ttc after mc- the best shit place to be! #2

[chasingtherainbow]

Roll up roll up... onto a new thread. Keep those lucky bfp' s coming and unmumsnetty hugs all round.

I'm almost 22 but same as you chasing I've been told how young I am so we have all the time in the world! OH is 26 Saturday and we would like in an ideal world a baby next year and another 3 year after to complete our family. I've always been more mature so age has never been something I think of. We have a happy loving home ready for a baby and that's what matters.

Oh no snoopy! Kidney infections are awful aren't they :(
I'm trying to flush this out. I do not want antibiotics!!!

chasing, I'm 24. I get those things all the time... "oh you're so young, you have tme".
Gahhh!

Also 24 and have heard all the, 'your so young, you have so much time!'. The baby we lost would have been born just after my 25th.

I'm 38 so one of the oldest here. No-one is going to tell me I've got loads of time! But it's so irrelevant to women of any age. It's this baby we wanted and this baby we are grieving.

I am also overweight and was doing really well on slimming world before the mc. I had previously put on loads while bf as my son wasn't gaining weight and the HVs and mws kept telling me to eat more biscuits. Absolute bollocks of course - he had a tongue tie. But it got me into the habit of eating too much and I put on about 3 stone in the year after birth.

I want to have a healthy body for my son and my future baby. So much. But carbohydrates quell the sadness.

Jupiter -I love sw. I lost 5 St and maintained so well, I believe it gave me the chance to conceive, and have a healthy pregnancy and birth. I got straight back on plan while bfing and got about a st away from pre preg weight. When I went back to work it all got on too of me and slowly it creeper up and up..Then the year we were trying solidly for pushed me over the edge and I ignored my weight. I'd gone back to class and lost 8 lbs before I miscarried.

I'm going back asap and I'm so scared because I think I'm about to tip my heaviest ever.

When I had my dd I was at a healthy weight.. bmi etc. It meant I birthed really well and used the birth suite. . . I have an overweight friend who was big when had hers, she says her experience with midwives etc was very different due to being classed as high risk. (Probably same size as me ..sz 18) it upsets me that I haven't got my ass in gear. I'm so worried my weight problem will "steal" the opportunity to have a good experience. Especially as we only want 2, so the next successful pregnancy will be my last. I had an incredible time from start to finish with dd. I want that again :( ... I already have problems with my back and hips (accident and weight related) I'm convinced spd will be unavoidable.

Gahhh

Yep MsJ we're grieving the ones we lost. Definitely feeling that this morning after yesterday's combination of hospital admitting mistakes were made and then seeing my friends 9 month old. And this morning I made the mistake of reading OH story on miscarriage and premature birth.

I hope those of you wanting to loose weight find motivation in the NY!

I don't mind being reminded that I have plenty of time. I am nearly 30 and had dd when I was 27. I have lots of mum friends but most of them I met since dd and they are in their late 30s. My close friends from before dd are not parents yet. As plenty of people are ttc with the pressure of time against them, I feel lucky to have a few years before I need to think about declining fertility. I guess that's what people mean when they say it. The thing is what is comforting to some people is not to others. For me, the most comforting thought I have about my mc is that I didn't lose a baby because it never would have been a baby- physically, it never would have developed. So I don't feel any attachment to it or like there would have been a child that there won't be now. What I did feel attachment to was the 5 weeks of thinking it was a baby and all the future plans I had made. That's what I had to rethink but once I accepted that it would never have happened, I came to terms with it.
But I know that is definitely not the way lots of people choose to think about it so I would never try to apply those feelings to someone else's experience because plenty of don't feel that way and it would feel like I was minimising their loss. Equally plenty of people said things to me that were kindly meant but for me were upsetting and unhelpful.
I tend to assume most people are trying to be nice even if they are failing at it!

I'm not offended, I have always worried about the age thing but I just didn't meet the right person until later. I never thought I would be doing all this so late when I was younger. If it reaassures anyone who is a bit older though, when I booked in my mw told me I am a fairly average age at my local hospital so it can't be that bad.

chasing I can't agree more re wanting that baby. I feel exactly the same - before I just wanted 'a' baby with DH, then I got pregnant and MCd and I just want that baby which isn't an option now, and I'm slowly getting over that. I was so wonky on even wanting a baby, even after I had the coil out, but the last few weeks have really cemented my feelings re wanting to add to our family.

I have a cousin who struggled to conceive and eventually did on her first cycle of Clomid and baby is now 1 but if I hear her say "I appreciate/love my child more because I struggled to conceive" I will flip my lid. There's a few others who battled infertility who say similar things and it gets my blood boiling. Just because I had my babies easily doesn't mean I love them less, and DH was especially annoyed at them - yes infertility is awful but they've never MCd or lost a 4 week old baby to SIDS. DH was horrified at the comments.

Base line: nobody loves their child more than anyone else regardless of how easy/hard it was to conceive or any previous losses.

I think the hardest thing for me was the pregnancy symptoms disappearing. In each of the 3 pregnancies within a few weeks I was physically exhausted, heightened smell (DH had a Jack and coke one night and I had to leave the room as the smell made me feel sick) and my boobs had started to change. Then it all stopped. The tiredness is how I clicked that I was pregnant each time, it starts early on lasts till about 12 weeks.

Stocking I agree. My morning sickness stopped the day before we found out I had mc (Sort of a give-away as I had had it so bad!) I got to a point where I was happy to have ms as I was told (albeit by family) that ms meant everything was going well. But my baby's heart had stopped beating almost 4 weeks before so unfortunately that wasn't the case. I would take all the symptoms in the world if it meant having my baby back
:(

With the age thing, I think its unfair to compare older and younger. There's no rule in life to say what age you should start a family/ have children. I think it all boils down to when you feel ready. I appreciate that medically it can be a bit more difficult the older you become, however I read that up to 30 is classed as a young parent. 30-40 is average and over 40 was classed as 'mature'

Anyway enough whinging from me! Hope everyone is well today? How are our pregnant ladies doing?

Feel bad, we DTD last night even though DH didn't get home from work until midnight, but he wants a baby as much as I do.

Well I my cervix is soft, very high and I think it's open (couldn't find it at first) and I have ewcm. been like this for a couple of days. Put all this into ovia and yesterday it said I was in my fertile period but today it has changed its bloody mind and moved it to New Years! Glow says I'm fertile. I know this is my wtf cycle but wtf?

Oh well just have to keep doing it until something turns up fwink

guy I completely understand you feeling like that and thats how I dealt with it b4 I found out an infection might have caused it. Therefore going through my mind now is 'that one was healthy and i lost it and I might still have a mc caused by wrong egg wrong sperm'. I feel utterly shit today and everyone else seems full of Christmas cheer and I don't want to bring them down.

Snoopy Can't help there but I would imagine it is just the wtf cycle living up to it's name! Great excuse to dtd more ;)

Greedy I am so not in the festive spirit one little bit, which is sad I usually enjoy Christmas time! I think I have also woke up on the wrong side of the bed today as I am very snappy for no reason at all! I'm just ready for this year to be over and I don't think I will be happy until it is 2015!

I'm in the old git camp too! Just turned 37 and can hear a big clock ticking. A year from now our lives will be so different. Take care everyone x

I've just made Frozen cupcakes with my DDs (and added a photo for you all I am a rubbish baker but these seem to have come out and been decorated relatively well compared to my usual and have actually helped me get into the Christmas spirit.

Christmas table runners, aprons etc all in the washing machine. Dug all of my table decs out. DH will be back soon so he can extend the table for me so I can make it look pretty then dump a load of crap on it tomorrow morning

Out tomorrow for a bit of pampering with DDs whilst DH picks up DSS and waits for the online food shop to come, then DSIL is hosting a Christmas party in the afternoon. For some mad reason we've decided to have DNeph and DNiece overnight so thats 5 kids - 12, 6, 4, 3 and 1 for 48 hours.

We'd planned to tell wider family members about the pregnancy on Christmas Day so will probably have a few tears as we can't do that now.

Awww that's lovely stocking!

Gosh the emotions a MC evoke continue to suprise me. Listening to 'all I want for Christmas' on the radio today had me bawling my eyes out. The lines about not wanting presents or wishing for snow, just wanting 'you' really got me. All I could think about is wanting that baby back, really longing for it :(

I'm finding the emotion on TTC, especially as I know I ovulated yesterday, really hard. I really want to be pregnant again but I'm so scared of it.

Oh Haribo.

It's hard isn't it. .. To want to be pregnant so bad yet be terrified over it.

DH casually leaned over in bed and kissed my naked stomach the other day night. . In his mind it was entirely innocent and a sign of affection/love for my body.... but my immediate brain shot me a flashback of the moments we spent stroking my stomach when pregnant with dd and I ended racing to the bathroom, with the wind practically knocked out of me as grief hit me like a wave. I could barley even make sound.

Days like that are hard.

Today I managed to tell someone about my new neice/nephew arriving next year without a lump forming in my throat. I've been feeling quite bright the last few days.. more in control.

I hope to have less of the bad days as timr goes on... and i hope for you too. Xx

I also have teared up several times at 'All I Want for Christmas is You' this year. Partly as I do feel so lucky to have DD but also sad as would of course have been lovely to have had the gift of pregnancy this Christmas. Never mind.

Sorry can't remember who it was who said it now (struggling to keep up!) but my feelings on the mc are also that I don't grieve an actual baby loss so much, as mine was blighted ovum - a baby was never going to come of it. But more the loss of what I thought was our future over those nine months and beyond. That's what I've never liked the idea of marking the loss with any kind of remembrance gesture. But I totally accept that others find this helpful, whatever stage their mc was and whatever type. I kind of wish it did appeal to me but it just doesn't.

I had kidded myself that we had managed a BFP first month trying for two times in a row (last was mc). Think it may have been chemical pregnancy as tested on period due date (very rough estimation as don't track ovulation etc) and I'm sure there was a vvv faint line. But AF is well and truly here. Really wish I was more patient with testing.

On the plus side, cheered myself up with a very lovely afternoon wrapping pressies with Christmas music on while 18-month-old DD 'helped', bless her.

Really wish us all BFPs soon and while I'm so grateful to not feel alone anymore, I wish you all weren't going through this too.

Evening ladies. Just wanted to drop by and see how you're all getting on. So sad to see new names in here, I'm so sorry for your losses.

I've just been to church to light a candle in remembrance of our little bean. I was so emotional, it all just came out in a messy heap in the pews! I'm not overly religious but this should've been our first Christmas as a family of four and I wanted to take time out alone to remember my darling baby somewhere peaceful and neutral. I'm so blessed to have a beautiful dd but I will never forget our baby who we couldn't hold. I prayed for all the other lost babies too. I feel so emotionally drained right now but at the same time, quite at peace with myself. The vicar held my tummy and said a lovely prayer for our bean to flourish and grow and give us a wonderful family Christmas next year. I was so touched

Broody that sounds so so lovely.

I can only see the baby as a baby as i was 10 weeks, baby was 9 weeks and very much looked like a baby on the scan. I semi labored when i MC and felt that i gave birth to that baby. It so hard to come to terms with that i'm not sure i ever really will. 7 weeks post miscarriage and i'm still in a fog of so much sadness. The idea of going to see DP's family over Christmas and plastering on a smile feels very hard at the moment but i want DS have to have magical time.

broody...that is so lovely of the vicar.

((Haribo)) xx

So sorry Haribo. No idea what that must feel like except for the labour bit as mine was like that too. Also I hope my post wasn't insensitive but re-reading it I'm worried now. It was the last thing I intended - was trying to explain my own particular feelings on mine. (Hoping that's just what you're doing too and I hope that telling us does in some way help you, though I know nothing can make it better and I'm so sorry about that).

Broody that is so touching x