ttc after mc- the best shit place to be! #2

[chasingtherainbow]

Roll up roll up... onto a new thread. Keep those lucky bfp' s coming and unmumsnetty hugs all round.

Oh treacle [hugs] how totally insensitive of them! Tossers.

monten, more hugs for you hun. Keep on pushing the nhs, they must do something for you xx

Morning ladies, sending huge hugs all round.

new congratulations! lovely news.

treacle aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! What is wrong with some people. I was the same as you with my due date. I know everyone is different but like you, mine was rather significant in that it was fifth November and I can hear the chanting remember remember. I totally wound myself up about it but in actual fact it did pass and in a way I was better than I expected as I could then move past that. Christmas is hard though and I totally get how your feeling. My next due date would have been my dad's birthday in May and even though I lost both it's like I can't stop thinking where I would have or should have been. Babies everywhere just now and I keep thinking I should be at home with a newborn.

I think we might all need to hold each other up over this next week.

Thanks ladies x
It did upset me. I just thought they would know that.

Anyway, I'm off to read back now. Hope all is ok x

We'd planned to have an early scan today and then do print outs of it to put in families Christmas cards to announce it. Only SIL and my DSis knew we were trying/actually pregnant.

However. FILs partner is a nasty piece of work and 2 days after we found out she started telling people and I've had nothing to do with her since she slated my DH on Facebook for not going back to work after his son died and he was a single Dad to his eldest and was on JSA for 2 years after. His Dad said nothing to her about it. I said my piece via FB then blocked her and said next time she interfered in our lives or spread gossip I would go fucking nuclear. She despises all 4 of FILs kids and SIL has shouted at her on many occasions for her vile behaviour. Shes asked my step sisters Dad about me - I've only met him a handful of times in 12 years - and other people. Shes quite obsessed and it was beginning to grate on me. We have no idea how she found out about the pregnancy. True to promise I went up there and tried to have it out with her but she hid in her bedroom and refused to engage with me or DH and FIL just stood there defending her and insisting we'd known for weeks and hadn't told them and we were wrong etc. We'd known for 36 hours. This then meant we had to tell wider family members as we didn't want them finding out through her. Which meant that 72 hours later we had to tell people that we'd lost the baby. That was the worst part: repeating it over and over to people who shouldn't even have known at that stage.

Just to add DH is now completely NC with his father. They were very close but his partners behaviour has been driving a wedge for a very long time. All added drama that we don't bloody need right now. They were so adamant that we'd known for weeks and that I was around 12 weeks along. Absolute bollocks. Her sense of entitlement is unreal and she is a classic Narc. MIL is fuming and said she cannot believe how FIL is behaving (they were married for 27 years) as FILs father was all his second wife and her kids and shoved FIL and his siblings aside, and he'd swore never to do that to his own.

Sigh. At least we are NC properly now and I finally stopped biting my tongue and told them both some home truths.

Gosh stocking. Sounds like you've had a really tough time :( Glad you got to voice how you feel though.
Some people are just ridiculous.

Just listened to small bump by Ed Sheeran again. Bad idea.

Some people are just very, very strange.

Went to my step dads today (him and my Mum divorced a few years back but we're still close) my elder sister was there. She pulled me into a massive big sister hug and I had a proper snotty crying session. Even at 28 she can still make me feel as better as I did aged 8. She's been through it herself twice, both pregnancies quite by accident, but lost both within a fortnight of discovering she was pregnant. I'm still a bit wobbly now, I've been quite stiff upper lip about it since the night I woke up to find I was bleeding heavily, I think I've been in a daze. As soon as big sister walks in, floodgates open.

hope everyones had a decent weekend.

Treacle that is just so unbelievably insensitive. It's bad enough when people keep asking when they don't know, let alone asking it when they go.

Stocking one of the things I found most upsetting was having to give people bad news instead of good news. I know that telling people about being pregnant is such a small part of having a baby but it's a lovely part. So sorry you had to tell them then untell them so soon after

Just wanted to update and say I did another Tesco test in the gym toilet whilst shaking like a leaf and got a definite BFP.

Can't believe it, I'm just kind of shell shocked as I was waiting for BFN. I can recommend these tests, they are bloody sensitive to have picked up a BFP with afternoon wee on 8/9 dpo.

Huge congrats newera!!

Huge congratulations NewEra - I am absolutely delighted for you. What an awesome early Christmas present.

Sorry to all those having a hard time at the moment. Sending a big virtual un-mumsnetty hug to Monten, Treacle, AlltheQueens, Stocking and anyone else who needs one.

When we embarked on our ttc journey back in May, I never imagined that I wouldn't be pregnant before the end of the Summer, and was utterly convinced I'd be in the final trimester by now. The EDD for my cp is 6 March and I would LOVE to be upduffed before then (although realistically if I don't get a BFP in the next two cycles that isn't going to happen). The EDD for my ectopic is 25 May, and I can't even begin to imagine how I'll feel if I don't have a BFP by then, particularly as the last of my close friends will probably have given birth by then. I'm just clinging onto the hope that 2015 will be OUR year and that all those of us still waiting get BFPs and healthy, sticky beans long before Spring.

Brilliant newera!!! Huge congrats - what a lovely Christmas present. Remind me - how many cycles has it been for you? I need reminding it can still happen!

Thanks girls. I am have been trying since DS was 6 months and he is now 25 months but I didn't start ovulating until I quit breast feeding which was a year ago. Then I caught in December 2013 miscarried at 6.5 weeks and had a chemical in April/May. Nothing since.

My cycles were as short as 23 days but averaged 25 days (ovulating around day 11). A combination of acupuncture and very expensive supplements saw my cycles increase to 26 days and this month I ovulated on day 14 ( I think).

I have put a comprehensive post in Conception listing all the supplements I was on, so the info is there. I think in my case because of age my cycles were getting shorter, I was ovulating earlier and this the egg wasn't sufficiently mature to fertilise/implant.

I am taking 75mg aspirin a day, a multivitamin and high dose folic acid now. My acupuncturist is going to get me some herbal drink and I will carry on having treatment throughout the first trimester.

If I can just get past my period without bleeding I will feel a bit less scared. With the pregnancy I lost I started bleeding the day I was due and just kept spotting on and off until I miscarried. I am praying I don't have to go through that again.

The emptiness feels so raw today, I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I'm crumbling all over again.

Hello there, can I come and join you. I've been mostly avoiding the ttc board because it tends to fuel the madness, and my head tends to be a mess at the best of times.

But I'm after advice, and some companionship in all of this. I've not read the whole thread, but enough to know that you lot get it.

So, quick history, I have a daughter who is 3 and fabulous and I am thankful for her every day. Took a year to conceive her, then I was fortunate that the pregnancy was fine. Now two years into ttc again. I miscarried at about 8 weeks in Jan, and 5 weeks in Sept. Am obsessive about ttc at the best of times, so have a good idea about cycles and have tried many things over the years to help.

Anyway, the need for advice is that I finally got round to making an appointment with the GP to see if there's anything they can do. I saw someone in the summer who said if I wasn't pregnant by the autumn to come back and he'd refer me for fertility testing given my age, but he's not at the practice any more so I'm seeing a random GP who I happened to be able to get an appointment with.

So, any thoughts on what I can expect from them/ask of them? I have a nasty suspicion that I won't fit criteria either for fertility testing, or for investigation of recurrent mc, but what worries me is that if it takes me another year or more to get pregnant and then I mc again, that's a lot of time disappearing and I'm not getting any younger. So I don't know how pushy to be or what I should be hoping for (apart from making sure the second mc is in my notes given the EPU managed to not take me off the system when it happened, so who knows whether they wrote to the GP as promised).

Sorry, that was a v long introduction. I promise I won't just talk about myself if you'll let me hang around! I shall however offer chocolate and wine to everyone struggling with this time of year - it's hard going for all sorts of reasons I find.

Came back from EPAU this afternoon and nothing there. Time to get busy

chasing I feel very empty and sad today. Its the first time I've felt empty since the MC.

child I have no idea but someone else will be along shortly with some advice I'm sure.

((Stocking))

I seem to ache. Like a physical ache in my stomach. Seeing SIL with her beautiful little bump yesterday was hard. I had to stop myself from staring at her tummy. I feel so physically empty and yet boiling over with irrational sadness.

Hugs chasing and stocking I felt like that last week :-(

stick according to guidelines unfortunately I don't think they would investigate you for fertility problems because you have managed to get pregnant and neither for miscarriage until you have had 3. Its seems so unfair. Perhaps a nice GP may recommend some blood tests to check ovulation or thyroid function.

Hi stick welcome and sorry you've had such a tough time. I know what you mean about staying away from the boards to avoid obsessing, I need to step away sometimes too.

You didn't say how old you are in your post, but as you know technically its three mcs in a row or over 6 months trying ( if over 35) that will get you a referral. However, you never know and if you don't ask you don't get so I would absolutely ask your GP and see what he/she is willing to do. I got a referral to the recurrent miscarriage clinic after just two losses, for example, for no apparent reason.

If you don't have any luck you could also consider going private. A private appt at a fertility clinic isn't cheap, but neither is it extortionately expensive (I appreciate this is very subjective and depends very much on your personal circumstances). Where are you based? If near London there are quite a few to choose from.

Hugs to you both chasing and stocking. This time of year is especially tough.

It's our 2 year anniversary today.

DH has just been sat making pom poms for my DDs I tried and they were rubbish and I've hid to have a little cry. Its exactly this sort of thing that makes me want a DC with him.

He got up at at 4:30am, completely blitzed the downstairs so it was sparkling when I got up, went to work at 6am, got home at midday, went on the 3 hour round train trip to drop his son at his Mums for Christmas (they alternate years) battled the city to pick me some bits up and still found time/energy to indulge my DDs with some crafts. I'm very teary right now.

Hugs Chasing, it's so hard. I was talking to my best friend yesterday about it all. She's not started TTC yet but she was fab. She told me it's okay to have bad days, weeks, months, it's natural and not to beat myself up about it and try to be strong. It's okay to crumble and when you feel strong enough, dust yourself off and get back up again. The knocks are hard and usually unexpected but we know how you feel.

I'm in my 2ww, 4dpo and already i'm symptom spotting. Need to get a grip!

Hello stick I've recently spoken to my gp after mc 2 and although they won't refer me to rmc unless it happens again, they have agreed to some blood tests checking my general health, thyroid function and other bits which I unhelpfully can't remember right now. Oh... Blood clotting disorders. I asked them about if there was anything I could do to help my situation and generally got the 'bad luck' line. Lame. I was concerned about wasting time if it happens again. And was prepared to get pushy but was offered the blood tests so didn't have to. I would suggest being honest with them about your concerns and tell them you were told to come back.

Symptom spotting gah yes! I have a dull achey sicky feeling, not unlike a hangover from what I remember them feeling like but am thinking thats due to the antibiotics.

Hello lovely ladies I just wanted to share some news with you to let you all know there is hope! To those who don't know me I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks in September after TTC for 14 months then got a BFP at the end of November (totally advise using preseed, OPKs and softcups!) anyway I was really worried that things would go wrong/there wouldn't actually be a baby there so booked a private scan. I had the scan this afternoon and it showed a little bean with a heartbeat measuring 7 weeks exactly, I absolutely cried my eyes out because I was so relieved there was a baby (although DH swears it looks more like a rabbit... He may have a point but...men!) all of you will have your rainbow babies and your the strongest most amazing women, massive hugs to you all and keep DTD! ;) xxxx