "cycle" still says "bike" to you! "

Hi Remember great to have you join us. While I am sorry about your two previous pregnancy losses, it does show that such things can happen at all ages and so we should not be too disenheartened if they happen to us as may not be age related at all. Generally on this thread I don't think any of us have been trying for a crazy long time but I guess we tend to be more proactive because of our ages. It's a subtle balance between support/solidarity and getting discouraged when we actually realise that we are all proving the theory that it takes a long time...that is why I could not cope with threads with 25 year olds on them...